Over my head [bhuvy]

[I L Y I C H]

It was dark in a way I had not been prepared for. Perhaps a part of me assumed the moon would still exist in some fashion, forgetting in my worries that it was the sun that made the separate rock shine. And truly the sun was blocked from us. My family was worried, I knew that, but both Logan and I spoke to them softly and at least some seemed to understand. The stars were still there, I noted, as I watched from the inky shadows of the single tree within camp. Skoll had spoken of the stars when we had dreamed with him. Reflections of our selves so that we might see what we truly were. Even in the blackness they shone. Even the god's attempts to force us to learn what it was he wanted us to see could not shield them out. Ourselves. Souls perhaps. I wasn't sure what he meant. Discomfort was evident surrounding me though, and I looked at it all unhappily. There wasn't anything I could do but speak to my friends and hope they could find what it was the Fire Breather had meant. Whatever it was he had meant.

Daiade had not seemed pleased with what was occurring, and that worried me. The white beast may have a gods power but he had a mortal's soul and such things didn't contend well with one another. Men did not wield power well and while I knew the god wasn't truly cruel I couldn't help my mild anger. Torture. This was torture. Plants could not live without the sun and in this darkness the weakest of them were already beginning to wilt. Mahal had told me that man's plants near their homes had too begun to die to the south as they cowered in their homes. That at least was gratifying. Human beings were often so scared of what surrounded them. Normally it led to violence. This time the fear was all they had and in their confusion they ignored our wild example and hid rather then forge ahead. It was childish and pathetic. Further proof, I would assume, that man knew little but fear and anger.

Yet contemplation was not why I sat here on my lonesome, watching my family sleep as their bodies told them it was night. Waiting for Bidziil was my purpose at the moment, knowing it was today he had planned to come to us, but not knowing if he would still do so. I knew not how the other pack fared so I could not assume the ebony man could leave them as he had previously. The last couple of stays had been almost pleasant, and as much as I hated myself for it I sat awake in hopes. Too many times I had looked for those crimson eyes in the dark for the sight to not bring me joy, no matter the situation. Perhaps we had not fixed everything, and maybe I still harbored uncertainty and hurt in my heart but I still waited for him. Waited for my husband as separated as we were divorced we were not. It had never been final, and I doubted it ever would be. And as I knew these little sleep overs were just as much for the children's benefit as mine I could not help my selfishness in some regards. I had missed that black brute. Missed him, the real him, for so very long.

I still had the blasted bullet in my leg to prove for it. Made me wonder if he'd noticed the scar there. Or the one I had gained across my muzzle from his loyal beta. Made me wonder if he could pick apart my thoughts in those moments as I had begun to pick apart his own battle wounds. The scars made us what we were, undoubtably warriors in our own rights. They showed our hopes and dreams and in the end connected us in ways we could not admit with words. Tokens of our esteem. Of our dedication and our loyalty. So many broken blood vessels shattered for the others sake. So I sat in silence, golden eyes shining back what little light the stars provided, and waited. Waited for my king to come back to my woven grass castle. If he would come. The great stones of his own sometimes made one forget how warm open air could be.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

It was childish, but I couldn’t stop my tongue from rolling past my lips in hanging in the joy of it all. How I relished in these bi-monthly getaways. It was always a hassle to prepare, Nimrod constantly trying to sway me from them, but he was beginning to come to terms with the firmness of the schedule. It was not as if I left him to rule alone, though I am sure he wished I would. Theodora was left in charge of children old enough to train and was to be a council should Nimrod need to make a decision. Most of the dogs there were self-reliant to a certain extent. Nimrod still had to pass out hunting assignments for organized cat hunts, but if anything too big for him to handle came about, I had let Fido know that he and Janus had to be available to come and retrieve me without question on Nimrod’s demand. Not that anything big ever happened, but it helped Nimrod get off my case.

Of course he was shocked when I started preparing to leave this time. I might have snapped at him a bit too harshly, but he was worrying over nothing. The sun being gone just meant he needed to take advantage of our black furred members during the hunts. We were as equipped as any feline for darkness, and I wasn’t about to give Skoll the satisfaction of seeing my pack fall into disarray over the star’s disappearance. I would not let his games ruin the only good thing left in my life. I had to be a reliable part of my children’s life. Well, Mahal’s anyway. Alonda and Ekshen had run off to pave their own lives, and Cenzulome had been smart and left when the day I was taken. Did I miss the three of them? Of course. But I would not force myself into the lives of dogs who decided they didn’t want me in their life anymore. I had no right to.

It was in this mindset that I broke past the brush line and made a bee-line to the camp’s single tree. I made a point to drop my paws heavily in the moist land so as not to take Carska off guard. I had scared several dogs in my own pack, due to the way my pelt blends into this new length of nighttime. Dogs like Brian were beginning to take advantage of it, sneaking around and playing pranks. While everyone else just grew frustrated, I was amused. The kid would love to hang around with the lads in the Achievement Hunters, I am sure.

“Evening, Carska. Or morning. I have lost track.” The smile in my tone was warm as I came to sit beside my closest friend. Because I could comfortably say we were back at that point. After all that had happened, this time we needed to take it slow. Our first love had grown quickly, skipping over friendship entirely. It had left it fragile. I am not saying I would not have broken if we had gone slower, but maybe I would have been strong enough to stand beside my daughter when her and Val admitted they would defend Vea Apxn when the talk of war broke out.

Even in the dark my eyes flicked quickly to the paler scars on her leg. It was a quick glance, as it always was, my ruby expression quickly falling back to stare affectionately into Carska’s golden. But I knew the story of that scar, and before the sun set for its final time I had saw the bullet was still there. It shocked me that Logan had allowed such a thing to stay. I was curious, because that meant Carska had not allowed the young boy to take it out, but it never seemed my place to ask. There were some lines that were not appropriate to cross yet, and something told me that one was one of them.

“How is Vea Apxn handling this new--” I paused, looking at the starry sky wistfully, “development? I had to pretty much tie Nimrod to a tree to let me have my week off.” I laughed it ruggedly, but there was the smallest hint of concern behind the sound. Just as I had predicted, dogs were scared but not able to admit to it in my pack. They suffered alone, oblivious to the fact that they didn’t have to be alone. They saw no god or message, all they saw was something strange that could mean something dangerous. I know Nimrod suggested it could be something up in space blocking the sun, in which Brian gave a nervous laugh and said that now that object is hurdling towards earth.

So now rumor has it we have two days before the earth is pulverized. Thanks, Skoll.

[I L Y I C H]

One ear flicked sideways, noting his entrance and stupid jokes. As good a man as Bidziil could be small talk and jokes always managed to fall so awkwardly off of his tongue. Not that I was much better but the point stood. Never the less I smiled in response. "It's evening. The stars are in the same place they were last night." Navigation wasn't something I was good at, and I had to admit I would be at a complete loss as to what time it was if it weren't for Syntax pointing it out. Honestly I shouldn't have been surprised. She'd come from the far north and what other way had she known what direction she was going? Smiling at the thought of that overly intelligent tawny dog staring up at the sky I returned Bidziil's affectionate glance. These nights were doing a good thing for us two. His electing to stay with us every now and again had surprised me at first and I'd been suspicious of the man's motives but I looked forward to them now. Precious as they were.

But thinking of one overly intelligent dog had my mind on another, and my expression went black with worry. I doubted that Clarimonde would go anywhere near Bidziil or the original pack. I had no clue where she was at all but I knew for a fact that she would not have gone westward. Yet my ebony friend might still have seen her. I didn't know. That day had been a horrible thing indeed. Drastic and dead silent and I could still feel the bile at the back of my throat in agonized sympathy for my poor Clarimonde. Bidziil's deep voice interrupted my thoughts before I could form a proper question and I looked up slightly from my worries and shrugged. "I've no clue. No one seems too badly shaken but their scared. But no one's come to me with anything and if they were terrified they would." For all that they were still folami my pack knew that I would do anything to protect them. "Mahal seems bleak but that might be for an entirely different reason." A sigh pressed out after the words.

"Have you seen hide or hair of Clarimonde?" That husky girl was going to cause me to loose ever hair on my pelt. Every single one. Mahal had brought her to me not a week before now. Spoken to me about what had happened. I'd sent my son to fetch Logan. To do what the boy did best. Words were spoken softly and those who watched had sadness in their gaze. It was a loss we would not forget. A loss I knew all too well. One of my daughters had been still born and I still felt that quiet missing piece in my heart that wondered what she would have grown up to be. Tawny eyes hard and bleak I shook my head roughly. There wasn't a single inch of Vea Apxn land that we had not scoured. Skoll only knew where Clari had escaped too, and gods I feared for her. The girl might as well be my child with all I had come to attach myself to her. I couldn't stand the thought of her being out there alone. Mahal was far worse in this. With his friend missing I doubted the boy had gotten much more then a wink of sleep here and there for a week. I was amazed he'd lasted so long before he'd crashed.

Glancing over my shoulder I could see our son sprawled painfully in the dirt right where he had collapsed not three hours prior. I knew the boy. I knew the guilt raging in him. Mahal felt like he had not done enough. Had sobbed that Clarimonde had been suicidal already. Had lost all of his tears in the first two days and had merely wandered dry faced and desperate the rest. I didn't know what to do with any of it. Didn't know how to help in any way and had hung back. I'd helped with the initial searched but had backed off after. This was the husky's decision in the end no matter what any of us thought. Mahal was furious with me because of it. He'd not spoken to me sense the second day. Ears back and face pinched I sighed again. There wasn't anything we could do.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Ah, night, good, so my sleeping schedule was still in tact. I said nothing more, however, merely let my affection expression simmer down and soften. There was something pressing behind those golden eyes and I knew what it would be. I flicked my ruby gaze past her at the awkwardly sleeping son. I had been asked, pleaded even, not to tell these two above all others where the husky resided. It was Geoff’s request that finally made me understand that things would be much worse for everyone if either Mahal or Carska knew Clarimonde’s whereabouts. The husky needed to be away from them. There was a story behind it I was not allowed to know, but I dare not ask questions. I tended to destroy that which I tried to care about, so I had to do my best to stay out of Clarimonde’s affairs--destroying her would destroy my son. He was damaged enough by my paws already.

Ah, but there lie the real challenge--could I lie to my dear Carska? I had no expected her to ask me about the husky outright, so I had planned to simply avoid the matter. I would keep my head low this week and hope by my next visit Clarimonde was either off their minds, or had returned. No such, luck, though. I had to avert my gaze to the side for a second to collect myself. This was for everyone’s good, but that didn’t stop my stomach from clenching as the words fell heavy past my lips. “I haven’t, but I assure you I will be having my warriors keep an eye open for her.” The saddness and distress in my gaze was true, as was the anxious twitch at the corner of my lips, but it was not for the husky’s well-being as is what it would seem to be to dogs not reading my own thoughts, it was simply my deep displeasure over lying to Carska surfacing.

I fought to keep my eyes focused on her fora moment more before looking past her at our sleeping son once more. “I will help him search in the morning, but first--” I climbed to my paws and made my way past Carska to where our son had fallen heavy with exhaustion. The boy needed a good night’s sleep, and out in the open wind and rain he would not be allowed that. He would wake up sore and possibly ill, yet he would still search and only get worse with each day he pushed himself. As gently as I could, I grabbed a hold of the man’s scruff, using one paw to cushion as head as I limped towards the shelter of a makeshift den. My eyes remained on the ground in front of us so as to avoid dragging the sleeping man over rocks and other debris.

Once satisfied with the meager protection from the elements, I laid Mahal’s head down gently on the drier soil. I pressed my nose into his temple gently in an act of silent apology. Lying to Carska hurt me, but knowing how much Clarimonde meant to Mahal and still keeping her whereabouts a secret from him was eating me away from the inside. In silence, I carried myself crest-fallen back over to Carska. I could no longer meet her eyes as I sat by her. “Folami are practically invincible to many things, but a cold is not one of them.” I explained my actions cautiously, leaving out the part about the raging guilt sitting like a brick in my stomach.

“Would I be overstepping boundaries if I said I missed being a prisoner of war?” Random but I needed to get it out. I loved my pack, but they didn’t want me to love them. At least in Vea Apxn I was allowed to love the dogs around me.

For now, though, I guess I would have to deal with faking who I was for seven out of every eight weeks.

[I L Y I C H]

Sighing softly I nodded. Thankful. Keeping some eyes open was all I asked. No one needed to look for the lost husky girl, this was her decision. Perhaps she was avoiding what we considered her family, but that did not mean she wanted this family's protection. I seemed to remember a young husky boy much like her who's mother had cared for them both so kindly despite it all. Perhaps Clarimonde had found them, out in the woods where they had gone to escape the hatred the original pack had bestowed upon them. It was a hopeful thought at least, not nearly as bleak as my assumption that she had done what she had wished to do. A body floating in the ocean. Giving one quick shudder at the mental image that invoked I stood when Bidziil went to our son.

It was still so odd to see this side of him again. Gentle to a fault. How long had he hid behind that ugly mask, even when he resided in this camp? Ebony form tucked away and safe. We'd not have let anything hurt the fallen king, yet the mask had remained until just recently. Only finally chipped away when Bidziil began to fight for himself again. A man and not a mouse who cowered from his faults. Following on soft paws I kept my thoughts to myself, though I wasn't so certain my eyes weren't betraying me. It was a game the tawny orbs were very good at. In the end I found myself shaking my head. "There is no point in searching" I offered quietly. Almost a breath. like I was fearful of the words making their way into our son's dreams. And truly I was.

"If Clarimonde wants to come back she will. If she does not then we have to accept that." As much as it hurt. And it didn't just hurt Mahal as much as he seemed to be thinking that these past few days. Clari was as much my friend as she was his. I looked to her the same way I looked to Ayita, and I would miss her. But we had no right to go out into these grasses and try and force her back. My eyes whispered back across Bidziil's and I frowned worriedly at him. I'd known the man too long to not see the half truths in those crimson eyes. But I also knew he would not lie to me without reason. It would be a simple thing to just tell me they had found a body, so I assumed Clari had found something to keep her alive for the time being. I wouldn't question it.

Turning to go back to my tree I sat down neatly back under it's protection. The seriousness of my expression fell away when my old friend spoke again, a laugh bubbling up in it's place. "Maybe" I snickered, perpetuating Bidziil's stupid joke. Side eying him I smiled before pulling up as snarky an expression as I could. "Don't miss your moping around." I huffed, rolling my eyes up before closing them importantly. Though I couldn't quiet hide the curl to my lips. "You don't mope here anymore though, so I guess you just mope on Nimsy's porch now." And I hoped it infuriated Nimrod to the very base of every hair on his pelt. Loyal only to his humans that man could never stand up to his human made alpha. Falling into a frown I grimaced slightly. "I'm jealous really. Wish he'd be that obnoxiously loyal to me so I could punch him a few times for good measure." Ears flicking I turned back to the ebony man with my smile curling back onto my lips. "Though only for a bit. I've no idea how you deal with the man."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I turned my ruby stare back towards my son, ears set back. This whole thing frustrated me as much as tore me to pieces. Lying was one thing, but to know the lies hurt my little prince in such deep ways was a thing I found hard to bare. "Maybe it is her right." I said it softly, between clenched teeth. "But it is also my right as Mahal's father to put him first." And that was that. So I wouldn't help the boy search for the husky girl--but no one could stop me from trying to convince Clarimonde to grow up and quit being so selfish. What could have gone so wrong between them that she was willing to break and already much too cracked man? Last I had seen the two, she was positively smitten with my son. Maybe at one time I had thought poorly of their friendship, afraid a disgusting mutt would one day stand beside him to rule the pack, but that prejudice judgment was thrown aside now. Clarimonde was clever, and where she lacked in actual battle know-how, she made up for with logic beyond any dog I knew. That would take the pack further than the strongest Queen.

I followed the woman away from our son, careful to be light on my paws to be considerate for any lighter sleepers in the bunch. I noted there was no scent of Alonda or Val--I could recall them leaving before I woke on my last day in Vea Apxn. Had they not returned from that stroll? I take it they had not been killed, or Carska would have let me know of our daughter's demise. I had never expected Ekshen or Cenzulome to leave for life as a loner, but Alonda did not surprise me one bit with the move. "I did not mope." I snapped it in mock defense. "I just blathered about humans no one but I could see. There is a difference." I smirked crudely at her, able to make light of my insanity now that it was past. I could recognize now that those days of terror had been of shadows and nothing more. Vea Apxn had kept me safe. I rolled my eyes once the topic of Nimrod rose, though. "Ah, that flea can bite my ass. Remember when he used to be my friend? Or maybe not really. I wasn't one for friends back then." Nostalgia often lead people back to happier times, but for me it just showed me how far we'd come. Friendship was frowned upon in those earlier times--but then Carska had broken me; or had she fixed me?

"Besides, ever since he hooked up with Stitch he has been a little easier to tolerate. Guess he just needed to get laid." I shrugged him off. "He used to have the hots for you, did you know that? Lucky you." I shifted a little closer, eyes darkening as my lips curled into a suggestive smirk. "Not that I blame him one bit. You are a package deal--smarts, strength, courage, all wrapped up in a body that isn't too hard on the eyes, either." I offered her a sharp wink. I was rather enjoying doing this the right way this time--flirting was sort of fun. "Ah, but I digress. It is quite wonderful being able to say and do anything to him without having to worry over him fighting back. Fido would do the same thing, but I rather like my little fox friend. Nimrod is a much more entertaining punching bag." My face leveled out, mind shifting away from flirts and gossip. "You may have you shot to punch the shit out of him with due time. Word has it the humans are getting restless over there being so many dogs not following their rules." I shifted to sit a little straighter, hating ruining a good moment with such things, but Carska was cut off from the humans now and needed to be warned since she wouldn't overhear them talk like we do. "You know how humans are, it will be a bit before they actually act, but I would just suggest having your family prepared. I'll keep their minds on other things as long as I can, but without full support from my pack there is only so much I can do." I forced my gaze to hers. "But don't doubt that I will fight beside you should the need arise, and just because my pack consists of a lot of cruel dogs, most are not loyal to the humans, so they won't fight for you, but they'll be on the same side."

The humans would be in for a surprise when they march from the trees and find only three or four of their dogs stand by their side.

[I L Y I C H]

I felt the confidence drain out of my eyes. The man was right after all. While it might be Clarimonde's own choice I could not help but feel a twitch of anger for my sons sake. His dear friend thought she could not bare the world yet here was a boy ready to do it for her. Perhaps he loved Logan, as I was sure he did but it was possible to love two wolves differently. And what I saw of this boy grown man was undoubtably love. Desperate craving pained love, of a sort I found far too close to kin with my own fiery showings of the emotion. Never the less I went back to my tree guardian and smiled a sharp grin at the humor from the man I once thought humorless. How things changed.

"Oh is there?" I chuckled back, unable to help but respond to his teasing jibes. "I do recall you moping quiet a bit all the jumping at shadows aside." Not that I could say very much. I'd moped for the first few weeks of the ebony king's presence in my ring of confidents. I'd not wanted to see him there. it had felt wrong and a sick thing to have my loyal dogs suddenly having a poisonous snake placed among them. I'd outgrown my moping however. Thanks to the boy now tucked away in his bed. Some snakes painted themselves so they seemed more threatening then they really were. "If he were a flea on your ass he would starve." Snorting I rolled my eyes. Nimrod would sooner throw himself off a cliff then press a fang into his beloved alpha's flesh.

Eyes bouncing back to the crimson I snorted sharply all over again, almost gagging myself to hold back the laugh that had slammed up in response. The very idea of Nimrod fucking anyone was completely not a mental image I needed. Let alone Stitch. Oh dear Skoll. Let alone me. I'd counted the beta a friend and maybe I'd been preoccupied but you'd think I would notice such a thing. Grimacing I pulled as disturbed a face as I could and wrinkled my nose at my friend sitting beside me. The very idea of Nimrod getting anywhere near me in such a manor made my stomach roll. Of course Bidziil had to flip it right over itself all over again. It was the only thing he was good for.

AS heavily self-concious as I was I ducked slightly, glad for the fur that hid the heat that slammed into my cheeks and gave the man the most unamused look I could muster. "Shut the hell up." Grousing I flicked my tail against his hip. If the little fucktard thought this was funny he had something dreadfully wrong. Though it was nice to hear such things coming out of Bidziil's mouth i couldn't bring myself to be anything but pleasantly embarrassed. It just wasn't something I was exactly good with handling. Complements were... weird. Never the less such things died away too swiftly now a days. Nothing good or sweet could last very long.

Ears twisting slightly, I turned fully to face Bidziil. Seriousness layered down across my playful behavior, masking it. Calming my frantic mind as it always did. It was nice to have something to focus on, as it always was. Though this issue was perhaps more serious then distracting. Frowning thickly I laid my ears back just enough to give off the impression of uncertainty. "They can't drop their larger weapons on our heads. You know how their packs are." That at least was a comfort. Bombs were not something I wanted to see at my doorstep. "And they underestimate us always. Yet I worry for this... I fear our numbers are too small. Good dogs will die." Good dogs died every day. "Shit." Tawny eyes sharpening I lifted my head to focus on him. "I trust you here. To fight with us." Shaking my head roughly I sighed and turned my eyes back to the endless night before us.

"They wont expect us to raise a fang on them.... or at least you." Shrewd eyes cutting back to Bidziil's face I watched him for a long moment. I'd always been the thinker between us two. The strategic one. So I would do what I had always done best. Plot. "When the time draws close take two or three of my dogs. Paradox and Syntax perhaps. Large mean looking ones. Both of them have been seen killing." It was no secret that those two had blood on their paws but so did I and I had not stopped hunting simply do to family connections. A folami did what they wanted. It was not wrong of them. "It would be a simple matter to chase them away from your camp. If they had no where to go between akando ende and us then the war would end much faster." If we had Paradox and Syntax in camp with Bidziil it would raise his numbers within. Mahal and I would bring the numbers without and crush them out towards the wastes between the three most dangerous lands in this area.

They would face nothing but fangs no matter their clumsy steps.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Her embarrassment curved my smile into a cruel one, enjoying feeling the heat rise from her frustration. I said nothing more, submissing to her order, but my gaze was focused on her and her alone now. Though the smile fell away as the talk of war brought on strategy, plotting--that had always been where Carska reigned surpreme. Almost every hunting technique my pack still followed was developed by this queen, as were many of the battle moves for the smaller, less brutish dogs to fight with. I listened carefully, nodding in approval. Ellipses and Paradox could hold it together if it meant the survival of the species--they were both good dogs under that rough past they had allowed to mold them. Ellipses would put his emotions on hold for the protection of his siblings, and Paradox and Syntax had Ayita and the children to fight for now.

I eyed her cautiously. “Make sure the dogs in Vea Apxn realize I am on your side. I think the best bet is for the humans to continue trusting me, so I will be standing beside them in battle. It won’t be until they are most vulnerable, or someone standing against them is in danger, that I will raise and attack from within. I don’t want one of the family seeing me looking loyal to those scum bags and get the wrong idea.” I tried to say it with humor on my tongue, but it came off dead, weighed heavy with venom. I had loved the humans once, felt a great deal of respect and admiration for them--but they had hurt my family, and convinced me to butcher the already scarred dogs I cared for. I was a monster for what I did, I accept full responsibility--but if it weren’t for the humans I would never have had to be tested. I appreciated them creating us, but now they needed to stand aside or be torn apart. They fought for power, we fought for love.

Love is the stronger motivator.

I thought carefully for a moment. “Ackecheta holds loyalty to you--should he see my dogs he will suspect a threat. Perhaps you should speak with him and fill him in, I am sure between you and Abeni he will have no power to object. You know my stance on felines, but right now I cannot allow prejustice nonsense to cloud reason. I will try and speak with Symphony Bava’--the man may be a bit strange, but Ende is his family and humans are a threat to them, we should be able to come to a mutual agreement.” I knew what that agreement would be. I would make his pride on the off limits list if he would help protect Vea Apxn should the humans fall in his direction. I was not suggesting we drag cats into our war on our land, but if the humans moved onto Ende and Akando, it would be nice to know they would do more than hide until the danger past, and reasurring to have them aware that, for once, the Folami are not their biggest threat.

“I also know of some other dogs...” I trailed off, voice lowering as I looked away. It would be easy enough to bring Achievement Hunters into the mess. Clarimonde could still hide her ass from Carska and Mahal while the others fought--she wasn’t much of a warrior anyway. And Geoff was a good dog, he would not let Vea Apxn and my pack burn while he lay safely nestled in the trees. I was almost positive the humans were not aware of that pack. But, could I really take advantage of such good dogs and have them put themselves in a danger they needed no part in. “But I don’t know--they are safe where they are.” I dropped it at that, leaving it up to Carska just how far we were planning to go to protect her family.