I'm really scared.

[Moon]

I scared myself a lot the other day. My ex and I had a fight and after, I kept thinking of these different ways to hurt myself or how I didn't even want to live if I was going to make people so upset. I would never actually take my life and I love my life too much otherwise so I wasn't too worried, but I don't know..

It just scared me that I wanted to hurt myself so badly, like breaking my hand or nose, or falling in the shower and hitting my head on the faucet. Choking. Walking in front of a car going 30. Falling on scissors or a knife.

All of it able to hurt me, but not kill me.

And then I had one thought that said, 'If I wasn't around, so many people would be happier.' But then I argued, that 'so many people' were probably only one person, but I even doubt that. So why did I think it? Why would I want to disappear when I have so many friends and family that care so much about me and love me and would probably die if went anywhere or got hurt?

I've never had thoughts like this out of sadness. I thought about breaking my hand by slamming it against a tetherball pole once when I was so angry, but I was too chicken of the pain.

I don't even know anymore. Help?

[Kunabee]

That is pretty scary, but it happens. I know when I'm especially upset I want to hurt myself, too - however, I haven't (which, depending on my mood, causes me to berate myself mentally or be thankful I didn't). Sometimes there's just this little thing, especially when we hide a lot of emotions inside, that tips us over and makes us start thinking negative thoughts like that.
I can't really explain it, but Moon, I know I'm here for you if you need it, and I can definitely relate to having those thoughts.
Tell a trusted adult (Period. Tell them, especially if they're a parent) and get a counselor. This could be a one-time thing, or it could happen again... I can't advise you to tell an adult (for me, I told my mom last year that I had attempted suicide, but I should have been in counseling in sixth grade when the whole depression thing started). I know I'm suffering from situational depression, and have been since sixth grade. I have, however, had thoughts of suicide and hurting myself since second grade - they were never serious, but my dad was thinking them and showed that he was at times and it spread to me.
So there can be a LOT of reasons why you're thinking these thoughts. If you have them again, tell a trusted adult FOR SURE, but if you want to tell somebody now that's even better. Make sure you tell them the whole situation, as far as you know it.

[I L Y I C H]

Everyone has those moments Moon. They are extremely scary, making you question yourself when they occur. But you need to remember that they are not worth it. There is nothing worth hurting yourself. Like Kunabee said, everyone here at BT is here for you, but you must know that. Make sure you tell a trusted adult. They may freak out a bit but its better for someone else to know who is able to help then to just rake it out by yourself. When you go it alone emotion tends to get the best of logic. I can attest to that. What your feeling now is normal, but it is not worth living with the scars for the rest of your life.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Sweetie, know that, first off, we are praying for you. God loves you and His love is enough.

Also, I can not say "I feel your pain" and such because, though I have 13 years of suicidal thoughts and 10 years of suicidal and painful attempts under my belt, we all feel differently in the same situations. Where you get sad, I might be angry. Before I joined the church, I used to swallow pills and drink alcohol in order to specifically destroy my body. And I have. I used to throw myself off boulders and tell my hiking group that I slipped, gashes on my head and legs throwing down blood. And I would laugh. Do not even desire that upon yourself.

I never will again.

Girl, always remember that, no matter what sort of junk this world throws at us, we are aiming for something far grander than we can imagine. God created us all in His own image, and we have no right to defile that. Our body is a temple for Christ and no one is worth us mutilating that temple. You need to know one thing: you are loved by at least 7 beings for sure, and those 6 are us here on Broken Truths and then our God Almighty.

Stay safe, stay happy. No human or thing on this planet is worth anything more than a sideways glance. Our race is made to be sinful because of the deed by Adam and Eve. Fight against it by smiling despite the hardships, and loving yourself despite the tiny whispers the Devil puts in your head saying you are worthless.