Responsibilities and Quests }{ Bhuvana, all

[Kunabee]

South

Thoughts swirled, their motion an irritating one. I liked thinking. However, it was times like this, when the thinking was hopeless and pointless, that I struggled to find some other topic. It involved Bokor and Yanamai, and it was driving me rather insane. Bokor had gotten a Peaceleader. Burana or Bushana or something like that. She had turned to his ways.
And I feared Yanamai would follow. She followed Dio; she worshipped Dio, Dio was her God. And if one of His Peaceleaders had turned down Bokor's path... I shuddered to think of it. She would die. Death was not salvation! There was nothing good in death except of old age.
And I feared for Yanamai with a passion and power I did not know I possessed. I had a hope, a half-hearted hope, that maybe she was the heart. I wanted the heart to be compassion. We lacked greatly in compassion. I knew it though I did not admit it, even to myself, not really. Yanamai was kind. She was sweet and caring. I hoped she was the heart.
And yet, with my father's wisdom, he would not send us to chase after an older figure. Or maybe, we each were to find our own hearts. Or maybe we were supposed to find compassion on our own, to ourselves, and that would be our heart...
I made a breath aloud, a sigh, slipping through my lips with wonder. I looked at Yanamai, this lioness who wanted to reunite me with my siblings and care for us.
North, East, and West would all love being reunited, even if they protested her care. But I would not. I needed to find the heart, without a doubt, before I could join my siblings. And, honestly, I was selfish. I wanted to the kind and considerate Yanamai all to myself. I wanted her to care for me in the ways I couldn't care for myself. I wanted to care for her in the ways she couldn't care for herself.
For just a little while, until we found the heart, I didn't want siblings and the rest of my body parts. I didn't want a father-god. I wanted a sister, a friend, a mother, a caring creature with a good soul. That's what I wanted.
Just a little while. I could be selfish for just a little while, right?

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Pity part time, bring your friends!

My body held itself high, holding an air of confidence. I only did so for South, however. If the woman scurried off for a bathroom break, I would surely find myself a puddle of goo, sulking in my own self-pity, dancing with the self-loathing I had for feeling it.

I loved South. I have learned in these short time with her that one does not need a mouth to speak. Well, a voice. She would stand there in her beautiful harmony, silent as a flower petal. Yet, she would find a way to tell me more than words could ever show. Sometimes she drew me pictures and even wrote a word or two to get a particularly difficult message across. I felt she only had to take such child precautions because of me, not her. There were times she told me a story with just her eyes and her motions. I could read the easier messages, but my inferior brain could only read so much.

Yet, I still felt lonely. I loved my South -for some reason, I have to keep reminded myself- but I must have angered Dio. Maybe it was because he knew I would leave him. When I heard gentle souled Bhuvana had joined Bokor, I had decided in my mind that I would at least give him his due investigation. I was curious, no doubt. However, I could easily walk to my death for other's salvation, but could I lead South to the slaughter? No, of course not. I would find her siblings and leave them with a caring pride. I would then go to explore Bokor's world. If it turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of pretty lights, I will slap my own wrist for the foolishness, grovel for the forgiveness of Dio, and then join the pride alongside my cubs. But if Bokor seemed to hold promise...

Ah, but that is not the point! I gave a sideways glance to the quiet sheila beside me. It was her that had me pondering. First Dio lets my brother, who I had wanted to save, die. Then South comes along and I finally think I will have a companion, and she is a mute. Yes, I love her! But it was hard. How do I share Dio with someone if they can not speak? I can talk all I want but when she has a deep question, I have no way of knowing. Dio seemed to want to see me fail. Again, I absolutely hold South in the highest place in my heart, right beside the empty slot where Dio used to sit, but it was hard.

"You hungry?" I realized I had been giving South the sideways glance for a few moments now. Sorry My eyes were sad I let my lips tell the world of joy.

[Kunabee]

South

I knew the woman was thinking of something. She asked me the question, "You hungry?" but those were not the words she truly wanted to say. Finally I huffed, nudging her, then moved around so I sat in front of her.
My stiff figure and the fact I was staring at her with wide eyes I had faith would indicate to her my need to be told her thoughts. I had a hunch to what they were, and I followed that hunch. Dio, I attempted to make clear, scrawling a horrible attempt of his name in the dirt. It was ugly, but paws were unweildy. Once I had seen a little girl, I thought her to be my age, almost or around, draw something in the dirt with a stick.
Humans have such handy fingers and hands. But nonetheless, the 'Dio' was scratched on the dirt, and I sat there, watching her, demanding her to tell me.
At the very least she would have something off of her chest, if not more benefits. Who knew? Maybe if she told me of Dio she would remember her devotion to Him, and rethink going to Bokor.
That was something I would never let her do.

((wooc;;
Kuna needs less distractions.

This is BT. We live off distracting one another, and yet demanding posts from one another ;-) - Bhu

Because those are useful informations.))

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I nearly collided with the girl as she came to sit in front of me. Her eyes bore deep into me, and I looked away in shame. It was not uncommon for me to feel her mind entering mine, like some hypnotic voodoo magic. The girl knew things about me without me telling her a thing. Here, her eyes presented a question, and then her paw sprawled a butchered font of three letters. I was not up to speed on reading, having never been taught it, but I could sound out the letters. Dio. The girl knew my mind was on the God, or the betrayal of Him.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head, chest deflated as I angled my skull to point towards the left. “Yes.” It was simple, but the tone spoke volumes. I was at a loss for words. How do I explain what I do not even understand? To a child, no less. I had long since abandoned thinking of South as a child, but here the realization returned. This was a kid; kids should not be burdened as therapists. I smiled kindly, forced my eyes back to hers. South needed an adult. I had to be that adult. “But it does not concern you, my dear.” Liar. If I dumped South and her siblings in some pride and then ran off to Bokor, that does concern my small friend. Still, adults lie to their children for the child’s protection. “Now, about that meal…” I stood up, turning my back on the girl, and lifted my snout into the air.

The rain drowned out most scents, but there was a rabbit nearby, I decided. I hoped it was a fat one that South and I could share. “Can you hunt, child?” All this time together and I had not let her catch a thing. A mother teaches their children and lets them spread their wings, right? I was South’s mother now; I had to be sure she could survive alone. I ignored the fact that the girl had survived fine before I found her, knowing it was not really maternal instincts that set me in the direction of the rabbit’s scent, heavy paws falling softly into the muddy soil.

No, not a maternal instinct at all; I simply did not wish to let South know I planned to leave her.

[Kunabee]

South

I hurrumphed as she blew me off. I'm more adult than you, lady, I thought, but alas, I could not say. With pure irritation I promptly hopped up after her and swatted her side with my paw.
Surprised at such a violent and horribly rude action, I stopped in my tracks, wondering what the hell I was doing. I had slapped my elder, my friend, my temperary almost-mother. I looked at her, waiting for her reaction.
Yes, rabbit sounded good right now, and I could hunt. I would hunt us down a dozen rabbits! Or something. Anything. This was highly embarrassing, this distinct lack of self-control. I was normally so calm, and so mature!
And this... this was the act of just a cub, and I was no ordinary cub. It was immature and terrible. I feared punishment, hoped for praise, and expected a small talk and then normality. The strange and warring emotions and thoughts made me feel sick. I was being such a baby right now!
It was then that I promptly hacked, throwing up a little bile. My stomach was empty, and the throw-up wasn't hard, but sure enough some of it came. I stared at the disgusting stomach fluids, then looked at Yanamai.
I was thoroughly shamed.

((wooc;; Well, that was a fun post to write.))

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I looked down at her as she whacked me. It was unexpected; the girl did not make contact with me in a violent or affectionate way, ever. I stared at her wide-eyed in surprise, not sure how to react. Instincts said I should reprimand her like my mother had so often done to me; a small slap on the butt and a 'respect your elders' or 'violence is never the answer' speil. It didn't come, however, caught halfway up my throat.

Then she threw up, looking upwards at me in shame. All thoughts of punishment fled from my mind. I bowed down to nudge her cheek affectionately. I did not think, I just did. "Oh, baby, let me go get you your own rabbit. Your body is upset. I'm so sorry. I have been an awful guardian!" I shuffled the girl to a nearby bush to shelter her from rain and danger. "Stay." It was a curt demand as I spun on my heels and galloped away.

Once out of ear range, I crouched down and walked lightly across the mud. The rabbit I spotted, waterlogged and slowed by the chill of the downpours, was a reasonable size. He would feed South, and even provide a snack for me. I inched forward, using the weather to mask my presence. The kill was quick, the poor fool having no chance with these harsh elements. I was quick to carry my catch to South, dropping the poor beast by her feet, its body no blody, my method having been a quick crushing of the throat.

"Eat, child." It was an order. I'm the adult.

[Kunabee]

South

She led, she pushed, she shoved me along. Unable to respond I was shoved under a bush, waiting for her. Damn it all. How was I possibly stuck here? How was I possibly so stupid? I shook my head, bewildered. I wasn't like this. Maybe Yanamai just had me all wound. Yeah, I bet that was it. So I just needed to calm down. Take a few deep breathes.
Before I knew it, she was back with the rabbit. Obediently I ate it, my thoughts making me dizzy. But my stomach and head all calmed, and I thought much more clearly. I nudges the carcass at Yanamai, trying to indicate she should go get some rabbit for herself.
I looked at her with plaintive eyes. I was a child, I will admit that, but I was wise. I could handle whatever it was she needed to tell me. So please, Mommy, tell me.
I jerked my head back in surprise, a slight motion. 'Mommy'? I was becoming uncomfortably child-like. I hoped it would pass quickly. I was a child's age, and in a child's body, but I was not truly a child. Nor did I want to be.
Children could not truly survive on their own, and I wanted to be all by myself. At least for a little while, off and on...
These thoughts made me wonder faintly about my brothers and sister. How were they fairing? I hope they had found a friend, like I had. I looked at Yanamai again, this time giving a small almost-smile.
Yes, it was a temporary child-like behavior. Soon I would be fine again.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I blinked a set of emerald eyes as I watched the pretty little scene. Two lioness', one childish adult, and one mute cub. Bokor had told me not to waste my energy at the child, she was not the mission right now. It was the adult, Yanamai, that he said I had a shot at. Yanamai, a wishy-washy Dio beholder, would find comfort in seeing a Peace Leader. I could make her feel special. She'd practically raise from the ground and float over to me.

Standing from my hideaway, I slide a plump fish through the mud. Form still in the shadows, I watched Yanamai turn away from South to stare at the fish that had just knocked into her paws. Glaring at it, I merely rolled my eyes from in the hiding shadows. The woman was clearly dumbfounded, half expecting the fish to rise up from the wet ground and attack her. Bokor wants this? Alright...

Why shy hesitance, I dragged myself from my hideaway, giving a small, but sweet smile. "I-I saw the young one get sick." I eyed the little remainder of the rabbit, careful not to meet South's eyes. Keeping a downcasted stare, tail low as I gave an image of submission before this larger beast, I stepped forward once to keep no more, yet no less, than a single bound between us. "You, too, should eat. I can see r-ribs." I studdered for added affected. Yanamai wanted to mother the needy, then Hell, I could play along with that.

I offered them no name, just merely sat in the open area, downpour gluing my pelt to my skin. All the discomfort would be worth it. I would make a difference in at least the life of this lioness. I would have her love me, care for me, and then I would bring her to Bokor and save her from damnation. I would please the gods. I would please Bokor. I would make Yanamai know peace.

And I would rub all my success' in the bloody face of Dio.

[Kunabee]

South

Fish.
Damn that fish, nothing good was going to follow behind. It came from nowhere and now my fur was bristling. I followed the direction it had come from, seeing my enemy.
Oh, she was my enemy, I could tell. She was going to try and convince Yanamai of some idiotic thing. I pulled my lips back in a snarl, though barely a noise escaped - the noise being air.
'Go to hell,' I thought, looking over at the side of Yanamai. Don't fall for the charms and the lies. Bokor was f***ing stalking us now, and no way would I be caught in that. And if I had to keep my claws and teeth permenantly on Yanamai's back, so be it. It was my job to make sure we weren't pulled into some stupid idiotic thing.
Bokor would never have my Yanamai. She was my friend. We were equal. We belonged. And damn Bokor to the deepest level of hell if he thought he was going to steal her from me. And damn Bokor to the deepest level of hell if he thought he was going to get my to fall for his manipulation.
I'm forced to follow my Dad's, because, let's face it, I love my siblings, I adore my siblings, and I'm not going to let them die. So I go along with Dad's idiocy because I have a f***ing heart and I love my siblings.
But I'm not going along with Bokor, oh no. I see what he's doing. I see what he's going to do. And if I have to kill him, then I will.
Yes. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I am going to kill Bokor. If I have to wait a year or do, then I will. But I will kill him. And if I die too, then so be it.
But he's not going to die other then when I kill him - and I will kill him. I'm smart. I'm clever. And while he may be smart, I'm smarter.
And for now, while I'm small and not able to kill him, I'll make his life and plots miserable.
Because he is going to go to hell right now.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Yanamai
I eyed the newcomer curiously. She was an ocelot, young. I would be surprised if she was much older than a year. A cat her age, in the wild, would only just be moving away from their mother. In this world, this strange land, however, cats were force to live on their own at much too young an age. Some, like South, were tossed away because the pressure of this new world broke their parents and made them do foolish things. Other times, cubs were simply forced to forget their parents because they were dead, or somewhere across the oceans. This cub had probably been alone for much longer than she should have. She was slim, even for her kind.

I hooked a claw through the fish and limped over to the stranger. "Speak for yourself, deary. The fish is yours." I stretched out my leg to hand the prey to her. She eyed me uncertainly before arching her neck and taking the prize. As she buckled her knees to crouch in the mud and eat the fish, her eyes remained focused upwards on me. It was only when she looked past me that she finally flinched and curled into herself, eyes falling to the ground and staying there as she ate. I turned and saw South. The girl did not appear all too welcoming.

"South." My tone was much sterner than it usually was. With South, I too often forgot that I was a guardian and not just a friend. The girl was clever, so I would dismiss she was a child. This new girl was your typical cub. It brought out a much stronger sense of the maternal instinct, and I would not let my friend make her feel unwelcome. "Wipe away the silent snarl and give her a smile. You have no idea what she has been through." My voice was whispered, only for South's ears, the tone demanding. Turning back towards the child, I offered a smile of my own as she took her final bite of the fish's flesh.

"My name is Yanamai, and this here is South. She is a quiet one." Mute seemed too harsh a word so I avoided speaking it. I eyed her warmly, requesting her name with my eyes.

"I know. Bokor told me." This was her responce and my jaw dropped as the child climbed to her paws. I stepped forward.

"So you're..."

"Yes, I am Bhuvana." With that, I turned to South with a childish grin breaking across my face. I was a child again, meeting my idol. This girl, along with her 3 others, were my heros. They had been since I came to know of them. My respect had faltered when they proved useless, but then Bhuvana had gone to Bokor and now a new promise was to be tested.

"South..." The smile fell. South hated Bokor. I eyed her cautiously, but then it shifted to anger. "Don't you dare say a damn thing." I knew she wouldn't have anyway, but it felt good saying it. "You want to know what I was thinking earlier, well here it is. I want to join Bokor. Dio has failed me; he has never even tried to help me in any of my own troubles. But this, Bokor, he has taken the time to even send his beloved Peace Leader to us. If that isn't love, I don't know what is." I turned my back to her now, anger shifted to euphoria as I met Bhuvana's now uncertain eyes.

"You should not speak to a child so harshly, Yanamai. Bokor believes in the love of children." I dropped my eyes at that but said nothing. I would find a home for South, should the young child allow, and then I would let Bhuvana carry me to Bokor.

My mind was made up.

[Kunabee]

South

I rolled my eyes at how naive Yanamai was. Honestly, of course anyone who approached us kindly would be one of Bokor's mindless minions. I didn't expect Bhuvana, but here she was. I shook my head at Yanamai.
I admired North for his strong beliefs. I admired Yanamai for her compassion. But in my mind, two people were demons and devils and pathetic. Bhuvana and Bokor. Bokor was delusional... and evil. Bhuvana gave up on her beliefs.
They were not worth the dust on my feet. They were worth nothing. And yet they came, sauntering up to us, demanding we follow them. Demanding things of us. Things that I would not let Yanamai give. If I had to kill them, so be it.
But now she had a joy at this so-called Peace Leader. She spoke with harshness and was scolded. But I could deal with harshness. In this situation, Yanamai was the child; I was the adult. It is the duty of adults to protect the children. And protect Yanamai I would.
I came in front of her, glaring daggers at this Bhuvana. And I thought: 'Dio, if you are real, if you have mercy, save my Yanamai from these demons.'
I longed to tell Yanamai of all the times Dio aided her. But I could not make them up. I did not believe in him. I did not know her whole story. And I had no voice. So I stayed silent, hoping she would find her own ways. When you believed in a God, you saw their miracles in everything, right? So Yanamai should see Dio's hand in something.
Something, at least.
I couldn't let her die for nothing.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Ah, so my assumption was correct--South would try and stop me. Even though Bhuvana had scolded against my harshness towards South, I found myself snarling at the child. The least I could do before dumping South in a pride is make her loath me. I would not forgive myself if I made a child miss me like I so often missed my brother...the brother who had killed himself because his father and brother had told him to without words. Was I no different? I was willing to march off to Bokor and slit my throat because he said so. The only difference for what Jandin did and what I was to do was the reason behind it. I wanted to die at Bokor’s command to appease gods and make the world better. Jandin died at the silent commands of my kin because he thought it would make the world better for them. He died for family joy, I died for worldly peace.

Still, it was suicide.

The snarl died before I spoke a blood-crusted word to this child. I wanted to remind her that I was an adult and I could do as I please, but the thought of my brother had frozen the flames that had overtaken me a moment before. “Look, South, suicide is a part of my past. I have seen family die by their own claw for what they deemed as the good of others. They smiled and were happy. I want to be happy, South, and I the only way to do it is for me to die thinking I did I good thing.” My eyes focused on the young child’s gaze, pleading for the mute being to understand. I was an emotion-driven creature. Some let logic rule over them, but I thought that was foolish. I know logic-creatures thought I was foolish, but I had never let that bother me before. “I love you, but I am not happy in a world where the god abandon’s those loyal to him.” I turned from her now, facing Bhuvana who eyed me with sad curiosity. “Let me take you someplace safe, South. This is my final wish of you, my friend. If you deny me it, I understand and I will not fight you. You are a child, but you are mature. I have faith you can find your siblings and you will survive.” And I did believe those words. I had needed South more than she had needed me.

“Yanamai, understand that Bokor is not simply one to demand death. You coming with me will be a difficult path. It will be your job to serve the gods with missionary work before making the sacrificial offering. You could be with us for years.” Her voice was weary as she spoke to me with a sideways expression. It was clear that she wondered how dedicated I really was to her and her gods. Would I do to her as I did to Dio? I see no blessings so I wander off on my merry way to whatever is the new thing? Ah, but I nodded assuredly to her words, knowing I would not abandon her as I had to Dio. These new gods have given me something tangible—they have given me one of their own to hold onto when I feel myself slipping. That was all I needed; Bokor was the answer to my prayers—a real blessing. It was only fair I turned to the gods that had answered my prayers, even if it meant turning my back on the one I had believed in for so long now.

OOC//: I hate RPing as Yanamai -.- I can never get ‘into’ her.

[Kunabee]

South

I gave her a look as equally miserable as the one she gave me. As equally pleading. No, Yanamai, I cannot let you go. Just like I could not let my siblings go. Just like - but I didn't continue my thoughts.
I have a god, or gods, or what it was, too. There were many. They were all false. All false in my eyes. And Yanamai thought it would bring world peace - no. It would not. Death was not peace. It was selfish! Suicide was SELFISH! Yanamai was not selfish! How could she not see!
But oh, she was selfish. I was selfish. There was no such thing as selflessness. Kindness, yes, but never selfless. I was not selfless. I would never be.
So I nodded. I nodded. I would accept her finding me a home. And perhaps I'd gain some more time with her... and convince her of the truth. It was a difficult thing. An upward climb. But I needed to at least try.
And if I had to scream and tear out my throat and throw a temper tantrum then I would. I would do anything to save the woman I loved more than anything. She was my friend. She was my family, that was more than family.
I could not lose her.
Because then there'd be nothing to stop me from losing them all.