Little Tyrants [bhu]

[I L Y I C H]

Blood dripped in thick rivulets out of the wound and I snarled around the fur in my jaws. The beast had come out of no where and with little provocation all but tried to rip out my throat. It was gone now, phantomed away in a violent sparring of mud and white paws. The reek of the original pack bubbled all over it and I recognized Scox under the layer of fury. He'd always been an odd man, but he was so quiet and simple. I wouldn't have expected it to be the old man who came after me for my treachery. Yet he had gone again, apparently scared off my my quick reaction and the lack of fur and flesh along the side of his shoulder. It did him good at least. The little fucker.

My shoulder was wide open, my body not having moved out of the way of snapping volatile jaws in time. Perhaps the fur had protected my throat just above the wounds but it wasn't quite as thick along the shift of bone and muscle. Above the layer of pain and the outrage at not being allowed to make my own damn decisions about my life I felt panic. Absolute all consuming panic. I needed to find the bastard before he found anyone else, but I hadn't seen where he'd gone. It had all happened to fast, and Skoll dammit that wasn't an excuse! Rains pattered down hard, perhaps not as thick as the previous days but enough to make tracking all but impossible.

It didn't matter. Scox's off white hair would be easy enough to spot in the winding yellow grasses while mine was almost impossible to notice. Jaws clamped together and fangs bared to their roots I stormed forward. I would find him. I had to. No one would get hurt because I had led the fucker here. In all honesty the aging folami had probably simply wandered here. He was too violent. Lost to his thoughts almost gone from reality. He wouldn't be the one ordered to find me. It was doubtful anyone even wanted to find me. No, Scox was simply wandering on his own. Hunting maybe. Found me by chance and reacted the way he always did. With a show of his teeth and when I had stepped towards the rattlesnake it had struck.

Never the less I was still gonna find him and chase the little psychopath off before he got his nose anywhere near the Office. The office. Apparently Geoff had found it funny to use human terms for our little glade. In the week sense my joining up I had been keenly informed off all the stupid little titles and funny names the lot had for not only each other and their group but a massive amount of items. It was adorable and intriguing and I would give anything to protect it. There was no reason for Scox's ugly inky claws to grip ahold of it. It was mine.

So I limped my way forward going back towards home hoping that the alabaster beast had gone elsewhere in his hectic running away from me. It would be far simpler, and jesus he had torn a good chunk out of me. With the depth of the wound combined with the rain it still hadn't stopped bleeding and though I knew I ought to be worried I couldn't really bring myself to care. Paranoia was a bit of a problem of mine and I knew I wouldn't be able to sit still until I had done a complete sweep. It was necessary and entirely vital. For my sanity and for Achievement Hunter's own good. A stupid gory cut could wait its damn turn.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I could tell that Gavin smelled it, too, the blood. He had, without a word, changed the direction slightly to head towards it. My stomach twisted. I was not so much afraid what stood at the end of the scent trail, but of what Ryan or Geoff would do if they knew we were heading towards it. Ryan had relaxed since Joel's arrival, letting me prove to him I was actually an adult now. Him and Joel had become friends, and I guess some of Joel's personality was rubbing off on him. He appreciated the man's nerdy nature that knew things a folami shouldn't know. Ryan had been dragged into Joel's world, and I knew he would soon be just as flamboyant about the passions he was learning about. I loved watching the two interact, but I had began to keep my distance since that first day. Ryan had commented that night that I needed to remember Joel was much older than me, I had to take it easy. He also said, as kind as he could, that eventually the man would become annoyed if I clung too much. As much as I hated being treated like a child, the way Ryan said it sympathetically, I believed him. So I had only spoken with Joel in passing, pushing away the thoughts and emotions and heat from that first day. One night had been cold and I had gone and used Joel as a blanket, but I justified it as me being a heat leach. I would not tell anyone that it was really because I wanted to be close to him, to touch him. I had distracted myself by sticking close to Michael and Gavin, but it had been clear some of my spark was gone, that I wasn't really there fulltime. I would over hear Ryan laughing at something Joel said and my stomach would twist into hot magma. Jealousy. I fucking hated the thing.

Shaking away the thoughts, I returned to the present. Gavin had slowed in his pace, and I quickly matched the new speed. He glanced over his shoulder and down at me, his eyes concerned. The man was receptive. Though his attention was largely on Michael these past few days, my lack of true interest in everything we were doing had not gone unnoticed. Even now he had sense my mind was a million miles away, and his eyes questioned whether we should turn back or not. He did not want to lead me into what could potentially be a dangerous encounter if I wasn't going to be focused. I shrugged him on, offering a light smile of encouragement. I was back to reality. Joel and I were old news. I had to leave it in the trash-bin and forget about it. "One of the scents is awfully familiar..." His voice trailed off as he turned his focus back to the shrubby plants and grasses in front of us. I lifted my own snout to the air and picked through the taint of blood.

"Joel..." It whispered past my lips and Gavin's ears immediately flicked towards me a second before his eyes carried back over to mine. A question was there once more. Gavin had a knowing look in his eye as he came to an abrupt halt. Had I said something more than the older man's name? I replayed it in my head but there was nothing that could set Gavin's alarms off. He faced me and lowered his head, pushing his nose to my forehead, eyes downcasted. Was that understanding in his gaze?

"It doesn't smell too serious. I am going to go hunt by the ocean. You can follow me, or..." I trailed off, glancing over his shoulder quickly in the direction Joel's scent was coming from. I shrugged as if I didn't care, or didn't understand what he was getting at. The man looked at me sadly. "The heart is an arse, and it hurts that one can't control it. Believe me, I know." Then the man whispered off, leaving me stunned for a second before I tossed away his words. Gavin had no idea. He couldn't. The man was a british buffoon. I shook off the uncertainty and started after Joel's scent. Once I was sure I had left some distance between me and the retreating white moron, I dared to call out softly.

"Joel? You okay?" My ears stood as I waited for an answer, continuing to walk after the fading smell. Another dog had been here, but I did not know its scent. My heart fluttered in a hint of panic. "Joel?" My voice wavered, displaying my concerned terror. But I moved on. I would not leave the man to fight alone.

His battles were my own.

[I L Y I C H]

Ears lifted from their aggressive poster, tuning rapidly into the call I could hear. Focusing on the voice with a small part of terror beginning to bubble up. A part of me wanted to scream at him to shut up shut up shut up. Attracting attention to himself when I knew he could smell the blood. My paws turned towards that voice, plaintive and worried as it ran through the air. I slopped towards the noise. Towards Ray. Had to protect Ray. He'd been avoiding me after that first day, and I assumed it was his way of backing off. Not wanting anything more then silly flirting before he got bored. That was besides the point. The fact that it had upset me more then it ought to wasn't the point. Ray was in complete danger the entire time he was out here, throwing his voice into the wind like it wouldn't attract anything hunting in the area.

Nose raised into the scent tracks I approached rapidly, not making any effort to drop the sheer amount of aggression off of my frame. I could still smell the man ghosting around somewhere his trail offset by rain water. Scox was still here and it only made my paws work faster despite the pain it sent lancing up my leg into the ripped apart shoulder. Teeth bared to their roots and body all but twice it's normally size with the way my fur was fluffed up I erupted out of the grass and all but ran down the smaller folami. My snarl died in my throat rapidly, lips dropping in favor of shoving my face against Ray's and pushing. "Go. Move. We're leaving right now." I knew he was trained, he had some of the skills. I knew he was an adult and just as strong if not more powerful then me. It didn't fucking matter. Ray wasn't getting hurt on my watch.

Moving rapidly around him, situating myself at the slightly shorter man's side I shoved again. moving back towards home. Safety in numbers. The blood leaking out of my body had begun to slow, the strands thickening in my heavy pelt as I moved. Not that it did much more when the heavy pace I was trying to set just forced more out of the wound. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that it was bone deep. Gonna be a shit to heal properly, but it was better then the little fucker having actually gotten ahold of my throat. That would have been atrocious. It would have been Ray who found my dead or dying. It sent a shudder of horror up my spine and I all but stuck myself to his side, thicker fur all but absorbing the rain off of his smoother coat. Not that I could really pay attention to it.

Every fiber of my being was on alert. Burning. This was my use. This was what I had always done. Last time had ended with the removal of myself from my home, but my little girl had been safe. I didn't care at this point if Ray got upset with me. Didn't care if he didn't want to be treated like a child, because that wasn't was this was about. Herding him back home was keeping him safe. Was keeping him from harm and thats all I could do. My teeth swiftly pulled back into a snarl, half from pain and half because I knew Scox was watching us. I could all but fell those dirty ocher eyes on me. Fur lifted high along my spine as I limped heavily away. In ward. Geoff would rip him a new one even if I couldn't. The man was massive and it was made quite obvious that he had been trained properly on more then one front.

As helpful as that would be until the little fuck head stepped right into our path. I pulled up short, swinging straight in front of Ray without a second thought muscles bunched. The off white devil didn't do anything but tilt his head to the side, the crimson of my blood spatter across his muzzle just making it look that more disturbed. He was bleeding just as heavily as me though, if the spreading splotch on his dirty back was of any consideration. Pride winked lightly through the fury. Scox didn't make any move to advance and I made no move to go around him, trying with all my might to fight the urge to just leap on him. He looked more curious then anything else. Which was creepy as all hell but what the fuck did I know? The man shuffled on his paws, odder still. The look on his face went from curious to mildly upset. "Lion." He said the word punctually. Obviously expecting me to know what the fuck he was referring to. "You use to be in the pack. Lucifer liked you."

I didn't relax and it made my shoulder burn like a moe foe but I wouldn't be the one caught off guard by some weird behavior. "Yes" I answered thickly, eying the folami like the snake it was. Wait. "You thought I was a fucking lion?" At least he had the fucking grace to look embarrassed. A shrug was all I got, though the wince at the end made me a bit happier. This beast was older then me. Older the Geoff. It was quite apparent in the way he shifted and spoke that he was in fact old. Not mine old, but truly elderly and while a part of me was bitterly annoyed that he had lived this long the other half began to feel a steady stream of guilt. Old people didn't heal very fast. The man sat down abruptly though, and I locked my focus back on the reality of the situation. There was a very large very dangerous mad man sat in front of me frowning about like he wasn't entirely sure what was going on and I had no fucking clue how to deal with this.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I winced as the man was suddenly upon me, herding me in the way a folami pack would lead a pride of lions to a cliff edge. I contemplated putting on my breaks, thought about demanding him to shut up and let me look at the wound on his shoulder, but I just let him move me. I stumbled beside him, confused and perhaps a little bit scared. I found myself reaching my head around as we moved back towards home in silent grace, eying the wound as a cold horror crept through my chest. Bones were not supposed to be visible. If I wasn't so terrified, maybe I would have realized that there was a fair amount of foreign blood scent around, too. But I was terrified. Though, more than that, I was angry.

By the time the attacker presented himself, the fur on my spine was on end and my muscles were tense. I let Joel come in front of me at first, his body slightly taller than mine so it made sense. But as they exchanged heated words, I could see this dog was beyond logic. It did not matter that Joel was larger than me, it would not intimidate this mutt. I pushed myself to be beside Joel, as his equal, the top of my head level with his forehead. My chest was bulkier and maybe I was stronger, but I didn't know or care. I would not cower behind him--it was no longer fury at being treated like a child that made my pride win out, it was simply that I would not let this man get hurt.

I glared in hot fury at the off-white monster sitting peculiarly in front of us. A could feel a low growl creeping up my throat, the vibration going throughout my entire body. I had been trained for a short time before my human had helped me escape by giving her own life. I knew how to fight, I had always just chosen not to. Here and now, though, I wanted nothing more then to rip out the beast's throat. He had hurt Joel. My Joel. Ryan had expanded upon what I had already been taught in training, though him and I were different body shapes so he had had to alter moves to some degree. My muscles were well-tuned, kept in shape by Gavin's constant brawls and Ryan's persistent 'have to keep you ready, just in case' sessions. I would kill this man.

I stood with my chest broad, Ryan having said I had a strong enough looking build to make a lot of dogs second guess. Second guessing leads to mistakes. Something about the individual made me believe that he would not be someone to question anything, but it was a habit I was not about to drop. "Joel, I can take him. I won't let him get away with hurting you." My tone was dead, no playful spark or flirtatious undertone, just a deep fury that went all the way down to my gut. They had been in the pack together, and this stranger was not currently attacking, though, so I could not bring myself to fight him without Joel's permission. If Joel jumped in ahead of me, I would do everything in my power to knock him to the side and take care of this on my own.

I suddenly realized that I could not think of anything more terrifying then losing him.

[I L Y I C H]

Scox rocked on his paws, head tilted to the side as if the motion was perpetual. Constantly perplexed. I curled my lip, fur bristling uncomfortably with Ray out from behind my protective form. Sure the kid wasn't weak. He didn't need my protection. It was me that needed to protect him. I was older and more experienced. I knew this dog and knew the way his teeth meticulously picked apart his opponents. I didn't want to think about what he could do to Ray if he set his mind to it. Scox was a gargantuan monster. He didn't need the weight he lacked because even without it the man was still massive. My eyes lanced across the bloody white canvas searching violently for a place to bite down that would remove the bastard from his perch before us. Of course he beat me to the punch, he always had. The sociopath always seemed to be one step ahead, his paws situated neatly across the chest board in the way that best suited him.

Casting a wary look to the sky he turned his snout slightly. Away. back towards his own home, or whatever he liked to refer to the place he laid his head at night. Scox didn't seem the type of man who called any place home. "Yes. Lion. I am off" He spoke in a stutter, voice carding uncertainly and cold through the air. It was in shock that I watched him move off, turning his damaged side to us and simply wandering away. And that was exactly what it was as I kept my eyes on him, all but trembling to stop myself form attacking his back. Scox all but got distracted before he was out of eye line and jogged more rapidly forward. It was at that point that paranoia got the best of me. Head lashing up I turned in a tight circle around Ray.

"What the fuck were you thinking he could have torn us both apart." He could only have torn me apart if you were safe behind me. It wouldn't be an issue then. Panic had bubbled up and I cut it back violently trying to fix it with anxiety. Not that it worked. "I got hurt. Doesn't mean I want you getting torn up too you dumb ass." I was bristling. I shuddered the torn muscle for emphasis, ignoring the vicious sting aside from a low hiss. I wanted to keep Ray safe, and he'd all but flung himself in fury at a much bigger older and more experienced opponent. Because he'd bitten me. I relaxed slowly with that thought. Not completely. Not enough to be caught off guard if my old pack mate returned. But enough that I looked at Ray with apologetic eyes and a small frown. "Sorry. I shouldn't be mad at you for trying to protect me." I sighed thickly, finally giving into the urge to press a quick painful tongue across my aching shoulder.

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[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I let one paw follow after the man as he retrieved, but I made no further motion towards him. My eyes followed him until I could no longer see him, and then they stayed focused for some time after. Even as Joel started talking, I glared into the distance, waiting, expecting the psychotic white demon to come back and try to steal Joel from me again. I would kill him, or at least try. The man could not go unpunished for what he had done. I knew Joel could not have been the one to start the fight, so that man had to suffer. What if Joel's shoulder never healed? What if he had actually chipped the bone? The very thought dragged my focus back to the man that had circled tightly around me. His shoulder, I had to see his shoulder. The words coming from his mouth hit me and my eyes narrowed.

“I can handle my own. What I won't do is just stand there and watch you get hurt." There was heat to my tone, but it was said quietly. I hid the uncertainty that wanted so desperately to break free. Was this man here saying this because of my age? Had Ryan rubbed off on him? I could feel my heart shutter at the thought of it. I did not want this man to view me as a child. I would do anything to keep me an adult in his eyes. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I wouldn't be angry at Joel for seeing me as a pup like I always was with Ryan, just hurt. Hurt and maybe even a little bit heartbroken.

I found myself pushing my face deep into the fur on Joel's good shoulder, closing my eyes so he couldn't see how much of an emotional wreck I was at the moment. Anger was something foreign to me, and so was concern and fear. Maybe I was a child, the way I bounced around trying to be happy despite the way the world hated joy. Perhaps I should just sit down and be terrified, depressed, and downright pissed off like everyone else. Would I be an adult then? Was glee really child's play? I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Gavin was losing a small amount of his bounce, perhaps he was finally growing up. I guess I should follow his lead. But it was foreign to me, I only knew how to be happy.

When his apology reached my ears I found myself pulling back and meeting his gaze. I just stared at him, gaze heavy and mouth in a soft frown, face sad, but calculating. I chew on words, swallowed them, tried to find better words, swallowed them again. I had spent a week avoiding this man because I didn't want him to hate me. All that work could be thrown away right here and now. Or I could shrug it off and be responsible, saying we needed to get back to camp and hope someone knew what to do about that wound. I watched him lick his wound once, which did very little. I could not tell if it was still bleeding or not--the rain made it so all the blood stayed wet and fresh looking. My gaze stayed on the injury for a second.

“I'm sorry. Maybe it was silly of me and he could have killed me, but at the moment, nothing scared me more than the thought of losing you." I turned away and grabbed a leaf off a young tree and placed it gingerly on the wound. I knew it would sting, but I softly swiped it around distractedly, not even realizing the indications I had just made known with my statement. I had to get the blood off so I could see the wound. Or maybe I was just keeping my brain occupied. Either way, my movements were quick but soft, trying to press down lightly, and yet attempting to go it as quickly as possible. Anger and fear and depression could wait--I was only happy Joel was going to be okay.

If that made me a child, then so be it.

[I L Y I C H]

I fought to flatten out my fur, trying to calm myself down so the adrenaline would slow. I didn't know how bad the wound was because I couldn't quite feel it. "You think I want to see you get snapped at either? I was already hurt." not that it really justified it. My emotions fighting to finish their little freak out over the very idea that Ray had been anywhere near the line of fire. But he had a point, and if his mind was going in the same rapid beating circles as mine then I had no right to justify my own panic. Suppose we'd both have to just finish freaking out together. Later. Not here. I bunched my muscles up, trying to ignore the odd way the injured shoulder didn't completely respond. We had to leave. Before Scox decided he wasn't in fact bored. I wasn't able to take a single stop however before Ray all but hid himself against me.

I went still, calmed almost instantly by the weight and familiar weight. I hadn't commented that single night when Ray did not ignore my presence. Providing warmth had been my excuse but I had enjoyed the presence tucked so close to me. It was familiar. Comforting. Anxiety was a constant for me, but I could ignore it in these moments. Raze it away with the quietly building calm. Life was simple when you could just focus on the people around you. On the person pressed up against you. I let out a low sigh after a long moment, muscles going lax as I gave in to comfort over fear. Body curling automatically I took on the role I was best at. "Hey it's alright I'm fine." Fine was maybe a bit wrong but hey I wasn't in danger of dying currently. That was good wasn't it?

Settling my chin on his head I gave a low huff of air, trying to heat up what I was sure was chilled skin under Ray's too short fur. Carefully avoiding ruffling his crown I stayed their enjoying his presence. When the smaller man eventually pulled away I settled myself down carefully on my haunches. Ray wanted a good look at the wound which wasn't that big of a surprise. I'd really like to see how bad it was too. It was hard to walk on and that alone was enough of a worry to me. So I sat still, fighting back the winces as his half frantic touches began to awaken the pain pulsing through my flesh. Sat still until I thought the area was mostly clean. Swinging my head around I pressed my muzzle to his, shifting it away.

"I'm ok" I spoke softly, words trying to comfort. "I'm not even that badly hurt." I rolled the shoulder for emphasis. It still moved when I wanted it to. The blood was wet still against the depth of it but no longer flowing freely. I would be find. "Nothing to worry about." I kept my face close to his, expression careful and protective. "What do you think I would have done if he'd jumped you? I wasn't going to let that happen."

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[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I wanted to say his return touch brought me comfort, but I knew the panic was still there. I shivered despite it all, but I was uncertain the cause. I was cold, I guess, but more numb than anything. I think it was pleasure that dominated my mind, doing its best to snuff out the trailing of unease over the situation. Scox could return. Joel was hurt. We were touching. My heart was going a mile a minute. I hadn't wanted to pull away and clean his wound, I didn't want to ruin the perfection by reminding myself of his injury, but I had to. I had to.

There was a large part of me that felt guilty about his trying to comfort me. Me. He was the one who had gotten attacked and now had bone visible. I was selfish. I drank it in because it felt good to have the soft touches and hear the gentle tones. For a second I found myself pretending it wasn't from uncle to nephew. That was what this man had to be to me, but right here I could pretend it was different. I could imagine that life was good.

Not badly hurt my ass. I held my tongue, not wanting to point out that infection could turn his 'fineness' into something terrible. The rain would keep it clean for now. There was no need to rush. He could stand. I found my eyes traveling up his snout until they found his own gaze. I remained locked in it, letting the fantasy live again. My brain couldn't help but pretend this was more than just the friend of my father being concerned over the little puppy. If everyone wanted to treat me like a child, then I had a right to my imagination. Children make up worlds all the time.

"Yeah, Ryan would kill you if you didn't jump in after me, I guess." I let my imagination come to an abrupt halt as I responded with a heavy tone. I had to keep my feet on the ground, head out of the clouds, lest I come crashing back down afterwards and get even more hurt. I looked away from him, forcing myself to turn. "Guess we should go home. Someone might know what to put on that." I flicked me tail towards the wound but I did not look at him. My words wavered, choked at the end, so I could not look at him. Just the ground met my eyes as I prepared to walk home.

Prepared to step from my fantasies and plummet into the reality.

[I L Y I C H]

My attempts at comfort died swiftly, hidden behind a small frown as the younger man spoke again. Ray's voice was wrong and it made my skin crawl. Watching him from the distance of Ryan's side had set it in my mind that this guy was care free. He didn't give two shits about what people thought about him. I could see it in the way he acted. The way he played. I'd wanted to join in but he'd been all but avoiding me. I'd wanted to snatch away some small bit of that joy. Steal just a small fraction of it. I craved it, and yet he had suddenly reappeared beside me with his voice wrong and his tail drooping. So maybe being attracted to Ray was a bit out of the norm. Maybe it was weird and a little bit creepy. But uncertainty didn't really have a place in the complete wrongness of my current situation.

I guess I hadn't really known this guy for any longer then a week but that didn't really matter. Shit happened. People liked each other. Maybe it was just a crush but I was more then happy to follow it for the potential. At least I was willing to. Ray seemed to have been put off by my stupid flirtatious behavior that first day. He'd been avoiding me I reminded my day dreaming mind, cutting myself off for a change. "I would kill me if I hadn't jumped in" The words came out far more aggressive then I meant them to, or thought they might. I hadn't really thought them out very well. "No. We aren't going anywhere just yet." I leaned back forward. Back into his personal space, maybe a fraction closer then was entirely necessary.

"Look man if I freaked you out I'm sorry but you've been avoiding me and it's really bugging me." I lifted a paw, all but flailing it and the rest of my body for emphasis. I'd never been able to sit still while I spoke, especially when I was deeply involved in what was being discussed. I stood up and placed myself in front of him rocking on my paws as I did so ignoring the sharpness of torn muscles. His voice bothered me in a deep way, cutting in it's lack of emotion. Wasn't that what Ray was? An over abundance of emotion? Carelessness was not the same thing as immaturity. I bristled unhappily, pressing my face back against his frowning loudly in the rain. "I like you. I want to protect you. If I pissed you off I'm sorry but I'd really prefer you to not just avoid me completly. I'll stop doing, ah this." I backed away at that, putting a good three feet between us before I went on. "Sorry."

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[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I froze, considering his words, not letting myself look at him. It wasn't until he was in front of me, touching me, that I let myself believe this was actually happening. It wasn't the imagination refusing to give up without a fight, this was real. Joel was pushing his forehead to mine and I could smell him, feel his breath blowing against my barely covered skin. I didn't know what to say, so I just locked my gaze to his, drank in the aroma of this not-as-unattainable-as-I-once-thought man. When he pulled away I all but growled in disapproval. No, he wasn't allowed to step back away from me. Not after that.

The words all finally clicked in and I realized he had made distance for me.

"Don't." It was all I could muster as I moved forward and shoved my snout into the long hairs along his neck. Perhaps the force was more violent then it needed, but I had refrained for too long now. I had denied myself the contact as much as I could manage, knowing it was wrong. Wait, scratch that, I didn't care if it was wrong. I never had. I didn't even believe that it was. But I believed Joel had. Ryan had said it. A grimace curved across my face, hidden into the man's fur. I pulled away and looked up at him. "I didn't want to be a burden." My voice was soft, pleading, as I demanded the man's eyes. "The world says I shouldn't like you, and I thought maybe you wouldn't approve. I thought it would make things awkward because you're Ryan's friend and--" I paused and bit down on the inside of my cheek, stopping myself from talking anymore. Age was just a number, but the world thought it was so much more. Ryan thought it was so much more.

"I really like you, Joel, but is that okay?" Perhaps it should have come out heavier, maybe even a little tearful, but I couldn't. Joel had said he liked me, and nothing could keep my lips from curving into a shy smile as that statement danced around in my head.

The world could suck it for a minute while I ran my victory laps.

[I L Y I C H]

I rocked back on my heels with the force of Ray's rebuttal to my moving away. Going still for a moment I wasn't entirely sure how to react. I mean, he'd been avoiding me all week hadn't he? I'd been under the impression I had freaked him out. I know I would have been at least a little creeper out as a younger guy to get hit on by anyone let alone a man twice my age. Not that it would have lasted very long. Not if I had found said man attractive. Maybe I was a bit of a flirt, or a man-whore as my old stupid friends liked to refer to me. Smile brushing up on my lips I all but grinned in reaction. Ray hadn't been avoiding me because I was a creeper then? Chuckling at the stupid shit that my mind came up with I passed my tongue across his ears almost playfully. Maybe it was a bit soon to get touchy, but that was my MO. Maybe not in front of other people, open affection like that freaked me out, but I'd always had a problem with obnoxious amounts of cuddling in any form.

I perked my ears when he pulled back my mind still spiraling down the track of interests. I'd always had that problem. Especially at the start of new... relationships? Is that what we were gonna call this? Or was it just some shit that was currently happening? Blinking down at Ray I dropped my grin and frowned thickly at the younger folami. "Why would you be a burden?" I arched a brow, flicking my tail as I lifted one paw to nudge one of Ray's legs. "Society can go fuck itself" I added brightly after a moment, grin returning. I might be an anxious mess, and maybe it worried me a little bit about what others would think of us I didn't much care myself. You couldn't help who you liked. And besides I wasn't at all concerned about myself int hose terms. My worry stemmed from the idea that Ray would be hurt in some way by the perception.

"You and Ryan aren't a package deal, Ray" I offered, voice falling back into a comforting lull. Trying to calm the other man's worries. We could do this, if he wanted to. I was game for trying my hand at this. Labels and numbers and what not had never really meant much to me in the long run. Though a part of me did feel a small bit of worry. Maybe this wasn't the best thing for Ray. He was young. He had opportunity. He could find himself a much younger much nicer little thing. But my selfishness reared it's ugly head and I shooed the thoughts away. "You aren't a child." I added, narrowing my eyes mischievously. Okay so maybe that was taking it a bit to far. I leaned back, calming my expression and trying to still the excitement bubbling in my gut in response to having Ray's attention in this way. And here I had thought I was going to have to stare after the adorable asshole from afar.

I smiled in response to his question, not really focusing on the last bit all to inthralled in his confession. As small as it was it set a warm curve on my lips. I forced myself to be a bit more serious, turning my focus away from 'i really like you' to his attempts to fix whatever perceptions and worries he had built up. Hell that we had both built up. Eyes trailing over that shy smile I leaned forward touching my nose to his playfully. "If this is what you want then it's alright. Of course it is."

[/justify][/size]

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Every word made me shiver. Every fucking word. I did not feel the need to answer his question. He could probably guess it was Ryan behind my self-conscious belief that I’d be a burden. I loved the man, he had given me shelter despite his paranoia and inexperience with younger dogs. He had no obligation to me, and yet I felt confident he would throw himself in front of a bullet for me. He would protect me at the cost of himself and the whole of Achievement Hunters. I knew that. I loved him for it.

But I had always felt a little smothered.

Everyone saw me as Ryan’s kid. I was Ryan’s child. Well, I wasn’t. I had found Ryan and forced myself into his life. Yes, he had let me enter it, but he had not made me feel wholly welcome at first. That first night he had kept moving away from me whenever I tried to lay in contact with him. It wasn’t until I started to shiver uncontrollably during the second night that he had finally let me curl into him. It wasn’t until he realized I wasn’t going anywhere and that I could die that he finally decided he would help me. He had not adopted me, I had adopted him. I did not regret it. Sometimes maybe I said I did, but I didn’t mean it. Still, no one knew the real story. I was Ryan’s kid--the little boy he had found and taken in on his own good will. I hadn’t even been all that young when Ryan and I had met. A puppy, perhaps, but not young enough to even get into the habit of calling Ryan dad. I remember being a little frustrated when he had introduced me to Geoff and Jack as ‘his son’. So frustrated that, throwing forward a child-like smile, I had actually butted into their conversation and said ‘yeah, he adopted me a week ago, awesome guy, right?’ I didn’t have the heart to crush him by pointing out I had adopted him. He seemed to take too much pride in thinking he had done something good with his life. And he had. I would have been dead by now if not for him.

But father or not, the man needed to let me start making my own decisions.

My eyes widened as something in my brain clicked. Ryan was not my father. Not my father. He only had control over me because I let him. I let him fish his paws into my brain and control what I do. I let his words influence me. I tried to make his beliefs my own. I was my own worst enemy. If I showed restraint here, it would be because of me, not Ryan. Or maybe a little bit Ryan. I was afraid he might hurt Joel. Because Ryan did think he was my father, and if he thought there was a chance I would be hurt, he would act. Despite my protests. Despite Geoff’s protest. Despite the protests of anyone, Ryan would hurt Joel if he deemed him a threat to me. Because Ryan loved me. My eyes dropped and I sat down, feeling my heart lurch as the movement broke my nose-to-nose contact with this man. Ryan loved me and here I was about to openly wave around something that would hurt him. If he didn’t hurt Joel, then he would simply be in quiet pain watching me leave him behind as I fall head-over-heals into this man in front of me. If he did hurt Joel, Ryan would lose everything--his only friends (Geoff, Jack, and Joel)....and his son. Because I am his son. No matter what I had just decided, I was Ryan’s child. Blood doesn’t make a family, love does.

“I want this, Joel. But...” My voice was heavy and I refused to look up from the dirt at my paws. I wasn’t fooling myself, I more than wanted this--I needed it. I needed his quiet voice making me feel like an adult, his soft touches letting me know I am deeply adored. I wanted everything. I wanted to be Ryan’s little boy, but I also wanted to Joel’s man. “Can we keep it a secret? Can we keep us a secret? Just until I get this figured out.” I looked up at him, pleading in my eyes. I stood up and pushed my nose back to his, concern in my eyes. But there was love there, too. “I am not ashamed of us, Joel, but I don’t want to have to choose between you and...” I didn’t have to say Ryan’s name, I knew Joel would understand who I was referring to. I didn’t think anyone else in Achievement Hunters would judge us too harshly.

In fact, I didn’t even think Ryan would judge...if it wasn’t me that was being courted by the older man.

[I L Y I C H]

I nodded agreeing without a fight. He was worried about what Ryan would do in response. Didn't want to break any bonds and I understood. What we were doing wasn't exactly socially acceptable, and even if it was I found it hard to believe Ryan would even not have an issue with his kid dating anyone. Let alone me. "We'll take as long as you need" I pressed my tongue comfortingly across his jaw. Trying to soothe. It didn't upset me in the slightest. I wasn't really one for public displays of affection anyway. Having Ray be mine was worth giving up some little bit of openness about us.