Deductions.Depressions {aw

[I L Y I C H]

Night had long captured the land, dragging the world into darkness. It was a thing I could appreciate at least, finding my form lost to the shadows. Alone in the quiet I could think as I was meant to, without the emotion that the others always seemed to demand of me. Such things were not necessary to functioning life, no matter what the lot of them thought. My emotion was mine alone, and not a matter for others to attempt to look into. It had never been a thing I could readily understand, this need others had to understand moods and emotions. Why was it so readily difficult for them all to just mind their own business? Growling softly under my breath I crept farther away from the camp, away from this place that I despised. Groups were not my forte, and as intelligent as I was I could not act myself out of this current situation. John desired to stay with these blithering fools, then so be it. He did not notice me slip away in the night. None of them did, or at least I would assume they did not. No one ever followed dear disturbed Sherlock out into the wilds.

Lithe form entirely silent and hidden in it's ebony frame against the blackness of cloud shrouded stars I slunk away. Slunk into hiding as it where, lost to my thoughts. How I loathed this place. How disgusted I was by the lot of them. John at least had the strength of spirit to be pure. That margay had more will power in his dew claw then most of those bumbling baboons held in their entire forms. But Eznox itself? Disgusting. Filled to the brim with minds that couldn't capture the significance of a single growl. They saw nothing but judged everything. It was creatures like them that gave me my inherent dislike of all animals. Of all company. Hatred was the only thing they ever directed at me. Hatred for what I saw in them. Hatred for what I thought of them. Yet when I hated back I was told to stop being cruel. To stop being such a sociopath. Could I not feel as well? The point, precious Eznox, being that only the normal were allowed to emote.

It was why I stood here now, at the edge of Eznox's world with my frame hunched in on itself. The idea of leaving crossed my mind so very often, but the thought of leaving my Doctor here was unimaginable. Dr.Watson was the only creature who had ever made an attempt to respond to my vitriolic words. To look around them. Frankly put that silly little tom cat was the only reason I remained here, despite my longing to walk over this cliff side boundary. Just to see what would happen. So often I looked at the dead and wondered what it was like. What it had felt like. The ultimate scientific inquiry. Death. Eyes the colour of storm clouds I set my claws cruelly and leaned forward, sending a good portion of my body hovering over the void. The fall wasn't that great. Perhaps lethal to a being smaller then myself but with my weight and length it would merely damage, and damage was not what I took to heart to study.

Grunting as I leaned back to earth I settled silently, curling a thick onyx tail about similarly coloured paws. Eyes smoothed over the world, seeing the tides of time and watching as erosion took the dirt. I could see where the land had stopped long ago and the water began. See the details of the creatures who had lived and died here in a single glance. Yet there was nothing here. Nothing to care about. Boredom lay thick about the silence and with a slowly hardening mind I could not help but be drawn to my ideas. My ideals. John had shrieked at me more then once about my choice of things to intake. He called it an addiction. He said it was wrong. Everything so very wrong. Today was a bad day I suppose. A night in which my heart pounded too hard and my head hurt a bit too much. The silence was deafening and as my mind raged a quiet war it continued to read the borders. Ende would attack soon. Akando would hide away. Ezhno was dead. Symphony was growing playful with the monsoons giving his rather brilliant band an advantage.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Where had that moronic brute disappeared to? I hated when he did this, wandered off. And in the nighttime no less! With storms brewing and Ende more than eager to take advantage of the flooding world we were forsaken enough to call home! I would kill him. If Symphony and his minions had not already slit Sherlock’s throat, then I would. Oh, that damn child always managed to make my calm nature bubble in fury!

Oh, but the concern swallowed any hint of anger.

What if Ende did find him? Sherlock was too smart for his own good. He would press the wrong button and get his neck wrung. I quickened my pace with that thought, preparing my plead that would wedge me into Sherlock’s position to spare the man’s life. Yes, I could admit within the safety of my mind that I would die for Sherlock. Would I ever say it out loud? Oh, gracious, no! But I could think whatever I wanted.

“Sherlock!” The relief flooded every joint, every contour of my voice as I spotted the man by the canyon’s edge. I considered what was flowing through the sadistic brain of his, but decided to stay silent on the matter for the moment. “What could possibly go through that tiny head of your’s that says this is okay?” I was angry now, letting the parental concern harden my voice as if I scolded my disobedient child. “And don’t you dare point out the obvious fact that, technically, your head is far larger than my own.”

No matter how angry I was at his foolish actions, I couldn't help the hint of brotherly amusement that tainted the outer edges of my warning.

[I L Y I C H]

His disappointed voice caught turned back ears and solid gray eyes found their way to the much smaller man's face. Surely he could see by the simple color of my irises exactly what I had been considering. "John" My baritone rumbled in response, voice deeper the normal with a certain level of vicious annoyance. Oh I had upset the little doctor. Upset him to the point of his anger, yet my selfishness demanded to know exactly why Watson dared be so furious. Was I not allotted my own time to sulk? Doubtless I took more time for such activities then most, but then John himself should understand the reasoning behind such an ideal. Ebony jaws parted, quiet ready to verbally attack my older friend. Perhaps taking my annoyances out on the single friend I held but I could not help it. My nature was fickle enough to turn a heavy skull back around and a petulant voice to soak back into the empty air. "Metaphorically my head is larger then yours as well, as you do so love pointing out."

Eyes bluing slightly I lowered my frame downward dramatically, flopping with all the weight of a jaguar to the heavy limestone under foot. "Bored." Came the snap, blowing out between lightly clenched teeth. John thought me weak. Too smart and too willing to start fights. He'd never seen me actually fight, however. It was rather insulting to think that a man who knew just how clever I could be thought that I couldn't find such simple pathetically obvious weaknesses in a living body. Sighing into the dust I rolled over, onyx paws striking irritably at the humid air above. "John, might I ask you something?" My accent sounded light despite the deepening tones behind it. It was courtly, a thing Mummy took great pride in. Another thing to dislike. "How hard is it to see past one's own nose?" Tipping my head back to the point that once again steel blue eyes could focus on John's tawny striped form.

"You seem quiet capable of doing it every now and again." Eyes narrowing slightly I rolled over without quiet moving my skull. "That cat that left. The iriomote.Prionailurus bengalensis iriomotensis." I stood abruptly surging past the margay before pacing back past him. I couldn't quiet remember the coward's name, it hadn't been of any vital importance at the time. "He could do it sometimes too. But he went off and died. That servile from Ende killed him." Eznox was stupid to assume anyone else had done it. Some of them liked the idea that the tiger major, Ahote had ripped the older healer apart. Stupid. Fanatical. he'd been killed by one swift bite to the neck and drug away from the border. Tawny fur caught in the twigs. Smaller paw prints. A child could have seen the truth. Grimacing I turned back round, seating myself once more with the feline grace I had perfected long ago.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I plopped my rump to sit beside the man, staring downwards into the canyon as he spoke. I was still upset with him, but it was manageable, now. I gave him his due respect and let him finish his bored words. I understood, in all honesty. There was not a day that went by when I myself was not illy bored. But that didn’t erase the fact that what he did here was dangerous. There were the outside threats, like Ende or Folami. Then, of course, was my more overpower fear; himself.

I toyed with ignoring his question. It seemed an odd one to ask, so I cared not to answer. But with Sherlock, there was no walking around a question. I sighed, drooping slightly in my posture. “It isn’t hard, Sherlock, for the normal mortal. But you, my friend, would have to change everything about yourself. You would have to learn how to give a damn.” I gasped audibly to exaggerate the shock of such a thing happening for Sherlock. He couldn’t see past his own nose because he thought himself a demi-god. I could love and hate someone at the same time. Sherlock was a perfect example of such a mix-match emotional pair.

I didn’t look to him, but merely focus on the sandy walls of the canyon side across from us. “Sherlock, I don’t care how smart you are. You can outsmart any of Ende cats. But you cannot overpower the pride.” I looked at him now, boring my gaze deep into the side of his head. “Can’t you please just wake me when you go for a midnight stroll? We don’t have to talk, but two heads are better than one.” I smiled. “Surely a genius like yourself realizes that.” Despite the smirk, I was far from feeling joy. My words were stressed, pleading almost. My heart beat in a tight rhythm, terror icing over the blood in my veins. If I was being brutally honest with myself, that fear all branched from one concern; I did not want to lose Sherlock. That was it. Period.

“For a smart guy, you’re a real dumbass.” I scoffed the words as I returned my eyes to the canyon’s wall. Why couldn’t Sherlock see that there were people who loved him? Just because he didn’t care about anyone but himself, didn’t mean he should push away everyone else. It was as if, sometimes, Sherlock didn’t even realize that I was here; that I valued him. I put up with every little nonsense thing he threw my way because I loved him. He was a brother, my best friend. Why couldn’t he see that?

Why didn’t he care that every act he took hurt me?

[I L Y I C H]

"No! I'm not speaking emotionally, John!" You should know that. Had my fur been long enough to bristle it would have. Emotions were not a thing I liked to think about, liked to have at all. John himself liked to believe I had none but petulance and arrogance. Stupid man. My outright fear of such things was so blatantly obvious at times that it drove me mad, but then no one else seemed to ever see it. Apparently it was hidden even now, and my anger slipped away with the threat now that I was certain it was firmly planted behind every single shield I had ever placed in it's path. "I am speaking of observation. Look around you. The obviousness of the current situation is written in the dirt without the blood about to be spilled." Seated once more beside the good doctor I rolled my shoulders inward.

"I am not that moronic." Sharp azure eyes slashed sideways, boring in with intent. Ende was craftier then this margay liked to believe. What would he think, had he known just how much I enjoyed watching them? It was of interest to me to wonder, but a question would be cheating. Of course the brutes weren't quiet as top notch as myself they made up for it in brutal savage cunning. I may be clever, I may be cunning, but I would never have the sheer vicious intent that drove Ende to it's utterly stunning battle planning. "Outsmart one of them. Not all." It was rare for me to utter such a phrase. That there was a group of cats that together were smarter then me, that alone should rattle dear John. Symphony Bava' had quiet a group there. Quiet an army. Surely I could talk my way around one cat but another would see and wage war.

My head tipped down, ebony frame tensing slightly before I forced muscles to relax. Did he not understand the point of this all? John may have been my only companion, but he hated me just as much as the others at times even wile i saw his devotion. Give me my leave, good sir. Yet outwardly my conflicts revolved around rolled graying eyes and a harsh glare that pointed out over the cliff edge. "I see no reason to wake you for such nonsense." I want to be alone. There are too many people here. Too many boring hateful people. My response was to become harsh and cruel. I protected myself from their disgust in layers of petulant obnoxious behavior. It was how I was raised, after all. Oh Mycroft would be so very proud.

Slitted eyes sliding back to John I remained silent in response to his final sentence. Dumbass. Thick headed. Emotion didn't make sense to me. It was something I should study more in depth, but I only needed it so rarely. It was better then, to keep it away from others. People do horrible things, and frankly I would prefer to shield myself then be open to such a large amount of hurt. It seemed rather useless then, to react to the world as John did, but then he'd always been stronger then me. Turning back to the darkness hovering in the sky I stared upward for a moment before turning my stare to my paws. Normally I would have something, anything, to yammer about to distract the good doctor, but now I remained silent. Lost once again in thought as I fell into a motion of ignoring the spotted creature.

But I wasn't ignoring him. I hadn't forgotten him. How could I? My mind wandered, yes, but I had been joking when he'd taken me seriously. Simply put I needed to orate at times, John didn't have to be there. It was better when he could listen and provide input, but not necessary. but I never forgot.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I let myself lay down, continuing my vain attempt to cross the canyon while not using a muscle. How I wanted to escape this life, to leave Eznox behind, but I could not. I cared for the hopeless bunch of misfits. And, the honest truth was the world scared me. Part of me was arrogant in saying I could survive fine on my own, but my emotional tie to Sherlock would be the death of me. Without a pride to help me handle him, I would die in an attempt to lure away a tiger his pissed off with some smartass remark. Truth was he could handle himself in a fight against a tiger, I was sure. But I was a coward. I had never admitted that outloud before. I toyed with that maybe was a time I should.

Sherlock’s words dragged me back to him. Of course he hadn’t meant emotional, how foolish of me to consider he had. It would mean he was interested in having such things as empathy. I rolled my eyes, turning my skull to sit the back of mine towards him. “Of course.” It was huffed, a quiet breath blown from a deflated form. I was selfish; I wanted Sherlock to care for me as I did for him. I would die for the man because I felt compassion for him, devotion. He would die for me because he was curious about death, so in truth, it was for himself and not for me. “Sorry for being an idiot.” Again, only a soft whisper sliding past barely separated fangs.

“I wish I had your absolute indifference to the world, Sherlock. I envy it.” Was I telling the truth with my soft words, or was I merely blowing up his esteem because, frankly, I thought the world of the man? Yes, it was the honest down-to-earth truth. I wished to be like Sherlock; where logic truly trumps over emotion. Emotions, I knew, were illogical. But I had them, and I found it an impossible war to fight so I had forfeited to them long ago. Was Sherlock a happier man because of his stone wall around his heart? Maybe, but how could one tell when his face was such a gray slate? “I’m a coward, Sherlock. Don’t let me drag you down.” I still refused to look at him, glancing to my left to avoid his accusing (or is it mocking?) stare. My tone was defeated, but not entirely so. There was a heat to it, razored edges. It was like a woman’s ‘go ahead’ to her husband; a challenge.

Face it, I am the woman in this relationship.

[I L Y I C H]

My eyes jerked down once more, brow furrowing as I watched him. "I've disappointed you". Again. Voice matter of fact I leaned slightly forward to stare at him. "You've known me for years. Don't make me out to be something I am not". Stop trying to look around my shields John. it wont be worth it, there's nothing there but maggots. Half of me wanted to laugh at the following words, but the other half understood the tone. I remained silent, unable to do more then simply stare, not all that aware that I hadn't blinked for at least a minute. Sorry. The word didn't come past my pride, but it was there in the eyes he wouldn't look into. I'm sorry. "Moron." There was affection there, hidden behind the sarcasm. "How silly of you to assume the norm." But I had never been the norm and the world did so love to say as much. My intelligence was a thing I would never give up, but at times I wondered what it was like to be John. To not be so utterly terrified of others that I could show some form of emotion.

"It is quiet alright, I assure you." rolling my shoulders slightly I turned away from him, blinking finally. Dark face twitching slightly I shrugged once more. "Indifferent." The mimicry had been thoughtless, for once, and the word drew out like a sigh from me. Damn. Perhaps it was better to simply pretend I hadn't said a word. It had worked before. John always liked to think that a blip of emotion in me was simply a blip in his attention. Shameless hope. Indifference was not my life. I could not remain 'indifferent' about a world that hates me almost as much as I hated them. It suited me to be crueler then them. It made their claims truer. So caught up in my thoughts I had only just heard those last words, and they ripped me out of any revere I had held. Head wrenching sideways I stared at the doctor, openly shocked though he wouldn't look at me and wouldn't see it before I smoothed my face once more.

"Moron." I said again with far more emotion the before hand. My eyes drilled into him, demanding him to turn his head back to me. "How do you convince yourself of such stupid things?" Was this my fault? had I said something I didn't mean to bite with? "You are an idiot, questioning yourself on some moronic social acceptability of 'bravery'. Or your own, which by the way seems far heavier then the normal opinion." Tail lashing in my anger I spoke out in a manor that I had not meant to previously. "Look at you and the people you deal with, you are braver then myself John Watson." The British accent stilled instantly; teeth clipping together. Eyes closed for a moment allowing the internal explosion that screamed 'what did you just say?' wilts my physical form went utterly still. Grimacing lightly, I eyed the man with a heavy frown.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I could feel his eyes on me. His words, there was a weird tone to them. I had done it, drawn out some emotion from the depths of the man. I smiled, though I hid it from behind my turned head. This is the reassuring I needed. I needed to know that there was a mortal in there somewhere. Sometimes I could forget that Sherlock was feline, not a spirit or some drone. No, certainly not a drone. The man was many things, but a plaything to another creature was not one of them.

The second ‘moron’ hit me like a stone, forcing me to turn around and meet the brute’s eyes. It was not like the first; adoring and brotherly, forcing my insides to warm, knowing that he was the only one who meant anything to me. And I held his heart, too. That was all anyone wanted, to be loved and taught that the world isn’t so cold anymore. I knew Sherlock wanted it, somewhere under all the decaying bodies of frayed emotions. I had to find it, recover it, nurture it. But it was there. I could feel it.

But this second ‘moron’ demanded my attention, and I gave it to him. I let him defend me, and almost gave an audible intake of breath when he called me braver than himself. Of all the things I had been aiming for, this admission had never crossed my mind. Me, braver than Sherlock? Gracious that is nonsense. I feared death and pain, while Sherlock believed it a right fun game. I stared at him for a long moment, flipping the words in my head. As I did so, I found myself turning my entire body to face the jaguar, never breaking the eye contact he had silently demanded. Sherlock. My Sherlock Holmes.

“Well,” I knew he would not appreciate some sappy gurgle of pleasure to spew from my lips to let him know how fiercely I adored him. I had gone fishing for guppies to take the edge off my hunger, but I had, instead, caught myself a shark, feeding me for weeks. My eyes broke away, my stare having taken on more emotion than even I was comfortable in giving. “Though I must disagree, I appreciate the words, Sherlock.” I tried to sound stronger than I was. But how could, when the only one I cared truly for had said I was braver than he, when he could fall from the highest cliff and merely observe his own falling with calm observation? There was emotion there, emotion so deep that I felt I would pull his beating heart from his chest if I tried to latch on to it and hang on tight. “What do you think Ende has up their sleeves? Should we really be concerned?” I knew Sherlock cared now.

And knowing was enough for me.

[I L Y I C H]

My lips pealed back in response to John's relatively stupid words. Apparently it was only he who could not see the virtue there. Within him. Moron. But I had hit my daily quota of sappy feelings for the time being. Remaining silent for a long moment I gave nothing away but the lightest of twitches in the tip of my ebony tail. A scoff leaped from my throat as with a lowly shrug I gave the border a harsh glare. "Ende is always up to something, though truthfully it normally resides within their own territory." Onyx shoulders rolled lightly, the short fur bristling. It was a wonder the rest of us remained safe under these ever present clouds. So much darkness to hide in. So little time until these monsoons simply left once more. "We should always be concerned about that lot." Continued my voice not really controlled any longer as my tongue and mind separated.

"That lot is too clever for it's own good." The pot calling the kettle black, but such things didn't matter. Not with so much truth in the phrase. Ende was far too cunning when it came t such things. There was no way in hell they were going to remain silent through this time of further grief. not with the water tables pooling and turning the world to marsh. Not with so much cover to hide themselves. They'd been practicing within their lands as well, I could see it in the grass and smell it on the wind. "War is on the air. It's written every where." Hard eyes stared off into the distance, as I processed. We didn't have much longer before it all began. Before crafty Ende placed their paws where they believed they belonged.

And perhaps if they could take what they wanted... then it did belong to them. Outwitted and beaten the other prides would be forced to give in, and Ende would rule. "They won't take control of anything. Simple raids, they just want to be feared." They wanted all they could take but not in lands. In food, in terror. Respect. Lips pursing slightly I blinked once before turning back to John. And if they could do it and win, then Ende deserved everything they hooked their greedy little claws in. Grimacing lightly once more, I gave a rough shake of my head. Ende... was right. And Eznox in all it's righteous furry had no rights at all to land they could not protect. Maybe it was my hatred for them that spoke but I couldn't help my thoughts. Hopefully John couldn't see them there written into ice blue eyes.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I nodded, agreeing as I stared outwards into the blackness of night. I laid comfortably in the soil, the rain light on my golden pelt. Mud licked up my sleeves, orbs drifting lazily around my surroundings. Yes, Sherlock was right, of course. He was always right. I thought this with no heat. I had come to terms long ago that on analytical things, Sherlock would always be a step ahead of me. Or two. Or three.

I looked to him at his last statement. I read nothing off in the tone, I was merely carrying my glance in his direction. My tail tip flicked as I met his eyes. The man could control his voice all he wanted, he could not lock away his eyes. “Sherlock,” my tone was deep, perhaps a little too harsh, “you won’t do anything crazy, will you? You’re smarter than that.” There was a challenge in my voice, heavy with suspicion. I could not force Sherlock to do anything, or keep him from anything, but my heartbeat was rapid as I spoke. I did not like those eyes, the way they hid away from me. Sherlock was plotting, and I could certainly guarantee I would not approve. Not when he flitted from my accusing glare.

With narrowed eyes, I climbed to my feet and approached the beast. I knew him too well. That was usually to my advantage, and indifferent to him, but at this moment I knew my knowing his every little flicker of emotion and what it meant would be the wedge between us. I would push and Sherlock would gather up his pride and scurry off. But, damn it, I would try. Still angry, I moved closer. “Don’t do anything selfish, Sherlock. I don’t want to feed your arrogance, but I need you.” Though my tone was furious, my narrowed eyes displayed a full plate of hurt. If Sherlock got up and left, I would not forgive him. Could not.

Hell with it, I knew I could and would. If the pain of betrayal did not kill me, first. Sherlock was going to be the death of me, one way or another.