and so we love }{ LOCKED

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

LOGAN'S POV

The rabbit released a groan before its soul abandoned him. I wondered if I was the only one it bothered, this killing deal as a whole. It was an arrogant thought, and I dismissed it shortly after having it. Clarimonde may not feel remorse, allowing logic to convince her it was fair. The rabbits had higher numbers, so a few killed here and there left no damage to the ecosystem. Checks and balances, she called it. But what of us? Outside the humans, we had no one keeping our numbers in check. We were not a natural creature, and as such had no predators. We were built to be monsters, and I opened my mouth to object to the roll of the eyes the husky girl gave me when she saw me eying her kill sadly.

"It doesn't bother you? Not even a little bit?" My tone was childish, almost pouting. In the two weeks the woman had returned, our friendship had grown to its original level. She knew Mahal and I were broken apart, everyone knew. Still friends, though, I had hoped branching out to this woman would bring them both together, since Mahal was clearly too afraid to do it himself. No such thing had occurred, though. I could not recall a time since the break that both had come to me at once. It was growing annoying, how thick headed the two were--or perhaps simply pig-headed. I always held my tongue, knowing better than to push them. Even this little ‘come on, Clari, let’s go for a walk’ had been innocent. I had spent the morning with Mahal--loads of fun Mr. Pout Pants always is--and I had simply intended to spend the afternoon with Clarimonde. It was frustrating I had to split the days between my two friends. Mahal was too guilty to be around Clarimonde, and, though she was better at hiding it, I knew that was the woman’s problem, as well. I wouldn’t even put it past her to have a little bit of anger still in her, fueled only by pain. She had lost her sons and, at the bottom of it all, I knew that was the cause of everything. She wasn’t some needy girl that could not cope with her crush not loving her back--she simply was not used to the swell of emotions the death of her sons had given her, and Mahal had been an easy outlet. That was why I took caution. The topic of Mahal was tied too tightly with that of her children. Even mentioning him could spiral her downward much too quickly.

Dropping her kill, Clarimonde rolled her eyes once more. “Of course it bothers me, but we are dogs, Logan. Dogs need meat. If I could be a vegetarian, you know I would join you in the hippy corner.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. The girl constantly called me a wanna-be hippy. She explained it once--a human term for one of the peaceful, tree-hugging type. She laughed it like it was a joke, but I thought it was a wonderful group of individuals. Clarimonde said humans were something called omnivore, but it was by choice. They could easily live without animal matter, and some chose to do so. She explained that canines and felines did not have that option--canines had to remain omnivore and felines had to stay carnivore. I always listened to her openly, enjoying hearing the girl forget about her worries when given the chance to teach someone of lesser intelligence. Not to mention, the thought that some humans out there were not only compassionate, but actually did something about it, excited me. Clarimonde was not so open-minded. Maybe before the loss of her children she would have perked her ears in guarded interested at the mention of Skoll, but she was shut off from him now. A woman of logic, it didn’t make sense to her, but neither did emotions and she was suddenly drowning in them. Loss and pain, though, were not something she could comprehend a loving god allowing. So she simply said no. And I thought maybe Skoll was okay with that.

“You should give that to Mahal. I haven’t seen him eat much these past few days.” The playful demeanor fell away from her, ears sitting back and eyes falling to the ground. She pushed the rabbit towards me, silently gesturing I do it. “Come on, he’d appreciate it. He’d love for you to talk to him.” Silence was my answer as I simply watched her crawl deeper into herself. I knew she would react like this, but I had decided--I had to intervene. They would get nowhere if I didn’t convince one of them to take a stand. I couldn’t do it to Mahal--the boy was so lost to his guilt he didn’t even see himself worthy enough for Clarimonde to walk on. Emotions were new to Clarimonde. They had broken her because she had never learned how heavy a burden they could be. All she needed was to be reminded how illogical it was to let them control her--the girl couldn’t ignore you if you said something she was doing was wrong. It wasn’t wrong, it was folami nature, but it would be the only way to get her attention. “Go speak to Mahal.” And order. Stern. Her eyes snapped up defensively, fur along her spine raising.

“Watch your tone, Pastor Logan. Your god might strike you down.”

[/b][/i] She responded with sarcasm, knowing how much it bothered me how little she thought of my self-proclaimed position--how stupid she thought I was for looking to the sky for answers, finding hopes in my nightly dreams. Suddenly I didn’t feel quite so bad about manipulating her as I was about to do. I was tired of her attitude towards my faith--I didn’t care if she believed or not, the woman did have a nasty habit of pointing out how wrong I was for having something to believe in that could not be proved with anything but the heart.

Before I could say something I knew even now that I would regret, I felt a muzzle brush across my own. Her scent, the scent of my dearest Evangeline, carried strongly to my senses. My eyed Clarimonde, but she made no motion towards noticing. My mate was here for me and me alone--reminding me. I closed my eyes and felt her presence, her warmth, letting my muscles relax and heart slow its beat. Anger. Manipulation. It would only damage an already broken soul. I may win the battle with it, but it would force the war to be lost. She would find love, perhaps, but she would not know it for what it is.

I opened my eyes and I knew Evangeline had left, but I could feel her mark still on my heart. “You’re right. I am sorry, Clari.” A sheepish smile, apologetic. Her fur lay flat and she blinked away her own surprised frustration, showing forgiveness for my abrupt rudeness. “But I still think you should. Hear me out.” I saw her eyes narrow but she did not move away or roll her eyes to show she was blocking out my words. I had her attention. I knew she wanted to speak to Mahal, but I was also aware she was scared, so scared. If I could toss out her fears, then there would be hope. “You love him.” It wasn’t a question. I knew she did. When someone loves another, they need not say it--it shows in everything they do. Every glance she sent his way, every time she said his name, the way her eyes wandered to follow his voice when he entered into camp. “Just as you loved your sons.” Pain washed into her eyes and I could feel her attention waver away from me. I hated bringing it up, but sometimes the sting of loss is the only way to force someone to see what they have. “Sometimes love hurts you, Clarimonde, don’t you think I know that? There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss Eve, or my father.” My facial expression dropped down to agony at the very mention. “My mother.” I looked away from her, seeing my own pain reflected in her gaze. Didn’t she realize she wasn’t the only one carrying guilt? “In my own pain, I took the remedy that should have been yours.” I looked back, apology in my eyes. “He helped me, Clarimonde, imagine what he could do for someone he actually loves?”

It all felt lame coming off my tongue and I felt distraught sweep over me. I could never help a soul for I knew not the words to do so. Clarimonde needed someone better than me, someone like my father, my sister, or even our dear Daiade. I could not help her. And yet I found her head pushed fiercely under my jaw, heads eyes clamped shut. I heard her mutter a thank you before leaving me to stand alone by the beach. The beach? We had further than I thought.

And my words carried her farther than I dreamed. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]