Coldest Story Ever Told [aw]

[I L Y I C H]

Well dammit. Of course I had known this was what was going to happen, I had been pregnant for an obnoxiously long amount of time but still looking down at the bundles still wet and a bit nasty against me was a bit of a massive shock. I had been utilized in an experiment of course, I had known. I had been told. Children of differing troubles, perhaps. If I had understood correctly. I watched them all suckle with something close to fear rumbling across my face. I wanted to be a good mother to them, a proper one. Teach them everything they needed to know and watch them grow up proud and strong folami like they ought to, but how was I meant to do that with the added trouble of troubled bodies? Being a first time mother with no experience with husbandry in anyway I could not help but feel uncertainty.

Man had entrusted me with this task and I did not wish to ruin it. I was loyal if nothing else. Proud. I wouldn't let anything go wrong if I could help it. Because of how long the now dead Daiade had lived the humans wished to see if anything else could survive. It was an experiment played by god. Life and death. Some distant part of me resented it. Burned with the idea that hey would give me children to raise as warriors only to have them cut down on purpose. The other much larger half whispered gleefully. These five children would be powerful and true. They would have Theodora and myself to train them as they aged and we would prove to man kind that we were strong. Folami could survive anything.

Brushing my tongue across their varying monochromatic forms I stilled on them on by one. Wondering what was wrong with them all. Differing ailments I was sure and perhaps a control, but I knew it too early to know. Perhaps it was cruel of me to hover over babes and coo over what was destined to kill them, but I could not help my curiosity. My motherly instincts were not as keen or as strong as they ought to be, most likely. I would not doubt that my person had weakened them on purpose, though I could also figure that it was some personality fault of my own. The pups were sot and warm and very much alive, but I sat there and wondered what they would look like cold and very much dead. How long would they strive towards life? It was a question I was sure would plague much of my life following this day. But with the rain misting to the point were the sun was almost visible I could not bring myself to ponder much more then that. Tired and comfortable with having no paws in my ribs for the first time in months I relaxed into the dirt surrounding me.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I remembered the smell of birth clearly from Mahal’s birthday. The scent had been faint in the air here now and I had followed. By the time I found Tamreil and her recently born litter, they were almost clean and eating eagerly. I could not see them in their sheltering, and I made no move to make my presence known. I just stood in the rain listening to the tiny sounds the newborns made, flashbacks to the day Mahal, Alonda, Cenzulome, and Ekshen were born. They had another sibling, a male, whom was born dead. My heart swelled at the memory of his still form. It had meant so little to me then, and regret flooded in. I had been preoccupied with pleasing the humans, ready to hand my surviving brood to them. Ready to hand them to their deaths, whether it be physically or simply to their innocence. Mahal would have either died or never become the warrior he is now. He would have been me, and there is no worse thing than that. Shame oozed through me as I got lost in the memory, the sound of the nearby puppies rekindling a long since doused flame.

Ah, but I was not that man anymore.

I approached now, clearing my throat gently to let Tamriel know I was there, if she had not known already. I dared to peek at her bundles, counting five--3 males and 2 females. All of them were black (perhaps their father was black?) except the one male that looked very much like his mother. I let a small smile curl gently across my face as I found myself laying in the shelter entrance, head out of the rain as I stared emerald eyes down at them. It occured to me then that I had been silent this whole time, not even sending a single glance towards Tamriel. I gave her a sheepish look. “Sorry.” I paused a moment, biting gently onto my tongue. My tone was soft, not at all rough and dominating like the alpha this woman typically saw. “I just love puppies.” There was a hint of shy glee to my tone as I turn my red stare back to the suckling family. “What are their names, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Tamriel and I had never spoken much, so I wouldn’t blame her of being hesitant towards me. I tried to make my entire disposition fluid, non threatening. I would not be upset if she pulled her children closer to her, thinking I would be so barbaric as to try and capture these children to send to the humans to train. I had a reputation, and I had done nothing to change it since I returned. As far as everyone was concerned, I still thought the humans to be gods--and, unfortunately, I had to keep it that way.

[I L Y I C H]

I looked up in surprise at the intrusion. wondering who it was for a moment before my tired eyes settled on my alpha's ruby gaze and I stilled in shock. I didn't know the man very well, and perhaps that was where my uncertainty came from. Though I was never really one for meeting new people I supposed this was a bit different. I couldn't completely ignore Bidziil for the rest of my days. So I offered a quiet "Hullo" And fell silent once more as I watched him watch the children. Eventually he spoke and my ears raised from their half mast spot to listen. Ah. Yes his own children. They weren't puppies anymore and I supposed he would miss them what with them being with their mother or otherwise roaming the wilds.

I offered a small smile, waving my tail gently. "It's perfectly alright. They are kind of cute." The barest hint of my uncertainty leaked into the tone but I waved it away with a slightly more excited smile. No one had very much cared about my pregnancy so it had just left me to my own day dreaming and pondering. Sometimes night mares. Usually nightmares. My smile faltered slightly, a part of me itching to tell this man about my fears but not being entirely willing to. I would have to confide with him eventually. I could feel the oddest sort of devotion crawling in my stomach and I knew. If there was any ally I needed it was Bidziil.

Leaning forward slightly I swiped my tongue over the now dry downy pelt of the black male closest me. "They don't have a real father" I noted softly. "So you can imagine I've been thinking of little else while I've been stuck here to fat to move" I rolled my eyes at myself, shuffling my body closer to the bundles despite my attempt at ease with the massive folami perched in my doorway. And here I had thought I could avoid attaching myself to them. "The two boys are Viiper and Kuchukia" I told him carefully, brushing my snout against the smallest of the litter. My baby Viiper; a little replica of his mother. It made my heart warm. "And the girls are Meli, Quanah, and Tess."
I gave their names in order of birth and smiled weakly down at them.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Ah, this woman was slightly different than Carska. She wasn't obsessive over the children. I smiled, angling it up at her, knowing. With time that 'kind of cute' would transform into a possessive demonic obsession that would frighten all who threaten her children physically or emotionally. I had seen the children change Carska. I had seen Abeni change Daiade. I knew what children were capable of when they were born naturally like this. When they weren't warped by human hands. They were truly the words strongest power. My smile broadened.

It fell away slowly when she said they had no real father. There were several possibilities to what that could mean. First, it could mean the man that had created them was not her mate, thus would not raise them, so she did not consider him their father. I toyed with maybe she had been raped, which erupted a fire in my belly that forced my lips to curve into the slightest, almost unnoticeable frown. The second option was no better, and left me more confused and skeptical--these puppies were created by the humans, much like most other folami. By why create them and then release them? I almost didn't notice her giving me their names, though I unconsciously stored the information away to use when the children needed to be called. I had a different matter to attend to now, one I had to approach carefully, or risk showing which side I was on.

"Are they created by the humans?" I dare not say the term 'lords', fearing it would come out sarcastically, or perhaps tainted with venom. I figured this was the most likely option, Tamriel had never had reported a rape, something that was not allowed in this pack at any time, even if we did not consider ourselves a family. Though she may have been ashamed, which was often the case. I did not want to think about how often dogs may go raped and unavenged. It urked me in the deepest way. "They inseminate and release now?" I found this unlikely. Humans never did anything without selfish intentions. I felt the slightest chill run up my spine. If these dogs were given to her by the humans and made to be born and raised by us, then something was terribly wrong. My eyes flickered down to the children, who all looked normal enough, but the feeling wouldn't go away.

These children might have been destined to die.

[I L Y I C H]

My eyes turned up to my alpha as he spoke my smile fading away. "Yes" I offered the response carefully, voice low. Maybe my tone was a fraction duller then it should have been, but then so was Bidziil's. Perhaps I would have help in this endeavor yet. My ears went back at the same time as I let out a bark of shrill uncertain laughter. So he was sarcastic under that layer of seriousness. Nice to know there was an edge there. Somewhere. I tipped my skull downward, nose pressing against Viiper's back once more as the young one shifted against me. "I suppose." I offered, voice just a fraction worried and all together bemused. Apparently they did that now. Used us for their little experiments. Experiments within experiments. Seemed a bit against some law of science somewhere.

I looked back up into Bidziil's face, only looking quickly away when I remembered that he was not in fact just another folami and I could get into quite a bit of trouble for that. Though he didn't seem as nasty as lucifer liked to make him out to be. Maybe going to a half insane old alpha had been a bad plan upon first joining up. But the poor man had seemed so very alone and if all he needed was someone to listen to his ranting and his pain then so be it. He could be interesting at times. Almost funny, but he seemed to have labeled the current alpha a bit wrong. The look in Bidziil's eyes on that one glance made me wonder though.

Perhaps it was right to tell him. Man didn't understand our words after all, even if we understood theirs. They were deaf to most of their own species after all. Maybe they had some instinct like ours. Maybe they just couldn't understand someone who wasn't apart of their specific pack. I blinked my half lidded sapphire eyes and waited a moment. Listening to the soft sounds of suckling and the contented pulse of my own heart rate. "Sir can I confide something in you?" I spoke slowly, tongue pressing almost anxiously against the roof of my mouth. Sticking. After all I didn't know Bidziil very well, so how should I know his reactions to my fears?

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Part of me wished it had been a rape. Perhaps that would have scarred Tamriel, but at least then I would not have to turn my eyes with a stern look towards the children as I found myself now doing in response to her answer. I forgot about social grace for a moment and stretched my neck forward to touch one of the twilight-furred females lightly on the head, holding my nose there and closing my eyes with the memories of the childhood my children had had. Would the childhood of these children be any better? They would likely have no parents stolen, and certainly have no parent come back in the shape I had returned in. But they held a curse. We could be sure of that. I opened my eyes to find the small female I had touched had not reacted to the contact. Blind and deaf, she should have been startled by the unwarranted heat, or perhaps thrown off guard by the unexpected light pressure against her side. But nothing. I narrowed my eyes and pulled away, a quizzical look upon my face. The little lady kept suckling, never even twitching or quivering, despite the fact that the spot my moist nose had been on was surely chilled from my lack of presence now.

"Sir can I confide something in you?"

I flicked my ear towards her before turning my emerald gaze from the odd child to her mother. The questioning look still tainted my narrowed eyes, but I forced it away after a moment as her question sunk in. My stomach tightened when she said sir, my ear twitching slightly at it. I could not ask that she call me Bidziil. I had to pretend to be a changed man, even if I was in here showing soft-eyes towards puppies. I still had to be the rock, and I had to be respected. I wanted to sigh in annoyance at this whole charade of mine, but I swallowed it down. I did it more so that Tamriel would not think I was annoyed with her, rather than to keep up my image. "Of course, Miss Tamriel." I let a deep respect hold my tone, a silent way of saying we were equals here in this den. I could not outright tell her to go against Nimrod and call me Bidziil, but I could have myself rebel by showing I did not think of myself as 'Alpha' or 'Sir', unless everyone around me was to be 'Sirs', 'Misses', 'Ma'ams' and all other respectable terms.

I am no Alpha, but I could be the Father.

OOC//: One of the dumbest last lines ever. I was trying to think of a cool way of saying that and I gave up, haha.

[I L Y I C H]

Yes it upset him. Bidziil didn't have the mask he thought he did. Maybe once it was full and strong but the thing was made of cheap plastic and the cracks were all too obvious now. At least to me, and I was but a passing observer. Never the less my eyes tracked the great ebony brute as he leaned it to touch. I wouldn't go far as to say I was fearful, but instinct pulled at me to stop him. Just stop him. The other part of me whispered reassurances. Bidziil was alpha. So I stayed my tongue and watched, partially unsettled but mostly bemused. This man was not at all what I had thought him to be, and no where even close to what I was informed he would be. Man was truly apart from his experiments now, if they knew so little of this beast to spin such fraudulent tales.

My eyes trailed away from Bidziil and down to the child, watching with something close to actual fear in my heart now. Oh yes, there was one. Simple enough to not notice. All to easily. The little girl, Meli, didn't shift as one would expect. I nudged Viiper once more. A control if you will. The little boy shifted away from my paw, making a low whining noise into my abdomen as he was partially removed in his attempt to avoid the sudden touch. Yes. I sighed through my nose, looking down at the bundles unhappily. This wouldn't end well. How was a child to grow up properly when she was unable to feel her mother's warmth? Their lives would be a struggle already, but for something so... obscure? I'd expected deafness. Blindness. Not this. It upset me in the pit of my stomach though I hid the emotion away in the hopes that Bidziil would not see the silent anger starting to build in me.

I had not agreed to this.

And maybe at the start if these children had been born right away it would not bother me for I had known their fates even then. But as they had grown I had begun to attach names and compassions to their kicks and motions. I had attached myself to the tiny whelps before I had even whelped them, and now I loved them all so dearly for a reason I was uncertain of. Surely anger was the appropriate response. Never the less I was lain before my alpha, a man who followed his masters. I would not speak my evils now. Though they were in fact evils. I felt young under them, as I truly was. Not even in my second year a mother and... a traitor? Did disliking humans make me so?

I was broken out of the lull of my thoughts and my own quiet breathing in time with those tucked against my frame by Bidziil's agreement. My blue eyes cut up, flicking over his face uncertainty. Now that I had been given permission to speak I did not know how to continue. How was I to go about explaining this to him without letting the anger seep into the words? Because I could feel it there now. Protective and violent as a thunderstorm waiting to destroy whatever it laid it's hands on. Was this what maternal instincts felt like? Because dammit now I knew why men feared their wives so greatly. I felt as if I could destroy half a civilization if only it meant these pups would be given a better chance at surviving what was to come.

Flicking my ears back for a moment before perking them back forward I tipped my head to the side; watching him. "Each of them save one has some sort of disability." I frowned thickly around the words. No one had told me what those would be. I would need to figure them out swiftly so as to protect the lot of them better. "Some" sick disgusting revolting inhumane "experiment to find the effects of genetic error in the wild." I looked away from him, unable to help the mild shame that crept up into my features. I should never have been proud to cary these children as much as I adored them. Staring from the children to my pale paws I flicked one ear back. I didn't know if Bidziil had known the old blind dog that the humans had based this idea on so I wouldn't bring it up. The man was dead and if Bidziil had known him I didn't want to stir the waters.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Most emotions I tried to mask over, but there was one I felt so rarely I had no practice. My anger and hatred had always been towards myself, and it had fell from me as hysterics. I had lost my mind from self-loathing, never having a mask to hide behind for it. This anger, though, it was different. I had always held a distaste for the humans...well, not always, but since I had been ‘reborn’. My feelings towards them since deciding where my loyalties lie were heated, but it was never true anger. I supported their cause to an extent, though I acknowledged now the problem was the human’s own fault. I disagreed, for the most part, with how they were going about solving and training. But I never hated them--I pitied them and their insufferable nature more than hated it.

Until now.

If they wanted to test on adult folami, let them. At least then we had a shot to fight for our freedom, or die trying. We could chose whether or not to let it happen. These were children. Newborns. They were cursed before they were even fertilized. This was a new low, even for the humans. My disgust became clear in the narrowing of my gaze and the twitch of my maw. I wanted to hide it--what if Tamriel agreed with this experiment?--but I did not have the strength to do so. I sat my ears back and swallowed down any words that wanted to rip into a snarl. I would not raise my voice around the children, even if they were deaf. They would be atune to the vibrations, the atmosphere. Anger stressed out newborns and stress was bad for even a healthy child. Who knew what would be wrong with these puppies? What if the humans had given them heart conditions to see if we could find the right plants to help settle it on our own? Lung problems. Brain development malfunctions. It could be anything. Blindness, deafness, social anxieties--there was no limit to what genetic mutations could cause.

“Like we don’t have enough shit to survive.” It came out as a low hiss before I took in a deep breath to try and slow my racing heart. My gaze was locked onto the young dogs nursing and sleeping so close. It finally settled in that there was some chance Tamriel was not opposed to what the humans were doing here. I sighed away my frustration and decided my attempt at a charade would have to end for her. “You’re a mother, Tamriel, surely it bothers you that the humans have cursed your children before they even had a chance?” It was said slowly, carefully...but there was a hint of challenge in my tone. I had seen Carska change because of the children--it was something a dog could not control.

I dare you to lie to me.

[I L Y I C H]

Disgust pooled in the air and I felt as if I would choke on it. Bidziil was so much older then me. Wiser in his years then I had been in my short life. Less then three months ago I had been well prepared to follow suit with this experiment. To record the results as an observer and I felt the toxins of those thoughts eroding at my gut as I pressed my ears back and hid my stare in the slightly red dirt. Had I truly been that disgusting a folami? Where had those thoughts even come from? Maybe children were just cruel, with little thought for life in most forms. I had been a child thrust into adulthood by the forces of man and the motion in my womb. And I didn't have a single clue as to what I was suppose to do now.

These were my children and for the first time in my life I felt the oddest feeling for these beings. Love? I didn't know what that felt like, though I guess the tight constricting of my chest was apparent. Heat and a too tight emotional burn? Was that love? It hurt. It hurt in the way it was simply too much. Too much everything. The growl that rumbled out of my throat was abrupt and I surprised my own self with it. The rumbling noise wasn't threatening at least, I noted as I half strangled myself to stop it. It had been warning. Who the hell was I snarling at my alpha? Hind legs tucked closer to the children, crushing them to me for a moment before I weakened the hold back to simply blocking them partially from Bidziil.

I didn't know what that disgust would turn into. What it had been based off of. It could be anything. Disgust in weakness was what I feared and what I had instinctively warned against. My mind was still spinning off in possibility, paranoia eating at me. If my alpha decided he didn't want such weakness in his camp he could easily kill them. The pups were helpless and I was exhausted. But if he thought he would ever get away with it then he was a moron. I'd kill him. Close quarters like this I had a strike range for his throat and I wouldn't let go until one of us was dead. Paranoia. I tried to tell myself it was paranoia, but my eyes continued to cut across him, locking onto targets murderously. Taking notice that my paws were trembling and my hackles were up I refocused my hard blue stare on the dirt.

Ears flicking sharply up at his words I allowed a short glance up at those crimson eyes. Face twitching slightly I looked back down, playing submissive and thinking as rapidly as I could. This could easily be a trap. Protective instincts and my own inability to believe half the words people said combined to lift my hackles all the higher. I was doing a poor job of pretending like I wasn't preparing for him to attack us, but I didn't really care at the moment. Pursing my lips slightly I frowned at the ground, neck arching slightly to tip my nose closer to my chest. "It didn't. In the beginning." I spoke shortly, voice hard.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I backed down and let my own gaze fall away from her children in submission. She was clearly tense, and I didn’t blame her. I could all but hear the thoughts raging through her head. The humans had, no doubt, taught this younger generation of who I was in their eyes--a brutal king that would destroy all that threatened the mission. I had done very little to change that given reputation since returning to the pack, slithering about with very few words shared. I spent most of my time alone, or with Nimrod. I did not have to hide from Nimrod because the man was too far up the human’s asses to acknowledge I was no different than I had been before. I also could stand to be by my beta because I did not pity him like I did the rest. Many of the dogs here had not been around to witness the breaking apart of the pack--they did not know the other side. Nimrod knew both worlds and still chose this one. Carska had been his friend, and yet he had still tried to steal Alonda from her, and then her life as well. He had chosen to be a monster, and it did not bother me to punish him by being what the humans wanted me to be towards him. The other dogs I had a sort of sympathy for, they were following orders. My chains had had to be broken, and now that they were I relished in the freedom. Nimrod had chosen to duct-tape his chains back together. Everyone else, though, were still in their original set. With time they could pick their sides and I would judge them accordingly, but for now I would keep to myself and let them all hold the image they have been given of me. I could not be the dog they were told I was, but I would do everything in my power to keep from proving that picture wrong, even if that meant having to be seen as someone who would kill off the weak links, which is why I assumed Tamriel was speaking so tensely and reacting a bit defensively towards me now.

I backed up one more pace and settled my ears down in a submissive stance. Laying down, I let my muscles remain calm beneath my pelt. I was not a threat to her or her young, quite contrary. She needed to understand that whatever the humans have done to her children, I would make them suffer for it, not the victims here. I declared internally in this moment I would help Tamriel raise her children to be the very best, despite whatever shortcomings they had. Daiade had been blind, and yet he had been one of the best hunters we had. One cannot allow themselves to set the standards based on what they could not do. For every weakness, someone is stronger in another area. One motivational cliche after another shot through my head but I bit down on my tongue to keep from letting them come sliding out. I was already letting Tamriel see I was not the great Alpha she had been taught of, I could not let her known just how pathetically cheesy I was --that was a secret reserved for my beloved, and only her.

“I have something to confide in you, too.” I did not ask permission like she had done. I was beyond recovery at this point, anyway. Tamriel could see already that I was different than my reputation implied, so I couldn’t afford to have her dismiss me now and her go on thinking I was no more than a coward hiding behind the human’s shield. “I returned from Vea Apxn not out of loyalty to the humans, but out of love for the pack.” I chose my words carefully, speaking slowly as I thought of how to say what I needed. “And I will be damned if I will let the humans hurt those that I love. Skoll only knows I have allowed that for too long.” I looked up sharply, demanding her eyes meet the fire in mine.

We would show them. We would show them by not letting their little experiment define these children.

[I L Y I C H]

He moved back and I relaxed slightly, ears pulling forward. Submission. The alpha was submitting against my aggressive worry. Staring down at the man in confusion I grimaced lightly not knowing exactly how to respond to what was occurring. I'd always been told horror stories about this man by all those who spoke to me. Man. Lucifer. Okay so maybe I didn't talk to a lot of people, but the stories had fallen together so easily and fit. They hadn't seemed like lies, but then maybe they weren't. Folami could change couldn't they? Bidziil wasn't exempt just because he was Alpha right? Breathing out thickly I let my confusion pull forward.

My ears jolted backwards sharply when the man spoke up again. Me? What in Skoll's name did he have to confide in me? I could already see the softness in the way he acted around the children. Already seen the way he back down before me obviously knowing the war path my thoughts were taking. Apologizing with body language. This was not the alpha I had been promised and I couldn't help the grateful relief that surged through me. But the shock was still there, flittering uncertainly around the rusting chains strapped to my ankles. Maybe the humans didn't have the iron grasp they thought they constricted around this man. My head nodded sharply, chin digging into my chest as I kept it turned down.

I listened in silence, caught up by the fire in the brute's voice. Caught up in it all really. Bidziil had been born alpha and I had always been curious as to why he was such a poor speaker. This was why. He was loud and charismatic when he was passionate about something. Their were flames on his tongue. Those low dull addresses were partially formed lies hovering meekly in the air. Not believed by him and thus spoken awkwardly. Repugnantly. My heart hardened over the phrases he spoke and I felt the determination well up on my face. We were not so far apart it seemed. I for the first time locked my gaze on my leader's demanding just as much as he was. Neither of us would let anything happen to this pack. To these pups. I was confident in that at least.