Not afraid {bhu}

[I L Y I C H]

surrender my love; its all I can do.

Black limbs lay in a crumpled heap, even as I rolled over in my half asleep state. Sleep had over taken the world soon after our return to the prairie, and it was a thing we all deserved. Vea apxn. Mind struggling out of the drug swamping my senses, I lifted my ebony snout slowly pale eyes peering into the dark twilight. The mass of sleeping folami provided comfort for my tired gaze, and soon that heavy skull rested back upon my paws. It was nice to be back in the desert resting so easily upon the sands. That other pack had been decimated with death and destruction, but then we had not been spared. Ice chips shifted turning their glow upon Mahal who rested close to Logan in a hope to comfort the fellow dark child. A child who had in one fail swoop lost everything.

My heart hurt for the boy, and for all of those who felt the back lash of war tonight. It was a harsh reality. Oh so cruel in it's punishments. Ears flicking I turned my eyes to the gray woman, seated so stiffly beside her prisoner. The moment Carska had learned of Bidziil's capture she had taken over his guardianship. More than one dog had gone up to that blank mask and half begged her to sleep and allow some other creature the post, but the alpha had refused. I understood. I was not one of those animals demanding she give in to hurt. My tarnished heat understood her predicament. Carska felt this to be her punishment, and she was not ready to give in. Never the less a frown chiseled itself upon my features.

It was probably horrible of me, but at this point in time I cared not for the dead. At least they had left this forsaken place. My heart lay focused in on the russet woman. My Ayita was unhurt. She was still breathing. The panic in my heart was gone with her heart beat, so even in the night as I listened. A melody. The lyrics turned my heart to gold and let the heat ripple through my fractured mind. A soft croon rose from me, the sound unstoppable as my frame rolled itself out of the painfully tight ball it had been situated in. Limbs fell to the ground as I sprawled, the reach of my snout angle towards the music. Precious Ayita.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

your emotions got to be colder
the person inside you got to be older

I'm a monster. A terrible, awful monster. An indescribable beast with no comprehention of mercy. I said what I did was for him, but wasn't it really for me? Hadn't I secretly wanted to be ridded of the burden and guilt? Now it had grown worse. Because I deserved nothing more than torment. I wasn't even worthy of death.

As I lay rigid in the soils, my eyes licked across the pack. Logan was to the side, doing his very best to avoid looking at Mahal and Clarimonde. The boy had lost more than I did, hadn't he? No. He still had a morbid sense of innocence. He knew this was a fucked up world, but he had not had to be a reason why. Carska stood watching over Bidziil, who was laying like I was, mumbling to himself as he tried to fathom how he should feel. The man had lost his good sense and the utter adoration of his family. And yet I still considered myself worst off.

Kadan was a prideful ball of enthusiasm as he acted like a child for once in his life. A stick was in his mouth and he found himself throwing it and chasing it for himself, doing his best to act silently so as not to wake those who rightfully slumbered at this witching hour. The man didn't hold any regrets. He had destroyed his mother and was happy about it. Why couldn't I be so cold and ruthless? Oh, but I am. I murdered one who I could have helped in earlier years. But Kadan, the one he killed was beyond his aid.

I'm a monster.

My eyes finally traveled to my dear Paradox, but they were soon to drop away. I hadn't spoken to the brute since the war. I hadn't spoken since the war, to anyone. I got up from where I lay and simply walked a few feet away, to avoid the contact of the man. I had chosen him over Kamau, and now I deserved neither.

I laid down at the dying treeline, in a patch of where the suns merciless beams would lay by morning. Let me burn. I needed to get used to it since I was going to Hell anyway.

[I L Y I C H]

surrender my love; its all I can do.

Eyes shifted, following after Ayita's golden gaze. Kadan seemed so happy, lost in his euphoria upon the death of the single thing that held him back. Cult had risen to pad after him, wavering slightly before rushing to see if she too would be allowed to play with the stick. Siblings, it would seem, had ties that even difference couldn't break. It showed so clearly upon this pack now. Val himself had stood, limping slightly from a strain in his leg to pad after the two cubs, a happy sort of anxiousness in his flickering blue eyes. So very odd. This camp that had in the beginning been filled with nothing but brash hopes and pained nightmares was suddenly so full of life. Yet it was also so full of death.

Snout lifting higher, I stared in bewilderment upon my scarlet beauty, eyes shifting into fear as she left me. My heavy head lifted higher, the lead in my heart balanced it out in a painful fashion. Had I done something wrong, or was it her own heart that had her pulling away? My body lifted, rising towards the moon as I crawled back to a lateral position upon my ebony stilts. Perhaps it would be wrong of me to follow after, as she seemed to not want me, but I could not help it. My obsessions were whole and needed to be released. A small whine came from my maw as I pressed towards the woman, a weak wave of my tail begging for forgiveness of some kind or another. Because surly this was my doing, this sadness that pervaded my precious bird's heart.

A soft whine came once more, though not from my lips. Blue eyes lifted slowly, turning to rest upon the gray fae watching us with such a keen interest. Carska had always been a good friend to us both, and now it seemed she wanted to help. But she loathed to leave her position, even as her tired air lent her the look of a haggered woman. My glance shifted back to Ayita, slipping from Carska's monotone gray to the vibrant color of my mate's precious pelt. My face fell into a childish state of worry, as if I was unsure of how to handle the situation. No, that was just me kidding myself, I had absolutely no idea how to handle this situation. "Ayita... ? Have I...?" Long drawn out sentences pulled out of me, my french accent shining like a beacon in my fears. "Are you okay?" Maybe it was a pitiful question, but I couldn't comprehend her pains. Death had never troubled me. Killing never took any sort of toll.

But that's why I was the sinner, and she was the saint.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My ear flicked, but that was the only response to both whines. It had come from two sources, but I dared not see who each were. I knew one was Paradox, but I wouldn't taint him with my stare. The second had had a little more distance between us, and I decided I could safely assume it was Carska.

My head lay sideways on crossed front paws, eyes staring harshly into the darkness of the dying and dead trees. The shadows played their tricks, Kamau's accusing glare in the moonlit crevices. My brother had always feared me, but now he had reason to hate. He used to despise what I was, now he could loath who I was. I drank in the stare with respect. Give him his due.

The voice broke me from my painful exchange with Kamau. I again flicked my ear in responce, then lifted my skull slightly to shift it to look upwards at Paradox, before lying it back down with eyes casted to the sand at his feet. "Yeah." I uttered the word in a nearly silent tone. I spoke no further before again turning the back of my skull to him.

The children played in the peripherals of my vision. Kadan had awkwardly tossed the twig to his sister, and Val had made an approach. A silver fae followed after the smaller dogs, her disposition tense but eyes eyes holding a guardded curiousity. Alonda kept a good foot behind Val, uneasy, but curious, at the idea of such a foolish game as catch.

Being careful not to look towards Carska, I laid a single eye on Bidziil. He had laid down flat and silenced his mumblings. Those amber eyes were flourescent in the night, and they sat calculatingly upon the alphess' back. His expression was tense and I was sure he would glance away with stealth if the woman turned around.

But I couldn't help but notice the longing sitting there.

I had to look away, back at the sand. The children were happy and it pained me. The royal couple were going to mend and it killed me.

Joy shouldn't exist in a world where siblings can kill each other and be unpunished.

[I L Y I C H]

Slow down the world isn't watching us break down

My brow crumpled, ears fitting back against my skull. Why would Ayita lie to me? This was my fault. All my fault. She had every right to be angry with me. Twinge sent into my heart I slumped backward my frame falling as if all the air had been drawn out of my inflated mind. I couldn't fix this because I didn't understand her pain. My siblings had always been so close to me, and I had never had the mere thought of killing them. It was not an option, as neither would ever have faced me in battle. Even if they had none of us would win, we were all too equally matched. We would die together. Pain radiated in my heart for her, but empathy was still a lacking factor and thus I squirmed in my seat. I didn't understand her pain because I had never felt it. Death was a normal thing for me, and I had never regretted my murder. It was all normal, and in my thinking it to be so I forgot that to my precious happy Ayita it was a disgusting thing.

A bitter vile tasting thing.

Grimacing I looked away, shuffling on my feet as winter blue eyes landed on Cult as she grip the stick upon it's glancing off her snout. The thin twig was sent spiraling at Val's pale muzzle and was snatched out of the air with neat agility, which was what the boy was know for I suppose. Slim snout turning slightly Val paused for a moment before sending the branch arching through the air in Alonda's direction. He seemed unsure of the motion, but the flicker in his posture gave the sense of a hope. Apparently the boy just wanted to play catch with his oddly made friend. Oh the joy of oddly made friends. My head turned back around, face pitiful as I rested my gaze back on my precious little bird. The end of my tail hugged my stomach, showing off my uncertainty and the general air of terror bouncing about in my skull. maw parted just slightly, but whatever sound was about to come out broke under the rein of a new voice. A shrieking voice that sounded almost ready to sob. A voice all to recognizable to my older violently bloodied ears.

My head snapped up, aside, though the eyes remained locked on Ayita's frame. Carska's snarl broke my distaste of leaving the scarlet woman's side, however and I turned swiftly, the panic in my chest mixing with pure hope to form a burning sensation that went straight to my toes. Carska stood stiffly, face rumpled into fury at the tawny animal scrambling down into the bowl of our camp. She hadn't changed at all. The darker brown mask casing her eyes gave the vibrant blue a beautiful glow, and the scar along the side of her throat showed off just how devoted we were o one another. There was no way, and yet. And yet. "mon frère! oh mon précieux frère! J'ai été vous cherche partout." Ebony ears shoved themselves forward as my body slowly edged out of it's pathetic state so I could speak with my precious sister. My precious loyal perfect Syntax.

Looking back to Ayita I only took a small step forward before Syntax shoved her dark snout into my face, having run straight past Carska without a single glance. My alpha looked at me with a conflicted sort of anger, that swiftly died away as I felt pure joy creep into my face. "Syntaxe, belle soeur parfaite! Vous êtes venus pour moi, ma chère? Avez-vous été bien, ouais?" It was automatic to slip straight into the old language, the fluent beautiful French that had become such a bother to me here. Never the less my eyes slipped back sideways and my joy fell quiet a few notches. Syntax noticed instantly, her bright sapphire eyes widening and then narrowing into such viciousness I almost laughed. Her posture questioned me, and the answer was given easily and with it the golden woman fell back into her joyful tail wagging along with a long curious stare in Ayita's direction.

"Where is Elipses, Syntax?" Sister turned her bright eyes back to me, curiosity falling into an upset shame as she shook her head. She didn't know. My face fell into the same expression,a s we both knew all to well why Elipses had gone. We'd both chased him away. Our insanity had sent our precious eldest brother away from us. My revere was broken by the loud snort of my alpha, who had crept away from her prisoner to confront me, personally, as she did not trust my sibling enough to approach her. Carska's stare was enough to bring a weak smile back to my face, as I could never find the rather pathetically upset expression as anything other than funny. My eyes dashed back to the red back of my love before returning to Carska. "This is my sister, Carska. Syntax this is my alpha." Syntax turned that blinding smile of her's own Carska, almost sick with her happiness. We had never done well apart, the two of us. If only we knew where Elipses was.

"Bonjour! Hello! it's so wonderful to meet you, I guess" The last bit was tacked on with a slightly off expression that was quickly removed. Carska stared at her for a long second, as if unsure of what to do and then she simply snorted, that snort turning into a laugh that was quickly followed by a warm welcome that I waved my tail at. Again my eyes darted to Ayita, fearing that I had upset her more in allowing myself to become distracted. Syntax's head snapped back away from Carska's silver face to shove her snout back into my own, the touch almost forcing me back a step. We both had long given up on seeing the other again, and now to find one another with such ease in such a dark time... our hearts were full. My heart was full, if only it weren't for that crack. Eyes jumped back to Ayita and this time Syntax's followed as she hopped to the side, shoving me backward for real this time and nudged her nose against Ayita instead with the air of long friendship, as if they hadn't just met. My face twisted into a mixture of shock and amusement, as I was use to this and yet was unsure of Ayita's reaction.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Why wipe my tears if I still want to cry?

Alonda caught the stick with ease, holding it awkwardly as her eyes danced between her three playmates. The girl had wrestled as a game when younger, but she had never been one for silly fun as this. Kadan had cracked a quiet grin at Cult's misfortunate lack of a catch, the sibling love that instinct demanded making him forget he didn't care. Alonda dropped her tough guy exterior for the only friend she knew, copying Val's throw and aiming it back to Cult to let the girl try again. There was happiness all around me, even among the prisoner Bidziil. Silent but present. It was a toxic gas that came to fill my lungs.

A new voice broke out and I cared not that both Paradox and Carska carried their attentions to it. An intruder, dandy. Maybe should would be so merciful as to kill off this forsaken pack. These dogs that let me walk with blood on my paws. But why should I be so lucky? Why should a sinner be allowed a blessing? Paradox spoke with her in french. A sibling. Even a merciless killer such as he was granted the joy of kinship. I was far worse than he, I concluded with ease. If fate permitted him such happiness and not I, then I was deemed a worser foe, for I had killed a blooded brother that knew not what he did was wrong.

The woman came to touch me and only then did I react. My paws clambered to be beneath me and I turned to face the woman with heated eyesite. My lip curled up as the tear rolled down my cheek in its lonliness. Don't touch me. I merely stared in quiet anger for moments I could not count. My claws dug into the sundrowned soils, little soldiers in their protected trenches. Each muscle was tense in a position to flee should either beast approach. I did not hate her for selfish reasons. What I hated was that these dogs could not see how dirty I was.

The moments dragging on, I finally let my lip fall to cover those red tinted fangs. Each limb crumbled and I found myself a heap in the soil, paws and legs covering my skull with a resentment so deep within me that a sword could not reach. I wanted to run from this world that I knew, take from myself what I had took from my brother. Life was a privelage and I had lost my right when I denied him his. And yet I could still find a voice to speak.

"I'm sorry. Nice to meet you." On went the sheild as I lifted my head and climbed slowly to my paws. On went the gray to cover the scarlet. The mask, woven to my flesh, snapped into place and I let out the soft words of no emotion. I gave a silent dip of my head to greet this poor dog. I was a monster for killing my brother, and these dogs were righteous for granting me permission to live.

Saints do not get burdened with the griefs of demons.

[I L Y I C H]

The dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called faith and misery

I stared at the little girl with nothing but amusement. The brown of my mask rumpling as a crease formed a laugh line between my eyes. So this was the girl my brother had fallen for? This woman who he looked at with such concern. Her pretty red fur was nothing near Devoid's brindle brown, and the look was completely different as well. This little girl was no replacement, she was the real deal. The love of Paradox's life where his Beloved had been a silly devotion. The violent games written on my face were killed by curiosity and then replaced by true interest.

Who was this volatile and damaged woman? My frame never left it's loose almost playful standing, as I found no reason to move. Scarlet beauty non with standing I felt no threat, and Paradox would have had my tail if I'd respond to the girl in a violent way. He approached her crumpled frame now, a whine hidden in his throat and a beggar's stare in his eyes. My own body slowly fell into a mimicry of his own, even as my eyes slid to peer at the silver alpha who crept forward to stand on Ayita's other side. They both looked so upset, and thus I would presume the girlie didn't always act like this. A questioning glance was sent about the camp to find the reason behind the state, but it only found a children's game. The little gray girl hopped slightly, catching the twig in her jaws with a gleeful shout, despite the thing being instantly flung in a tawny boy's direction.

My attention was brought back by the girl's standing back up, and by the odd way both the Alpha and Paradox backed up. As if they were both scared touching the girl would shatter her. Paradox moved a bit closer in standing, stretching lightly as if to stroke a white cheek before thinking better of it and returning to simply standing close. My face twisted into disbelief and amusement. Her words were met with a massive grin followed by acidic words. "Don't lie to me, chienne" Paradox growled at me, the noise deep in his chest but I ignored him. He wouldn't attack me unless I actually bit his precious. Shoving my way forward I stuck my nose in her face to sniff, as I could smell the way Brother's scent mixed into her pretty fur. "Waz up?" Paradox's heavy sigh brought my smile into a warmer light as I flicked my bright blue eyes to him for only a moment.

Someone would have to answer me at some point, yeah?

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I had difficulty reacting to this woman. I had expected something similar to Paradox when I had come to the conclusion that they were siblings. Her undeniable lack of social grace, by lack of respect for personal space, painted a clear opposite of Paradox. I stood stunned for a moment, eyes narrowed and mouth slightly ajar. Who is this strange dog?

I shook my head and turned angled away from the female, eyes reading Kadan's catch and following toss into the random abbis, eyes filled with sly cunningness of boyhood. I knew his game for it was similar to how Alaois has grown up playing. He threw the stick to the center air to see what dogs would collide in the effort to catch it. Ah, cruelty. Sweet, sweet scarlet hearts lined in hardened tar.

Eyes set back onto Syntax, I chanced an answer for her to chew on. I was a polite dog by nature; the thought of ignoring a dog's question, despite my own pained heart, was one that would only worsen my emotions. "We have only just returned from war." I looked to Carska, only now realizing how close the alphess has come. Paradox was obviously by my side, but my old friend was supposed to be on guard duty. I looked to Bidziil; the man had not moved, only watched us with a guarded interest and an even more guarded concern. He would not try and escape.

Just as I would sit in my own personal Hell and never do a damn thing to climb on out.

[I L Y I C H]

My head tipped sideways, watching with a slight pique as the beauty shocked herself. Or was that me? Smile flashing, sneaking into a petty little sly thing I ambled back 'round. Circling was a habit I had long since given up on destroying. It was one my brother and I shared, after all, and the idea of deleting something that connected us so was unacceptable.Placing paws in careful cadence I walked around the three, only glancing away from them to watch the thinner black boy slip away from the game. It was interesting enough to hold my gaze for the moment; watching that youth go from child to soldier as he slid in besides the prisoner previously guarded.

Carska's eyes followed me with trepidation, she didn't trust me at all despite my connections. A smart woman. Paradox's choice in leaders was acceptable then, no tampering had to be made; questions to be bantered about. Smile pulling into a more genuine lisp, I grinned sweetly back at that tight tawny stare. War? My smile broke, dropping into something all together disturbing. An expression I was sure at least the little cardinal had seen before. Another trait stolen in mimicry from Paradox, though I had never been able to match the tone of hatred he managed to glean so beautifully in those winter blue eyes.

Paradox shifted a bit, thin but obnoxiously tall frame situating itself in my path; forcing me to stop. Well damn. Half of me wanted to keep walking, the other half agreed and wondered if I could squirm under my dear pensive brother if I got down on my belly and crawled. In the end I cam to a halt before him, tipping my tawny snout upward to peer at him. "What's been done here, then?" Black lips pulled back, a baring of teeth meant for devils, not me. Paradox's face turned, peering back at his Master; the two women. Carska spoke up finally, lips pinched into a thin line before she breathed a sigh and grimaced in Ayita's general direction.

"All of our shit hit the fan." This Alpha had the oddest voice, all at once gravely and soft. A contradiction, but a strong tune and I could appreciate a woman with a powerful voice. Sticking my tongue out to lick my jaws I nodded. That was a perfectly fine explanation, after all wasn't that the greatest reason for any war? Carska looked up suddenly, as if remembering something before she snarled softly in that ashen chest of hers and padded past me. No explanation was given, though I didn't truly care. Bright eyes followed after her watched that silver maw press aside the dark youth and settled back into her place; back facing the prisoner.

Right then.

Eyes dancing back to the happy, slash that utterly depressing, couple I offered a grin. Ever testing the waters, yes. "You aren't looking so fine, my dear." Eyes bounced to Paradox who didn't comment, though the expression on his ebony face told me he agreed on the mannerisms behind the words. Seating myself with a light swish of a thick tail I tipped my head forward all compassion gone in less then a second. Expressionless eyes roamed the woman's dual painted face, searching. What specifically had caused this? Or was my opinion clouded in the face of my not knowing what normal animals acted like? Paradox moved back to her side, settling quietly, though I could almost hear the protective mutters rumbling through that beautiful mind.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My ears pricked as I heard Carska's response. I couldn't answer better myself. I watched her leave with her words, guarding the man she once called love. I realized, then, that we all lost something. Logan and I lost kin, though he also lost love. Carska and her children now had to fight to find some trust in Bidziil once more. They lost the security they had once had. The innocence.

Her comment made my eyes travel back to her, my ears following the muffled sounds of Paradox's movements. I did not turn a gaze towards him, afraid I would see love there. Paradox was a killed, but not a killer of brothers. "We all fought brothers in this war. I am no worse off." I looked away then, seeing too much of Paradox in the depths of that woman's eyes. I saw no love there, but they looked too familiar that my mind placed the emotion there despite it being someone else.

I laid back down, biting my tongue as it hurt to speak. It had been several days now since I had uttered words, and now this woman comes in and makes me complete sentences. Who was she? I hated her. But, somewhere deep down I knew that was false. I had missed communication, longed for it. This woman, with her disrespect for boundaries, had made me aware of life again. I didn't hate her, I loved her.

And not just because she shares blood with my beloved. As I thought these words, I did what I had refused since the war; I leaned against my Paradox and used him for support. He was my comfort and, though I thought I did not deserve it, I so wanted it.

I needed it.

[I L Y I C H]

He went stiff, face drawing in all the emotions he felt in a second. Shock, uncertainty, self loathing, everything. I could not help but stare at him, brow raised only slightly. Paradox was such an open book at times, it was hard to comprehend how utterly brilliant his deception skills could be. My frame rocked forward, watching in a sort of awe as the murderer went still and quiet against his mate's red side. Contentment was not an expression I had ever seen plastered upon that black mask. Feeling rather like I was intruding, quiet suddenly I stood once more. Again, so odd. Paradox, precious vicious Paradox, settled into comforting this little scarlet beauty. Adorable. I could think of no better reaction. They were utterly adorable. Like a couple of pups that simply couldn't be found apart from one another.

Yet so stubborn. Then again love is found in the like, right? Paradox would never have fallen for a push over. This kid has spunk, and she used it against him. To protect herself it would seem. I have no real concept of time, it's wiring ticking nonsense has always seemed so far from me. Judging how long it took me to respond to the false bravado was beyond me, but one could assume it was no small amount of time. Chocolate brown frame settled into red as easily as the sun set into the waves. Again that inkling feeling, that I was watching something that should not be viewed by me. A pause came, as those winter blue eyes slid shut, away from me and to this woman I knew nothing of.

It seemed almost a betrayal, but I knew better. It was simply an alteration. As I saw my beloved brother as my only, I knew he saw this woman as his love, and I as his sister second. Vibrant blue eyes turned away from the pair, twisting to rest on the game players instead. Something I understood far better then love. Children rushing about in a game of catch. Paws rushed forward, skimming the ground as I came to stand beside the Alpha's likeness, a girl with power. The boy to her other side stiffened upon viewing me, turning to stare at me with blatant mistrust, though he offered a small nod. Odd. These customs. Odd how I didn't understand them. I smiled anyway, prancing past them upon the slim boy's recognition to make a grab for the stick from the center. The black boy who had been sent away by his Mum moved up to me, ocher eyes watching with the concerning mixture of mistrust and welcome.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

The woman said nothing more, but only backed away to join the child's play. My thoughts struck over to Allana, and I momentarily wondered how that child was faring. She had not been on the battle field, but then maybe Helsa had not permitted her. The woman had always been overly protective, but maybe it was for good reason. Her child had been strange.

And so very precious.

"If we have a boy, his name will be Kamautu." I stated it flatly, eyes still vacantly poised upon the child's game. Alonda had been takn aback by Syntax's approach, and she had receded to stand firmly beside Val, as if ready to protect him. Kids grow up. They mature. Life went on as the world forgave. Alonda was living proof. I could only hope my children would not go through the tests that woman had been forced to fail before passing.

Children? Who?

I pulled away from Paradox in a panic. I could not be a mother. I never would. Somewhere deep down I knew that I owed it to my brother to carry on his genes. To allow his blood to continue to run in the viens of a nephew that had a clearer mind than he. But I would corrupt him. No child should endure me as their mother.

I looked to Paradox anxiously, my emotions franticly grasping for some stable ground. "Paradox..." what could I say? Apologize? Spill my remorse? I did neither. I merely tucked my head into his chest, burrowing into the comfort of his pelt. Tell me you love me. Tell me it is going to be okay.

Lie to me with the sweet honey of assurance.

[I L Y I C H]

I could not help the sudden pounding in my heart. Blue eyes remained forward, pretending. I did so love my darling little bird but a part of me thought this a dream. Syntax had returned to me and my precious was wondering over children? A breath came into my lungs a bit heavier then needed, but no other marker of my shock, nor my sudden rampant desire was made evident. My sweet bird was scarred, and I would not hurt her further for my own selfish hopes and wants. Her panic quelled my imaginings further then my thoughts of selfishness ever would, however, and my eyes turned to her in a different sort of panic. Would I loose her over this? My sweet kind lover? A heady gulp pressed saliva anxiously down the back of my throat as I let my ears trail backwards. Ayita was the only one to ever see me in such states; frightened and worried in any state.

I didn't want to show her. Didn't want to worry her over me, but the mask wouldn't slip in place. But it knew her scent and such a smell was connected to safety in it's thoughts. It would not come to shield red riding hood from the big bad wolf. My emotions were getting the best of me and it was all because of one little adorable girl whom I could not help but adore with my entire being. But she did not need my fears. She needed my security. She needed the rock I had always formed for her,and with a loosening heart I provided it to her. "And if we have a girl we will call her Kamao" I added, voice soft as the accent twined patiently into the cords. Dear Kamau, her blood brother. He had bravery under that layer of dementia. He was ill, and that was all. Broken and shattered. But he had been brave in the end. He had held his frothing fury at bay despite his sickness. I would forever respect him for that.

Kamau and his butchered face would never leave our hearts. Not now. Shifting into her abrupt touch I curled my jaw down atop her scarlet skull. "It's alright my love." I spoke roughly, the words themselves soft but the tears trapped behind them not so much. years it had been sense I had shed a tear and here I sat, wrapped about Ayita fighting tears for her dead brother and the idea of children. "We're okay" I had no idea what to say. No clue how to comfort. My soft hands were lost to callouses and dried blood. I could not right this wrong. I could not heal her, but god dammit I would try. "We're okay."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

The man hadn't judged me. He had said we could name a girl Kamao. He wouldn't forbid my brother his right to be remembered. It reasurred me, but scared me all the same. Children. Mine. Paradox's. How had I found Paradox? Dripping with blood? Innocent as I was, I had helped a murderer and fallen in love.

Then I became a murderer myself.

What chance did children have in a world where their parents left trials of scarlet life behind them? They would drowned in the conditional love we had to offer. Conditional? Had it been conditional? Paradox may be true, he had not loved those he had killed. But my devotion to Kamau had been slit simply out of convience sake. A mother doesn't take the easy way out, or else she will simply kill her children. Would I be the crazy woman that makes her children die because she doesn't think they're worth it?

It scared me that I couldn't give myself assurance, or find any in Paradox's touch.

But as the man whispered sweet warmth into my ears, I found my tension fleeing. Where I lacked, my Paradox gained. The children would be raised by him to be gentleman and ladies. He had proven it with Allana. I fought to meet his gaze, pushed my snout to his. "Paradox, don't let me hurt anyone else. Promise me." That was all I needed, two simple words.

Just promise me.

[I L Y I C H]

Earnest truth obvious in my gaze I looked her in the eyes and parted my ebony jaws. "I swear to you Ayita. I swear that I will always protect you from the harshness that is our way. Forever and always. I swear it with these words and with my heart." An intake of breath followed, the whisper almost soundless beside the expanding of my inky chest walls. Ayita was my darling little bird, and had once been so innocent. If this is what she needed, an oath to save her from her nightmares, then this is what I would gladly provide. Winter blue eyes looked upon her dual hued face with devotion, and a depth of seriousness that would not allow my words to be questioned. What I spoke was truth, for I hardly ever lied. Not any more. She had cured me of that ailment. Another small breath was taken before with utmost seriousness I spoke up in turn.

"Little bird you must promise me as well. Should I snap and loose myself I beg of you to save me. I am bloodied and broken I know, but to loose what is left of my sanity I can not take." I pressed the darkness of my muzzle against the pureness of her own, eyes begging and true. This was our blood pact, and I was sure in the depths of my once shattered heart that it would never be broken. "I would loose you, and I could not stand that." I could not stand it. To loose my precious would be to loose my heart itself. To loose sanity. To loose the future. Did she know how close I had been to suicide before she had come, a ray of light into the dimness? I did not know, but I hoped she understood. As she loved me I loved her. With my heart my mind my soul. With everything. Forever and always.