Rubber Room }{ aw

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

HE'S HEADING FOR THE RUBBER ROOM

It turned its dumb eyes in my direction, ears swiveling to capture more sound. I had had a momentary lapse of focus, allowing my paws to fall hard into the ankle deep waters. Fact of the matter was, I had lost my footing, stumbling off a small ledge, into water that was knee high. In a moment’s time, I had gathered myself and scrambled back to ankle deep marsh, freezing as the buck decided what direction all the splashing was coming from. Fortunately for me, the downpour hitting the water’s surface made the whole ordeal much quieter, the falling rain masking me from the buck’s poor sight.

He was an albino. I had named him Symphony over a week ago now.

There were times I came to believe I truly was successfully eluding Symphony’s cunning mind, tracking him down each day to observe him, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It was this delusion that had kept me from catching the deer the first day he had made home on my land. He was little danger to a liger my size, his antlers still smaller than a foot from his head, with only three small nubs on the edge. He was unfortunate, not having been gifted with jagged spikes on his antlers, unlike most of his kind. However, I knew there had to be something extraordinary about him in order for an albino deer to survive past being a fawn. I judged he was nearly two years old, a year and nine months longer than the average albino deer.

Symphony ducked back down, snout beneath the murky water, scanning for drowned grasses. The poor soul had ribs has protruding as mine, this rain no better than the drought for any creature, be it herbivore or carnivore. Ah, but we would both be granted mercy today, I decided, as I crouched low, belly dipping to the muddy earth beneath the water. Perhaps hunting in swampland, where there were areas as deep as a small tree was unwise for a cat that had been burdened with the African lion’s gene for swimming. The African lion could swim, but they too often panicked, the feel of water enveloping them causing them to wave franticly and swallowing more water than they tread. Unlike the tiger swimming gene I had been denied, a swimming African lion drowned more often than not.

Ah, but Symphony had to die for his sins. The buck transformed as I moved a meter closer, body scraping across the drowned mud. Before me now was the ice-eyed tiger, his snowy pelt granting him no camouflage in the dominantly aqua colored terrain. I was a muddy color, having the traces of a small mane the color of dirt coming in to shield the rusty hue of the striped body. My chocolate eyes focused intently on the kill, mind lost to the delusion that I was about to avenge whatever disgrace this man had bestowed upon Noelle, after giving permission for Ahote to slay my mother. The more sane piece of my brain quivered in the backdrop, accepting this kill because Zonta needed food. We were all slim after the long drought, in then this equally merciless rain. All, except Noelle, who seemed to gain more weight the less food we received. I feared she too was ill, a tumor like Zero.

I shook my skull, throwing aside mud as I demanded this sobering distractions release my mind.

Inching forward a few feet more, I waited for the deer to angle away from me on its search for grass beneath the water’s surface. With a soft tsk of excitement for finally extracting my revenge, I lunged forward, within pouncing range of the beast.

Symphony had heard my tsk and moved a couple feet away as he anxiously tried to find the source. I had not noted the move, so my lunge was not powerful enough to make contact. The deer raced forward, leaping in great bounds, throwing up water and mud. I landed with a snarl and a curse, splashing mud and water all over myself, before racing after the escaping tiger, er—deer. Symphony expanded the space between him and I at an alarming rate, his legs built for jumps up to ten feet long. I could not match such a speed, my only hope being I had better stamina.

Suddenly the earth gave way beneath me, my form falling headfirst into deeper water. I sunk to the floor of the small swamp before I began to understand what was happening. As it filtered into my brain, I panicked as my African genes demanded. I wanted to kill the bloody tiger, but I wanted to live, too. I shouted, still submerged beneath the water’s surface. I flailed as the water rushed into my lungs, my instinct screaming in agony as I tried to spit out the liquid, but only swallowing more. Why was I not able to reach the surface?

I had been warned by Simba of the sinkholes the rainy season in Africa had sometimes created. He had said to tread carefully in lands that had once been sand, for the new mud could often form deep suctions that would swallow a liger my size whole with little effort. He had not mentioned, however, the sinkholes that make home under the water’s surface. I had found one, and my back legs were stuck up to my thighs. I panicked further, flailing my massive forearms in alarm. I was fortunate that, upon head-first entry into the water, I had managed to spit around before my face could become what made contact with the ground. With wide brown eyes, I watched the dull light that broke past the water’s surface, head throbbing with the lack of new oxygen, lungs burning the effort to hold my breath, in addition to water already sitting stagnant in my esophagus. I was going to die.

I don’t believe I ever told Noelle that I loved her. Not once. Nor had I ever let Ilyich know she truly was my hero, and even my sister. Zero would never know I had come to realize I cared for her deeply, whether she was ill or not. I would never be able to tell Simba I was so grateful for his loyalty, even in my harshest moments. He had kept me from killing the cub in Ende, which would have erupted us into a war against Ende that we couldn’t win. Then there was Vengrad, who would die thinking I was nothing more than a thorn in his sister’s paw, when really I admired him and had taken him on as the male figure I needed to set me straight. Serenity and Zen would all think I thought them lower than me, simply because they were girls.

I was a sexist asshole. It hit me like a bullet how I would not be missed. The worst part was, my biggest regret as I accepted I was about to die was the fact that I would never be able to kill Symphony Bava’, or my good for nothing half-brother that followed him so mercilessly.

Oh, mama, I don’t want to die!

[I L Y I C H]

zero->
Moron. Simba had warned him. We'd all told him to shove off and hunt in the drier areas like the rest of us intelligent folks. No. No of course this damn liger couldn't listen to a word. Now he had sunk himself down into a puddle and had yet to come sputtering back out. Sapphire eyes sharp I hurried after him, claws digging into the muddy edges of the latest mud pool. Alphonse had been following that stupid albino cloven everywhere and now his stupid obsessions was going to get him killed. The bastard was lucky I'd kept an eye on him. Lucky I was just as obsessed with him as he was with his fury. Curling ebony lips into a grimace I leaned farther forward, eyes straining to catch sight of bubbles at the surface. This water wasn't liquid any more and it would be impossible to see without a doubt through the silt raised by the struggle going on under the rim. Spotted form slinking down slightly I slid haphazardly into the water, hissing with displeasure.

I was a leopard for Dio's sake! He should be the one flaunting his swimming skills. Ears flat to the top of my golden skull I allowed a sharp intake of breath before ducking beneath the surface. Kicking furiously downward I found the bottom with careful paws not giving so much as a mention of my presence before I began to dig. Mud and silt flung away from my paws, and though I couldn't entirety see I could feel progress being made. Rage bubbled around inside, turning my narrowed stinging eyes to violent burn. Moron. Absolute fucking moron. If he died today it would be his own damn fault and I'd beat his corpse. Al was our alpha. He couldn't die and leave us alone. Not in our current state. He couldn't die and leave me alone. Ignoring the tightness in a chest far too accustom to breathlessness I beat away at the submerged greedy earth. Struggle! Keep struggling or we'll both be out of luck! Tail lashing snake like through the water, I fought against buoyancy as my body tried to float keeping a constant strain on hind legs as I beat back.

Finally unable to stand the pressure against lung and muscle I gave one last furious slash at the muck. Alphonse's lungs were larger then mine. He hadn't been down too long before I'd dove in after him. He would be fine. Please be fine. Kicking splayed paws I surged back to the air and sweet relief. Gulping down the drug with far more fever then was entirely necessary I swam haphazardly back to the edge. Climbing out of the pit I placed wet paws on mud before turning back around tail lashing. Moron! I could feel the fury on my face. Feel the bitter annoyance. A sad thing to be present upon resurfacing, but a response he should expect. This pig headed idiot was lucky I had seen him go in! He was lucky I cared enough to dive in after his ass. He was lucky I was so worried I couldn't help but show absolute furry to mask the terrified concern.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My flailing had ceased as my body abandoned the thought of escape. It forced me to reserve my energy to fall painlessly into shock. My instincts said I was dying; even the oxygen I had managed to gulp as I tumbled into the water was gone, replaced by the water my paniced underwater calls had drank in. A calm surged over the burn of my lungs, placing a blanket of peace as my eyes fluttered closed.

The water moved violently as someone lunged into the water. I saw nothing more than a flash in front of the light as I opened my eyes. The water was murky with mud, but now it churned as the object thrashing somewhere close to my feet. I willing to look down to see what was there, but my body was stiff with the shock my instincts had forced upon me so that I may die with some peace.The water thrashed around me a few moments more, quickened, and then slowed to a slight bob before stopping its movement.

I hovered motionless, my mind willing the whole ordeal a dream. A quiet voice whispered in the back of my skull. My ear twitched the force the sound again. 'Symphony has released you from your death bed so he may toy with you further.' It was my mother's voice that hissed forward, the sound agitated as I widened my eyes with the words. A hiss bubbled from my jaws as I thrust myself up towards the surface. I broke the line, lungs drinking in oxygen like a newborn on its first breath of life. The feeling of energy surging through my limbs was lost on me as I roared onto the land, using built in muscle to leap up from the water like some trained dolphin. "Symphony Bava'!" The snarl was deadly in itself, the bloodlust clear as I spat out the word like venom.

Thrashing my head around, I saw no sign of the albino tiger, but I was not alone. Recognition flickered past my vision as I saw the leopardess crouched in fury to my right. The hatred fell from my lips with the dripping moisture, as I blinked several times to try and gather my thoughts. "My mother, she said Symphony was here. He dug me out." My voice was a plead to the leopardess, willing her to send me in the tigers direction. "He only wishes to toy with my further." There was more heat to my tone now.

Zero's breathing was jagged, as if the woman had exerted her lung's capacity and now aimed to regain a level of comfort as she drunk in the sweet atmospheric gases. "You saved me." It hit me and my tone fell like lead from my lips. Ears back, I looked away from Zero. She did not want me to treat her differently because of what I knew about her, but my heart was heavy. "Why save someone that cannot help you?" There was guilt thick in my tone. Zero had just saved my life, but I could do little more than console her.

The world was certainly unfair.

[I L Y I C H]

Your Not Alone Here Not At All
Let Me belong Here Break My Fall

"Nope." My voice came out as a low growl, twisting into the air with the burn of sarcasm. "Not even the right species dumb ass." Tawny fur as lifted as it could by I turned hard sapphire eyes on his deceleration, curling my lip automatically. Oh yes the angels come to further along his obsessions. Because that made perfect sense! Oh but he seemed to be forgetting that Dio was just a pretty lie that same woman had told him. Vitriol in my voice I spit out words I would swiftly regret. "Your mother is dead, and I dug you out." You're lucky I was here! A pause in thoughts, a blip at most. You're lucky I was so worried that I followed you out here. Ears pressed back I turned around realizing what had spewed out of my mouth but to annoyed to actually apologize for it.

Dead people don't talk to anyone. There dead, and that's the end, and the idea that Alphonse thought he had heard his Mum was worrying. How close to drowning had he been? Or how utterly mad had that damn albino deer actually driven him? It was only a matter of time. one ear quirked backward. Had Ilyich kept the news from him? I knew she hadn't told Noelle for fear of setting off her newly created anxiety attacks, but it seemed Alphonse didn't know about Ende's recent wars either. Frowning deeply towards the swamp I gave a short glance over my shoulder as the moron continued talking. "Course. What you thought I'd let you drown?" Growling lowly I turned fully around, eyes sharp and deeply annoyed.

"What the fuck is your issue?" Did he really have to bring that up again? Not necessary bro. Not necessary. Just because I was dying didn't mean I wanted everyone else to. That was just stupid. Selfish and moronic. "Just because I'm screwed doesn't mean I want everyone else to be!" How could he think about me like that? Is that how he honestly thinks I should react? Hell I know I don't get along with others but that didn't mean I wanted them dead. Dropping my lips back over fangs I sunk backward once more, seating myself this time. "Why leave someone to die when it doesn't help anything at all?" I eventually countered, eyes narrowed.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

It hurt, a lot more than it should have. I hated my mother, didn't I? So why did being reminded of her death make me pull back and look to my paws? I placed the blame on the fact that her words proved my sanity was frail; I had heard my mother clearly. I knew that was only half the reason, though. I loved my mother. No, worst than that; I missed her.

As she continued to spew out foul remarks and burning accusation, I coiled into myself. I could feel my mental paws carrying me deeper into my own selfish concience. How dare this woman. How dare her! I was her alpha and here she scolded me like some child who had done something foolish. I could say what I wanted, do as I pleased. "I'm sorry." It came out harsh, words painted in venom. "I really am." Then why don't I sound it? It hurt, the realization that my apologies had always been said with hate, even when my heart spoke them with honest love.

I was afraid.

I looked up at her, eyes empty, though edged with a tangled web of emotions that dared to peak forward. "I really am, Zero. It is wrong that I hate myself because I cannot help you?" There, the words were spat out, but no longer holding the same hateful tone. "You're fucking dying and I am suppose to pretend that I am okay with that?" I stepped closer, drawing my face close enough to feel her angry breathes.

"I do fucking care, Zero. I fucking care alot."

OOC//: Blehhhhhh. I FINALLY post and this is all I have? Being denied this has definitly had a negative impact on my muse -.-[/size]

[I L Y I C H]

Anger. That was an emotion I recognized, and one that I could understand. It was how I reacted. A language I spoke fluently and in such relaxed in front of. Soundless fury dissipating slightly I let my frame haunch back down. It had only been a couple hours sense I had been able to move again after all, and the tenseness in muscles was not a pleasant thing. Ears slowly coming forward I grimaced half heatedly loosing my fury as it became apparent that Alphonse was indeed not going to drown. Teeth gritting together once with enough pressure to paint bruises into my gums I parted my jaws and let out a heavy sigh. Tone stiff I turned away from him and grunted.

"Yes. It's stupid. It doesn't make any sense at all." Grimacing I stared hard into the distance, half of my mind wondering if that was rain or Symphony the Deer. "You know I was born like this? Shit happens." And shit sucked, but there wasn't anyone could do about. So let me alone to mope when I wanted to mope and run with me when I wanted to run. That's all. Simple really. It wasn't a concept Al seemed to be grasping well. Head jerking in it's awkward surprised way I eyed him. Tentative and demanding in the same instance. "And what exactly does that mean? Huh?"

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I stared at her, drank in her words, flipped them over in my head as I tried to absorb. I did not blink, I only focus on the contours of this woman's face. As she questioned my final statement, I physically flinched back and curved my neck to look at my now shuffling front paws. I did not have to answer her. I could walk away without a word further and be fully within my rights. It was odd that as I considered these thoughts, my eyes were slowly traveling back over to Zero's. My heart was beginning to reach a normal pace again; having had slowed as I went into shock, and then danced at an unhealthy pace when I sputtered to the surface.

"I am the alpha; I have to care." My tone was tense, clearly a lie. She could not make me say anything. I could lie all I wanted to because I was a motherfucking god. You don't believe that. It was my mother's voice again. I closed my eyes at her venomous hiss. It was a mock. My mother knew I was not this big tough guy like I pretended to be; a fraud, a joke. She was ashamed of me. I was ashamed of me. "That is bullshit and we all know it." It came out heavily, like lead from my lips. I had taken to give my feet a glare, but the end of that statement carried my eyes to Zero's once more.

"The truth is, Zero, I think you're worth helping." What did that mean exactly? Hell if I knew; all I knew for certain is that I had gotten a strange little half smile taking over my lips. Ah, the odd little truth was that I cared for this leopardess; not out of pride obligation, but simply because. "Zero, do you consider me a friend?" My smile fled with that question, eyes returning to their ashamed place at my feet. "I mean, um..." What could I say?

How could I deny that my question dancing with the whispy voice made it clear that I saw Zero as more than just a pridemate?

OOC//:................it is sick that this is considered a post -.-

[I L Y I C H]

"No you don't." A harshness existed in those words, a thing I couldn't quiet wipe out. No one else who had ever known cared. They didn't give a shit. Him knowing. Him being alpha. It shouldn't change anything, and yet it seemed to drive him up the metaphoric wall. No one had ever cared before. And Alphonse didn't now. This was some stupid guilty phase that he would get over. Slightly bristling I offered no kind face to his gaze. This worried me. This entire system terrified me. People didn't like this, didn't like me. It made them upset angry they hated me. That was how this worked. Why the fuck was Al still here shuffling worriedly about?

I remained silent as he went forward with his words, and the frown on my face grew deeper. What was there to help? Why would he even want to help me? Why did he think I could be helped? I was dying, and nothing he did could change that. But he needed to understand that I was still fighting. I didn't need his help. Or at least that seemed to be what I was trying to convince myself of. "I-" A long silence followed the abrupt bubbling of my voice as I watched through slightly narrowed, almost suspicious eyes. "... yes. I consider you a friend. Why...?"

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Hell if I knew why I had asked it! I found myself glaring in an awkward aggression towards Zero, though none of it was directed at her. It was all inward, even though it displayed on my face. I had asked the question; shouldn’t I be able to figure out some silly excuse? No, I couldn’t, because I would not allow myself to spit out foolishness to this woman. I would not lie to her. I could not. So I only stared. Silence isn’t a lie; it is just the absence of truth. Two very different things.

“I don’t know why I asked it.” My stare was still lethal, the uncertainty hiding behind a wavering wall of anger. It was the honest truth, my lack of seen reason. My aggression died. My eyes dropped, ears back as I closed my fallen gaze. “I just don’t know.” Nothing more than a whisper now. Defeated. Crestfallen. Weak.

My mind wandered back to that moment when I had found Zero and brought her back to consciousness. I had held her against me, protecting her from things I could not understand. Now these things came flooding back. No, they were different things I didn’t understand. The things in that moment had frightened me but had made me be strong for Zero. These new things still frightened me, but they gave me no push for strength. In fact, they weakened me. I lie down, belly pressed against mud, chin singing into saturated soil. “I am sorry. I don’t feel well.” It was honest, but there was a selfish intention for it. I wanted Zero to get uncomfortable; to leave me. This nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach was caused by her. It had to be.

Rising back to my feet, my knees clicked together with the effort. My brain was franticly trying to revive itself after having accepted I was going to die, but then having life thrown back into its face like one massive bitch-slap. This nonsense had to end. I had to spend some time with Zero and figure out why her presence upset me so greatly. Why she made me act is such a bipolar fashion. It was not good for me, and it was certainly not good for her. “Come. We should hunt.” I turned towards the safer hunting regions. Away from Symphony Bava’, my albino deer. He would be a task for another day. Still, the fur along my spine bristled with the thought of him. “Yes, hunt.” I said it again, voice sure and demanding. I was no longer looking at Zero, nor speaking to her. The second statement had been for me, to reassure myself of my own intentions.

I was a personal stranger.