DAMN GOATS ARE IDIOTS GAHHH

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

So I had to get off because my electricity was flashing and I didn’t want a power surge. All day I have been getting texts from WSLS saying Salem and Roanoke are in a severe thunderstorm warning, the two cities I live on the border of. I saved my Millie post and booked it. Running outside to move Harry to the barn before it starts to rain, I am pretty excited for a little rain because it is hot. I unhook Harry’s chain and start to guide him back into the goat pasture. I am still about 20 feet from the goat pasture when all of a sudden the wind picks up. It caught me off guard because it went from ‘ohh, this feels so nice’ breeze, to ‘ holy fucking shit did i just see a cow fly past me’ wind in about 1.2 seconds. Now here it starts getting scary--there are, in this amount of time, about five trees that fall all around me, countless giant limbs from trees flying around, blinding rain. All in 1.2 seconds. Wtf. Harry, Gavin, Stoich, Griffon, and I book it to the barn. I tie Harry in there and turn around--I can literally see the tornado. Right around my yard. And lightening. Hitting my fucking yard. I quickly unchained Harry for fear the barn would be hit with lightening and it’d travel up his chain. The worst part is--through all this the chickens are panicking, so I run around through all that shit and herd them into the hay room in the goat barn, locking them in. I had one smart chicken that ran into her coop. Out of seven, one was smart. Fuck. Then I realize that Truffles, Ray, Chickpea, Penelope, Phil, and motherfucking Lester ARE IGNORING THE FUCKING LIGHTENING HITTED AROUND THEM, IGNORING THE FUCKING TREES FALLING, IGNORING THE FUCKING TORNADO NOT 50FT AWAY, and eating the great buffet of branches that the weather has knocked to the ground. I can’t lure them in--I try grain, branches, snacks, fruit, veggies, EVERYTHING, and they all ignore me. I finally had to go and drag them in one by one, after first making a panicked phone call to my ma that went along the lines of leaving her a voicemail shouting about dumb goats, flying trees, lightening hitting the yard, and fuck i am going back outside to die i guess. I dragged Penelope in first because Gavin was shouting for her. I then grabbed Lester and fought that son of a bitch all the way to the barn--fortunately Phil followed him. Then I grabbed a hold of Truffles and dragged her in, Ray followed. Lastly was Chickpea, who hates me, so I had to catch her first. And when I say dragged, I mean it literally--they drop to their knees or the side and say ‘fuck you, no way’, so you literally drag them. Assholes.

After all this, it is much too dangerous for me to leave the barn. Even being in the shelter, the wind is driving towards us so we are being pelted by rain and debris. I hover over Gavin, Griffon, and big baby Lester, as they all pushed into me as best they can to be protected from the elements. Once it calms down, I wander around to assess the damage. No damage to the house, barn, or chicken coop. But trees--motherfucking trees EVERYWHERE. Huge ass trees. Trees that didn’t even come from my yard. Chairs. Swingsets. I don’t even know where half this shit came from. I do my best to clear off the driveway so my folks can come home, but we have a roundabout that is no longer a roundabout--there is a huge ass tree across half of it and our chainsaw is broken. Squirrels and birds are in a frenzy--I bet families were torn apart, nests destroyed. I can’t find my cats, yet, but I dug through all the trees and didn’t find any hurt or killed beneath. I can only hope for their safe return.

And now ma is mad at me--y’know that ‘i was so scared you were dead so I am going to bitch at you’ type mad. She got my panic message and then called and called and had my dad calling but of course I didn’t bring any phone outside so I wasn’t answering. She is mad because she thinks I reacted the wrong way--I should have gotten into the basement as soon as I realized it was a tornado. I told her I couldn;t, she said the animals knew how to survive one on their own, I said obviously not. Back and forth back and forth. We hung up on decent terms though, me doing hysterical laughter because I am still in a state of shock over the terror and looking at all the damage around the yard. She told me it was okay. Her words helped calm me slightly.

But now it is starting again and dammit, I am actually finding myself a little unnerved by the wind, thunder, and lightening now--three things I have loved my whole life.

Fucking goats having to be too stupid for survival, thus giving me bad experiences and making phobias out of former loves.

Fucking fuck shit.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

and to make matters worse, I am fucking dripping wet...bah humbug

[Kunabee]

Bhu I am so sorry. That is ridiculously hard.

I have never been through a natural disaster. I've been near one but always safe in my bathroom, in my house a mile or more away.

I have never lost any of my animals, except for Daisy (and two fish) - and that was old age.

I have never been in a panic about something like that.

I truly am sorry.