Denial. [bhu; aw]

[I L Y I C H]

Ebony paws struck dirt like mallets, the end of my toes curling back in an effort to dissuade my weary shuffle. Oh Skoll I could barley walk, let alone stop this monotonous grinding of my stormy claws into the dust. Everything felt numb. Cold. Rain drenched everything that had once been burning under the fierce flame of the sun. Skoll was hidden in clouds, and what was once sand tuned to a dangerous muck that caught and drug me in my urge to move. It didn't matter. This danger. My pains. Nothing mattered. Abeni. I had to find Abeni. Blind silver eyes searched vainly, blinking rapidly against the deluge infesting them. Water fell heavy and thick upon me, racing past and through the course inky hairs now clinging to my too thin frame. At least is was raining now. The sky carried on in it's agonies as I limped and stumbled forward.

Carska couldn't track me through this. None of them could. Even my nose, keen as it was, was relatively useless. Drops clung to the pebbled black surface and rolled away taking with them any information I might have gathered. No. I was blind and alone. Only my ears seemed to be functioning properly and then all they could hear despite their ever moving forms was the rumble of thunder and the constant pattering of fat raindrops. Giving up I laid the dripping auds against my skull and lowered my head. Forge on. There was still wet sand under paw, sticking to every hair it could reach. I was nearing Akando. Nearing my daughter and these lions with whom she had decided to associate herself with.

Not that I had any right to deny her such things. Abeni... had every right to be with her own kind. To have children that were her own and would never suffer from speciesism. Even if the father was that pig headed buffoon. Dead now. Syntax had brought the news from a wide patrol. Ezhno was dead now, and his daughter and her milk mate Ackecheta lead. It was the reason why in my delusional trembling state that I had hiked the miles north. My baby could be in trouble. This change in leadership could prove disastrous for everyone involved. I had to make sure. I had to be sure that my Abeni was safe and happy. At least safe. No one was happy any more.

Sister would be furious with me. Paradox had said the wound stretching from shoulder to chest had become infected, and it definitely smelt worse then before. But I could not see it and thus I could pretend in my rain clogged nose that there was nothing wrong. That the fiery agony tearing through my chest was just my imagination. That I could stretch my right leg out as far as I once could. Everything was fine, and as I trudged into the desert lands of Akando shrouded in the blackness of twilight and storm clouds I could not care for myself. Every thought dictated action. Abeni. Where was Abeni?

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I took pity on this creature, deformed as he was. I knew he was a Folami, a beast far grander than I in size. But I was no fool, the man had a weakness outside his mangled state. His eyes were glazed; a blind man. Or maybe the rain was fogging my own judgement.

I stalked closer, coming from the mediocre covering of the bolders on the outskirts of the Waste Lands. This was no place for someone injured, even when the sand was not a sinkhole. He was a thret, perhaps, in his health, but for now, he was vulnerable. A trespasser, yes, but the rain can catch senses off guard. Perhaps the smell of storm has his glands backed up and he had been unable to register the border markers.

What has happened to me, where I would pity a Folami?

Ah, but I did, and I stalked ever closer. I had been in these rains for several days now, and my senses had become accostomed to its power. I could read his aroma, and it caught me off guard. It was not unfamiliar, but where could I place it? On a lioness, yes. Had he attacked one of my females? No, no one had reported such a danger to me nor Ezhno. Even the woman were intelligent to know that to keep such information to themselves means disloyalty and danger to the pride. No, he had not attacked, merely made contact.

"You, sir, let me help you to some covering." I spoke kindly, though caution was clear in the tone. I crept forward and kept from making contact. If this man was not blind, and it was only the rain added a strange hue to his eyes, then, even injured, I was little match for a Folami. Izaray would have a fit if she saw this blind compassion I was bestowing. Even I felt a prick of self-disgust. But I was worn down by my new responsibilities, and I felt I needed to right some wrongs that Ezhno had done.

Starting with the wrong he has done to the dignity of Akando.

[I L Y I C H]

I jumped, if only slightly at the indignity of being caught off guard. What pride I had left sizzled and died as with caution I lifted my ears and turned my broad black skull in the direction of the words. The paw steps. Every ounce of wet pooling sand in this desert soaked up noise. I hadn't heard the feline coming. As it were a feline, I could hear it in it's voice. Folami had a different sort of tilt. An accent if you will. There was a separate nuance. And yet, despite my place within his boundaries, and the pride that I had made a beeline for I was treated kindly. There was caution there yes, but I would not respect this creature if he did not allow as much. An uncertain paw lifted, prodding the blackness in the direction of the cat with hesitance. I could smell him now, if only slightly, but it was not enough to pinpoint his position as I normally would have. Lion... I think he is a lion. higher ranking then, to be a male within the borders of Akando. Ah but I forgot. Ezhno was dead.

Setting my searching foot back to ground I turned fully towards him, blind silver eyes flicking about as if they could find some direction in which color would show. Alas I had never and would never find such an angle and after a moment gave up on the idea. Ebony jaws parted to reveal ivory canines beneath as I spoke up, voice low and weak. "That is kind of you, good sir." Tones thick as slime with my illness I took a step towards the creature. If he was indeed a lion then I would be about his same height and a bit more filled out. What muscle I had once had had deteriorated over the last few months. Fear and sickness did such horrible things to the body. Cloudy gray eyes focused blankly forward into the shadows, hoping they were placed correctly. At any other time I would be sure of this, as my other senses would activate, but Akando's showers had only just begun to expand and migrate. I had yet to become accustom to their cloying covers.

"I... have I passed the scent boundary? I would have stopped had I been able to scent it." My limp tail waved with my apology. It had been the plan to stop and wait. It was rather hard after all to ignore a folami at one's gates. But in the storm I had overshot, it would seem. My head drooped a fraction, ears curving backward once more. Shaking the wedge shaped thing irritably I took another hesitant step forward. Now that the lion's bulk was not displacing wind or sand I could not detect him as well. Over the thunder I could hear a low blip of a heart beat, but that was all and it was not loud enough to pinpoint in the gale. "Have you seen a lioness called Abeni?" I flung the words out louder in the hopes that he could hear my desperation. Our species they did not get along, but this lion had shown me compassion already. Would he provide my desperation and my fears with more of the soothing substance?

A gulp was drawn in, a sneeze blow out as water trickled into my useless nostrils. Whomever this lad was he could surely smell the infection on me. He would know how very bad it was. Surely he would understand the importance. A breath sucked deep, preparing. Folami are arrogant creatures, but I have learned from my brother's and sister's mistakes. "I am dying, my friend. I need to see her. Please." My eyes lifted, focusing. Carska has always said that I have an unnerving ability to focus my eyes despite their obvious disability. Skoll, I am dying. All I want is to see my Abeni. That is all. Please. Desperation was there in my eyes, but there was defiance as well. If this creature said no then he would learn how strong I truly was. Pain and illness mean nothing in the face of a tired man's will. I would not die before I spoke with my daughter. I could not.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

The infection was strong scented and my pity turned to blind sympathy. The pain, it must have been so very hard to bear. What could do this to a Folami but another Folami? Perhaps this misshapen sap had been booted from the pack. That could only mean he was, what they call, a kittenhugger. Then again, for a blind man, anything could produce that injury.

My kindness was responded with warmth and gratitude, and I prepared to guide the man to where I had laid to rest on my border patrol. His statement about border markers left me unconcerned. Most Folami knew nothing of boundaries. The world was their game trail. He had not disregarded, just simply been unaware. I decided not to mention that the scents were probably not only drowned out by the rain, but simply washed away, as well. I have not come to be as efficient as Ezhno had been; the man devoted half of each day to marking borders; I haven’t refreshed them since his and mine last border patrol together.

Abeni? The dumb one? I pulled away, though I saw that there was no aggression in his gaze. What could this man want with a mentally challenged lioness? I was not emotionally attached to any but Izaray, but that did not mean I would neglect to protect all of my pridemates. Instinct even screamed for me to kill her offspring, since they are spawns of the prior males reign, but I was a higher man than Ezhno was. If Izaray had mated against his will, he would have killed our children and banned me, simply for genetics sake. But I could not harm a child that did no wrong. Abeni’s children had never crossed my path, so, for now, they were just another piece of Akando’s puzzle.

Giving the man a sideways glance, though he would not see the question presented in my eyes, I pulled away the paw I had put out to guide him. “I hope you do realize how weird a request this sounds to me.” I didn’t want to be rude, but my defensive nature had been put on high alert. “Abeni is sheltering with the other woman and children at my camp. I can’t exactly lead you into my camp. I’m sure you understand.” My tight tone softened as I spoke, my eyes averting back to that wretched infection. “But, I suppose I can lead her out here. The girl may be stubborn, but she asks few questions.” I reached out to lightly brush the man’s paw. “But, first, let me bring you to the rock covering so you can warm up while I go to find her.” My tone had not yet returned to the pure kindness it had been. There was an edge to it now. Abeni and her cubs would follow me here, but to what? Certain death? Was Abeni the one survivor of some massacre this man had years ago and now he is back for revenge?

But he sounded so weak…and, passionate?

[I L Y I C H]

I could sense his sudden reluctance, and it brought a frown to my face. Oh here it went. Denial. Grief hung at the edges of my soul, waiting to invade. Yet he held out a paw, a rather large one at that to guide me forward. Silver eyes whispered their worries, captured by old fears as I hobbled after that guiding light. The pulling away brought me to an abrupt halt, useless eyes searching almost frantically. It was obvious to this massive beast that I could not find her without him wasn't it? He would leave me to die out here without helping me. The anxieties floundered in, struggling against the sluggishness of pain. Words... Black ears lifted, perking towards the lion's voices. Ah... ah. I hadn't thought of that. Abeni had been such an intricate part of my life for so long that I often forget that it was odd to others.

Even my pack mates expected her at my side, after all.

My head dipped, suddenly understanding his reaction. Due to my species he would not trust me around a mother. He had every right to be suspicious. Understanding and submissiveness now spilled into me. Tail waving appeasement I offered a small smile. "I forget, sometimes. It isn't so odd to me any more." A low guttural laugh pulled from me, ending just as abruptly as it started as my face contorted in pain as it shook out the vicious damage to the chest wall. Carefully pulling my expression back together I dropped my skull to where a hoped it was lower then my fellow's. "Of course. I am forgetful, forgive me." A pause followed the words, blind silver eyes roaming slightly. "My kind does not live in such a way." I added after that pause, wondering. Of course we had our camp, but it was rare that any but the young and the Alphas slept there.

His touch was reassuring and I limped after it gratefully. It was nice to see that Ezhno had left behind some creature of a greater mind then his own. It seemed that all anyone needed to do was let the next generation take over. I could be sure that Mahal and this kind stranger would make great leaps towards peace. I followed swiftly, slipping as my paws struck something not of sand. A lesser creature may have slipped fully. My bulk tightened, muscles suddenly obvious under sodden onyx hairs as I caught myself and on three legs hopped a step forward before half crawling into the proffered dryness. Oh it was wonderful to be dry, of all things. The stretch of skin brought forth pain, but with a small grimace I ignored it. Going limp against the ground I dropped my skull and looked up with trusting eyes. It did not matter after all, if he killed me now. At least I would be close enough for the hope that maybe one day my precious would find my bones.

"Thank you, my friend" My voice was low, it's musical tones gentle and warm. But I could not simply call this master words could I? depending on how this meeting went I was hell bent on remaining here, if only until I was dead. "I am called Daiade. Might I inquire to your name?"

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I let the man settle, ears flicking to catch each word through the rain. He seemed comforted by the sudden dryness. It was not a kind place, but it was nicer than the outside world. Cracks leaked and let small streams flow beneath those who resided within, but the soils titled towards the entrance to let the water pool outside, rather than where one laid. His infection could be seen clearly here, but I looked away quickly. It looked far too much like the affection that had stolen Ezhno’s sight which cost him his life. Memories brought agony and right now I had a mission. I could not remember the past when I had the present to live.

“Ackecheta.” I offered it tightly. It was strange to be so kind to anyone, never mind one outside the lion species. But this man’s state convinced me to be a bigger man than I normally was; less petty and cold. I started back out into the rain, my mane hanging downwards at the pressure of the downpour. “It won’t be long.” I promised curtly, starting outwards. I left no room for discussion. The sooner I left, the sooner I could return, and the sooner this could all be just a bizarre little memory.

I realized as I walked why his name had entered my ears so easily. Daiade Jr was a cat in my pride; Abeni’s little boy. This man was not here to harm Abeni and her children; he meant something important to the lioness. But I couldn’t quite fathom what it could possibly all be.

___________________________________

My mother seemed tense, staring outwards from the rocks that shielded us from the worst of the winds and pelting rain. We lay soaked, mother having panicked with the weather and simply laid some place better, but not someplace good. She claimed she had never been in the rain before, that the drought had been around since before she was born. With the state the world had been in, I believed her. And with how she seemed unable to use common logic in this situation, I could deduce that she does not do well with new situations.

As if that was new news.

Paw steps sloshed through the camps muddy terrain, coming heavily in our direction. A white glow broke through the gloom and I recognized the man who had taken over Akando when father died. I curled tighter around my sister, giving the male little more than I nod of welcome as he approached.

“Abeni, come on, I need you for something.” It was as if the man had strings to work my mother’s limbs. She was on her feet in an instant and trailing after him like a child, eager to do his bidding. I knew what would happen. She would be willing until she realized how cold this rain made her, then she would wine and complain and beg to go home. I would be there to lead her home. I had to be.

“Come on, Cammie.” I nudged her gently, climbing to my paws. I waited for the little girl patiently, knowing I will easily be able to guide us to mother and alpha. Mother was not a good sneaker, she left prints and trails much too obvious.

OOC//: You can powerplay a little, if you want, and have them get to the cave-like structure where Daiade is.

[I L Y I C H]

I stood awkwardly, clambering into place in response to Brother's words. Wide eyes turned after mother, who I had not in truth been paying attention to. There was no real point, she never acted any different. 'Cept now, it would seem. Ears pricked I followed right behind Daiade Jr., leaning slightly to the side to stare up towards mother in the gloom. Soaked through all too swiftly I made some attempt to shield against the first born before me, but it didn't really work.

Cheta was leading us north, or at least I thought he was. The rain was getting thicker, though, and according to some of our lioness the storm was moving northward. Common sense...? Plodding along in general silence I made no motion to break, I couldn't help but wonder. I might act stupid, but that was only for the benefit of surprise. Jr new better, and I think Mama did. Still I wasn't stupid, and with a worried tilt I began to harbor insecurities over just where the white alpha was taking us.

We were good cubs weren't we? We did what we were told. Cheta wasn't going to hurt us was he? Sure we weren't his but... that didn't mean anything right? A low whimper pressed unbidden from my lips, and dripping water from my pale tawny shoulders I pressed up close to my brother. He had always been my rock, he wouldn't deny me now. Not when I was scared, though I always seemed to be. Rocks loomed ahead, sheltering and dry should we be allowed within them, but the smell caught me off guard.

Something smelled dead, or very close to it. Sickness pervaded the air, and instinctively I came to a halt. I didn't want anywhere near it. Another whine bubbled out of my throat, as I peered forward, eyes unsure. Something was shifting in those rocks. Something way way too big to be safe. It smelt of meat rot, but not dead rot. Like something was rotting off of it. Oh please oh please let this not be the bogyman. Cheta wouldn't give us to him would he?

Within the confines of the earth, blissfully dry earth, I could smell again. Even as the falling rain swiped greedily at the air I could catch what swirled away from it's grasp. I could smell them coming, and with their coming my heart began to beat harder. Abeni and I were not on the best of terms, no matter my own wants and hopes. She had all but told me she hated me the last time we had met, and then heavy with the warlords cubs she had left me. Just what would happen now I did not know. Swallowing my fears I stood slowly, wincing at the strain against inflamed tissue.

For a moment I felt sick, almost to the point of vomiting, but it swiftly passed and once more in control of myself I took the necessary steps to present my ebony form in the bleakness that was surly created by the never ending sky-tears. Still shivering despite the warmth within I offered forth a small pained smile, preaching what I hoped to be love. Abeni knew me. But she hated me now. Would she run? Would she take those two small bundles I could smell, so full of life, away?

Limping forward a couple more steps, coming fully into the rain I dipped my skull to her. My daughter. Blind silver eyes locked on her form. My daughter who I had never seen. The child I would never look upon, but who I knew was beautiful in her own right. I did not care that she hated me, or claimed to. This woman had been my pride and joy, and she would always be as such. My smile became more then my fear and pains. It curved with pride and admiration as I looked sightlessly towards my family. Because they were my family, just as much as Carska and her children were.

"Hello, Abeni." My voice was soft and weak, but it carried. No effort was made to hide the undiluted joy behind those words. No effort was made, however, to hide the way my body hunched around it's jagged wound either. "Oh baby, I've missed you." Turning aside, though my face and ears remained her prisoners, I offered my hidey-hole. There was room enough for them, and the lion whom I could sense at the edges. I would seat myself without, the over hang would shield me enough for comfort. If I caught a cold it truly wouldn't matter.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Oh dear. I could smell death. My heart fluttered as memories burst forward. I was a child in the Folami camp, a mere toy to the children there. Beside me would be the dead of my kind, their flesh decaying, repulsive. Flies would lay their little eggs in the flesh of the fallen, and I would fight with all my strength to simply keep from having to be near it. Alaois had always found it amusing to wag pieces of decayed meat in my face, sending me racing for the trees to vomit what little food they gave me. Terror sent its icy claws down my heart now. I wouldn’t go in there. I couldn’t.

I turned away, only stopped as I nearly trampled my two cubs. I looked down at them in bewilderment, a momentarily flash of maternal instinct saying that no child should be here. Or maybe it wasn’t maternal instinct, just experience telling me I wished such things upon no one. I prepared to usher the young back, my son watching me with hope. I knew he was not bothered by such petty things as death, but he cared far too much for my daughter, whom seemed to curl into herself with the stench. If I ran away now, I would, for once, not be running alone.

“Abeni, you’re going to want to follow me.” His voice was stern behind me, not wavering to give me an option. I had to follow him, my alpha. I glanced downwards at the children apologetically, watching as Daiade Jr. stiffened to support the full weight of Cammie’s mass. I mouthed an apology before turning on my heals, following the man that ruled my family while sharing no blood. He would play daddy to these cubs here, so I better respect him.

My eyes focused to the dim dryness of the cave’s interior. The dead thing was in there. A Folami it looked like. But it moved. It wasn’t dead. I panicked, wondering what I had done to make Ackecheta lead me and the cubs to our deaths. Perhaps because the children were Ezhno’s and not his? But why kill me when I could still carry his own genes? Oh, I wasn’t quite ready to die. Not yet.

The voice reached my ears and my panic ceased, limbs instantly carrying myself into the shelter of the cave. Daiade Jr. worked to corral his sister in, to protect her from a cold. “D-d-daiade?” My voice was shrill with hysteria. It was a mixture of petty fury, and overwhelming joy. In my peripherals, I watched as Ackecheta laid in the rain, watching with guarded interest. He would not enter the dry arena because the whole ordeal scared him. But I couldn’t worry about that now. How dare this man continue to follow me, and why did he smell like death? Even though I saw the injury, it did not occur to me that the stench came from the disgusting surface.

“Your name’s Daiade? So you’re the one I am named after. I am Daiade Jr.” The normally quiet child bounced forward, eager and cublike, which was not typical for him. But the excitement was tangible. He seemed to have forgotten about Cammie for the time being, though one quick glance over his shoulder to be sure of his sister’s safety assured me that my daughter was not abandoned. The boy paused, looking at the wound. “Daiade, what happened to you…” there was a hint of fear in the child’s voice, as if he expected the beast that inflicted the wound to leap out of the wound itself.

[I L Y I C H]

Silver eyes watched, quivering as the blackness gave way to nothing. Ears and nose told more then the useless blobs, and they both shook with equal force as the earlier. The little girl moved before her brother's incentive without question, her jaws parted as she breathed in great gulps of air. And scent. I often forgot that Abeni and all other felines could smell with their mouths as well. Ebony ears arched towards her, even as I kept by aching body still for fear of frightening the lot. My face remained lifted, it's black disk turned to my daughter with adoration written in it's facets. Never would I see that pretty face, but alas I could smell her once more. The ache in my heart lifted a fraction, if only just a bit. My nose, long as it was tipped down to lightly touch the affection of a child suddenly frightened. Was it truly so ghastly, this would I could not hope to see?

Hope sputtered hard and hot through me, lifting shivering hairs along my spine. Daiade Jr? My smile could have produced a halo, as I lowered my snout to set it upon the stone beside this precious creature. His sibling moved forward, her paws creating soft echos in the dry hallow. "And I'm Cammie." She added quietly, her voice a replica's of her mothers that near broke me. Cammie held the same slow drawl that affected Abeni in her earlier years. A child much akin to her mother perhaps, in more ways then one. That tiny creature huddled closer, though she did not pass her brother's warmth. A paw pressed to the bridge of my snout and I thought it safe to assume that the gentle heather like scent belonged to my granddaughter.

Alas I had been distracted by her touch, that did not move even as my eyes turned to hover in the son's general direction. "Oh my boy..." The words came out low, moaning over the stones as the cold began to seep into a wound long festered. How dose one explain death to a child? Or sickness for that matter. It would be an issue I must face in the coming days. I could feel it too, deep within me. The clock was slowing. The battery dying. My eye lids dropped a fraction, quiet grief seeping into me. "My family took to fighting dogs that did not love us." A smile swept crooked across my inky muzzle. "I was hurt. That is all." That was not all. I was dying, and that was not an 'all'. Yet my grief held not for my own life, for I knew what would happen to me once this wretched pain left. It was for my family. My Carska and her children. Bidziil too. Precious Abeni and these bundles whom I had finally gotten the chance to great.

Would they miss me?

It was a heart wrenching fear that I didn't fully comprehend. Selfishness was not in my nature, and yet this question continued to burn everything. Settled in my unmoving mound of sickness and sleeplessness I stared quietly ahead into the shadows. Would they cry over me? I was dying for them after all; this family whom I loved. Every last one of them. It was my reason for coming here in the last days. I could feel it, creeping through my veins like poison. Longing for forgiveness I had limped upon the grounds of Akando. Now Abeni, will you miss me? Do you love me? None of this I spoke aloud. Still thinking. Unsure of what to do. In the end I lifted my head just slightly, that warm plump paw still rested upon it's bridge. "I've come to say goodbye to you're mommy."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My mind was a morbid little black whole. Before these children had been born, I had been devoted to donating at least one as a training toy or food to the Folami pack. But here, as a Folami lay in this cave, every instinct cursed me, scowled at me, screamed for me to lash out a paw and drag the children away. My tail tip flicked as I observed Daiade's interaction with my children, answering my son's question and content with my daughter's touch. But I couldn't let this happen. They were falling into the same trap I had.

My mind flashed back to the day with Akila and the folami shedog. The woman had not killed me when I asked for it. And then Daiade came in and I had pressed myself into his chest, comforted by his warmth and welcome. He had whispered me sweet lulllabies, as I was lead to the arena each day. The man had not been protection, just simply some relief after the aches and the pains. My children could not know that world. I may not love them, but I would let no one have the life I had lead.

This is why I had never uttered a word to any soul about my history. My children only knew that Folami were something to avoid because the pride told them.

My lip curled and I wrapped a paw around the little girl that sat with a paw on Daiade. I longed to pull away, but I froze as my mind worked to wrap around what Daiade had just said. "I've come to say goodbye to you're mommy."

Goodbye? My paw pulled away, leaving the child to stay in contact with the beast. Goodbye? "No." My voice was a snarl. "I already said goodbye to you, god-damnit. Now leave me the fuck alone." I turned away from him, heated with fury. I saw Ackecheta climb to his feet and look beyond me. My eyes flicked to my son, catching his expression. Felines don't use the same level of swearing as the folami, so these two beings knew little of such words. Ackecheta did not want the folami lanuage to infiltrate his pride. Well, he could deal with it himself. "I named Daiade Jr his name in a moment of weakness. I don't miss you, Daiade." Oh, I tried so hard to sound angry, my back turned to the brute. But it broke midway through the word weakness, and cracked into a moan of desperation. I didn't miss him. I couldn't mis him.

Hell with it; I missed my fucking daddy.

[I L Y I C H]

The child remained, though her touch was a fraction more hesitant. Wide brown eyes focused on the mother with anxious concern. My own eyes settled somewhere within that same vicinity, judging their position by scent and sound alone. My head lifted gently, pressing the little girl back into a fully seated position as I towered above her, even laying as I was. Smiling weakly in the face of my hurt I could not deny the viciousness. Abeni was within her rights,and I had learned a thing or two from my niece and nephew. Smiles and frowns are perfect little masks. I hid behind my own, pathetic as it was besotted by pain and hurt in equal measure. "Yes... yes you did." Ears flicked slightly, arching backwards. "But I never gave in, and so it is time for me to reply, yes?"

How was I to explain to my precious? My precious who wanted nothing to do with me? Didn't she understand that I saw these moments of weakness as love? Apparently she had never met Carska properly. She referred to them in that manor as well, long ago. Flinching lightly as the strain of muscle began to bulge against my injury I dropped my skull back to ground, ignoring the dust it sent up. The little cub, Cammie, crept back towards me, settling with her shoulder against my nose. Ears turned to her, thought my eyes remained free floating. Who ever knew just what they were observing at any given time? Cammie seemed intent on learning however. "What are you lookin' at, Big Daiade? There ain't nothin' there" Chuckling lightly, I nosed her gently, drawing in the scent of and rain.

"I see nothing." A curious poke came at one cheek, tiny claws dragging at fur too thick to be punctured by their inexperience. No further question came however, and I could no longer hide from my- Abeni's righteous fury by speaking with her children. My grandchildren. Those broken words ached at my heart strings, tugging those overly stretched pistons far too far. "I've missed you. I've missed you for months. It's festered, you see." Perhaps the joke fell flat, but I couldn't help it. All this darkness, it burnt me. Once upon a time I cared for nothing but sunlight and quiet. Once upon a time I was young and happy, but my old joy lay broken now. Shattered and scattered to the wind. I needed normality. Dammit I tried. I tried so hard, but fear was thick in me, and happy words couldn't disguise it forever.

I don't want to die, but then no one truly does.

Paws tucked before me, settling against Cammie's warm flank as I stared upwards from the stone floor. Where was my darling Abeni? Where was the lion cub who had loved me so much? Had I destroyed her or had it been the others? All of us? Oh Skoll. ears fluttered backward once more, the tips brushing the shaggy ebony hairs along my ruff. "I am to join Skoll, baby. I've come to beg for my goodbye."

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My body quivered in emotion. I couldn't even specify to myself what emotion was responsible. There was some anger, a childish tantrum that I honestly couldn't justify. But deeper and more overwhelming, was the consuming pain. I wanted to creep forward and touch my snout to the man's drooling injury. A child's love can heal, while their hate destroys, right? Though I didn't hate this dog at all, I was playing as I did, which was just as damaging. But I would continue to act. Continue...

"I am to join Skoll, baby. I've come to beg for my goodbye."

With wide eyes, I slowly arched my back, though it still pointed towards Daiade. It dawned on me what this was. He had come here to die. My heart beat sped up and I lurched to my feet. No words were spoken as I made a run for the den entrance. I needed to leave. How dare this man come here to die. I loved him too much to watch his life fade away. Selfish. He was so very selfish. Let my children see their grandpa die; he was still a stranger to him. I could watch strangers die. My father, however, I could not.

My body was sent cartwheeling, splashing into the rain-drowned terrain. Mud splatered along my pelt, bringing me to my child days in the arena. Rain or shine I had been their battle toy. During the few rains I was not spared; I simply came out with mud and blood. Climbing shakily to my feet, I lashed around to stare violently at the beast that I attacked me. Surprise filtered through my expression. It had been Ackecheta, and now he stared at me with lethal determination.

"Wha-" He cut me off before I could form a single question.

"Get back in there. I watched Ezhno die, and I am damn well happy I did. Those last moments were awful, but a good cat is selfless. You need to support your--" He broke off and looked oddly into the cave, staring hard at Daiade, "um, Father." I cowered under his hard tone, bewildered at this odd display. Rain pelted down, stinging my callosed back. Ackecheta, when I had first joined Akando not to long ago, had been a more mild version of Ezhno. But, since the brute's death, this man had changed. Family. Family. Family.

With a strangled gurgle, I slowly climbed to my feet and ushered back into the leaky den. My paws slid slowly on the small trickle of water flowling on the downward slope. What do I do? Sit in silence and just watch the man die? Is that what Ackecheta meant? I doubted it. That would provide Daiade no comfort. Damn it...I had to stop this false hate. Hate damages. So much hurt. Shouldn't I be the most merciful, since I had lead a life of nothing but pain? This dog had been the only good thing, so how could I be the monster that denied him relief? Because I was raised by monsters. I was no better than the Folami.

"Daiade," I paused, stepping closer. What to say that would let this man know I was a bad kitty? He had told me never to lie, he had raised me with better values than the Folami pack. However, his righteous teachings had not been enough to sheild me fully from the deciet of his world. His pack. Our pack. It clicked what would make Daiade know how terribly sorry I was. "Daddy." I cried the word quietly, weasling between Daiade and my daughter. It was childish to demand my seat at the man's snout, but I was a child. A know-nothing child. But I did know something. I knew that I needed my daddy.

And, with that knowledge, I laid my head solidly beside his paws, and began to weep.

[I L Y I C H]

ooc:// So I suppose that with that Daiade would be helped back to Akando and he can have one thread there of meeting his grandchildren and then the thread of his death were Abeni is sent to fetch everyone so they can be sad together...? xD is it alright if I lock it here?