Words are just birds [bhu]

[I L Y I C H]

You know this wasn't how I had pictured this day going. It had started off so quiet. The rain was only misting for once instead of the torrential downpour that seemed almost constant out here on the open plains. It gave the ground time to breath between it's water boarding. Mud even stiffened up a bit. All in all a good day. The clouded leopard had come out of no where. Literally. He'd come out of the grasses completely camouflaged which was funny as I didn't think clouded leopards were savannah animals. Guess spots were sort of universal. Not to mention he'd all but leaped straight out of upwind and I'd had no time to side step before the much smaller creature had catapulted himself straight into my chest. Which was all fine and dandy. I'd helped the started feline back to it's paws which I assumed would end with him sprinting off again. He'd obviously been hunting and Skoll knew no one liked to get the shit scared out of them when they thought they were concentrating.

He hadn't stopped fucking yelling sense his fucking eyes locked on me.

So I stood ears flat back against the top of my skull and glared down at the furious little thing and tried my hardest to tell myself that snapping his neck was not a good way to make him shut the fuck up. Those sharp amber eyes dug right into my own and in the end I lost my temper in a much calmer way then I would have even a couple of months prior. "You ran into me you stupid fucking douche bag!" Any amount of civility in me waned completely as the man simply bushed up his tail and kept right on glaring at me. Which was idiotic to the extreme. I absolutely reeked of Vea Apxn. I was twice his size. My teeth were bared to their roots and though I must admit his own fangs were impressive there was nothing there that would save his life if I had any inclination to kill him. Not that I did. I would hold my temper if it killed me. I had a reputation to keep up. If I went around killing everything that pissed me off I would have to destroy a massive portion of the earth's population.

The leopard was looking at me and reacting to me with very folami like gestures. Ingrained things. Behavioral mechanisms taught to children through mimicry. It was obvious he was much like Abeni in his upbringing at least at a certain point. It worried me a fraction, but I couldn't dredge up much sympathy at this point. My ears were practically on fire. "You should have been able to move but I guess they don't make folami like they use to. Fucking prick stepping right into a hunting path." That didn't even make any fucking sense. The snarl that tore out from between my teeth was far more exasperated then actually mad. I couldn't be mad at that sort of stupidity. I obviously wasn't that young and it was evident at this point that this man was just pulling shit out of thin air. Some stupid attempt to keep arguing. Groaning I glared down at him trying to back away but he just fucking followed me.

"Back the fuck off! Your the size of my fucking torso you really think this is a good idea?" A part of me was almost proud of the guy. The other half was too pissed to do anything but think about how much fun it would be to tear his head off his shoulders. Gleefully. I would do it gleefully. I stood stiff realizing backing away from the argument wasn't going to do shit. He'd just keep storming after me. "Your a fucking leopard! You actually fucking evolved so shit like me wouldn't see you and your trying to say shit like that?" At least that seemed to bring him up short. Those amber eyes widened for a second before he cast an almost sheepish look at his sides. "For Skoll's sake."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I was getting much too old for this shit, and so was he. When I had agreed to hang around this man, it was so I could have a companion and also because I did, in fact, want to play guardian. I want to be a knight fighting dragons for the princess and all that shit. But this? This wasn’t the first time my ‘princess’ had gone and walked up to a dragon and flipped it off. The dog hadn’t been hostile at first. I could hear from my hunting position a few hundred feet away, only pushed a short distance into the treeline along the plains.The dog would have taken in calmly and laughed it off, but Gus had decided it had been much too long since he had last gotten into a fight...even though we argued daily. Wasn’t I enough? Wasn’t it an ego-feeder enough that I typically bowed under his fury, much less stubborn than him? Nope, I wasn’t a challenge anymore. I get the guy was raised by folami and didn’t know how to act like a cat but, come on, he knew he was a cat physcially...and fucking small breed at that.

Abandoning the rabbit--it had been so close! I could have ended its life with just a few more silent pawsteps!--I spun around and made my way to race in the direction the heated words were coming from. It didn’t take long before my eyes graced along the distant smudges of a large set folami, and my little grayish boy following behind her. I rolled my eyes, content at least to see the woman was not one of the cruel ones. It was sheer dumb luck on Gus’ part that he managed to at least be mouthing off to someone who didn’t just see him as a piece of meat. I approached casually, more attention focused on my partner than on the stranger. “Okay, stand down, tiger. You owe me a rabbit, by the way.” I rolled my eyes at the man, not caring how embarrassing my condescending tone could be for him. I let Gus be in charge in almost every situation because he had a dominant personality--but when it came to conflict, I did not hesitate to throw my weight around.

Eyes finally meeting the gray fae, I physically winced. I felt as if someone had punched me in the gut, and my face showed as such. Narrow eyed and tight lipped, I silently cursed myself for not being more alert to my surroundings. I should have scented the air, but I had been too preoccupied being pleased that Gus was not yet torn to bits and pieces, though he had deserved it to some extent. The woman’s body was more rugged then the last time I saw her, and there was no black monster attached to her at the hip. She smelled different to some extent, too. There was her scent, but the original pack’s scent was missing, replaced by something foreign. My ears back, I dipped my head rigidly, all causal ease gone from my form. Tense, every muscle was bunched in discomfort and maybe a bit of awkwardness. “Alphess.” The word came out hard and quiet, partnered with the head dip, though only the motion was respectful. The tone, however, spoke volumes more--I was angered by her presence, but more than that, I was scared of her.

I was scared that she was stronger than me, that she would take away Gus and make me watch him die. I was scared that everything I had fought for would be lost. I was afraid I would have to relive knowing I had done nothing to help an innocent life. I could have saved the cubs, but I had been so young and frightened. What if she turns on Gus? Perhaps my logic would have pointed out she had not hurt him thus far so I should chill the fuck out, but I didn’t pay attention to that. All I could imagine was her attacking him and me being too selfishly afraid to help him. I tried to reassure myself that this time was different. I knew Gus, he was my brother. I would die for him--but that didn’t help me. All it did was make me hate myself more--why should it matter if I know the cats or not? Those cubs had been so small and innocent and I had left them to their fates. It didn’t matter whether I knew their name or not, I should have been obligated one living being to another.

A snarl ripped past my jaws and I positioned myself in front of Gus, fur along my spin on end, fangs bared, muscles tense, back arched. My ears were back and gaze focused. I was not as strong as her. Age had not been kind to me. The whitened fur along my muzzle spoke of a cruel truth that said I was aging too fast. Stress could do that to a weak heart. This woman could defeat me, I would not try and deny that.

But Gus could run away, and maybe, just maybe, I could die with a little bit of dignity regained.

[I L Y I C H]

My ears twisted to the sound of paw steps, and the clouded leopard had the grace to look embarrassed at least. The man frowned heavily, ears back against his head as he glared up at the folami who had come padding out of the wheat hued grasses. "Thank you" I all but hissed under my breath, glaring sideways at the spotted man who spat at his companion. Annoyed, obviously, but that seemed to be an massive part of his personality. As my temper died down with the feline's level of loud I let out a crass sigh. "Your the one that let it get away" He growled, facing his friend though there was far less heat to the tone now. Of course. One dude shows up and suddenly everything is just that much calmer. Curling his tail the leopard shot one last hot look at me before turning to take a step closer to his folami.

That alone was of interest to me. Not many folami were openly kind to felines let alone teasing. Calming presence aside the man looked to me and I made some effort to wipe the annoyed frown away. Not that it seemed to matter. The white faced dog had gone stiff the second his eyes locked on me and I tensed with the motion. Paranoia beat at my chest and I took a short step backwards, eyes narrowing defensively. That word spilled from his mouth and my fur rippled with unease. Disgust. "No ones called me that in... quite some time." My voice was hard, mind a thousand miles away searching furiously through old files. Desperate. What had I said to this hound. What had I done to him when I was in that state of mind so long ago. So feverishly trying to protect myself I had dismantled so many lives and it wasn't right. Who the fuck was this?

Looking the man in the face I curved my tail away, knowing full well that he probably had every right to attack me here and now. Skoll only knew. I paused face going numb as I drew up a name and a small catalogue of offenses. "Burnie." My ears went back hard, paws shifting as I faced him fully well prepared for the snarl that ripped form his aged muzzle. Was it really that long ago? Time had flown out of my grasp hadn't it? The clouded leopard had jumped at the noise, looking frankly shocked and as such remained where he was which even I could tell was uncharacteristic. "You got out of that hell hole right after Akila and Abeni were..." I couldn't think of a word nasty enough to replace the vile taste the idea put on my tongue. I'd allowed that to happen. I remembered clearly thinking Bidziil was insane. Training toys. It was torture. I should have killed them while I had the chance. Saved them that. No one would have blamed me.

I frowned heavily, brow falling into a concerned edge. Of course. This man had been ripped from his family, I remembered the day he had been drug into camp. I'd still been a beta. Hadn't claimed the equality of rank next to Bidziil yet. Too scared to do so. I'd never much spoken to the omega, but then I hadn't spoken to anyone back then but my brother. So we'd lain close to the golden hound. He'd surely seen us. Though I doubted it was my relationship with Daiade that the brute would remember. Looking away in shame I stared into the grasses. Disgust welled up, as it always did. As it always would. "My name is Carska" I amended the early problem. How it bothered me to hear that word. That word that I use to wrap around myself like armour. The very sound of it made my skin crawl. "and I don't mean any harm. Just looking for something for my brother." I pressed the words out heavily, though I meant them to be soothing. In all honesty it was true. We'd buried Daiade not too far from camp. Maybe it was childish but I had wanted to go find a proper piece of jasper to settle along side. Fire stones and all that.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

“I don’t give a fuck what your name is.” I couldn’t help it. I was seething. I knew that this dog had changed, it was clear in her reaction to me. But I had gone down that road, the road of memories I had long since forced to be closed. I could forget out here in the wild. I could pretend that there were only good times, that my mother and father had been killed in some other fashion and I hadn’t been forced to eat the flesh of felines, including leopards, only allowed an occasional relief when the red girl, Ayita, tossed a rabbit my way. I had told her once that my mother was the best rabbit hunter around, and she had caught into it and allowed me that memory. She still hunted cats, though. She was not as bad, but she had still been a folami. So I had buried that memory, too.

“The cubs...” I said nothing more than that, voice harsh though my posture had become slightly more mild. It was clear not that she was not about to attack Gus, but I remained in front of him to be sure of his safety. Folami were snakes, cunning as the devil and made of pure venom. I would not risk my brother simply because this former ruler tricked me into letting my guard down. I had lived in the pack long enough to learn to trust no one. Still, I could feel my temper cooling slowly, back straightening out, fur laying down, ears creeping back to their proper positions. My teeth were no longer bared, but I was still slightly crouched in front of Gus with narrowed eyes, purely on the defense.

At the mention of her brother my narrowed gaze changed from angry to curious. “Daiade.” The man had been my friend, and the only dog I had not wanted to leave. A fellow omega, he had been open about his reservations in killing felines. He helped on occasion, but it was a chore for him. I remembered clearly that he had been only one to never question my refusal to hunt a cat. In fact, if I recalled correctly, he had supported my rebellion. Her tone had made me curious, and my heart wrenched with all the possibilities. I let my eyes shift to one of a questioning nature, twisting both of my curt statements into inquiries. I did not trust this woman and I did not like her, so I would not distract myself by forming words.

But I would listen to her answers with an open heart.

[I L Y I C H]

No of course he didn't give a shit about my name. I was simply a murderer to him. A marauder who came in the night to tear away his faith. It didn't stop the snarl that bit out of me in response to his own. Burnie wasn't the only one who had suffered in that place. He wasn't the only one who couldn't look half of his own species in the eye any more. Not the only broken soul. There were dozens of us, sprawled out and left abandoned. It wasn't a very lonely picnic. My anger bubbled up behind the guilt, a quiet fury that demanded he take back his own anger. He had ever right to it I knew, but it made me so mad. The idea that anyone could despise something so much so as to ignore anything it might say in difference. Not that I had much say in that matter but I had always been a hypocrite. So I spat violently in return as was my nature despite how much had been altered in my persona over the years. "I am not a title."

Not that title at least.

The clouded leopard had settled some of his shock, but he hadn't moved remaining stubbornly in place. I'd not expected him to run off, and I was not disappointed. A strong willed man doesn't leave battle because of a thing such as danger. Though this was no battle. Burnie wouldn't stand a single chance if I had the will to attack him but my anger was not so great. No my fangs were reserved for now. Kept away. I still glared though, bubbling guilt only making me more angry. I'd never handled the emotion well which was a horrible trait considering how much of it I cared on my shoulders. Burnie's wasn't the only life I had destroyed after all. Then he went about on his hard talk and I lashed out before I could halt the venom on my tongue. "Akila and Abeni. They had names too unless you don't give a shit about that either." Fur ruffled I continued to glare, though the heat rapidly filed away as I caught up to what had come out of my mouth.

Again with the cruelty. It was obvious that the elder cared for them. Cared that he had run away upon their arrival. Vanished without a trace. Daiade had been upset for a little while over it, having lost his conversation partner which was a very important thing to the blind man, but he'd been too distracted trying to protect his children after that. Too distracted trying to save them and so very broken when he failed them both. "Abeni is still alive." I let out tensely. Careful. The golden dog obviously wanted answers but I was not about to open that can of worms to a stranger. "Daiade raised her. She is free now." Free as should could be, her mind warped by our ways and the words whispered to her on a daily basis. Though the lioness was a loner now, walking with a mixed band of rouges. Perhaps not so lonely any longer. Not as angry. I could be hopeful if I wanted to be.

"My brother is dead" I cut Burnie off sharply as he spoke the brute's name. My precious Daiade. Safe now, doing what he had always been trying to do. Protecting us. Guarding what he could. Dead yes, but angels didn't need bodies. He still spoke to me in dreams. Soft reassurances that never could take the sting away. It was so different. I shouldn't miss the man. He wasn't gone. Not really. But I did miss him. I missed him bitterly and it hurt my soul to the deepest depths. Missed waking up to him and his small smiles. Missed being able to walk up to him and shove him playfully around as was our due. I missed touching him and talking to him whenever we needed one another. I'd never forget what he looked like laying there in the sands, nobility all but gone to fever and terror. So very small for such a large dog.

Shuddering to free myself of it I focused my burning glare on the leopard who had shifted forward at my violent snap towards his friend. The man's amber eyes were narrowed, locked on me suspiciously. "It takes some serious fire power to bring down folami" Another statement turned question. I went stiff, head and tail lifted. I might not be the alphess any more but I was still an alpha. Still a leader desperately trying to herd the past back into it's neat little iron clad box in the back of my head. My snarl had long sense quieted to a low noise in the back of my throat but it vanished all together as my final attempts to lock the box failed. "When the civil war started he was injured. The infection took him apart." My voice was void of emotion, unable to inflect upon the idea. Literally took him apart. I had watched too much of the process to not be able to use those words. My thoughts were interrupted once more by the much smaller animal, his head flung up in surprise. Apparently Nimrod was doing a fine job of keeping information within the pack.

The leopard obviously hadn't known what was being fought over in the plains. Hadn't known why the packs split. It was new to him, and those eyes narrowed to slits. Questioning. I wasn't about to answer. This was pack business and yet another can of worms with explosives inside. I wasn't about to lift the lid to have it blow up in my face.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I couldn’t help the condescending snort that came out of my snout at her claiming she wasn’t a title. I immedietly regretted it, swallowing back the frustration. I hated this woman for the same reason I hated myself--the past. I was trying to forgive myself by protecting Gus, didn’t Carska deserve that same second chance? I knew she did. My gaze softened mildly, my eyes were focused on her, but my mind was wandering. I was a folami, not a leopard. Folami are a species of hypocrites and selfishness, both of which I was clearly displaying here. My heart ached, knowing I was failing my dear mother. I wanted to apologize for my hostility, my jaws parted to do so.

Her remark over the cubs brought down the iron gate as fury forced bile up my throat. I dared to step forwards her, a challenge thick in the stance I held. “I care more than you’ll ever know and, regrettably, I had simply never learned their names, too much a coward to stand around and take the time. I was gone before the sun rose to their first day in hell.” Ah, so the daggers I shot with my eyes were not supposed to be towards her, but to me. I was upset with myself. I should have known those cubs names. I should have taken them, raised them, given them everything my mother and father had given me. Love is all anyone wants, and I could be sure they had never found it in the pack. Or maybe, maybe I was wrong. My stomach flipped, knowing the words meant Akila had died. I blinked and in the one motion every ounce of aggression fled from my gaze, leaving me sad-eyed, yet still defensively arched in front of my brother. Abeni had found a good man to raise her.I shook away the man questions, I did not want to know what happened to make it so Abeni was kept in the pack and alive. It was better if I just focused on the fact that she could find joy at night with someone who would truly love her.

I sat down as soon as the statement came. Dead. That had been the possibility I feared the most. My looked to the ground, guard down. If Carska was going to hurt Gus or me, now would be the opportune moment. But I knew she wouldn’t Carska had loved her brother, that much I knew, and she would not exploit his death for something so petty. I could not find any words to say, so I did not object with Gus spoke. I bit down on my tongue. Maybe I didn’t want to know how he had died. Maybe it would be better if I just walked off now, dragging Gus away by the tail. I had no obligation to Carska or the pack, I did not need to respect her with any formalities. I was separate from them, a loner of sorts. I had to think of myself, and of my only friend.

“I knew he would die with his heart on his sleeve.” I couldn’t help the words that whispered past my lips, snout still pointed at the soil, eyes remaining narrowed as I fought back the liquid pressure behind my eyes. “I am sorry for your loss.” I almost snap at myself, reminding myself that she was the enemy, I did not need to sympathize with her, nor should I. Ah, but this was not sympathy, but empathy. We shared a pain, an ache here. I was not making an alliances by giving my condolences to an equal party. Daiade did not die for one team or the other, he died to bring the two sides together. I could feel confident in that. I felt a small prick of unease poke the back of my skull, tormenting me. A civil war. I looked up and searched for the woman’s eyes, gaze glistening as I continued to hold back tears over the loss of a friend I had walked away from. I glanced rigidly towards Gus, anxiety beginning to paste over my formerly solemn expression. I looked back, finally resting my eyes on that of Carska’s snout. “I do hope you chose your side in the civil war wisely--you and your husband. The humans do not love us, thus, they cannot be a god.” I eyed her pecularly, muscles tense, knowing my words could be taken as a challenge. And maybe they were a challenge to her beliefs, depending on which side she was on.

But I had to know. Just because this dog did not attack that which is not a threat, did not mean she did not continue to bare the string of her puppeteers.

[I L Y I C H]

"Regrettably." I snarled again, the word peeling off of my tongue. "You'd say that to me." My stare was hard, eyes unforgiving. "I had to watch those children grow. I had to watch Akila die because of my own selfishness. I who had to tear my family apart for my niece." My hackles rose once again, their silver tips sharp and violent in the air. This man who would look me in the face and try and claim that he regretting leaving them. Burnie had no idea. Guilt was a powerful emotion but it was so much thicker having to watch it go forward. Time only dug the thorns deeper. "You ran away and thats not something some of us could do." My stare was hard, voice like ice. The older man had every right to be angry. To hate me. He didn't have any right to berate me for his own leaving. "You made a decision." Breathing out thickly I let out my anger feeling it melt down into my paws.

Burnie was far less furious with me then he was with himself. I suppose that makes two of us. "You aren't the only one who regrets that choice." Frowning I cast a short look at the clouded leopard who was frowning back at me. He obviously didn't know very much about Burnie's history if the guarded curiosity was anything to go by. Frowning at the pair I took one more step back placing distance between myself and a threat. As weak a threat as it might be. I had too many other problems currently to worry over any wounds I might gain on a simple walk. Never the less I continued to watch, eyes guarded but curious. I'd always assumed this man had been killed out in the wilds. I had been naive. Daiade had always said he was probably alive out there somewhere. It was after all hard as hell to kill a folami.

I flicked my ears back at his proclamation, lip curling slightly back into a grimace. A half snarl. Whatever it might be. I did not want this man's pity but it made my muscles relax slightly to know I was no longer being yelled at. I did so hate it. The weakness of paranoia that was. So I focused in on the man carefully, eyes narrowed with uncertainty. There was no long ago arrogance in my stance, nor was there any aggression left in my face. A part of me wondered if this dog had ever seen me without the glint of fearful anger in my eyes. "It was not only my loss" I offered the words automatically, accepting his pity no matter my annoyance at the fact. Alonda was just as had hit as me. Mahal still turned to ask his uncle questions before remembering. Daiade's loss was felt in far too many places.

I felt my muscles tense again at the mention of war. It was always a sore spot, so very fresh against the rest of the bruises coating my heart. Everything had gone to utter shit for so long and it all just accumulated into all out war and dear Skoll it had been disgusting. In the rage and terror so many had been left where they had fallen. No time for grief or heart break. Only time to prepare. Just in case it happened again. My expression fell numb again, voice carrying nothing within it. "There isn't a right side when families are being torn apart." I cut my eyes down to the leopard who was looking at me suspiciously before turning away from them both. "I chose my side. That is all. My family was destroyed by it." And maybe it was being fixed. Slowly block by block at a time. But not yet, and the burn was still ever present in my chest. I could still feel the hurt so plain and obvious in my body.

Turned slightly away I moved as if to leave, fully intending to abandon these two to their lonley togetherness. "Humans love nothing but themselves. I've found this to be a problem in more then just them." It was a problem bred into us. A problem taught to cats. A problem that existed in anything that could think freely. If something could think for itself then it began to assume it could live for itself. Things only got worse from there. Cynicism thick I almost ignored the leopard when he spoke up again. "Where are you going? The pack is the other way." I glared over my shoulder at him. It was well known at this point that the pack was in two. I would assume as much anyway, it was rather difficult to ignore the fact that there was now two large groups of folami in two very different places.

"My family is waiting for me to return I do not have time for your games."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I was prepared to watch her leave. Regret, guilt, and fury bubbled as one in my chest, forcing my heart to pound in slow, painful beats. My anger was not justified, I knew that. I was mad at her for showing up, for reminding me of all the things I had done wrong. I was upset that I now knew the trails of the pack because, however much I hated to admit it, there were dogs there that I cared about. I had clashed with all but Daiade, but there were decent dogs there that were just following orders. If I had been raised in the same manner they had, I would have been one of them. Their wars would have been mine. Their heartbreak, my own. I was scared by the fact that if I had been raised correctly, whose to say I would have chosen family when the battle broke?

Torn apart from the inside, I waved my head back in forth slowly as I tried to decide my next move. I wanted to chase her down and keep her from leaving, I wanted to follow her, I wanted to watch her leave. I turn my gaze to Gus with a plead in my eyes, but it soon switched to a 'forgive me' expression as I got to my paws and trailed after the retreating alphess. "You're wrong." I said it calmly, a sense of purpose sparking in the depth of my gut. I matched her pace, though part of me was pulling me back towards Gus. The poor man was a folami, but he knew nothing more of the packs than any other outsider. There had been good times, too. "Your family would have been torn apart no matter what side anyone took. Its what the ideal of the humans is made to do. You did the only thing you could to save as much semblance of family as you could." My voice was firm as I slowed my pace and eventually came to a stop, sitting back down with an air of assurance. This woman was not the enemy--the humans were. It had always been the humans. I realized that now.

"I apologize for misjudging you, Carska." I emphasized her name, trying to mask over the strong guilt I held for denying it to her earlier, though it still managed to have some foothold in my tone. "Gus and I stay in this general area most of the time, long as the rabbits stay running. Come on over if you ever need a break. I promise to keep the hairball under control." I flicked my gaze towards Gus, teasing, knowing by now his buttons and taking a great deal of pleasure in pushing them. I had to show Carska that my anger was only skin deep, a defense.

And everyone needed a place to escape to.

[I L Y I C H]

I looked back at the aging soldier. Not a soldier, not anymore even if he ever was. I needed to remove such words from my vocabulary. Eyes narrowed ever so slightly I peered at Burnie, trying to judge what it was he wanted from me. Some sort of remorse I would assume, but I had voiced that already. An old man didn't need to hear the trials of an aged woman. Burnie had escaped from what I was, though the guilt still ate at his edges he did not experience the extent of it. Black poison didn't ooze from his every pore and I felt no need to press upon him that hell. He was however right in his assumptions. Man would tear apart anything it could set it's greedy paws on. Skoll protect the poor soul that doesn't wish to belong to jealous gods. I paused in my motion, turning my skull enough to look the loner in the face ears cocked towards the paw steps of his feline friend.

"That being what it was" My voice was so heavy now. So lost to the musical tones it use to carry. Hardened and broken to gravel. "The responsibility and guilt is still mine." It didn't matter what had led to our destruction. I was still responsible in my own way and I would not have that removed from me. That was a chip I would carry until I lay rotting in the ground. Wouldn't allow that to be removed. No I was just as much a monster as any of my kin and I wasn't prideful enough in my sympathies to allow it's removal. A stain I would keep forever is what it was, and I was strong under it's disgusting edges. "And you don't need to apologize. I know full well what you saw of me before you escaped."

I'd always been that way. Paranoid and vicious. Protective of myself and selfish to a degree that was truly childlike. I'd out grown it. Folami change, but that did not change the fact that the monster I had been all those years ago was the snap shot held inside Burnie's mind with my name written so carefully bellow it. I was a pawn then and that is how he saw me. A queen on the chess board. Perhaps this was still what I was, but there was some color to the blankness now. I was well prepared to turn away and continue on my mission. I'd promised Daiade to bring him some fire stones. It was deeply ingrained in me. Maybe I had been an agnostic for some time, but I could feel Skoll on the edges of my dreams and maybe it was simply a desperation for hope but I sought it out. Logan and I needed to have a chat soon, I'd very much like to go give those lost to the bloody clearing their deserved last rights.

Opening my mouth to apologize for needing to go I was interrupted by Burnie's offer. It didn't do much but force my mouth farther open, obvious shock on my face before I fought to wrestle it back behind politeness. It didn't quite work, the main emotion remaining obvious being a surprised thankfulness. It was rare, horribly so, that I could escape for even a short time. Vea Apxn needed me. I could not leave them longer then a couple of hours or I would suffer the consequences of any guilty thing that occurred in my absence. Gus, apparently the name of the clouded leopard, spoke up before I could so much as formulate a thanks. I'd had half a mind to just shrug it off and mumble some excuse about not being able to but dear Skoll that man's mouth was louder then an engine horn. "I have less fur then you fuck face"

The tone was softer then previously, the burning heat of aggression down several notches. Affectionently mean. It almost reminded me of the way Alonda spoke to her siblings. The thought brought a small smile to my lips and I nodded after a long moment catching Gus' sharp stare as I looked back to Burnie. Apparently it wasn't just the golden folami offering. His friend was simply quieter about himself. My smile fell warmer across itself. "I will remember. Thank you my old friend, I'll have to bring my son the next time we meet. You would like the boy." Mahal would enjoy Burnie's presence. He was so enthralled by history and I had no doubts these two had stories to tell. My poor warrior needed breaks just as much as I did. His life was just as painfully stressful as my own and it was just so wrong. Shaking myself once I turned my eyes back to the horizon and the slow rain. "If you would excuse me. I was looking for fire stones. For Daiade."