The Honest Truth }{ (Ily, aw)

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

And so we join together, forever one among the stars.

I recognized this place; the smoky mist dancing along perfect landscape and weather. I was in the Skoll’s realm. The heat of anger bubbled into my gut at the thought of that man daring to drag me here. The fire-breather should have known better; I was in no mindset to listen to his bullshit riddles at the moment. I had more important matters to mull over than some push for peace. Let me find my own damn peace before I fight for the peace of others. Skoll was just being a selfish asshole now.

“Oh hush, you foul mouthed oaf.” The words came like a playful melody, singing through the still leaves of the trees. It carried on no breeze, just moved in its own mystical way, finding me as its speaker had known it would. “Tough guy doesn’t suit you, my love.” Her voice brought my head snapping around to stare at her ivory beauty in wide-eyed wonder. My mouth opened to sit ajar in shock at her presence, just staring as she approached me and eventually came close enough that she was able to reach out and touch her snout to mine.

This brought me to attention and my knees gave way, dragging me to the dry earth with a drunk smile washing over my formerly hostile expression. “Eve, you made it to Skoll’s kingdom!” I hated how surprised I sounded and I could tell that, though Evangeline had been aware of my earlier concerns, it still bothered her. She narrowed her eyes and her smile remained, though it tensed some.

“Of course I did. I can’t deny that I was astounded you’d doubt it. Skoll would not neglect a dog simply because she followed a different god.” The tone was heated and I felt my head lower to lay between my paws in submission to this heavenly woman that stood before me. I looked straight forward, only at her paws and never glancing towards her face. She sighed after a long moment of silence, then reached down and nudged my cheek, silently demanding I stand. I obliged. “Look, Logan, I did not bring you here to scold you. I brought you here because you are torturing yourself for no reason. I died, there is no changing that.” Her words stung me and I found myself pulling away from her gaze once more, only to be tugged back to attention as she moved closer to locked her nose to mine, forcing my eyes to focus on her’s. “You shall not deny your heart.” This was all she said, voice firm but still like music to my ears, before she pulled away and simply watched me for a reply.

During the time I had known her, she had been a terrified, and quite often angry, prisoner. The sight of Carska struck fear and hate into her heart. She had never known love—her only loved ones having been two lion cubs that had withdrawn from her when she had a hysterical episode of anger towards her brother on the first day they knew one another. One cub died early, but the second one simply never saw her same way again, too child-minded to overcome the fact that sometimes people just reaching a breaking point and it should not be held against them. But here and now the woman sounded strong, so sure of herself. Confidence suited her; she was at peace with herself and she could just be Evangeline for once in her life.

“But, Evangeline, I would never—“

“Hush, Logan. You will not deny your heart. That is my final say on the matter.”

I pouted playfully as I moved forward and gently licked my mate between her ears. “You would have made a wonderful mother.” She was silent as I leaned my chin on her head, my height greater than hers. My breathing was slow, matching her rhythm, as I stood in this fashion for a few quiet moments, never wanting it to end.

“You could still make a wonderful father.” The sly devil. I pulled away and stared at her accusingly. She had said she would make no further statement on the matter and yet she birthed that little comment. It was more than this that bothered me, though. I could not be a father if I followed my heart as she so wished. I had accepted several days earlier that my heart was trying to drag me down a foreign path.

“If I follow my heart, I cannot.” I caught her gaze before she looked to the ground beside me. I knew this woman could read my thoughts for the most part; literally now that she was an angel in Skoll’s choir. She would see Mahal and see his admission to me. She would know that behind the lethal hate I have been giving him, there was an awkward little boy that danced in excitement over it.

“This is beyond me, my love.”

[/b] She gave me a farewell kiss and like that she was gone, evaporated into mist before I could even say goodbye.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]


OOC//: Eve has just gone to fetch Skoll…..she will usher him off to Logan but she herself isn’t coming back

[I L Y I C H]

You want you're freedom? Take it.

Standing in silence I followed forward with the hushed question. heavy paws landing lightly I moved with more seriousness then could usually be attributed to my being. I was not mister frowny face. I wasn't Dio. My subjects knew my every emotion. The knew me to be just as mortal as they were despite the pesky flames whipping around my fangs. They did seem rather aggressive tonight, but then it was most likely because they hated the apprehensive worry burning in me just as much as I did. This conversation could go far too wrong or far too right with the simple use of diction. There was pressure, and that was a thing I was not at all accustom to. One forgets how swiftly the world turns when they don't need to lean with the wind.

"Logan my boy." I smiled softly, careful to keep my worry from blue eyes. Smoke pooled about me, the mist mixing into the heavier substance to form a waterfall of silver and black from my maw. No matter what I did it was plain how distraught I was. Perhaps I should have taken the time to correct the misbehaving flames before coming forward. Too late now. It was odd, I mused coming to seat myself before the ebony hued lad, how I could with a single word break three hearts in one instant. A single god damn word. There was a reason why I didn't want this job in the beginning. I was starting to remember it now. Why did people take me so seriously?

"You know you're heart is very rarely wrong" So there. I would show my hand right away, that ace shining right on top. Thick tail whisking behind I gave an almost pained frown. "Not that I can truly pretend to know you're very soul, Logan. I'm not that intrusive. It is you're place." Going quiet for a moment I let my seriousness sink to my gut, filling it with cold water as I continued to stare. "So tell me, my friend." I urged, leaning forward slightly in an attempt to seem more friendly despite my rather worried expression. I didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to upset anyone. Logan deserved love, and he needed it right now. Mahal needed him right now. They needed each other. But would i only make the separation that much harder in the end? They weren't after all soul mates. That wasn't their paths. Not for each other after all.

Guilt played into both sides, and I knew was the main reason for Logan being here now seeking my opinions. But it wasn't just guilt. It was also a question. Folks had such an issue with two men or two women getting together It wasn't really something I understood, that dislike or open hatred, but I supposed my seriousness might be misconstrued as judgment and with a small frown I offered forward a reassuring smile. Who was I to judge anyone for love? That was after all my purpose; to create an environment in which love could be the prevailing token. No. There was nothing wrong with the way their eyes wandered. Nothing unnatural or disgusting about it. If it were unnatural it would not occur and there was nothing disgusting about need.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I almost spat that I was not this man’s friend anymore. Almost, but not quite. I could see the harsh emotions tainting that smoke that spilled from his maw. Dio and Skoll may pretend that he is above the world’s petty affairs, but the truth was that they were both mortal once. Whatever means brought them to the sky to play the part of gods forgot to give them the ingredient to be above it all. They were mortal; they merely were mortal in a different world. Well, they could read thoughts and had some out of the ordinary gifts, as did their angels, but they were ultimately the same as I was, just with power.

I was being cruel to push him away. Cruel, and against everything I stood for.

I sat down and dipped my head to this fire-breathed king. Or was peasant? Perhaps it was both. I looked at him with apologetic eyes. I still had a fire against this man, but I was remorseful about it. Skoll had done no wrong. It had been my fear that Evangeline was damned that made me curse Skoll. Now I knew he had taken her in despite differing beliefs, if they were really so different outside of species. Skoll did not micromanage as much ad Dio did. That was the difference. Could he blame Evangeline for wanting a little more structure than he provided? Obviously not.

I did not give him a verbal apology, but my one head dip should speak volumes to this man who knew me better than any being had ever known be before. “I lost my soul in the war, friend.” This was my response to the god I worshipped. It was not meant to be insulting, but I couldn’t help but speak to Skoll as I would any of my friends on earth. Skoll was the ruler of my soul, so to say I lost it challenged his ability to guard his possessions. Still, the words were said and I believed them, even if this man tried to deny it.

I focused my gaze to lock onto this man’s. “Skoll, I love Evangeline.” I seemed determined to persuade the world that I had not let my heart wander. Who was I trying to convince, anyway? I had tried on both Evangeline and Skoll now, both of whom could see a deeper part of me that I could guard from earth-bound sight but not from them. “I really do.” I dropped my head then, voice barely above a whisper as my ears flattened against down-angled head in defeat. “But I think I love Mahal, too.” It was out there and I could not get it back. I did not move but my eyes tightened further shut, scrunching in a hope that I had spoken too softly for Skoll.

If someone admits a truth and no one is around to hear it, is it really true?

[I L Y I C H]

Familiar Sins Come Crashing In.

Eyes took in his anger and my mind caught it in backlash feeling it's waves whip against me. Oh yes. guilt was there but fury was to. Fury that I hadn't helped him sooner. Fury that I had left him all alone on a path that he had seen as Hell. And he was right. As much as I knew messing with those steps only brought more disaster I also knew that I should have helped him. I should have been there in his dreams every night to promise him that someone was there. Someone was always there. But I had not, and I was taking in the anger of a son who had been left behind by not one but two fathers. My eyes closed slowly a breath pressing past thick teeth at a slow weary pace. "I should have called you here sooner Logan. I should have been there to help you and I was not."

A long pause followed after the words as I waited for the ebony lad to speak. Waited for his anger; but it would seem guilt was a prevailing trait in the young boy's mind as he had turned right on back to that fork in the road. Ears curving back slightly I offered up a small smile of apology. No none of this anger was his fault. It had all brewed in my silence, and that could only rest on my shoulders. Alas Logan had decided to speak to me in the end, and as hard set as I was to listen quietly I couldn't help but interrupt him. "My dear Logan you lost a piece of you. A piece of you deeply chiseled to the walls of your heart but your soul is still there. I can see it." Turning electric blue eyes downwards I indicated his skull carefully, well aware that he couldn't see, or rather feel, the soft pulsing of that secondary heart beat.

Yet I went silent and I remained as such until the monochromatic boy had gone still and quiet himself. I watched him for a long moment as I thought. I was no orator. Speech was not my forte, but I would try. I had to get the proper point across. "Logan it is possible to love more then one person in the same way. Look to your elders. Paradox had a mate that was very dear to him. When she was killed he went mad. Mad in a way even I can not quiet comprehend." And it was terrible seeing that. Watching a quiet considerate bullied boy fall into such complete insanity. Logan had almost gone the same way, and it was in that horror that I reacted. He could not learn the way Paradox had. I fear it would destroy him even wile it made the elder medic strong.

"Devoid was his world. His everything. Yet look at the man now. He has learned that he is no traitor to her memory." I paused jaw slightly lax, thinking once more. I would not tell this boy of paradox's reactions, that would be for Logan to discover on his own. "People die. Perhaps not in our hearts or in this place, but they vanish from our lives and as much as the guilt burns it is simple truth that one turns to others for that missing comfort." I looked to him softly, frown turning up lightly into a gentle smile. "There is no replacement, Logan. There is simply a new place tacked into the heart. There is a new relationship formed. If you love Mahal then that is how you feel, and he may never be Evangeline but he can still be just as good."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

This man was guilty and apologetic to me. Self-hatred bubbled upwards with this fact settling into my mind. How could I turn my back against my god and then allow him to think he is the traitor? Skoll could not come to me in that dark time because I had denied him. While it was happening I had been blind to the walls I had built up to block him out, so I had blamed him. But now I could fell them as they slowly crumbled downwards. I only not knew of them as I felt them fall. This man was no saint, but he was also not a traitor. He had not abandoned me; I had pushed him away in my pain. When I had needed him most, I had chosen to relish in my misery rather than let him lift my burdens.

Still, I took his words in silence, ears back and eyes downcasted. My shoulders with heavy as I sat down, slouching forward as the effort to sit properly was too much. When he began speaking of Paradox, my ears shifted a sliver in curiousity, but no more than that was given. I had not been aware of any of Paradox's past. As much as I respected the man he was a stranger to me. Hearing that he had a love before Ayita brought my eyes slowly towards Skoll, finally resting on his own electric gaze. The man was so overwhelmingly in love with Ayita, it seemed to me...an outsider. There was no way that both Ayita and Devoid could have held his heart in the same fashion. Our hearts were not built for multiple 'mateships'. If Ayita knew of Devoid, I could confidently predict that the woman was self-concious and even dismissive of herself, thinking she was second best to Devoid in Paradox's heart. She may very well be. Devoid was dead so the man had settled.

I shook my head as Mahal's name filtered through. I frowned deeply with his words. No, you cannot love two with such a passion. But even that did not weigh so heavily as the fact of gender did. "It is wrong." I was confident Skoll would know I was no longer speaking on the topic of loving another...I was simply thrown off because Mahal was a male, and so was I. I had not heard of such a thing before, and I was sure it was frowned upon or else more dogs would have same-sex mates. Mahal and I could not be unique in that our heart ached for our own gender pairs...therefore it had to be an unspoken rule. An abonimation against Skoll.

OOC//: Wow...I am having no luck on quality tonight. Sorry Ily Dx

[I L Y I C H]

Familiar Sins Come Crashing In.

Oh yes. There it was. I gave him a heavy look, face gruff despite my attempts to be a bit more peppy. Damn boy didn't you get it yet? "How so?" Electric blue eyes rolled heavenward. Odd. Was there something above this place? I eyed Logan with a demanding sort of air. Love was love and it always had been. I didn't get all these dogs rushing about with their idea's of the real idea of love. There was no blasted definition. The wisest of my children knew such things. The conflicted must be taught. I frowned deeply at the ebony lad, unable to stop the inflection. "Emotion is emotion Logan. It don't matter what it's attached to." Shifting slightly I scooted forward my paws enough to drop my stomach to the ground. Rolling slightly to get more comfortable I turned my attention back to the mater at hand.

"My boy love is not definable. It isn't some pretty little thing that can be wrapped up in a perfect sort of way." Watching him intently I frowned once more. "It's jumbled and awkward. Painful and convoluted. There ain't anything simple or normal or 'right' about it." Crossing my ankles carefully I gave the black face a long stare. This was an interesting little chat, but there was so much behind it to know. To avoid. How I despised these little hurdles. This seeing into the future crap was a horrible distraction. I wanted to throw myself into this. Wanted to tell Logan to do whatever he needed whatever he wanted. Alas I could not do that. Could not throw as much into this as I possibly could. I knew what would happen. Logan would have his little piece of happiness. Hopefully he could learn from it and grow from it. But it would not last. Clarimonde factored into this far too deeply.

Her son would end the war. Her son would bring a sort of peace unknown to the Folami world in it's entirety.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

THE WAVES ARE PULLING ME UNDER
but i won’t give in, i won’t give up

We should be able to control our emotions, damnit! I almost returned to my snarling with the thought, but it was too far buried beneath the layer or sorrow. Everything hurt—my head, my heart, my stomach, my joints. I felt as if it would be so much easier if I had thrown myself in front of Evangeline in that war to spare her life. Not that I had had enough time to react. I was looking towards my father when Evangeline was attacked and by the time I broke my stare to follow her scream, she was gone. I should have died for my father, then. I would have not had to suffer Evangeline’s death, then. I had had time to step into my father’s battle but common sense had taken hold. I had known Jeremiah was not going to live and I was not about to make Carska’s pack suffer two deaths. Now, though, the selfish voice in the back of my skull said that if I had known what was lurking in the shadows of Evangeline’s immediate future, I would have gladly died at my father’s side.

After all the man’s words were said, I simply stared at him blankly with my ears back and body tense. It was not aggression, but I was certainly uneasy. This god was telling me my infatuations were okay, despite them being against the nature of my kind. Or the admitted nature, anyway. I blinked once and kept my eyes closed with it, turning my head away from Skoll as I accepted that maybe he was right…and even if he wasn’t, why should I care what the other’s thought of me? I loved Mahal, damnit, and here I had Evangeline and Skoll’s permission to do so. Those were the only ones I cared the opinion of. Except…

“Did Jeremiah make it here, Skoll?” I did not look at him, but merely stood rigid with my eyes closed and angled to the soil at my right side. My father had been a good man in his youth, but my mother’s death had…changed him. I felt that maybe he was starting to return to his light towards the end, but had it been enough to compensate for the cruelty he had inflicted during his dark time? Or perhaps I was judging him too harshly. What harm had he truly done to anyone but my own emotional state? In fact, hadn’t it been I who had walked away from him when he had sided with Lucifer? I had chosen my beliefs over my kin, and he has stood by his emotions over me. Emotions and beliefs were really not so different in the long run.

“I did.” His warm voice perked my ears forward and snapped my head upwards while my eyes fluttered open to stare their ice chip orbs on the silver streaked ebony canine that stalked out of the shadows. “I do apologize for eavesdropping, Skoll, but when I heard Evangeline mention Logan’s name, how could I resist? Besides, I am sure you knew I was there.” The man seemed entirely different from what I had last remembered him as. This was my father, not Lucifer’s soldier. This was the man who had raised me when my mother was too busy on her hunts—or more likely just hiding from her disgrace of a son that she couldn’t help but love despite his kittenhugging, Skoll-worshipping beliefs. This man was the one I had always held as my hero.

As he toyed a playful glance at Skoll, I couldn’t help but swallow up the well of emotions that tried so feverously to escape. Instead of lunging at the man in my joy and my anger, I merely stared at him with a curious gaze. He turned away from Skoll and his goofy grin died away to be replaced by careful kindness and a pitiful look of apology in his eyes. “Son—“ I cut him off before he could say anything more. I moved forward swiftly and licked my now almost same height father between the eyes.

“I am sorry, daddy.” He seemed taken aback for a second by the apology but he bowed his forehead into mine for a second with his eyes closed before taking a step back and came to stand beside the fire-breather.

“You see, Logan, this is what Skoll is talking about—emotions do not have to make sense. You just proved that.” I gave the soft-toned man a questioning expression. “You just apologized to me even though you had nothing to be sorry for. You stood by your beliefs and all you wanted was for me to do the same. I failed and I abandoned you in the process. Yet your heart just told you to say sorry. Doesn’t make sense, but emotions never do at first.” I stared at him before looking at Skoll with a contemplative expression. A small smile formed on my maw after I considered all that had been said from my three guardians.

“Skoll, I am ready to go home, now. I have another apology to give to another important man in my life.”

[I L Y I C H]

Let's just pretend that Skoll isn't a total dweeb and that he didn't offer a warm smile and send Logan home before having some sort of weird fangasm flailing around in the clouds while Dio watched in blank confusion.

BHU'S EDIT: hahahahahahahaha. To picture this....the hilarity....it burnnnnnssss!