Ghosts That We Knew [aw]

[I L Y I C H]

In the dark a dog must learn to see differently, and oh how my kind so loathed anything against their normality. How it bit at their hearts. So very sad. Aside from the few who looked curiously on to the sky and its abrupt lack of light there was fear ranging the land. It's reek permeated everything; so thick and cloying it blotted out half of the emotion written into the wind. Yet here I stood all but half invisible in the darkness. When day became night the stars shone at all times, no sun to block out their existence. Yet the moon was not on this side of the earth and thus invisible. We must move on the starlight alone. An interesting useful thing to the likes of me. Perhaps not to others. So long I had slipped through the shadows I was not all upset over this new development. One could assume that someone had finally cracked so far up in the sky. I may not be a religious man but I knew of Skoll and I knew of what he was being forced to deal with. Quaint really, how the lot of my brethren so liked to ignore it. One couldn't avoid the sun, and the truly terrifying way it had vanished. The light of dawn barely accosted the earth before those shadowed fangs slammed shut across it.

Alas I suppose it had been mildly surprising, but when you lived your life tensed for the next unexpected attack such things began to frighten you less. I could go home soon. That was what kept my ebony paws on their bleak path. Soon the traitor would lay dead and either my body would lay beside him, brothers in death, or I would go home. My little bird was home. Crimson fur soft and calling me, though I knew not if she would have me back. Blue eyes cold I strode onto their lands without a thought, making for that place I had once laid my head. I had abandoned her without a word. A nasty thing I had done, but I had not thought and by the time I had it was evident that I could not return with traitors under my nose. They would hurt her to hurt me or simply for the sake of hurting her. It had been done before in a different time. A different place changed little in people. I wouldn't allow it. Things were different here. Better.

Little bird was my love and my breathe and all things I could not live without. Thoughts of her death did not lead to revenge. They led to suicide, for how could I exist without her? The answer was simple. I could not. I would not. I would not tell the thoughts of hell that carried me in. Ignore them. Paranoia was a constant companion in the shadows. A bitter ghost whispering in my ears. Such an old friend it was and so very cruel as it always had been. Such matters must be completed before I could go home. Before it would stop telling me the bitter truths. Brother must die or he would come to me in his own vengeance. For I had become on of them in the end. My love for Devoid was not as complete as I thought it, as my precious Ayita showed me on a daily basis. Yet I had killed so many. All of them really, all but one. And now I must kill the living fool. Or else he would come to me in this perpetual darkness and end my own life. My little bird's life. I would not have it. I could not.

Blue eyes cut across to the sound of paw steps and I slunk away from them knowing them to be too light an accompany to be the man I searched for. Haunting the shadows I waited until the woman moved away. The beast smelled heavily of milk, and though I wondered what she was doing away from her pups I was lost to my war path and curiosity did not hold a banner on that battle field. The heavy scent of children hid me, and I used it as a shield, slipping around the darkening trees as they spread further apart to betray their species. There was no point in waiting, the fever told me. No point in letting the liar live any longer. Letting him walk into a trap. Oh but how I had loved my brother and how it hurt me to take those steps. How it burned me to settle icy eyes on the interior of a camp I had not seen in months and know what I was hear to do. Liar. Traitor. He had killed my old friend out of jealousy and I had killed all of his out of fury and now we must destroy each other for the sake of paranoia. For a man that fled a crime was all too likely to do it again. I should know I had never done anything but flee form my own.

Face expressionless I looked about, knowing the black king to be about somewhere. Surely his pet would come to me in anger, but dear Nimsy was not a fool. He had never faced me in open combat but the man had watched me take the winged child apart. I was an enemy that he would not take down. I was not hear for such things though. I was hear for a singular purpose, but I would not speak the monsters name. "Dear Brother I have come and you know why." Head tilting all too subtly to the side I cast a bored look around myself, watching as more then one dog stiffened at the sight of me. Voice clicking against my teeth like bones I refocused, ignoring the threats as I did. Nothing mattered now but the devil hounds death. "You lied to me. You destroyed me. And now I can not trust that you will not do it again, and darling brother how I hate you." Sounding more and more like the executioner I was I tucked my head accusingly, eyes sharp abruptly in the coldness of my face. It was not like me to loose my temper, but I could feel fury biting at my heels and my jaws parted to show the crimson roots of my fangs.

"Will you come to me willingly Brother, or do I need to rip your friends apart as you did my only?"

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

The boy had come to me shaken and confused, filled with a self-loathing that could even outweigh my own. He had been so scared and so small, not at all the warrior I had come to know. Turns out he had discovered his brother was part of the pack before him, splitting to Vea Apxn during the civil war. Ellipses had come days after the split and had taken on the form of a silent warrior that spoke through his quiet loyalty. He had been here to serve, and though inside I could not help but wonder his past, I had been a monster then and I did not ask it. The man had seen his brother in Vea Apxn for that war, though, and it had changed him. He had slipped in one evening while I was a prisoner of war and had my Fido tell something to his brother. Paradox had harmed dear Fido, attacking the innocent messenger. At that time I had merely been afraid for Ayita and Fido, not wanting either of my dear friends (or maybe both were even my children) to be harmed further. Did Ayita know she was wedded to a psychopath before that moment? I did not know, but she had mourned and loved him despite it afterwards. It had bothered me, for I had judged my child’s husband as a monster then, one worse than even I.

I understood the man, now.

Ellipses, upon my return to the pack, had somehow sensed a change in me. Or maybe he hadn’t, and it had just been a risk he needed to take. Whatever the reason, he had told me everything, confessed to me and begged me to help right the wrongs. I had promised I would protect him with my life, but that had not satisfied him. He did not want me to die for him, he did not want anyone to get hurt for him. Paradox was reacting out of love, and I could not punish him for that, nor did Ellipses want his brother harmed. He claimed he deserved to be killed, but he was not ready to die. I disagreed openly--any man with regret in his heart deserved forgiveness. Though, I knew, these men are not open to it, that didn’t mean people should not give it. I would never forgive myself, but in the back of my heart I knew I deserved it. Jealousy and love are strong emotions--he could not be judged based on them alone.

Ellipses had told me that if I am to help him, I must realize Paradox will come, it was just a matter of when. He had said my first priority would have to be to everyone else, but he did not think his brother would harm anyone that did not first attack him. Ellipses said then that the only hope for a bloodless win would be for Ayita to be the one to fight. Of course I had snapped furiously at him for suggesting such a thing! I would never put my scarlet angel in harm’s way! Ellipses had insisted Paradox would never harm Ayita, not under any circumstance. After much begging, the man and I had come to an agreement--I would send Janus and, if he is up to it, Fido to fetch Ayita as soon as Paradox’s scent was caught, and she would be allowed to intervene. But if Paradox even said something harmful to my scarlet angel, I had Ellipses’ promise that he would put himself between. Because once he was dead, Paradox would be normal once more, or more so. I did not intend to let this happen, of course--I would drop all of my pack on the man if he attempted to harm Ayita or my warrior, but it was the only verbal contract we could come to.

And now Paradox’s faint scent slithered into the darkened camp. I knew my pack was already distressed and disoriented because of the vanishing sun, but now was not the time to be courteous. I caught the sight of Nimrod tensing, preparing to fight, but I ordered him down. He obeyed and came to stand beside me, ready to defend his Alpha. The man was loyal if nothing else. I had already filled Fido and Janus in on the plan back when Ellipses and I had first discussed it, so I merely tried to meet their eyes and mouthed Paradox’s name, flicking my tail in dismissal to them. Ellipses remained hidden away, but I knew the man would not back down. He would never lift a paw against his brother, but he would not hide, either.

Once Paradox was in camp and speaking, I silently swept my eyes over my packmates, silently demanding they all behave and let the snake piss and moan. I made my way over to where Tamriel and her brood often sheltered, not even bothering to check to see if they were there before sitting by the shadowed entrance. My eyes were as adjusted as they would get to the darkness now, and still I could only make out Paradox’s faint shape. Folami were feline-like in their vision, nightime was never an issue. But one cannot find light in complete darkness--the moon needed to sun to shine, so this world was darkness beyond twilight.

Ellipses crawled out from his shrubby protection and I noted his lime gaze was connected to the ground. Body low and tail tucked neatly between his legs, the man was a flawless display of omega to alpha. Usually I would be disgusted by such an act, but I understood it here. Ellipses did not want to fight not out of fear, but out of love. He had made a mistake eons ago and he did not want someone else to die for it. He came to stand only a bound away from the snake-like dog, never making a move to look at him. My heart couldn’t help but slow in anxiety, and perhaps an ocean of sympathy for both parties. Paradox was justified in his fury, but Ellipses was also worthy of being forgiven. It felt wrong but I knew I could not hate either dog, no matter who won. Both deserved the outcome to be in their favor--I just leaned more towards wanting Ellipses outcome simply because then no one had to get hurt.

“I would never harm Ayita, if that is what you fear.” Despite the display, the man did sound self-assured, confident. He spoke loudly, and firmly, a tone one could not deny. “Your only? No, Paradox, if she was your only you would not be in love again. Devoid was my only. That does not justify what I did, nothing ever will, but realize that I never loved again after her, you did.”

[/b][/i] Perhaps he shouldn’t have let the hint of heat leak into his tone, but I understood where it came from. He was angry at himself for letting love manipulate him into a monster, but he was also upset that Paradox could betray both the woman that loved him by claiming one was his only. Did that mean he did not love Ayita?

Suddenly I could feel my own anger twitch at my lips as I looked on. Was this all just some morbid game to Paradox?[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

You can powerplay Janus and/or Fido coming in with Ayita at any time. I don't care how long it takes--doesn't need to be realistic, haha.

[I L Y I C H]

Ignoring the beasts around us I focused on the snake before. The liar, whispering his pleasantries. A fool is what he took me for. A joker easily swayed from his path by pretty words and open kindness. Bitter horrible kindness. It was a nasty thing really. I heard the heady call of something too small to howl truly off in the distance but the sound too went ignored, ice chips eyes intent on the devil. I felt a brow twitch decisively at the idiots rebuttal, felt my lip curl. Disgust pooled onto my face I was certain of that and for so many parties as well. "Friend" I corrected shortly. "I had but one if you remember correctly. You and Syntax were awfully distracted much of the time." The little voice cried behind my eyes, dancing it's vicious hateful dance. But she never left me as you did, brother. "You speak to me as if I were the fool brother. At least we all know now that you were always a traitor." It pained me in a horrible way to think that my precious friend, for I had come to realize that that is what she had always been, had been killed by a man so in love that he could not see naught but his own anger.

Ebony paws began to shift, carrying my lean form in a gentle arch, ignoring the short growl from one of the shadows. Ayita said the shadows couldn't hurt me. Ah but those were the fake ones. I could make these shadows fake too. It was so easy to make lives false. Moot. We were so breakable in our flesh and bone. So simple to just remove. It was almost disgusting, in it's simplicity. And so it would be if the colour red were not so beautiful. My composure was greater then the brothers. The rattle snake could not stop his tail and I had always been a viper. My tongue remained stilled as I slithered along. Watching in my silence. But he had finished and now the master with his flute was angry as well. A king in the great wooded castle. Blue eyes slipped to him, noting with bored disinterest the curl to his own lips. My emotion had fallen back into disregard. It was a simple matter what would happen here. My brother and his rattle would pay their price, and I could go home. Return to my Ayita and the way she soothed. My precious darling. And there existed what hate filled my heart now.

Devoid with all of her kindness had been the greatest friend I could have hoped for. So gentle and patient. Not unlike my darling but not as strong, no, the gray woman had always been weak in her heart. Not like me. Not in that cold sickening way that had given me frostbite so very early in my life. Weak in the manor that her voice couldn't speak up. Weak in the way that she could only be proud when she stood beside another. My friend who had made friends that were truly enemies everywhere she went for she could not live alone. Such a glaring opposite to my own solitude. The thing that my dear brother had loved as so many men had. But my brother could not see past his anger and with his fangs bared the rattlesnake had shaken his noise maker and sent his followers forward. A coward who did not spill his own blood, so as not to see the look he knew would shine in the beautiful woman's eyes when she caught his gaze. Fury was so long in my gut that it had burned a hole and spilled out of me. All I felt was numbness and the paranoia whispering that told me such horrible things.

"Did she scream, brother?" Words rumbled from me as I returned to the place of my original stance. Hovering on long legs and light paws. "When she saw you did terror wake in her eyes?" And I did so wonder. How had she looked in those moments before I had rushed forward? My own love desperate to save her, but my love had not been this bastards love and yet. One heavy auburn ear flicked to the stone king, smile grafting onto my face. We had an audience. I had forgotten. "You killed a girl to keep her from me. A child of a year and a quarter." Face stilling beneath the black ice that covered it all, I dropped my smile finding the rigging not to my liking. "Your words mean nothing." I could remember so far back. So far north to the winds and the howling snow. Still think of how odd it was to stand in the midst of fall and not feel ice on my whiskers. I could remember the words our shared father called upon those would defamed his crown and the pretty collars of the warriors about him. "Un traître est mort depuis longtemps avant qu'il ne soit tué"

Tilting my head to the side I watched the shadows rung about us still and whisper amongst themselves. Not a one understood of what I spoke, and it worried them just as the devoured sun did. Unknown. Uncertain. My jerry-rigged smile tugged back onto my lips. Silly shadows. Never in my life could I touch my little bird, nor what falcon she fluttered to should she find one. Never could I do anything but sit and wonder over how I had lost her. It would not be my ambition to destroy them, and should the scarlet dancer need me I would remain for her no matter my pain. It was queer to think of myself as the strongest of us two. Father had always loved him best for that. And as I had spoken the ending words I could not help myself my questions. I was curious in a bleak morbid way. Curious despite the anger the idea instilled in my heart. In the soul I had gained back so slowly over these bleak dark years. "Why?" it was spoken softly and I knew that sound. The voice of a child on my tongue. It was almost surprising and I felt my face twitch in confusion at it's appearance. As ancient as I felt so often. As desperate as I was to end this all I could not help the tilted childish pain in that tone.

"How could you claim love and destroy? I do not understand."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Despite the darkness I moved rather well. Grace had always been my strong point physically, seeing as I was far from being a robust dog. I always moved a bit swifter and more agile-like when I was distracted, and that I was. My mind was still sitting to the moment Carska woke me gently having had some premonition. I watched a pair of jaws devour the sun. I blamed the image on the fact that I had just woken up so my mind was still fuzzy, but that didn’t explain how Carska had known it would happen, or why the sun was actually gone. It was very unsettling, but I could keep myself calm over all that, letting myself get drawn into a new distraction.

I remembered the sound of Fido’s howl from his time in Vea Apxn. It had been so faint, clearly carried from the original pack’s camp. I had only heard him at that distance because I had been sitting alone staring into a puddle. I was gaining weight fairly quickly now, and my body ached every day. I had known I was pregnant for a while. Morning sickness had occurred over a month ago, but now it was no longer something I could hide. I was starting to lose hope in ever seeing Paradox again. I had heard the message Fido had given from Ellipses--I had known what it meant. I feared having his brother part of the murder was too much for my lover’s fragile sanity. I had started to think maybe I was in denial if I thought he was coming back.

I had began to prepare to tell Carska I would need her help because I just couldn’t be a single mother.

And now that howl sounded and shortly after a folami smelling of the original pack found me and said I had to go with it (I could not scent either gender so I assumed it was another Fido). Part of me was skeptical but I trusted Fido and I trusted Bidziil, so I had to trust this dog. Still, as I took off after the bi-nary, I couldn’t help but allow myself a slower pace than it. As much as I cared for the dogs in that pack, I would not risk my unborn children. My mind was set that I had lost Paradox, I was not about to lose the only thing I had to remember him by.

His voice reached me first, and I quickly pulled past the gender-less dog and slithered my way into camp. My golden eyes instantly flicked from my mate’s back, over to Bidziil. The brute was staring harshly at the scene, and I could feel the atmosphere getting more tense. Ellipses was avoiding making eye contact with the opponent, down low and in a completely omega stance, but his voice was hard-set and firm. “I know it won’t satisfy you, but I cannot give you a reason. The only thing I can think of is selfishness.” My ears sat back as I looked on and I saw Ellipses finally stand and carry lime gaze to the ‘enemy’. He snorted a laugh, but it was a deflated sound. “I don’t know why I have hid for so long. I knew you’d find me. Dad thought I was so strong and the top of the litter but he was wrong. You’ve always been the better warrior, and clearly out of me and you, you’re the better person. I’m done hiding from what I have done, and know I will never lift a paw against you.”

My eyes widened. The man was going to let Paradox kill him. My heart beat a mile a minute and I could feel kicks of protest come from my stomach. I made an internal apology to my children before allowing for one last jolting motion as I bounded to stand between brothers, eyes guarded, but angry, directed at my mate. “You do what you want, Paradox, but I will not let a man who murders someone with such regret near my children. I want my children to know how to forgive even the worst of sins.” Maybe not the best way to go about this, tone heated and eyes on fire, but I couldn’t be blamed for my actions.

Hormones. Hormones everywhere.

[I L Y I C H]

He would let me strike him down. It was this that gave me pause, held back my tongue and my teeth alike. Eyes peered down at the submitting man in confusion. None of them had done this. None of them. What was he doing? It was his finally words that woke me. That twisted me and showed my own rattle. More alike then I liked to think. Muscles shuddering I felt ready to shake apart in fear. In anger. "Liar" Words rolled between bared fangs. "Everyone says that. Everyone. Would you like to guess what they do right when I turn my back Brother?" Taking a threatening step forward I was so hounded by my own mind that I did not note the scent the very second she whispered into presence. "Its just another cut. Another bite. I can grow a new throat. I can't grow a new-" The mania came to a halt as a bird fluttered to the ground. Words didn't register. Only terror. Only the abruptness of ever hair on my pelt lifting in one go and absolute fear rending words out of my chest.

"No!" I was all but shrieking, no control left to my tongue. No hissing from dear old Paradox. Only manic screaming. It was all a mad man was good for. "Away! Get away from him" Shoving myself between them as rapidly as I could I nudged weakly. Trying to press her aside without force. Trying to get her away. Danger. Too much danger. It was not until my ebony muzzle was flat against her side and my back was facing the monster so he might strike his fangs to me and not my precious that the words registered. Head coming up all it managed to do was make me trying and press her away faster and with less pressing at her physically. "I-i" Oh yes back to my childhood. Back to the stuttering nonsense and the laughter of children who thought me stupid for I could not speak. Not that it mattered. Little bird was all that counted, and she was furious with me so it meant little. A simple stutter.

I'd left her- them alone.

Desperation seized into me all at once. All the worse for having more lives to guard against the devil. Keeping my back carefully between the bastard and my Ayita I fought with myself to keep from trying to shove her back towards Bidziil. I trusted the kind on his throne. The king who thought my lover a princess. I had, yet he looked to me with such anger and perhaps it was justified but it only gave me fright. Every paranoid meandering of my mind wailed in fear. Not for myself oh I could die now and my only regret would be startling my Ayita. Fear propelled me in tight circles around my pregnant wife. I had left her alone. Left her alone to protect her desperately. So much she could do without me. So many things she could be without the venom tainting her as it tainted me and all those about me. It had not worked. Here she stood tainted. Carrying my children. Our... our children. The thought settled me though poorly. Flared blue eyes cutting across everything they could. Shadows were dangerous now. Everything was dangerous.

Baring my fangs I faced the lot of them with as much anger as I could pridefully bring forward after the fear I had shown. I was a monster to these people, and a joke now to boot. Ayita's words spiraled round and round in my head as I went back to furiously circling around her. "I am already a murderer twenty times over." I cawed meekly, the patheticness of my voice in vast contrast to my crumpled angry face. What did one more do? I lost my composure. Always the snake. Always so easy. Suave. I was screaming again, accent thick in my tones. A coward and a traitor. Falling to his death rather then running at it. "What are you doing!? No one else ever apologized! No one else ever gave two shits about it." My voice faded out just as quickly, heated face tilted down towards my cowering brother. No one had ever felt guilt. Only fear. Only ever fear. I'd just wanted them to be guilty. Just wanted them to know what they had done.

And here was Ellipses fallen before me and accepting our fathers words of punishment. It occurred to me that this was the first time I had so much as thought my brother's name in months. Muscles trembling I stood in silence for a long guarded moment, placed tightly between Ayita and the green eyed beast at the dirt. "I wont forgive him Ayita. I can't." Oh I was a hypocrite but I had known that for a long time. "Once" i whispered voice tilted down for only the two. Only two mattered here. "Once I had planned to kill myself when this was all over. I hated myself so much. My fault. All of these dead all of this hate was my fault. Straight down to the very marrow of it." This had all started because Devoid had been a good friend and had wanted to protect me. Back when I wouldn't protect myself because I was sad and lonely. My fault. Always my fault. "Sometimes I still want to die but I can't."

Sad broken eyes turned to the ground at Ayita's feet. There was no finally. No end to it all. She had said no and I listened to my queen. Viper and rattler would part ways and never speak again. Never forgive. And they would both know it was my fault. Twenty five people had died because of me, most of them by my fang. And my little bird was pregnant. Taking a small neat step backwards I swung my head up to stare down at the smaller scarlet woman. Pregnant. Swallowing thickly I closed my eyes tightly and stepped towards her, trying to shoo away all of the hatred. I was needed. I was commanded. Children. We were going to be parents. I was going to be a father. "I'm sorry" A chocked whisper sounded for the woman and only her. I did not regret what I had come to do, but I was sorry for everything I had done to her in trying to get here.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Maybe it was wrong of me, but his wedging himself between his brother and me only made me angrier. Perhaps some thought I was too quick to trust, and maybe there was some truth to that. Paradox had been covered in blood when I met him. Bidziil had destroyed his family and been responsible for countless deaths. Ellipses killed a woman in the name of love though it was truly only greed. Yet these three I trusted. I saw good in their eyes and maybe that was my gift. Everyone had something they could do that was special, almost magical--perhaps mine was to see the better side of someone and have the ambition to defend that half despite everything they have done.

I let his insanity-driven rambles roll right off my back. It was not until he titled himself a murderer that I finally reacted. I pushed forward and tried to demand his eyes. “You are not a murderer, Paradox, not yet. Those dogs felt no shame for what they had done. They would have killed again.” I flicked my nose softly towards Ellipses, who was back to holding himself low to the ground, though his lime gaze was sitting on us carefully. “This, Paradox, is murder. I can love a hero, which is how I view you, but I cannot let a murderer near my children. Come, let them be our children as was intended. You can still be a wonderful father--I meant that when I said you would be all those moons ago.” Soft, the fury had given way to the maternal tones I so often fell to during this man’s worst moments. My ears perked and eyes allowed a bit of sadness as he said he would not forgive. “I know, you don’t have to. Just don’t punish him more than he is already punishing himself.”

I found myself leaning in to push my snout gently into his cheek. I could feel Bidziil still tense behind me, not completely trusting Paradox and ready to lunge in my defense. I waved my tail towards him, swiping it over his chest in a calming manner. He relaxed slightly, but I could still feel his muscles contracting. “You aren’t allowed to just go die, silly. You think it is that easy? These children are half your responsibility. No leaving me to have all my furs turn white.” My tone was light, and there was a gentle laugh behind it. The dogs around us may still be on edge, but I knew Paradox--the moment was gone. Ellipses rose to his paws slowly, dropping his gazes, setting back his ears, and letting his tail fall limp. I shifted aside so the brother could speak to Paradox, but he instead angled himself humbly towards me.

“Take good care of my brother and sister. Be the kind-heart they have always been denied.” And that was it. The man took his leave and slithered in silence into the darkness of the bordering pines. I heard Bidziil begin to order Nimrod to follow him, just in case, but I looked over my shoulder and glared at him in warning. I was not about to have Paradox trusted so little by a man I had come to think of as his father-in-law. Bidziil stared back at me a moment, but then shook his head towards Nimrod to retract his order. I offered both a grateful smile before looking back to my mate.

“This was not how I intended to tell you, but you did bring it on yourself. Come on, please join me in sharing the news with Carska.” Though I trusted this insanity was done with, there was a small plead hiding on the edges of my tone. I needed this man to stand true by me in this time. I needed someone who would be reliable and consistent in my children’s lives. I needed my Paradox to be their father, not the the Paradox he was.

I needed a Folami to stand with me, not a snake.

[I L Y I C H]

Birds sang songs. Such pretty tunes, designed to light up the early morning dawn. This one was no different; whispering into my twilight as she was. Opinions that didn't fit my definitions but songs none the less. There was no heroism in any of my acts. Just as much selfish greed crawled trough my veins as crawled through the diamond backed fool's. But the words were sweet and my ravaged mind wind itself to them. Began to knit the bandages again. She'd always been what held me together. Ever sense that first dark night out in these woods. Fitting she brought my sanity in the place she had first found it. Winter blue eyes watched her silently, focused on the way those scarlet lips moved. Focused on little else. Shadows whispered by but I was calming. Careful. Panic dying down at the edges I finally cast a painful look around myself.

More then one of the pack stood staring, fear whispering in the eyes of a white brute, but all the others whom I looked at showed only confused anxiety. A mad man had been brought to rein before them and they did not know what to make of the broken beast. Silly old mustang. Breath heavy as it always was when then panic went away I sat down abruptly unable to hold my weight any longer. Ears twisted towards the hissing of the lying snake but otherwise didn't react. Let it go slithering away into the darkness of the undergrowth. It's where he belonged. Some other dog could step on his tail in the shadows. I was finished with him. Syntax would be too if I knew the woman at all. We would need to speak earnestly upon returning home. Later. First things must be told, openly to the queen. Not that the queen wouldn't have noticed.

There was little that other eyes missed while my own brushed barely across the rim of reality. How had I not noticed? Even before I had left. The question rolled around within me, blackening out what pitiful happiness I could bring forward to see my precious little bird once more. I had not seen and I had left. A monster I was, even if the song would not tell me so. I knew what lay turning round and round in this mind of mine and loath the beast whomever saw into it. Legs stiffening enough to heave my form back skyward I looked down at the roundness of this glorious bird who perched before me and smiled weakly. As pathetic as the turn of ebony lips were it was real. The truest expression that had graced my mask of ink in months.

It was the only answer I could really supply. Opening my mouth seemed too much effort when I could speak with this woman as easily with my eyes. Others did not need to know of my apologize. Of the self hatred that tugged at every inch of my being for what I had done. A liar in my own rights. Never would I leave her alone. Never again. If my Ayita believed I could be the father our children needed then I would fight to be what she needed me to be. No matter what came of it. I would do as was needed and I would love them all as only a hated snake could love those he so desperately wanted to protect. Conviction in my gaze I nodded once. A careful motion as all of them seemed to be. It had always confused me when hounds saw me as the protector in this relationship. Ayita was my crutch as always. My sanity and without her all would be lost.