Character Studies. }{ [open up open out]

[I L Y I C H]

Okay all, so Ily is bored and has decided to open up a thread that will allow us to explore the depths of these play things of ours. I find that it is a great muse boost to explore what makes a character, well, themselves. We always have to remember that for every action there is a million reasons, and a million thoughts. If we ever want to fully be a character we first must fully understand them, and as such it is time a place was made to allow for such consideration. Bellow Broken Truth's members are welcome to post character studies or developments as they see fit. This is of course completely voluntary but I'd love to see everyone put up at least one study. Their brilliant for writing development.

current studies->
carska. ilyich.
bidziil. bhuvana.
rickalaru. newol. wip.
nimrod. bhuvana.
abeni. bhuvana.
zero. ilyich. wip.
alphonse. bhuvana.
bhuvana. bhuvana.
alonda. bhuvana.

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[I L Y I C H]

CARSKA
I use to think that I was strong until the day it all went wrong.

cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
Born to devotion and love the child was a creature of loyalty. Pride in all she did. The family was everything, and was to be placed in the highest esteem. The humans weren't gods, they were her family and she was their adoring daughter ready to die for every single one of them. The weight of childish hopes were light and the girl's shoulders rolled with happy feelings and joy. Childhood can not last forever however, and with the abrupt ending of everything a pup became a yearling with a corrupted and confused mind.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
Having never seen another training facility the gray pelted child looked to her human father and saw anger in those eyes. Demands. Emotionless fury. Here was were she learned of the man's addictions and his cruelty with held from man who could just as easily turn on him. Brainwashed children followed right along, tails tucked and a grimace on their lips. Abused and disused the world changed for the child in those harsh months of training. Anxious thanks to a constant threat of attack, the child began to grow dark of heart and cold of mind. A calculating stare was birthed in those days, scared of everything because anything could kill you. Everything tried. Nothing was sacred and she slept like a creature ready to snap within a second of a single breath of air against her being.

cause i'd rather feel pain then nothing at all.
Minds are altered through the track of fury, and the woman grew harsh and withdrawn. Loyal to the bone and hated for it,she failed more then once at demands to attack her fellow mutts and was severely damaged for it; emotionally and physically. Growing highly anxious and sever in the face of 'never being good enough' and a constant battle environment the child grew into a fully grown monster with the mind of a sociopath. She wanted nothing more then to be perfect for a master who she thought she loved and wasn't allowed to love. It was now a foreign ideal, those early days cast aside into a twilight dream world. Beaten for the smallest of problems and fought against anything with teeth she became cross and vicious. A brilliant fighter who despite the steel in her eyes was deathly terrified of everything that moved.

like a bone like a bone im so breakable.
Released and roaming the warrior female found the pack with an abrupt sort of stance. Her aggression was noticed first by the hunters who brought her in. That black coated man was a thing to be loathed for weeks to come. Not trusting a single beast there she fluttered about doing her duties as she was instructed without ever really interacting with anyone. This pack was a mass of monsters. Kin of those surrounding within the vile cages of man. They followed their teachers like gods and even then she looked on in disgust. Love for man was gone, replaced by terror and respect. Yet she was still a loyal dog and these animals were her masters now. Slowly respect leaked in as terror left in the face of self understanding. Upon the second month the woman found her stance in the pack and with a ferocity rarely found even in hunting hounds she began to assert her dominance.

they don't know their dead to me.
If she were to be here with these bastards who she didn't trust then she needed to have a foot hold where none could reach her. The appearance of Daiade only made it that much worse. Darling brother. Precious brother. The need for a higher rank controlled everything. She needed to protect him, and then herself. Power was key. She'd always been a cunning devil, and she put her mind to use now, no longer simply a battering ram with teeth. Clever with her actions the woman climbed her ladder swiftly, snapping at any who dared block her path. This wasn't about petty dominance. This was about protection. Safety. Months it took but she found that last rung, shoving up to stand loosely alongside the black backed alpha.

she's got to love nobody.
Yet during that mad dash the volatile woman began to notice things. Notice others. She began to see the loyalty there, the devotion the pack showed despite it's training. Bidziil alone, felt as if the pack were soldiers yet did not act as such. One big play. A gimmick. Then that silly little lion. Stupid little creatures. Cubs. Training toys. Daiade fell in love with them. Fell to hate so many of the others. Desperate to protect the man she put him in charge of their care, half expecting the pack to destroy her for it. She still didn't trust them. None of them. One of them died, much to Daiade's utter horror and to the woman's shock her own self loathing. Children dying by her paw. What had she turned into?

under red lights i'll show myself it wasn't forged.
.Conflicted and unsure the young woman turned this found facade to the rest of the world. Love for her brother was natural. Adoration was thick, pride just as heavy. Those heavy shoulders came up a bit lighter thanks to Daiade's open friendship; the brave man that he was. She couldn't help but be a bit jealous of that. Especially as she was starting to develop feelings for the man who had been the terror of her days in the beginning. Dear Bidziil with all his strength and loyalty. All that pride and charisma. It was a slow process and she wasn't even aware of it until that one day all alone out in the void thinking about nightmares she was slapped right in the face by his concern and couldn't help but stare.

i'll take the truth at any cost.
Hunting with the man had been an experience in comfort. He'd been trying to protect her. Comfort her. It was... different. After ages of independence and being the one guarding and not the one guarded the she-wolf did not know how to react and thus she put up her normal confident shield. It took time, that corruption of her normal thought process'. But it still occurred. Trust began to come and with embarrassed seriousness see spoke her thoughts to her precious alpha. But he was kind under that thick layer of iron. Like her. Just like her. Hesitantly the woman loved him, and hesitance turned to utter devotion. Bidziil was her soul, as she was his. Man made souls to preside in their metallic forms.

the whole worlds waiting for the sun.
Panic was her first emotion when the stirring in her womb began. Some unknown thing this was; pregnancy. It terrified her. Oh the alphess was many things but a good parent was not one of those, at least she didn't think it was. her overly protective nature aside the woman knew how cruel she could be. How stubborn. How utterly volatile. Yet half of her filled with joy. Maternal instincts demanded for a certain amount of love. Love that blossomed and grew in secret for almost a month. She wanted to keep it to herself, fearing Bidziil's reaction and secretly wanting to hide away these little bites of uncorrupted happiness. Man had nothing to do with this. This was pure love. Devotion built these creatures. When Bee forced her secret into the open Carska was in a state of shock, though denial had left. Bidziil didn't seem entirely too put out though... and she dared to hope. Just a little bit. Dared to put an emotion she had never felt before on the shoulders of this lover.

teach me wrong from right.
The children changed her. Made her better. Finding within her the strength to be open a mother finally the woman placed the world at her pup's feet. Abruptly finding that love was indeed the better of two evils the alphess took her place in their hands, adoring them. Placing every ounce of trust and companionship she had at their disposal. There was nothing that could make her croon in the world beside this flock of utterly insane cubs. Nothing that could make her grin like that silly uncertain fool of a father making attempts to play with them and being knocked over and jumped upon. It was... family. Family in devotion and not just blood. Instinct demanded that such things be removed from human society. Old grudges fall hard after all, and the woman knew what would happen to her precious babes. Man didn't deserve such joy; he corrupted it so gleefully. So she set about keeping her precious four together. Teaching them carefully about the value of love and family. Bidziil and her devotion to him took a slight step backward during those times as she furiously fought against panic and what she saw as the inevitable.

well bless my soul your a lonely soul.
Gone. Because of her. Because she set him on the back burning thinking it safe. Thinking of time, but there was no time. No time when man was involved with their cages and their damn guns. The bullet didn't hurt. She didn't feel it, raging as she was at the end of the line. Panic bought out by such stupid worthless possessiveness. Her hatred for man increased that day by some fraction up a thermometer that now was near bursting. Left to care for not just her blood family, but the entire pack who she was suddenly forced to see and see properly, the woman bucked up. Toughened up. Teeth to tongue she stalked among them and told them what would happen. How she would fix it. Mommy is gonna make all the bad monsters go away. But she couldn't and she didn't. The monsters remained in their heads in their hearts, and to some in their prayers. She couldn't remove the specter of man from a pack of dogs who thought them God. She couldn't heal any of the scars left by the removal of Bidziil when so many folami thought man had done right. That she was in the wrong. Teeth gritted she forced such thoughts away. family was what mattered and she wrapped such ideals about her entire pack. She was their only leader now. she would do anything that she could for them. Absolutely anything.

my scars remind me that the past is real.
When it came time for such loyalties to die, the woman looked on in silent agony. Loyalty and trust meant nothing to them. Absolutely nothing. Hatred threatened to spill, and it did, but she fought to keep it hidden. These dogs were still her duty even if the load of them were cruel selfish bastards. Lucifer came to take her crown, and as she watched her numbers split to give it to him the woman shattered. Silently. Secretly. With a small pathetic frown on her face she backed away backed inward. Those mutts surrounding her fell back as well, surrounding. Protecting. She wasn't as well masked as she thought. The bullet in her leg ached. Heart broken watching her children torn down the middle, the woman watched in silence. Nothing she could do. Nothing was safe. All the trust she had managed to build up for these creatures fell and burned. Fell and died. Alonda was gone, the only daughter. Her father's daughter. Conflicted on the inside but not caring enough to show it. For a long time her mother couldn't help her petty fury. Lucifer had stolen her family. Stolen her peace of mind. Every protected thought began to reemerge within that silver skull. But she couldn't let them change her. Couldn't let them win. Stubbornness shoved it's heavy hand into the affair and with a depth of fever that she had only known once before the woman fought to piece it back together. All of it.

i tear my hear open just to feel.
With her lover gone, the woman began to look beyond her family. To the greater one. The pack. She began to truly see those around her; no longer lost to the back burner. She had learned what happened to those folami she put on the god damn back burner. Fighting the woman began to learn how to actually manage relationship. She began to make friends were once she found only battle partners. Animals she trusted with her life, but never her heart. Never that heart. Slowly she began to open up. Began to provide that small amount of feeling. Ayita saw it. Paradox too. Daiade had always had a chunk of it. Logan was hefted a few bit's and the empathy of having a torn family member to boot. So many shattered ties... It was as if they were at war with their tongues and their body language. Anxiety reasserted itself into the demoted huntress' mind. Paranoia grew thick, but hidden. Always hidden. The family needed her. Needed the glue, and so she played happy. Played kind. Yet always she watched. Always waited. And when the waiting came to an end she was ready. Ready with the relations she had formed. Ready with a shield that she had built around herself, for once including those around her behind that iron wall.

let it all burn i will burn first.
And then with the finesse they so loved to wield, man kind ran a battering ram through her defenses. Dented and damaged the shield crushed painfully backwards, but Carska made no move to relent. Bidziil was a coward, and that idea settled into her mind fully. She knew the man too well to not see the lies in his emotionless mask. The ebony king was broken, and his silver queen could see through every single one of those ugly cracks. Bitterness drawn in a shroud around her the alpha stuck her nose in the air and defied. Let them say what they would, but she had a family now. A family that a beast unwilling in change was perhaps not meant to be a part of. The knowledge burned her, but Carska ignored the sting. Bidziil was not worth her family. Not this time. She'd known pain enough to know how to ignore it. A price must be paid for revolution, however. And a vicious price it was. It was with bitter guilt that she watched Daiade mauled. badly hurt but not dead. The guilt steamed full from Alaois. How wrong she had been. Corrupt. Could she have given this robot a new program?

the night goes on as i'm fading away.
Not that it mattered. To new beginnings. Vea Apxn. Paradox had supplied the name, the words rolling off his tongue like air into one's lungs. Slowly as the new pack made a name for itself and claimed land, Carska allowed herself a certainty she had not felt in a season at least. The past was the past, and though she couldn't ignore it she could fight to make the future better. Children didn't deserve to grow up as her children had. This wasn't a pack, man made and man controlled. This was a family with a mother at it's head and Carska would do anything to protect them. The vile taste in her mouth went blatantly ignored. Bidziil was off in his own world again, lost to the past and ignorant of any sort of future. Unwilling. In the bleakness of the nights when she didn't have to smile for the sake of those around her the alpha allowed herself to think. Perhaps it was loneliness, odd as that seemed. How desperatly she wanted to repair that hollowed man, but she knew. There was no point in bashing stubbornness in the head. Perhaps Bidziil no longer believed what he preached, but his tongue stayed moving to those words. Carska resolved firmly that if this was how it was meant to be then their selfishness would not hurt others. Never again.

your not the only one refusing to go down.
And they attacked. They attacked thinking them weak, and she knew. The original pack looked on those who had left as if they were all mewling pups. A gentle mind does not lend itself to a gentle fang, after all, and Vea Apxn laid in wait. Angry. Civil war on the brink it was made obvious to Carska that she was not the only one pinning for love and hatred across border lines. All of her dogs had been forced to leave those parents, siblings, friends, who had refused any idea of family. Denied their own family. Just as Bidziil had spilled hate to them, Lucifer and Hati had turned to ignore their own children. Perhaps it was simple loyalty. To Bidziil, of all people. A king to follow again. Normality. Carska didn't know what to think, but she knew what she felt and that was a burning pit of bitterness. Of dislike. Ambush was met by ambush, and the woman saw in mild confusion that it was not Bidziil who was leading that battle line. And yet. The fighting was violent and bloody. Families torn to shreds. She'd never seen so much hatred flow into the ground. Nimrod, so loyal but only because Bidziil was not there to follow. Carska wouldn't delude herself, she knew she hated this man. Jealous that he followed Bidziil, if only because she had once counted him a friend. Beating him away from Alonda. He'd given in. Backed away. Loyalty always. It wasn't until a bit later that she realized that Bidziil was still there. That the children were leading him to camp, their heads high and their teeth showing.

say it if it's worth saving me.
A prisoner of war. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Carska remembered, long ago, how she feared this man. Feared and loathed him in equal measures. Then how much she loved him, and his strength. There was no strength now. Only the ebony mans own fear. Man kind had done this to him, and it was with quiet sadness that the alphess took to heart that Bidziil had been tortured into this mind set. A heart that was suddenly too small for him. Mahal seemed to be trying to fix him, though, and out of curiosity and a selfish hope the mother left her son alone to do as he thought best. Wanting to see what occurred, the woman kept her heart on her sleeve. Anger and betrayal burned in her eyes every time she sighted the dog, which was often as Carska refused to allow any one else to guard the prisoner unless she acutely needed the three hours of sleep she snatched every few days. Bidziil was her problem. Her ex-husband and as such she would be the one to deal with him. Yet there was Mahal wandering in to try and get them to 'chat'. Mahal who so desperately wanted his father back. It broke her heart in two to watch it, as her young son brought a carefully formed smile to his face every time he came anywhere near. The talks never really went anywhere, or so Carska assumed. She wasn't willing to simply place herself back out in the middle of the street to be run over once again. Her actions were guarded and her emotion hidden behind the shield that Mahal constantly stepped right around.


i need you with me as i enter the shadows.
Things weren't quiet as dark as before. The lightening occurred slowly, at first. Then all together in some abrupt jump of the sun into the sky. Bidziil was still there but he didn't speak to her very often. And when he did his words were too honest to particularly hate. Her pack was happy, and in that light their alphess cast aside her own particular aches to enjoy the warmth. Bidziil was placed quietly to the side, still thought about but with less venom. Vea Apxn was softening her further, it seemed. Having a stable family after all of the upheaval in her life place Carska in a position she had never been in before. Unconditional love had always been intolerable in all of the places she had been. Except the very beginning. The start of all of their lives in that single happy home before it was ripped away. Except this time it wouldn't be ripped away. She would make sure of that. With resolution and a firm knowledge of what her purpose was the alphess looked forward to her life. Looked past the past and began to forgive. Slowly. Bitterly in the beginning, but by the time of Paradox and Ayita's vows the silver fae no longer minded Bidziil's presence so much. She understood his plight, always had, but now she found an ability to empathize with it. Time heals wounds because if gives the aggrieved room to think. Not to say that she had truly forgiven the man, for she still knew that he had chosen his fear over her and their children. A thing that she would never do, and perhaps it made her see Bidziil in a new light. A weaker light. The man wasn't as strong as she had idolized him to be. He was simply a man. And yet she was distracted once again from her less vitriolic pondering by the resurgence of an old friend. Another woman whom Carska felt far too attached to. A women who did not share her views but was willing to accept them. Newsoul came back to her. A sister. A confident. And it only made Carska calmer.

God knows I'm tough enough.
Anxiety not quiet as thick as it had been in previous years, Carska took her title and led with pride. She was a good alpha, and this she had come to know about herself. Self doubt had always been so thick in her veins, but looking about now the woman knew. Carska had built this. She had done this with her own two paws and a head thicker then a mountain. Her family was around her, even if it was still a crumbled broken thing. They were starting to find the glue again. Even as Nimrod gave a compromise and Bidziil accepted Carska looked on and was wiling to think instead of act. She had grown in these last few months. Grown more then most animals would in their entire lives, and she was willing to give ground. If only a little bit.

perfect world. simple plan. | vanilla twilight. owl city.
perfect. simple plan. | pain. three days grace.
prodigal. one republic. | reclusion. anberlin.
poker face. glee version. | we are broken. paramore.
rain. breaking benjamin. | savin' me. nickleback.
say (all i need) .one republic. | scars. papa roach.
paradise lost. hollywood undead. | riot. three days grace.
shadows. red. | how could this happen. simple plan.
I wont give up. jason mraz.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

BIDZIIL

There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere.

And honey you will be fine
Every life has some high point. Some point of complete ignorance and utter bliss. Bidziil's was in childhood, a short couple months. He had humans, a family. He was taught to protect the youngest child, who would often cradle the black furred puppy and dress him. Bidziil learned what love was here, despite the humans saying his genetics did not allow such emotions. He was a happy boy. If not for these early days of emotional bliss, perhaps Bidziil would have grown up to be the man his humans had built him to be. The adult male in the household was hostile towards Bidziil, telling his wife and three older children to react to the pup the same way. He explained that Bidziil had an important future and could not develop living emotion. The youngest child, however, did not understand the important. He figured a little affection would do nothing to Bidziil's final development. His father sensed that the child was giving kindness to the dog, but turned the other cheek, never having seen his son so happy. He too underestimated the power of love in a puppy's life.

When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside
Ah, but all good things must come to an end eventually. Torn away from his human love, Bidziil was tossed into the arena with nothing but the fading image of his human family to hold onto. And, eventually that disapeared, leaving him empty. So convinced that it was a dream, Bidziil's capacity for love dissipated, leaving the man a hardened shell of a warrior. With this new mindset of loyalty without love, the man was easily molded and trained, dragged back down to his original programming and genetics. The humans were pleased by this and, in return for his unwavering determination and obedience, he would raise to better kennels and tastier food. When the time of release came upon Bidziil, he was in a house like facility, owning a similar environment as what he had had as a child. Except without the warmth of his human. This thought often crossed his mind, weakening that hardened stone of a heart, but he would dismiss it and remind himself it was a dream. This idea faded to nothing as he was set into the pack, quickly burying the competition into the group and raising to the place of alpha. It was clear that the humans had created him for such a purpose; machines can not have luck decide who would have the advantages. Bidziil, the empty man with nothing to lose, was built to succeed. He was not given his large mass to fight off dangers from the weak, oh no. The man was built to be in charge, and to lead with an iron fist.

Could I kiss you and make you a queen?
Every man has a woman who is equal. There was no true emotion in the choice Bidziil had to make. It was known that a wolf pack needed a male and a female to rule them. Men bring strength, while women provide logic. Bidziil was not sexist, but this is what the humans had instructed. He was to observe the girls, look on with disinterest until one proved a higher being. It took months for one to raise his eyebrows in guarded interest. She was not the strongest women in this war, though she was built of muscle; Bidziil had accepted long ago that there were more important things than strength. No, this girl, Carska was her name, had brains. And passion. Bidziil knew this was the one, and after many weeks of watching her grow up and mature, he took her in and crowned her. She had no say in the matter, Bidziil’s word was the law. And now, so was Carska’s word.

I'll be dreaming, baby I'll be dreaming of you
How can you share a den with a woman and not notice she is beautiful? How can you hunt by someone and not come to know every little detail about her? Bidziil had himself so convinced that he was a machine, that it took months to open his eyes and realize that he had the ability to show interest. That dream, of the little boy he had loved, it returned. So vivid…so realistic, so undream-like. Bidziil would wake in the night and stare beyond the darkness, at the pale glow of the shedog so close. Her soft breathing would bring him spiraling to thoughts he would have never dared to think prior to Carska. That little child from so long ago had been real. But, didn’t that mean the emotions that went with it were, too? Was such a thing possible? The humans had beaten such thoughts from him, and yet here he pondered it. Why now? It became clear to him the reason; Carska. He realized this the day he found her sobbing in a clearing, dreaming the night terrors he had fought down for so long. Comfort, he had offered the shedog reassurance. And this brought him down a road he had marked off with yellow police tape. Emotion. Not only did he feel it, but he told Carska he loved her. Love.

Standing face-to-face with everything I fear
Some say the journey of love is a paved road, but such words are foolish. Bidziil, having admitted he loved Carska, had opened a door of forbidden rebellion. The man loved his humans to the fullest extent, but the emotions that raged through him, the hormones, they shaped him into a beast he found himself hating. There were times Bidziil would look at his reflection and swipe it away, despite the fact that the act wasted valuable water as the scattered molecules were drank by the dying soils. With Carska, the man showed her joy and absolute adoration. Alone, the man simmered in loathing. This only increased as the couple produced a little of children. Now the loathing was a double edged sword. Surely having this children were against the human’s desires, keeping them only adding salt to the wound. But then there was that damn paternal instinct he so often swallowed. For Carska, he tried to make ends meet. He had proven himself unstable at an outburst when she told of her pregnancy, and he did all in his power to prove to her that he could sacrifice himself for her. It occurred to him early on that she did not want that, sacrifice of himself for the children and her. No, she wanted him to love the puppies like he loved her. He found this so very difficult, forcing him to become withdrawn and sometimes harsh with the royal children. Deep down, however, he knew that word he had denied so long was present, that debilitating emotion was present and trying to swallow every string of sanity he held so dear. The humans. He had to make the humans first again. But he couldn’t. His family.

After a night without a mate, I hung my head and loved my fate
Ah, and that lioness. Bidziil had grudgingly accepted her on the terms that she would still be a training toy. She was. But the damn children had brought out a new side to Carska. She corralled her kittenhugging brother’s adoptive daughter into her open embrace. Bidziil’s heart was torn. Bidziil had never considered himself an unjustifiably cruel dog. Every act had a reason, even if that reason was simply ‘it is the human’s will’. But this was Carska’s heart he was playing with here. The lioness had risen from training toy to omega in a matter of days and Bidziil’s brain could not fathom the thought. This was why, when the humans invaded the camp, he was almost relieved. They would make things right. They would kill Abeni and take the puppies. They had to, the humans would not let these children be raised as soft kittenhuggers. The children of the alpha! What futures they could hold if born to alpha and alphess, and then trained by the lords! Then he touched Bidziil, that human. Bidziil snarled away the hand, cowered at it. He had not intended to, but survival instincts took over. Touch was cruel, abusive. Bidziil discovered then that he loved the humans, but he did not trust them. It was at this moment that the tranquilizer was injected into him. He fell, murmuring something positive about the humans to Carska, reassuring her that all was okay. When he woke up, he was in a familiar place; the brutal training facility. The humans had realized the error of their ways; Bidziil had learned about love as a child from the human boy. They infested his brain, changed his genetics, beat the kindness from the man. Oh, but it was only burrowing deep down within. Kindness, once planted, cannot be undone. Bidziil was a good boy, but his obedience had been tested and lost once already; kindness that strong could not simply be faded out. The new Bidziil was released around a year later. On return, he shot down his wife and children, forcing a split between the pack. Having only Alonda, the cruelest of his offspring, around quieted the need to call for Carska. In the day. The man found himself waking to Alonda’s accusing stares by night, for he had called out Carska’s name in the darkness of twilight. But still he fought. Fought for his human’s right to have their grimy fingers fishhooked into his manufactured brain.

But when the day came to an end, I missed my family and my friends
In one day everything can change. Bidziil had watched as he lost his daughter. The once cold girl ached for her mother, her family. Even evil misses kin; it is programmed into them to do so. She branched out to Val and Bidziil could only fight back a guarded joy at Alonda opening up to someone not so low as he himself was. It is said that little girls marry boys that are like their father; Bidziil couldn’t help but feel proud that Alonda was better than that. It was with this notion that Bidziil admitted to himself two things; he was not a good dog as he had once been told, and the only way he could become a good dog again is if Carska and the children loyal to her were killed. All at once this ideal was tested; he met Fido, a dog so loyal to him that it would walk off a cliff for Bidziil’s amusement alone. Then, upon leading said slave to the pack, Nimrod marched forward and dismissed Bidziil as alpha, raising Lucifer to the position. At one time, Bidziil’s first instinct would have been to fight down Nimrod’s audacity. But now Bidziil only caved under the pressure, agreeing that this was for the best. He watched as Alonda and Val stood against the crowd, pride welling in his gut for the children. His daughter was proving stronger than he, and Val was showing more loyalty to Alonda than to the one who had trained him. Silently, Bidziil cheered them on, but audibly he supported Nimrod’s actions.

Growing old never takes it's toll until you're losing
He walked with them in war, every intention to fight Vea Apxn but leave his family to Nimrod and Lucifer. Instead he found himself killing one of his own pack in defense of his son. It became his understanding then that he could not sit down and watch his family die. Bad dog. Bad dog. Bad dog. When Mahal and Clarimonde came to lead him away, he simply followed without restraint. He had just laid down, mumbling to himself as Ekshen had attacked him. It was all so wrong, and yet Bidziil finally felt so right. Lost in the confusion of it all, the prisoner of war fell away from reality, taking on an image of the humans all around. They attacked him with every fond thought of his family, and so he withdrew. He could not please the humans if he remained mentally aware, and so he became his only friend and enemy.

Wake me up now, I'm so tired of being lonely
Bidziil sat, staring into and past the fae’s silver back. He would not think her name, could not torture himself so. The children, they played, even the girl. Peace, all around. For them. They had found who they were. There was comfort in knowing yourself. Bidziil was denied this. Each time he reached for an identity, it was the wrong one. The wrong one resulted in a lashing from the humans that hovered in the trees. They were there. The dogs around him said they weren’t, but he did not hear them. All he could hear was the human’s rough tones, thick with anger. “You’re a bad dog, Bidziil. You have failed us.” Sometimes Bidziil would cower beneath their gazes, grovel in apology. Other times he would return the harsh stares and growl that he didn’t care. Both resulted in pain, the bloody scabs peeled away by the whir of the whip. And these dogs around him did nothing to comfort him, nothing to protect him. That was all he wanted to know, that he could sleep without fear. And they did not provide that. They left him trapped and weak, vulnerable. They set him up as the sacrificial lamb to the pink skinned gods. Oh, but not the black child with the ruby eyes. He meant safety. He brought it when the silver fae walked off to hunt. And he had a name; Bidziil had given him the name. Mahal, precious Mahal, son of Carska. He spoke to Bidziil not as soldier to prisoner, but as son to father. Bidziil watched the humans fade away, their power weak beside the black child’s grace. Then the silver fae returned, the Carska Bidziil had once said I love you, to. There was normality. Or as close as one who does not know who he is could come.

[nEwOL握敵]

Rickalaru
I Won't Let You Destroy Yourselves!

We're all young and naive still!
Every life begins with childhood. Rickalaru's was a brief few months spent in total bliss. Playing tug of war with a rope with a tennis ball on it on the floor. Nursing from a bottle in his arms. Praise and comfort was plenty. Not a care in the word. But the bigger she got, the more distant those human became. Never cold or cruel to her. Just less and less warm by the day. It was a typical story beginning, but it served its purpose. It taught her utter dependency on the humans. Always being so nice and asking permission before going up stairs and out doors. She even learned to wait before eating from the boll, wait until she was told she could eat else she might be scolded rather then praised. Dependency and Loyalty. Though praise came less and less, but she cared little of that so long as at the end of the long day she was still scratched behind the ears and got to play with the other pups destined for the same fate as she. Though even that stopped in the final weeks. No praise, no comfort, no playing. The time of joy came and went. They knew what they where doing, the humans.

Only The Strongest Will Survive!
Change came in the form of two humans she didn't recognize appearing one day and a black bag being pulled down over her head. Once removed she found herself in a different part of the compound then she'd ever been in before. The Training Courses. The ball was moving almost instantly, it was fast paced and very much geared for weeding out. It was here that the first lessons where learned. There where older Falomi, stronger ones, but their numbers weren't nearly as high. The species was made by the humans. They'd had some practice at this by the time she was made. Some of the




WIP

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

NIMROD
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?

I like the tension.
He didn’t know the kind hand. Nimrod was thrown into a cold world, dropped onto cement in the center of the arena. He had no sire, only a bitch that held him in the womb for several months. Once more, he was expected to walk and fight before he could see and hear. He had no siblings, no friends, nothing to allow him to learn obligation to any but the human’s demands. The man learned before his first month was up how to fight if all legs were broken, still too young to walk, but old enough to feel pain. If he missed the racing target as it rushed by his wiggling, blind, deaf form, he would receive a lashing. Before the boy had any sense but feeling, he bore more scars than most bear in a lifetime. Nimrod learned to love the abuse, to see the hurt as a gift. When he did something wrong, or fell lower than perfection, he wanted correction. He would beg for punishment, crawling over to the humans and waiting with downcast eyes. If they had not been watching, he would signal them that he had messed up. It was not the pain he longed for, but simply the structure of knowing that he would be put back on the right path should he ever falter. The training lasted only five months before he was deemed suitable for pack life. He had watched glimpses of videos showing off depictions of alpha training. He was told, through video programming, a rather new advancement in the training and brainwashing of Folami, that the humans will create Bidziil, who will be the only true alpha. He was to do as he says and defend his seat, no matter what shifts in fate the pack took. It was Nimrod's job to keep Bidziil on the right path, though the humans assumed their perfect alpha would never defy them. If he did, however, he was informed that it would be him that beat sense back into the almighty himself. There was also the demand the humans gave of what Nimrod's responsibility would be once he was the second in command. Punishment. He was informed that the only way dogs do as their told is if they fear the teller. How do you make Folami, a beast created to destroy all tha moves, afraid? Make them understand that a paw out of line will be given no second chance. Nimrod was to do the dirty work, for he was an easily replaced canine. Bidziil would have altered genetics that were far too complicated to replace on a whim; Nimrod accepted this. He was to take all the risk; kill who show a hint of defying Bidziil or the humans, but in order for the pack to allow Bidziil to demand them, they had to think it was Bidziil who killed those who are weak or rebellious. Nimrod would be the jagged knife behind the tattered curtains.

I love you like sin.
Nimrod entered a pack in disrepair. They had no true alphas, just the occasional dog that would rise up and pretend to be king. The humans had warned him it may be a couple years before Bidziil was finished and ready to be given to the pack. Nimrod was to lay low and grow in this time, stay alive above all things. Against his training, Nimrod had to accept that Folami had shifted to a world of kittenhuggers. Many of the pack’s dogs would kill parents, and then adopt the children in hopes they could train the cats to be like them—to aid them in further slaughter of the feline race. Nimrod had to become part of this. There was always a guilty voice saying he was filthy for walking with the cats, training with them. He had to often swallow vicious malice. A few months in, however, Nimrod realized that he more than tolerated one female in particular. She was a leopard, and Nimrod remembers how beautiful the girl was. No, it was more than tolerance—she was his friend. He loved her. When he admitted this to her, the girl was thrilled, saying how she loved him, too. Her adopted father, a bulky male named Sagar, accepted the relationship. Nimrod and the leopardess, Kango, were blind to the difference in species. At around four years old, the two had been in love for almost three years. They mated. Kango became pregnant.

Got my own self control.
Bidziil was what Nimrod recalls as a proper Folami. Kango was well into her pregnancy when Bidziil came to the pack and forced his tyranny on the pack. The humans had finally perfected his genes, creating a beast of a man that no one could challenge and live to tell the tale. Nimrod looked to Bidziil’s blood-red eyes and cowered, realizing how far he had fallen. At one time, he had been that cold and ruthless—he saw himself in this new alpha; and he was ashamed of himself. In the night, he killed Kango and tore the well-developed children from his mate’s lifeless womb. That morning, he presented the stiff forms to Bidziil, telling him of his sins. Bidziil accepted the weak man and barked an order; kill them all. Nimrod swallowed the emotions, buried them into the corner of his brain where they had been throughout his training—behind lock and key. By his paw, each member of the pack that homed a feline was killed in a painless fashion. Then the felines were all slain, their limbs torn from their bodies as they howled to the blasted Dio. Nimrod became the machine he was built to be—the puppet of the puppet.

It's the memory I can see.
All too soon, Nimrod allowed himself to forget—a true, honest erasing of the memories. He could no longer recall his believed mate, or the children that never were. The machine was separated from the soul, torn apart by the coming of the alpha; and this was fine by Nimrod. Sometimes the dreams creep forward, swallowing him in his sleep, but by morning, they are just that—dreams. Nimrod became what the human’s built. He trained his dogs to be vicious, killed the dogs that proved too weak. The man never smiled or grew angry—his being was merely the robotic device used to deal out training and punishments. It took a couple years for this charade to falter. Bidziil had chosen Carska as his alphess. It was then Nimrod was forced to remember he was mortal. The dreams of Kango fluttered back to life, tormenting him each night. Those final moments as her dying eyes met his, lips forming a faint statement that had left him haunted for the rest of his life—I hope you find joy with the pack, my love. Then she had died. Nimrod could remember it. Carska woke these memories when she and Bidziil began connecting a level much deeper than alpha and alphess. Nimrod knew he could not let Bidziil fall the same way he had. Carska was no feline, but to fall in love is a weakness no high rank should flutter into. Then the unthinkable happened—Carska came home pregnant by Bidziil’s seed.

I can't stay, but I can't leave; I am my worst enemy.
Nimrod watched as the royal pair became the royal family. Bidziil and Carska were no longer alpha and alphess, but father and mother. Nimrod could only sit and stare as the harsh cruelty the pack was firmly built upon, slowly shifted to an environment too warm to learn in. His own apprentice, Val, was an obedient child, but the boy had no heat to the kill. He would slaughter if demanded to, but only then. The pack, Nimrod realized, was on downward slope to the Dark Times, back when he had first joined. In a panic, Nimrod did what he could to keep the pack stable and fearful of Bidziil, but that is a difficult task when the alpha is licking his own children gently on top of its head. Nimrod was lost. He knew he should flee away from this lost pack, but also understood he was created to fix such an issue. He had to correct Bidziil, even if it meant killing Bidziil’s family. He was prepared to do just that, when the humans intervened and took Bidziil away. Things only grew heavier on Nimrod with this change. He was forced to pick which evil to temporarily support; the warmth and family atmosphere of Carska’s world, or the ruthlessness of Lucifer, a tyrant who had no right to be called alpha. Choosing Carska, the man did everything in his power to keep from losing all Carska’s pack to the swallowing sin of family. He was losing, even finding himself holding Carska to a fonder position than should be allowed.

Just when it's feeling real I put my heart to sleep.
Nimrod was saved by the humans once more. He was beginning to lose himself in Carska’s world—he was beginning to resolve to the fact that the humans had abandoned their creation and he could not do whatever he wanted. Then the humans gave them Bidziil back. A new Bidziil. A Bidziil worthy of the alpha position. Nimrod applauded as he watched his alpha take his throne back by force, chasing away Carska and the children with words of hate. Part of Nimrod knew that Bidziil was as much a liar as he himself was, but Nimrod understood that even if you’re weak, you are not wrong unless you act upon that weakness. Things slowly coming back to normal, the rebel pack gone into the trees, it didn’t take long for Nimrod to realize the alpha he was created to serve was slowly losing himself, again. He never spoke of war against the rebels. As much as it hurt Nimrod, he demanded war to those that opposed the humans, throwing Bidziil down into prisoner ranks. He had Lucifer lead the battle line. Nimrod himself attacked Carska and Alonda, but was brought down by his own sinful feelings for Carska. There was loyalty mixed with his disgust for her—oh, and there was love, too. His pack lost, Bidziil was taken prisoner, and Nimrod began to realize that the original Folami were going to die. The way life was supposed to be had lost to those who lived off dreams.

You got a way of easing me out of myself.
Rickalaru wedged herself into Nimrod’s life in a very real way soon after the war. Nimrod saw Kango in the girl to an overwhelming extent, even when he refused to admit it to himself. Kango was supposed to be a dream! He tried to fight it, but after their first meeting, Nimrod wandered and chewed on the whole ordeal. Kango became a very real part of his memories, as the conversation with Rickalaru morphed into a key to pick the lock that was holding his emotions prisoner. The man mourned for the love he had killed, even wailing that, ‘no, the pack is not giving me joy’. He would sleep and see the leopardess in his dreams, their dying children squirming as they tried to find the shredded remains of their mother’s torn womb. It haunted him. By the time Nimrod saw Rickalaru the second time, he was a mess. He hid it behind aggression and tense conversation, but his emotions were frayed. Rickalaru was Kango. Only, this time, she was given to him as a Folami, and not the prey in which Nimrod so loved to eat.

Sorry for abrupt 'ending' and empty storyline. Nimrod is not one of my more indepth characters.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

ABENI
But inside, you're just a little baby.

I never knew
Abeni was not supposed to be alive. Fate killed her mother, and killed all her siblings. Murder Apes, with their wretched poison, left Abeni a blind newborn an orphan. There was no chance for her to survive. This was when Baako and Adaeze came across the squirming child that squealed in terror. The kitten reeked of the poison, the chemical seeping into every pore on her vulnerable body; her flesh was still too soft. She had no chance to be unaffected. It became apparent of this fact when she began to grow. Her adopted parents noted her slow processing, poor motor skills, and inability to comprehend anything with any sort of efficiency. The poison had seeped into her brain and her nervous system, leaving the child alive, but stuck in a permanent state of childhood. Early on in her life, Abeni discovered a friend. Her parents agreed to adopt the girl, explaining to Akila the past they kept from Abeni. The first day into the sisterhood, Abeni and Akila hid away from Adaeze. Their cave happened to be the home of a young Folami that had run away from home. Evangeline planned to eat the two cats, but Akila and Abeni taught her of Dio. It was at this point that a small grouping of Folami murdered Adaeze right outside the cave. Adaeze gasped for life as Abeni leapt into the battle, the small cub no larger than the Folamis’ paw. She watched her mother die, and then fell unconscious as her and her two friends were taken prisoner. Akila told Abeni the truth about Adaeze and Baako, explaining that neither were her true parents. In a moment of devastation, Abeni demanded death from her prison guard. This was when her life changed. The child who had just had reality forced down her throat, ripping her from her own little dreams, was given another picture of bliss to hold onto.

But it’s all you’ve ever known
Daiade crawled humbly into Abeni’s life. He saved her soul by handing her a chunk of his own. He gave her a stable shelter to hide within, something the fragile child needed to survive by any means. Abeni relied on adults giving her stability; she needed authority. Daiade crept in and provided that, when all she had known was dragged out. It became clear she would need this stable shelter as the time wore on. Akila and Abeni were not simply prisoners; they were tools. The dogs trained on them, hitting all the right places to break the confused cubs. Akila crumbled. Abeni watched as the vilest of the children tore away her friend’s life. Abeni hardened. Everyone dies. She became a shell of a woman, smiling for her new father, Daiade, but coiling into herself as she accepted she meant nothing to these dogs. Abeni had her childhood stripped away at too young an age, and yet she remained a child in her mind. Deep down, she was a happy feline, but the bags under her eyes and the scars on her body reminded her that she could not afford to be a child. She had to be a warrior. Daiade proved he was different than the others. He could not stop the beatings, but he could bandage her wounds and remind her each night that it wouldn’t last forever. The sad man was the only thing she valued anymore. Dio had abandoned her. Adaeze was dead. Akila was dead. Baako had never found her. Life had taken a shit on Abeni’s doorstep and then bid her farewell. Abeni accepted that. The Folami became her family. Her abusive spouse. Daiade was kind and told her she deserved better. She was grateful for this. But, slowly, beating by beating, day by day, Abeni began to justify the pack. They were right. Felines needed to die and they were being merciful to let her live. She accepted their mission as being the only right path. She suddenly took the beatings with pride. She offered pointers, even though the canines sneered at her for it. She felt honored to be the training toy.

You could rearrange the stars
As time passed, dogs began to hit her less. Her wandering in camp sometimes offered her a smile, or a ‘good morning, lioness’. Only Daiade knew, or perhaps he was simply the only one who used her name. She became accustomed to the term lioness, answering fondly to the demeaning label. It was said like an insult by most, but occasionally it was said with warmth. There were dogs who came to welcome her into their lives, hitting her only when necessary for training, but talking to their slow-witted friend kindly when training came to an end. While Abeni remained the punching bag, she slowly clawed her way to the low end of the omega position—a member of the pack, the family. This only strengthened the day she found Carska on the ground, a weeping heap of defeated hopelessness. Abeni’s Daiade had walked away, leaving his sister a miserable mess. A prick of anger appeared in her heart, believing it was wrong for Daiade to persecute Carska for her ways. Carska was a Folami; it was Daiade who was wrong. Abeni loved her father, but she often rolled her eyes at his beliefs. He believed there was equality between cat and dog; that there was no line. She approached Carska, spoke with her. She knew Bidziil was her mate and he had killed Adaeze. She knew Alaois was her apprentice and he had killed Akila. But she also had a child’s heart. Her body was hardened to stone, worn down with scars, but her heart still beat the crimson heat, flowed with the trust of a child. Carska had her children shortly after, and Abeni became the aunty of the cubs. Suddenly Abeni had a family again. Her father was a gentle beast that spoiled her, while remaining stern. Carska was the protective aunt that would fight the world for Abeni’s safety. The children each held Abeni to a different esteem, but they were her rambunctious cousins that clawed up her pelt and knawed on her ears. Then there was Bidziil. He did not admit it, but Abeni knew that there was something there; he had a grudging care for the lioness that had infested his mate’s heart. Abeni began to accept that maybe there was a chance to have a family again, this time without lies being the glue holding it together.

As you lose the argument in a cable car
The pain had stopped. The training went back to practices from before Abeni’s arrival. Her heart felt guilty, knowing there was nothing that could train a child better than actual battle. Whenever she tried to thrust herself into the session as the prey, she would be pulled out by an adult. Abeni felt uneasy, knowing the humans did not always treat their creations with mercy. She feared retaliation from the humans, and withdraw because of this. She would often grow agitated with even her father when someone granted her kindness. It felt wrong. Abeni planned to convince Bidziil to restore her former position. Then the humans took him. Abeni knew it was her fault. It had to be. They would hurt her uncle because he had let a feline live among them with no purpose. She panicked. Stealing Mahal, the girl ran off with hopes the humans would think she was a rapid lioness stealing a child and the Folami would take care of the problem. They didn’t. By the time she was escorted back, Bidziil was gone. The pack was in a state of terror. Not long after, Lucifer and Hatti took over the pack. They brought the pack back to the only true path. But they hurt Aunty. Abeni was not a friend to anyone who hurt her Aunty Carska. Still, it felt right at they kept Abeni as a training toy. Difference was, now Abeni was taken as far as she could survive each day. Before she was fought, but there was always mercy. Now, Abeni would be aided from the arena daily because she was too exhausted and beat up to walk on her own. Under Lucifer and Hatti, Abeni no longer felt honored to be a training toy. She was scared and she was tired. Even with Daiade’s gentle kindness, Abeni slipped into a state of depression, though she developed a habit of being a chronic liar. All was well, she would convince, taking advantage of her blind father’s inability to see her quivering agony surging through her veins.

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Paradox and Ayita went missing. Abeni loved Paradox on a very deep level. He was a friend, a true friend. The man was patient with her and granted her pardon, all the while being stern when she needed an authority telling her what to do. The man and his mate could not have done what Lucifer said. He had killed them, and Abeni determined to find their bones and show them to the world so that all Hell would fall upon the tyrants of the pack. She found them, but they were not dead. They admitted to being murderers. Abeni only laughed, thinking they meant they killed a feline, which was no murder according to Abeni. Then they said they killed a Folami. Abeni lost it. Good dogs do not kill Folami. What little strands of sanity the unfortunate girl had were pulled from their seams. She ran from her home, the only home she dared to remember. She was a lioness. Lioness’ do not live with Folami. Folami eat lioness’. Humans would not be happy about a lioness being in the pack. Daiade was in danger. Her father would be killed for weakness. Abeni knew she could not be selfish by putting the man in danger anymore. She joined Akando, relishing in the abuse Ezhno presented her. It was what she was used to and was comfortable with. The man quickly made her pregnant, unaccustomed to but overjoyed by such willingness to bare his seed. Abeni planned to donate her cubs to the Folami pack—training toys, food, whatever they wanted them for. Then she birthed them. A deep instinct said no one deserved to live the life she had. She named one after Daiade. She denied that she missed him, even when she cried every time she said her son’s familiar name. When Ezhno died and Ackecheta took over, Abeni saw a glimpse at pride life. Her new alpha saw meaning to the word family. He valued it so greatly that he allowed Daiade to come and make camp in Akando when he appeared on the doorstep with a fatal wound. The man had said Abeni was his daughter, in a sense, and Ackecheta could not deny a father access to his daughter when he lies on his deathbed. Abeni hates Ackecheta for this. If the albino had just left his nose out of her business, she would not be mourning to the stars by night and staring blankly at the festering wound by day. The training toy had resurfaced; blank and disinterested masking over the flow of raging love. That is what Abeni is built upon—the very essence of her being and reason for all she does—love. A child’s love is unconditional, and Abeni is forever stuck in the mind of a child.

[I L Y I C H]

ZERO
I Always Swore To You I'd Never Fall Apart.

you always gotta be afraid.
-birth
-death of father
-depressed mother
-caring for sibling

I'm a word that no one wants to say.
-cancer
-breaking point
-depression
-escape

and if He made me then he's a failure too.
-reckless
-cheep thrills
-desperation
-suicidal

and who the fuck want's to die alone?
-joins zonta
-noelle's rape
-going into ende
-alphonse finds out
-close friendship with al?

No Love. Simple Plan | Daisy. BrandNew.
Failure. Laura Marling | Some Nights. Fun.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

ALPHONSE
Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal.

I never knew that tender touch.
Born to a broken woman, Alphonse never had much of a chance to be normal. In his earliest memories, Anna had been withdrawn, but not all together unkind towards him. She would never groom him like she did for Noelle and Ilyich, or tell him she loved him like she did them. This created a rather obnoxious mentality in Alphonse's personality. The attention he got from his mother was when he did something wrong--so he became a rambunctious child and learned to find pleasure in the verbal scolding. It was attention, and every child yearns for it, no matter the cost. It wasn't until well into his second month that he broke past his mother's sheilds. Someone had told him about his deceased father a few days prior, spoke grandly about the albino lion. Alphonse became curious, yet bitter that his mother had not spoken of his father in any of his memories. So, while being scolded for something small that, if done by Noelle or Ilyich would go uncorrected because they were perfect in Anna's eyes, Alphonse lost his temper and dubbed himself a daddy's boy. The usual guarded bickering his mother set out changed in that moment. Her view towards him shifted from border-line tolerance to complete loathing. "Then you mine as well leave now, male, because you are not welcome in this family." Never had Alphonse seen his mother so angry before, and never had she used the term male towards him. From that day forward she used his name only on rare occasions. He was either male, with a venomous tone, or simply Onida or Ahote's boykin. Both were said as an insult, burying Alphonse in his father and half-brother's supposed sins. The child began to lose himself in bitterness towards his mother, yet he continued to work for her attention. In the back of his mind he longed for her affection, but after one too many beatings that ideal was lost. He would kill her.

People never crumble in a day.
Never allowed his own identity in his mother's eyes, Alphonse grew into a self-conscious young man. So filled with self-doubt, he began to hide behind a shield of arrogance. Anna would die one day and Alphonse would be the king of Zonta--a king as great or greater than his father whom he never met. The quiet voice in the back of his skull always told him that he should seize his throne by ridding the world of that incompetent fool, Anna, but despite the physical and verbal abuse Alphonse could not bring himself to truly hate his mother. He knew a better woman under that hardened shell of a broken queen--what he could only assume was the true her peaked through occasionally, and it made him long for the days before he was born. In the rare moments of clarity that she sat down and talked to him, teaching him what she knew, he ached to have known her when that had been her every day. It began to weigh him down, these moments are warmth they shared. She had been beautiful at one point--Onida and Ahote had to have done something unspeakable to build that wall of hatred that casted so thickly over the once golden heart. Yet, still, Alphonse found himself unable to sympathize with the woman. It is hard to sit down and pity the mother that denies you love simply because you share the same gender as those who have hurt you in the past. Alphonse knew his mother expected him to betray her. And while most of him wanted to prove her wrong and be the most loyal member of Zonta, there was always a strong voice, growing louder with each beating and argument, saying it would be easier just to run off and join Ahote in Ende. It was only his love for Noelle that kept him rooted to Zonta throughout his entire cubhood.

Oh be careful little eyes what you see.
Alphonse met his half-brother in the most unfortunate of circumstance. Having scented something strange just outside camp, the child had broken past the barrier to investigate, needing to escape a rather heated atmosphere after he and Anna had fought one another with tooth and claw being thrown with the words. Nose to nose he had come with a tiger that shared his own scent, mixed with the enemy aroma of Ende. Alphonse had been quite young, but he had been smart enough to know this was none other than the Ahote that had ruined his life. Arrogance aside, Alphonse had run to warn Anna of the attack from Ende and Akando waiting in the brush. A war broke, Alphonse teaming with his sister to battle a young albino lion that had a much more vast battle knowledge than they had. It was an unfair fight, the lion bigger and more prepared than the two untrained ligers. It was only when Alphonse watched his half-brother murder Anna that he and his sister got the strength to make the albino buckle in surrender. In a blink of an eye, a broken child had been crowned Alpha of a war-revenged pride. Power went to Alphonse's head, determined to create an identity for himself, something that had been denied him his entire life. This could have been his opportunity to make a name for himself as Zonta alpha--but he instead got bent on revenge. He became so thirsty for the blood of Ahote that he was just as incompetent, or more so, than Anna. He also realized then that he did not have it in him to murder someone of his own family--so he would hit Ahote where it would hurt the most. Symphony Bava' became the symbol of evil, the Fuhrer of a pride that made Alphonse's hackles rise in loathing.

You're the flash of light on a burial ground.
It wasn't far into his rule that Alphonse was handed something to act as a fish-line to draw his sanity back in. The man had lost himself in his need for revenge, bent by its powerful grasps. It wasn't until he found someone more broken than he that he found something else to focus his mind on. Alphonse had reacted to his mother's abuse the same way she had reacted from her treatment by Onida and Ahote--he resorted he sexism. Most of the females in his pride took a step back and tolerated this mindset--all except one. Zero had been, by far, the strongest woman in the pride in Alphonse's mind. He gave her that much credit, internally. Externally he showed this amusement through aggression, but easy defeats. He let Zero go on patrols and hunting parties, but not without making his disapproval clear. It thrilled himself to see a woman so in control of herself, after having to deal with Anna being too weak to handle her past. Alphonse didn't realize just how strong the leopard was until he found her in a heap one day. In a momentary lapse of consciousness, Alphonse let his guard down. He buried the woman with compassionate concern, and she guardedly confided her secret in him. Before his defenses could catch up to him, Alphonse let this woman slip into a slot in his heart. His heart, prior to this, had held Noelle and Ilyich. He had made a space for them before he had casted around the wretched organ. But as Zero lay helpless on the forest floor, the guards took a step back and let her presence filter in. Alphonse was not able to throw that piece out, even after rebuilding his fortress. Zero, from that moment on, held a key that could break down the defenses with no more than a look, while most others could not even beat them down.

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid.
All grown up without ever having a childhood, Alphonse remained unstable and dependent. He was dependent on four people ever in his life--Anna as his strength, Ilyich as his role model, Noelle as his heart, and Zero as his sanity. Ahote had torn away his strength in the war, making the man weak enough to vow revenge. Now Symphony tampered with his heart, and, in connection, his sanity. Alphonse had known Symphony had done something to Noelle, for she had come home shaking and wreaking of him weeks earlier. He had gone for his revenge at that moment, but was stopped by his patrol and some Ende cats, including his own brother. With Zero's help, he had let it settle. Perhaps he had chosen to remain blind to his surroundings, but he was honestly shocked when Noelle gave birth to cubs. Maybe in some deep crevice of his mind he had known Symphony had raped his sister, but had denied it for sanity's sake. Either way, one of the cubs had looked just like the father. Something in Alphonse had snapped in that moment and his morals changed. He had blamed Symphony and vowed revenge against the white tiger because killing Ahote seemed wrong because he was family. That ideal was thrown by the wayside as Alphonse lashed forward and snapped a nephew's neck. It was an action that only took a second, and the horror for what he had done settled in just as quickly. Ahote came and took Noelle away to Ende where she'd be safe from the monster she had once dared to call brother. Alphonse did nothing to stop them. He saw the conflict in Zero's eyes as he turn to run, the woman who meant sanity to him was not sure who to stay with. Alphonse fled, having lost all that meant anything to him. It was his fault they were gone--not Symphony's and not Ahote's. Alphonse had become the very monster his mother had always claimed he'd be. He wish he hadn't said such mean things to fight her on the matter, for she had been right. Still, despite the self-loathing, Alphonse could not break the hatred he held for his half-brother and the rest of the Ende cats. If not for, once more, finding Zero curled in a vulnerable heap, Alphonse may have very well gone for his suicide mission in hopes of taking his brother or the Fuhrer with him. But, alas, he was once more saved by his sanity incarnate. And what's more, he realized now why Zero kept him sane--he loved her.



OOC//: Abrupt ending but that is still in the workings (the AlxZero relationship) so I cannot write much for it, yet.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

BHUVANA
You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid.

It'd be all right, it's all right.
Bhuvana never knew her mother. Or maybe she did, a long time ago. By the time she could form memories, though, all she had left to hold onto were pictures on her Murder Ape's walls. The female was smiling in all the images, and this made Bhuvana know that it would be alright--that life was good. She had no instincts to tell her something was wrong with her life, that this wasn't all there was to it. Perhaps she was delusional, but every child wants there mother to guide them. She would speak to the pictures and hear the answers she wanted. Her Murder Apes were good to her, so she had no reason to question. Life was bland, but she was safe and warm. One instinct remained in the impressional cub's mind--safety and warmth is something a mother provides, and the Murder Apes gave it.

I'm a mountain that has been moved.
Still quite young, and never having a mother to teach her how to weigh the pros and cons, Bhuvana was easily manipulated by a wandering cat. He spoke grand things, telling Bhuvana of the world she was being denied. 'Houses are for housecats. You, my friend, are a wildcat!' Despite what should have been Bhuvana's better judgement, she ran away with the older tom. He only stayed with her a couple days, teaching her the basics. He himself was nothing more than a feral housecat, so he provided little in the way of hunting larger prey for the larger feline. After he left, Bhuvana was forced to survive largely on mice and frogs, with the occasional bird being caught. One would think living alone would make her stronger, perhaps less dependent on the ideals of others, but she remain just as impressionable. It did, however, work in her favor. Early on into her independent lifestyle she ran across someone telling of a baboon god. Bhuvana had always been optimistic, perhaps driven mostly by her ignorance, so she eagerly accepted this religion. She began to preach it, sometimes at the most foolish of times.

Just a family, that's all I really need.
Time wore away at the impressionable child's heart. Her smile remained, but inside she began to harden. In one final attempt to see the light grow in the darkness of a sinner, Bhuvana approached a cheetah and preached Dio's word. Though she got nowhere with the cheetah, her attempt had not been in vain. A leopard had come to her aid, and an ocelot appeared not too far behind. It occurred to the withering spirit then that Dio was speaking to her--he had heard her unspoken desires and given her what she had always wanted, a family. They were a small group, but Bhuvana found a mother in the leopardess, Alia. The ocelot, Alec, on the other paw, gave her something she had never considered before. At first she thought it friendship, then she toyed with him being a brother. By the end of the day, however, she knew what it was--Bhuvana believed at love at first sight, and this male could do no wrong. It may have been her childish ignorance at work again, but she clung to Alec, became dependent upon him. He was her mission--she could see a broken soul behind that too forced smile. She wanted to mend him. The following evening she was given confirmation by Dio himself. But, more importantly than that, she was handed something she'd never imagined--a rank in the Heaven's before she even died. Waking, she found Alia had shared in the dream--they were two of four Peace Leaders hand chosen for certain traits by Dio's hand.

Show me how a heart breaks.
After finding the other two Peace Leaders, Bhuvana was in a state of complete euphoria. She had a mother, friends, and her first crush. A lesson was taught to her, then--happiness never lasts. Alec twisted her in grief by walking away, saying he didn't want to be around her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Bhuvana understood he was pushing her away to make his leaving easier on her, but this knowledge went ignore. She curled into herself, having been heart broken for the first time, with no desire to let it happen again. She went from sunshine to rain with Alec's one action, and stayed as such. For missions she would smile and pretend to still be the joyous child, but inside she had died. All she had ever wanted was a family, but now she knew why so many in this world go as far as to kill their families. Relationships were horrible things--they left you vulnerable. For months she remained like this, growing into a hallow shell of a warrior, preaching joy but not feeling it herself.

Give me an emergency.
Word had it that a new species had been created. The humans had become fearful of the wildcats, and birthed a canine capable of stopping the 'big bad kitties'. Bhuvana and the other three Peace Leaders' mission was suddenly more urgent. They had to make the felines realize their error in warring amongst themselves, for they had to come together to defeat this common enemy. Bhuvana had it in her mind that the Folami were not cold and ruthless, just merely manipulated to do as the humans wanted. This was proven as she came across an injured child of the kind. With the help of another feline, Kunabee, they were able to make the dog well enough to get home. From that day onward, Mahal and Kunabee had a key to Bhuvana's heart. She softened, if only towards them, and began to hold faith in Dio once more. She thanked the baboon for answering her silent prayers, even as she had been cursing him for over a moon by that point. The compassion was not deeply routed, however. It was only on the surface that Dio held her heart once again.

And in walks her prince charming, and he knows just what to say.
Bhuvana had been a peace leader for over a year and had only seen one feline convert. Days after finding the light, the tom up and disappeared from the face of the earth, presumably killed and eaten by a Folami. Over a year under Dio's rule and there was nothing to show for the Peace Leader's hardwork. Bhuvana grew more and more bitter with the passing days, becoming even agitated with the leopardess that had raised her. Could they not all see the baboon had lead them in circles all this time, or had simply abandoned his work and failed to tell them? Then word of a new promise floated to their ears from the lips of a passing loner. A new faith, a new hope had been shed down on this bleak world in the form of a tangible god. Without a farewell or regret, Bhuvana melted into the night to hunt down this new light. He found her and his excitement was tangible. Despite Kunabee appearing and trying to convince her otherwise, Bhuvana knew she had found it--the answer. And he welcomed her as his trophy wife. Bhuvana was the mate of a god. With each passing day it becomes more difficult for her to ignore that little voice saying she herself is now a god.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

ALONDA
Been actin' awful tough lately.

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable.
Maybe it was because she was the only girl in the litter of four that she never quite understood how to be feminine. Always caught in a battle of testosterone driven games, Alonda had to adapt. Her siblings, by birth, were more filled out than her, and this made her strive to be the top of the pack. From the moment she could see she was in a constant battle that only she knew about--the battle to be better than her siblings. Perhaps, in all honesty, it started before she had opened her eyes. She was born easily irritable, so was also having to be kept from her pairs by her mother and father. As she got older, that irritable nature shifted to plain hostility, unable to show her jealousy in any other way without proving she was as emotionally weak as any woman. Her father was distant with them all, but more so her. He told her often that she should hang closer to her mother. This infuriated the princess and built a wall of hatred between her and her father from the get-go. Bidziil may have realized this because, as Alonda grew older and showed no more femininity than she had as an infant, he tried to branch out to her. The damage had already been done at that point, and Alonda blocked off emotional ties, not only from her father, but from everyone.

I am not a robot.
As time past, more than just Bidziil began to hint to the royal children what it meant to be a Folami. Alonda would listen with disinterest as they blathered on and on about some human lords. It wasn't until someone dared to say she was as much the human's servant as the rest of them that she revolted. She had, at one point, taken orders from her mother with a guarded acceptance. But, thinking her mother now as just another slave to the humans, she pulled away. She could eat and murder cats without having to do it for anyone but herself. This is when she began to admire her uncle on a very deep level. He was soft-hearted, and she thought this was unacceptable, but he was strong at the same time. He stood firm against what was dubbed proper by societal standards, continuing to love his daughter with every fiber of his being. Alonda could not understand his beliefs, but he was the only one left she respected. The only one who had not a single tie to the humans remaining, and held no regret for it, either. This is whom she modeled herself after, just on the other side of the moral spectrum.

You were made to make it hurt.
After never really having a relationship with her father, Alonda found the male heart to be a foreign thing. This was why, despite how head strong she was, she was easily manipulated by Alaois' smooth tongue. He was older than her, already well on his way to being a warrior, while Alonda was only allowed from the den for short periods. Alonda saw no harm in tailing after the brute, eying his strong form in interest, and finding his harsh nature and abuse towards his sister too amusing to ignore. He was everything she wanted to be--strong, not weighed down by emotions, simply a warrior with no hint of regret. He knew the magic words, convincing her he was not a puppet of the humans, or of Bidziil. Perhaps in the back of her mind she knew it was a lie, he was very much a trained folami and loyal to his humans, but every child aches for affection. Alaois gave it in the form of friendship. He taught her how to fight, relaying all the moves her own mother had taught him during the day's training sessions. He was the one who took her to first feline hunt--the two of them, her not even six months old yet, managed to take down an adult lioness on their own, which they dragged back to camp together, after eating their fill. Their budding relationship was put on hold as the humans invaded the camp and stole away Alonda's father. It was not that Alonda loved the man and found any grief in his absence, but it infuriated her that the humans could be so arrogant as to think their actions would go unpunished. After several days of watching her mother mope around, Alonda realized that the humans had good reason to have the audacity to do what they'd done--no one spoke of revolting against the keepers. Most dogs were only agitated because now they had no alpha, and the humans had said they need to have an alpha. In her father's absence, a new man appeared and rose to steal Carska's crown right from her head. Alonda was still reasonably young, only about half the size she would one day grow to be, so she did not have the power to destroy this man and his whore. She watched her mother stand down, more pack-mates voting for Lucifer than for her. Alonda was in a state of shock before fury overwhelmed her into following Alaois to Lucifer's side. Her mother's lack of backbone and loyalty to democracy had not only ruined her own rule, but she knew that this forfeited Alonda's rights to the throne as well.

You've been hanging with the unloved kids.
As Alonda grew, so did the expectations from Alaois. For one, he battled her harder, using his full bulk rather than restraining it because Alonda was smaller. Alonda was grateful for his harsh training, her skin hardening with callace and her skills becoming even greater than seasoned warriors. In addition to this, his expectations from her grew romantically, too. Their emotional affair seemed to have died when Alonda was a child, but she figured that it was just hardened as the two became warriors rather than emotionally driven pups. Alaois, having been given useless wings, had also been made infertile, so sex was of no risk. The two became each others 'land line', as Alaois called it. Sex is a stress relief and being a folami was stressful. It was also her way of thanking him for teaching her, since her and her siblings were never given mentors, for some unknown reason. Her heart began to ache for her family, though, and instinct she could not shake. Alaois never ached for his sister, Evangeline, so Alonda assumed it was because she was born, not made, that the instinct was so deep. After a particularly draining day emotionally, Alonda tried to channel some of her affections to her mate. The two had just had sex and she had cringed her neck and give him a loving lick. He laughed at her. This bent her further out of shape, fraying her emotions, though she simply cursed him in fury and told him to get away from her. That same night, still not having been given a chance to channel her affections, she turned to her mother. In the dead of night she was sure she would not be seen--and even if she were, she was the motherfucking princess so she wouldn't give a damn. Her brother stumbled in early in the conversation. A year had passed since Bidziil had been taken and Lucifer had split the pack. Alonda had lived in the same camp as her family but had not uttered more than a few words in that time. It felt peaceful talking to them and Alonda realized how much she had missed her family. The euphoria evaporated as a familiar howl broke past the camp's surrounding brush. She went to approach Bidziil, hating him fiercely, but still having that nagging instinct of kinship drawing her to him. He snapped at her and her training forced her into a rigid salute. In a moment of bad judgement, Alonda drew over to her father's side. He was strong, standing dominant over every dog that surrounded him. If she followed her mother, chances are Mahal would be the heir due to his similar way of thinking. With Bidziil, she would be Queen in her due time, and Princess until then. Her heart lurched as Bidziil gave Alaois the order to attack Daiade. The brute landed a powerful blow to her uncle's chest, ripping open a large wound. Paradox tore a wing free from the man's body to pull him away from the withered blind man. She held no sympathy for Alaois, knowing now that he had lied all those moons ago--he was loyal Bidziil and the humans, even jumping into impossible battles to serve them. Her heart, however, beat rapidly for her uncle, who had remained her only true idol. With a heavy heart, she gave a few words of love to the man and watched as he was taken by the fleeing ranks of Vea Apxn.

Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing.
Stricken by pain induced stress from his wing injury, Alaois dared to ask for sex to keep his mind off it. Alonda lashed forward and maneuvered around, ripping a tear across the man's snout. He had wailed and Alonda had smiled, pleased that she had moved too quickly for the seasoned warrior. She was proud for cutting the ties, accepting that Alaois had always been using her for two things--sex, and a possible place on the throne as king. Her heart ached and that night she found herself wishing Mahal were there. He had been the only one of her siblings she had felt comfortable talking to--she could act tough and he took no offense to it, so she would still be able to get her concerns across without breaking from her rock-exterior. With this in mind, she set out to search for her only tie to her brother. Her father was gone, he was not the man who had worshiped his son. She needed Val, a boy who would be able to relate on the topic of Mahal, yet was an easy child to use as a punching bag. It turned into something far greater than that, though--they talked, Alonda broke down, and Val glued her back together again and made her laugh. This was the beginning of their friendship, each having the guilt of abandoning Mahal. When Nimrod spoke of war against the rebel pack, the two glued themselves to one another and knew they would stick together and help protect Vea Apxn. In the war, Nimrod tore off a rather large piece of the left side of Alonda's face, leaving a ragged scar as a reminder of the mistake she had made, only stopping as both Carska and Val leapt in to save the princess. She was able to watch in victory as the original pack fled, Bidziil was taken prisoner, and her mother welcomed both her and Val into Vea Apxn's ranks.

Can you teach me how to feel real?
A life that had once been lead by jealousy was now given something new to focus on. She hated her father and knew that would never change, but it was Val that she pushed all her energy into. The man had saved her emotionally the night she had tore Alaois' skull, making it so she did not feel anything but pity when the winged bastard died in battle. Then he had saved her physically when Nimrod, his own mentor and former idol, worked feverishly to kill her. She showed her devotion to him carefully, and even having to put it on the back burner for a short while while her uncle, her only idol, died. She watched the man's life slip away from an infection her father and former mate had caused. She felt filthy having such intimate ties to those responsible for her greatest role model's death. Still, as her paw brushed by Val's, she was able to keep from falling into a pool of self-loathing. She had done something right--she had helped Val overcome a loyalty to a man who did not deserve. That could count for something. And so she asked him to run away with her, and he said yes.