Now its all just a Blurr! }{ Nimrod

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// The setting, she starts off on the Plains in the Center lands, then makes her way the Pine forest.

Everlong - Foo Fighters




It still rang out like a bell in my head. His voice was still there, asking me to teach the pack that stood on the other side, the pack marked as our enemies, to care for one another and function as a family without turning them into kittyhuggers. I couldn't shake the thought from my head. I wanted family. I wanted that environment. I wanted to belong. And I didn't stand against the hunt, and that forest was my home. All these things. It was a splitting crack being driven down the center of myself now, and I'd been slipping away later and later, venturing away from the camp to be alone with this choice I had to make. Like right now.

It was late, the sun had faded away to darkness. The moon was just beginning to appear in its climb for the sky, and the stars had begun to appear, but they held not any luster to them this night, not to my eyes. A song that that hybrid would sing so loudly, with so much of his being when he thought no one to be watching was stuck in my head as I struggled with the confusing feelings inside me right now. It just was so hard to sort out, and that shadow was growing fast in my mind. I knew I had to make a choice. I knew that I couldn't go for both, I had to choose now what to make of the cards laid before me. I was clearly a wreak. Pacing back and forth, fretting madly, my lips drawn back, ears flat against my skull, it was clear that I was struggling. I was attempting to force myself to my answer in that very moment.

But that wasn't easy for some reason. That meeting. I just HAD to go stick me nose where it didn't belong, I had to go sniffing out Nimrod's answer rather then accept the information provided by the defective freak and let that be the end of it. That meeting and marked me. I had to face the truth of who I was. I held the safety of my kind above all things, insuring that we endure and thrive. Next came the sense of family. We need to care for one another, as few in this boat as there are. Without that there is no chance for us to endure. And finally, no, its not high on the ladder, but damnit, its still there. Finally comes my loyalty to the Humans that created us. In my blood there was the task my kind was made for. I did not stand opposed. I wasn't against the course we where meant to follow it. I would follow it still. It's just, other things come first. What made it worst was that Nimrod faced who he really was too. We each saw who the other really was, and it left a mark, on both of us I'd wager. There was an attraction he held to me now. I was attracted. I wanted to see him again, even now. If he where to appear, I, I don't know what I'd do. I didn't understand this attraction. It didn't make very much sense to me, as it was something new that I'd felt. And then, on the other side sat Carska and Vea Apxn. She had asked me to step up. As a Beta, I was to take more charge. I was her second in command. It was an honer and privilege yes, but the timing couldn't have been any worse. Carska had been my first friend here, and it was so welcome after losing everything in training. It claimed two lives, broke one, and set one off course. Of the five of us, I was the only one left now, and Carska had picked me up, put me into a family again. She was my dearest friend and I didn't want to hurt her, I couldn't. Finally, a voice arouse from the bottom of these thoughts that shattered what little I had held together in that moment.

Nimrod's a heartless machine. It was just a moment, just a glimpse, nothing more. And Carska's not your friend, you left her alone in the dark in an hour of need. Her loyal Folami died in war because you left! How could she be your friend.

I yelled out loud in a desperate voice as my paws went into motion, "NO!" I took off running blindly at full throttle. I had to run, I just had to, I had to outpace what ever that voice was. And so I ran through the dark, my legs working from muscle memory, guiding my body along in the dark to a destination unknown, and as I ran forced myself to think about other canines, the band of misfits, a marry band of misfits. They where among the first to come to mind. Next came faces of the other four that I'd been trained along side, we where doomed from the start, we just didn't know it then. Three left alive now, at least I hope. Its uncertain, Hynato's fate, and what became of Inarak is equally uncertain. Finally, at the end of it all, for only a brief moment, no more then a second, I saw the face of the human from my puphood. That image faded fast.

Next thing I knew, I was standing in Pine Wood, inside the pack boundaries, my paws carried me all that way. Then it hit me like a bomb. I was standing on the boundary facing away from the camp here. The spot took my breath away, I just didn't know how to react. I turned my head from side to side rapidly taking in the spot completely. A game trail work into the ground, dirt breaking the grass in a solid line. It ran between two trees who's branches drooped low, a bush on one side, a small patch of flowers at the base of the tree opposite of the bush. This... I'd passed through here when I left. My jaw parted in disbelief, my ears pressing flat against the back of my head again. I took a step back out of reflex when I realized where I was standing. I was here... Why'd I run to here? By now the moon was just near half way across the sky.

I knew why, and the thought brought me to my rump, my mouth closed and a frown feel on it. My brow tensed and my eyes shut as I aimed my head down, out of reflex my tail wrapped around my paws. Stupid girl. Stupid girl. There is a great chance there is no happiness down this road. Thats that attraction you feel, your allowing yourself to feel for him! You fool. He's a machine. He doesn't want to feel. There's nothing here.

But even as she thought it, she didn't believe it. She knew there was a heart down inside him, she'd seen it, only a glimpse and only for a moment, but she'd seen it.

And damnit, that one glimpse might be proving lethal!







Word Count: 1197
Everlong - Foo Fighters

Ooc;// i'm speechless... did I really just type that post... is it good!? Dear god I hope I didn't shoot that one...

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Here, I was alone. My pack was an odd unit, spending much time lazing around camp. When a feline hunt was not being pursued, they felt no need to wander about. It was all so strange, how they held no curiosity for that which surrounded them; for the place of which they called home. No, none of us used that word. Home is an intimate noun. This was the place we resided, the land which we dragged our hunts to to feast in leasure. This was not home, for home is where the heart is.

Ah, but suddenly I could feel the beats drugging in my chest.

I was alone here, in my pine shelter. The air hung heavy in dampness, humid now that the rains took their naps. The night air matted my pelt to my skin, leadening my tail to hang level in my head, which dragged lower than my chest. How could I let this happen? My comrads had not been amused when I told them I had given a word of peace to Vea Apxn. Some scolded, others disapproved with only their eyes. Then there were some who had accused me of forgetting my place. I was not alpha, I told them this every day. Bidziil was the alpha, unless the humans sent another beast with such a path bred into him. They reminded me coldly that Bidziil would not have done what I had done. Even with the brutes softened heart, he was a proud fool. Unless it had been Carska or Mahal who had come to speak with him, he would have stood firm.

Why had Rickalaru done to me what only Bidziil’s most passionate loves could have done to him?

It was all so heavy, sinking me lower beneath the darkened sky. Here, alone, I crumbled to the ground and released the softest of moans. My heart, only recently had I began to notice its rhythm. It was a strange sensation at first, borderline pleasant. Ah, but now it ached and I knew not why it did so. The humans had been kind to make us believe we had no hearts in our chest. The organ is a nuisance, a fang being driven in the center of my chest. This feeling, it hindered me, it brought me to my knees faster than any battle worthy feline. At least with the cats I understood why they dragged me to beg for mercy—though I did not do any begging—but I could not fathom why a thing everyone spoke so highly of was damaging me like this.

A howl rang in the night, not far from my territory. It brought me to my paws, lifting my head and tail in dominance, despite the protest. Hardening my eyes, I raced towards the sound, and found that it was racing in my direction equally as fast. I came upon it after it had stopped well into my territory. As the woman shifted her eyes around, I stared boldly at her. It was her fault! She made this damn heart pound lethal venom into my veins. I snarled with lethality equal to the pain the heart was causing me. I hated this fae with every bone and every organ. Well, every organ except the newly discovered heart. That stupid beast seemed readily able to welcome her. The pain was put on hold to make way for a few flickers of the device, flickers that made my breath catch midway. Was it trying to choke me?

“You! You did this to me!” My hatred was clear in my voice as I fell into an attack position. However tense my form sat, my eyes lay heavily on Rickalaru. They did not sit with any heat, but only the silent plea, help me!

What sort of voodoo magic was this canine toying with?

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// so help me I'ma make this these two's song.


BIC::
The words erupted through the darkness like a cannon. My ears recognized the voice and the face came to my mind in a flash. It was him, Nimrod. He must have been having a sleepless night himself to be here. It took a second to process it all as I jumped to my feet and spun around to face him. At first when my gaze met his, my face betrayed that there had been a need to see him. I ears went up and I was on all fours, eyes light up with relief. Here he was now, the creature I'd thought so much about the past few days. In my brief moment of excitement I spoke his name with a small among of vigor. "Nimrod."

Then my brain caught up to that thing in my chest, the small corner that it would seem that brief glimpse had latched onto. It took in his body language and his tone. He was angry, posed for a fight, ready to rip me limb from limb, with lips pulled back into a snarl, and ears up commandingly. Yet through it all his eyes stood out. In light of all this anger there was a spark in his eyes of something else. They where helpless and pleading for some kind of answer, that's what I saw. So he still fought against my words. The loyalty to that damn standard, it was still winning! The bastard must hate me for causing him to admit that he felt, for trying to reach out to him when he seemed to have needed it. That son of a bitch. I sat on my rump and my shoulders tensed My lips pulled back and my eyes shut tight, casting my head down and to the side like it hurt to see this. And it did. I did this to him?! Well... that was true, but to hold it against me like this, after what he's done to me!? It wasn't like he was the only one marked by that meeting!

My voice was quieter then his, but still enraged and shaky as it made its way past bared teeth. "And you think... You did nothing to me? The choice you gave me to make." I could understand the anger. But the blame!? When he'd dropped such a choice in my lap. A huge one, one filled with opportunity and a chance, but so much uncertainty and risk, and more importantly was what I'd give up. How dare he blame me for telling him to go against his ruthless emotional training was okay after asking me to give up everything to teach his pack family without ruining them. Did he think that an easy task or an easy choice to make? Did he even remember asking me!?

But the thing is I knew deep down his reason for this anger and blame was justified. I brought me eyes back up to his, slowly. He was a Folami. Raised an individual, trained that way, trained to be the way he was, to not feel, to obey without question. He'd been trained completely different from me. my brow remained tense, but the reason changed. My mouth closed and sympathy and apology filled my eyes, my body. My shoulders sagged in defeat. I was an experiment, me and the four others I'd been trained with. We'd been allowed feeling to a very specific degree, feeling for one another, so that we could form a cooperative group. He had been no experiment. he'd been raised to be feeling-less and holding loyalty only to the Humans and the chain of command. It was easier for me, I'd always felt for other Folami. But when the group failed the way it did I was supposed to be like all the others, like Nimrod. Nimrod had walked this road, by the book, sense the day he'd been born. It was painful for him, it was against what he knew.

All I could manage to say was "I'm sorry... It must hurt terribly..."





Word count: 682
Everlong - Foo Fighters

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

How dare she! She dares to place some blame on me? She had come to me, barged into my home and wiggled her disobedient ass into my life. My mind! My tail flashed outwards, standing rigidly from my spine. Ears back, I snarled in a primitive fashion. It hurt! But why? Should this be making it better? Isn’t this me taking back my dignity? Oh, but this pain was different. Shame was still there, but it had a different bite to it. Ears back, I sat down and stared hard at the girl. My face was rigid, but my lips sealed around my fangs, masking the snarl I had been sharing.

With her apology, the shame grew stronger. I had been upset by my own weakness, but now I found discomfort in being so cruel to Rickalaru. There was no happy middle, I could not please this new beating organ in my chest. I had been burdened with it as an eternal punishment, it seemed. Why could the humans have not build us with hearts? Surely the High and Mighties could grant us life without the heart? I scowled, muscles twitching as I pushed aside the essence of war.

Eyes closed, I angled my head down and to the left of Rickalaru. I had not been strong enough to walk away from her, so she could not be blamed. I may be a bastard, but I was too proud to avoid responsibility for my own actions. I had invited this woman into my life, even against my own better judgement. If she chose, she would live among my pack and teach us how to care, without risk of extending that kindness to the felines. I had offered this to her, and now I blamed her? I was no man, I was a cat. A filthy feline with no morals or dignity.

“No, don’t apologize. I’m just pissed.” No need for proper wordings and gentleman fashions. This was Rickalaru; she had seen me in the most vulnerable state, I would not back away from that now. The wolf within me needed one person to lean on, even if leaning on them also meant you would chew a hole in their shoulder. “What are you doing back so soon, Rickalaru?” I gave a silent plea that she was not here to accept my offer. Not yet. My pack was not ready.

I was not ready.

[nEwOL握敵]

Slowly, slowly my apology seemed to settle him down, bring him out of his rage some. That was a welcome site to my eyes. I didn't like seeing him like that. Then he cast his gaze away from me, and I wondered if it was again so that I couldn't see into him, see the emotion there. He wasn't used to that, and though I didn't particularly like it, I'd give him that because I knew it'd take time. But what he said, telling me not to apologize, I didn't feel like his words where justified. Not this time. No. He had a right to be upset, he had a right to hurt. He and I had been trained in two different ways. I had to let him know that. "No. I need to. Its now easy for you, like it is for me."

I knew that what I had before me wasn't exactly easy ether, but it wasn't unfamiliar. Nimrod was stepping into something that for him was harsh and unfamiliar, and also against what he knew.

I'd left everything before.

I didn't realize yet that this time was different, it hadn't dawned on me yet, nor would it until much later. Right now compared this choice I had before me to the one I'd made when I'd left before. I knew what it was like to face the choice of leaving everything you knew for uncertainty.

His question caught me off guard, and it showed by a small shake in my left paw as I shifted my body a little, readjusting like I was sitting uncomfortable. I opened my jaw like I was going to speak, but no words came out as I struggled to find an actual reason. A few seconds later they finally where issued. "I... was thinking. And my paws just sort of carried me here." That was a fair enough recollection of what had happened, it was true.

If his curiosity pushed him to ask the nature of my thoughts, I'd have to answer him honestly, as I didn't feel it would be right to lie to him. But for now I chose to omit that detail.

Ooc;// blarh... not good. I apologize for the wait too.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

She was trying to justify me, to say it was my right to take out my unfortunate emotional train wreck on her. Oh, but it was not right. Why? I couldn’t fathom a reason, but I knew it was there. Somewhere, deep in the chest I knew there was a reason I could not blame her. I had been raised to be void and now my eyes flickered around to all but this shewolf. Never had I been unable to make eye contact; I had stared down tigers before slashing open their throats, even met eyes with Bidziil until he crumbled into the soil. I was a monster with no fear, and yet I could not find it in me to let this woman meet my eyes.

“Oh, shut up, Rickalaru. Don’t try and justify a puppy who needs his familiar blanket to function. We are not housepets, we are Folami.” There was no hostility there, which surprised me. In fact, there was a brotherly tone to it, a fond little twist that took any heat that should have been there away. I stood up firm as I turned my head towards the dog, eyes twisting to meet the bush behind her. My ears were back in what I formally knew as an act of aggression, but now that beating organ softened the gesture into frustration. Finally, my chocolate eyes found hers, boring into them as she said her reason for returning. A sub-conscious return? Why did that thought please me?

“Oh, well,” my tone was not the cast iron stone it so typically was, but it was not that of the spineless buffoon or raged soul that this woman had more recently come to know. Rather, the tone was that of an awkward teenager, the proof of the inner turmoil I was now victim to. Why did the thought of her deepest thoughts carrying her towards me made my beating burden in my chest slowly suffocate the life from my lungs? Dare I question the nature of her thoughts? I was curious, but my instinct snarled at the idea. I should not be concerned with such nonsense as thoughts! Machines cannot think!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

With narrowed eyes, a small voice gurgled from my chest as I struggled not to lash out and hurt this woman. My loyalty said she was a threat, a broken machine. But I couldn’t hurt her. Why? Hell if I knew. “What is on your mind, Rickalaru, that could forsake you to these cruel lands?” What was that in my voice? Ah yes, defeat. Who was I again?

[nEwOL握敵]

All I could do was nod my head in recognition to his words as he spoke them. He was just a ball of unstable emotion right now, it was clear in his body language, and of course, his eyes. For some reason, he... He just couldn't hold anger against me. Maybe in my absence, but in my presence it didn't seem to be the case. It brought a small flare of thought to my mind... What if...

What if his thoughts, his feelings, what if he felt some strange attraction to me too? I did my best to ignore that, to put in aside in my mind. It was perhaps the wolf in me trying to tell me something, but for the moment I simply wanted to avoid it, else it might seem too much like a dream. I knew what that attraction to Nimrod was, we'd seen each others' souls. He knew what my struggle with loyalty was, he didn't fully understand why that was, but in time I'd explain I might explain it all to him. I valued family. I cared for my fellow Folami. They where my first priority. But he was trained differently. And that first pack no longer existed.

Damnit I was doing it again. I didn't like seeing him like this, I had established that. There was so much I wanted to just pour into him, to try and help it all make sense, but couldn't. He had to come to terms with himself first. To accept the nature of who he was. He wasn't a machine carrying orders, to feel and think freely where his abilities.

Then his next question hit me, he seemed to have difficulty saying it. He felt volatility almost all the sudden. And I found my gaze dropping. It was a strangely embarrassing feeling that washed over me. My brow tensed and I began to rub at the ground with my paw. My voice was kind of shaky and almost shy even in my answer, but it was Nimrod. He had always been honest with me, so I had to do the same. He'd asked and I would answer. "You. You could, Nimrod." And there it was, mutts. Out in the open. I'd just admitted to that attraction I felt.

Ooc:// not bad, but not my best... I'll have to do better next post.

Burn It Down - LinkinPark

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

My nose twitched, eyes staring down on the female with an empty expression. My lips fell into a tight line, pulling face into a blank slate, boring down on the woman. Her words wove their way around my brain, the answer floating, but not absorbed. There was a mental block pushing her words away, perhaps to keep me safe. What did that mean? Her words? Mask falling into place, it suddenly settled in.

“Ha…what?” There was an odd tone to my voice that I could not translate. It was strained, that was clear in the way it choked up my throat and fell quiet from my lips. The initial sound had been similar to a blurp of a hysteric laugh. Then it had fallen to an odd tuned note, one that could almost be described as a plead. Her answer didn’t suit me, it wasn’t comforting in the least. My eyes locked onto Stitch’s face, waiting for her to laugh to say it was just a cruel joke. But she didn’t. It was real. And I needed to react.

“I see.” That was the most I could do? A hard edged statement, said with no emotion? Didn’t she deserve more than that? I only stared after my statement, as if trying to dominate over this girl that dare be so weak as to let another dog cloud their mind. But was I not also guilty of the same disgrace? I was out here because Stitch had infested my thoughts like some parasite. Too proud to admit such, I had to look away and deflate with sudden defeat. Liar. Filthy Liar. Self-loathing settled in as I sat down, head hung and angled to the left, not looking at Stitch.

“Can you please just hate me?” The heat in my tone was not angry, it was that plea again. Life would be easier if I had just reacted like Stitch had expected that first encounter we had. I made the mistake of being myself. I should have known that would be the worst mistake of my life.

OOC//: Sorry for horridness. You know how distracted I was by the girls -.- They never stop! Haha <3

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// This song seems appropriate for what I feel is about to ensue.

Let The Flames Begin – Paramore


The air hung stagnant after my words. The canine before me was not what I’d honestly been hoping to see. But then again, it never was. Only in stories did all the little things turn out as they where hoped for, right. Stories where one thing, they where tough and the characters had to fight for what they wanted. This was our world. Our fragile, mending, changing world. Our fights would be much harder. I’d said something that truly was just… off, for Nimrod, and more importantly, I’d thrown a stone to test the waters. The next few moments seemed like an eternity inside me.

He went blank first, like the words just didn’t register, like they where just beyond his ability to process. It was nerve wracking. I found myself holding my breath, hoping he would respond well to these words, something, anything like that. But at the same time it was almost alarming, he’d gone blank, how could that be good? And then it all went down hill from there. The sudden gasping laugh of a sound followed by the ‘what?’ I didn’t know what to do with that. No. No! Had I tested the waters too soon? This wasn’t going right. And the way he boar into me, the pleading look on his face, like he was hoping for my to just be kidding, when I wasn’t. Finally he gave a direct response, it was simple and hollow and emotionless. It stood on a knife’s edge now. I was unaware of it but I now sat with my mouth open as I took a deep breath it, dead still as I waited. Waited for him to do or say something. I see told me nothing. I wanted to know what my stone had caused. I wanted to know what he thought. And then it all went wrong. He deflated his chest in defeat and looked away. Tour his gaze away from mine. And in a pleading voice, issued words that shattered around me.

Can you please just hate me.

Realizations shoot through me in that moment and I understood it. I was standing in the dark now, with it all hovering around me. I knew why I held an attraction to this Folami now. I felt for him. I had feelings for him. There might be a future. My brow tensed and my teeth bared, my lips pulled back into a wounded expression, my eyes shut tight with sorrow as I aimed my head at the ground. For the first time in my life I had feelings for another Folami like this. But he wasn’t ready. And in testing the waters, I’d caused him to recoil away. It was wrong. I was doing something wrong, and I was making him do something wrong. That’s what a machine like the humans wanted would see. And at the same time I realized I had feelings for him, I realized I too wasn’t quite ready. I didn’t have it. I didn’t have it in me to leave Vea Apxn. It just wasn’t there. And I cared for the Folami. I was a Folami. I knew I could teach them family. I could turn this into an opportunity. Right now I knew I was ready. I was ready to start the teaching. Dawn was a few hours off, so I had time. My eyes turned from sorrow to fire, and my lips closed back forming into a stern frown. I was serious now. This was serious.

“Look at me, Nimrod.” My voice was calm but stern, motherly almost. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this, how I could. But Skoll willing, I had to do something, my mind was made up to do something. “No. I can’t hate you. I was trained a little different from you, taught with the ability to care for other Folami. I see chance Nimrod, I’ve seen the dog behind the machine. You asked me a question, and I know this time. I know I can do it. But I won’t for a mutt I hate, makes no sense. And from where I’m standing, what you’ve asked of me looks to be the only way forward.” Once again I didn’t speak of the hurt that would come from ripping myself away from Vea Apxn. I didn’t need to speak of it for him to know it would be there at this point, I believed, for Nimrod was intelligent enough to know. “All I wanted was to know why you just let me leave. You gave me a spark of reassurance. You asked me teach your pack what I know I can now. You gave me these thoughts of a chance. Don’t ask me to hate you.”

I was sure of my words too. There was a saying, No plan every survives the first engagement intacted. It held true here. At least I felt it did.





Word Count: 822
Paramore – Let The Flames Begin
Paramore – Brick by Boring Brick




Ooc;// *flails* Oh please oh pleas oh please. I worry every time I write a big post that it might be too much, that I didn’t do a good post even if it was long. I hope that was good and not just overkill…

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Oh, this woman. Her words were like bullets, and I reacted similarly to if I had been shot. Pulling away, I turned as if to run. She had demanded that I look at her. I had heard that tone before; from Rhonda and Carska. Mothers used that tone of voice to disobedient children. My ears fell back and I look at her, body tense despite my racing heart. I was panicking, but I allowed my external to follow the rules. I was showing aggression, right down to the bared fangs. This was a forbidden road that I was not strong enough to say no to. If Rickalaru couldn’t hate me on her own terms, then I would have to make her. It shocked me how much that hurt, the idea of forcing her to hate me. But it had to be done.

For both of us.

I had been foolish to offer her a place within my pack. A position that would let her have power over our morals. She would teach us kindness within our species, and such a thing could not exist in machines. It would not only hurt me and my pack, but Rickalaru as well. She would have to leave all she knew. This fact urked me, forcing such a heavy decision on the girl. It wasn’t right by any standards. I had to make the choice for her. I would have to make the idea of joining the pack so repulsive that she could not lie to herself. I was not worth it, and I had to show her that.

Lashing outwards with a snarl, I narrowly dodged away from Rickalaru, right before I let contact be made. It was a warning lunge, as I allowed venom to drip from my maw as saliva. “Woman, I am a fucking monster.” Pushing hate to my expression, I spun to face her. It dawned on me that where I thought hate sat on my face, there was the matted fur of tears. I was crying! I stumbled backwards with the realization. How was that even genetically possible? “Rickalaru, please. Run away to where you are needed. Vea Apxn needs you.” And they deserve you. I approached her, eyes set firmly on hers. There was a piece of me that wanted her to run, having been startled by my warning attack. Then again, I so wanted to see her stand tall against the worst of me. Was I worth it? Did I care if I was worth the risk? Worth the pain and the drama? Eyes dark, the threat was gone from there; there was only the hint towards acceptance beginning to creep in, trying to fight past the thick uncertainty.

“Rickalaru, do not do this to yourself. You will never be at home in my pack. We are not open to what you have to offer.” Lies. Filthy fucking lies.

[nEwOL握敵]

It was terrifying and amazing at the same time. There was more emotion moving through Nimrod right now then there had probably ever been in his life, and I had caused it. As to be expected, he was attempted to push me away. The words that fell from his maw, combined with the display that he put on, it had to be, it could only be one thing. The death thralls of the machine. If I could but reach through to him in this last effort to push me away, then perhaps I would finally have the foothold I needed. This future I could envision, this could be a step forward toward it. But it was freighting to a degree. He turned into something that was volatile, wayward. I wasn’t sure weather I should move forward and embrace him to attempt to calm him or if I should put distance between the two of us for my own safety.

Finally he lashed out at me, the words echoing through the air as he roared them. And as he flew towards me, I didn’t have time to react, my ears pressed back against my skull and I tucked my chin into my chest as my face tensed. But he never laid a paw on me. Stopping sort, he continued to plead, begging me to just leave, to get away from here, playing on the one card I’d been dreading this whole time. It was another shattering feeling. Damnit, No. I couldn’t deal with that too, on top of everything else. My claws dug into the ground, my back paws especially. A burning in my leg arose, like I wanted to just take off running. I couldn’t bear it all at once, this attempt to push me away. Then, I spotted the tears in his eyes. Nimrod… with tears in his eyes… I… I couldn’t believe it. The pain he must feel right now in front of me, it must be terrible.

My eyes shut tight and I went rigid at the sight of it. My lips pulled back and my jaw tensed even harder. I had to, I couldn’t be defeated here now, now that that I’d realized it all. It was destiny lined out before me. The way I’d been raised, the time spent lost in the wilderness. The bunch of outcasts. All the nights spent running in a hunting formation. If anyone could do this, it was me. No. I won’t stop here. Again, my eyes opened with a fire, this time I was furious. I rose up to all fours to meet his gaze, meet him head on, to stand my ground. “No, your not! You’re a Folami. The world around you is changing and uncertain. I know its hard. But face it, the original plan has Failed!” This time it was the corners of my eyes that became moist, spilling over the edges into my fur, an indicator of how firmly my belief was now anchored, I’d fight for them. I was willing to fight for that canine I saw behind the machine.

My voice softened, along with my expression. The fury in my eyes changed to a light. It hurt to see him like this, and I knew that that was both because I was causing and because I had these strange feelings for him. “But the task isn’t lost. Nimrod, continuing like this leads to eventual end of what remains of this pack, surely you see that. I don’t care how hard it will be, not now that I believe it could do some good.” My gaze finally broke of, dropping to my feet as I considered. I was sure of my conclusion, despite weight it had on me. My voice was shaking now, but I was still sure in my words. “Carska… Is strong. S-she would be able to manage without m-me. Though she might never forgive me…” I brought my eyes to meet his, boring into him. They where like windows into my vast soul, echoing these awkward new feelings that I held for the male in front of me without me having to say a word. “But that trade off, Nimrod.”

My message was clear to any with a clever mind. If I should succeed, turn this pack into a coherent cooperative group that stood firm, cared for one another and carried one another. To stand and have each other’s back in the eye of the storm. To help one another survive.

Should Nimrod come to place the canine over the machine, and my feelings be allowed to grow and expand into a relationship worth while.

That trade of was worth it.


Word Count: 780
Foo Fighters – Everlong
Rise Against – Swing Life Away
Yellowcard – Way Away

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

She didn’t run. That was all my brain processed. The woman spoke, but I was deaf by this point, ears blocked by my mental paws. My eyes, however, were open, and I could see all that she did. Her paws did not force her to flee, and her eyes showed angry passion. Whatever she was saying, I could not hear, but I could feel it. I could feel her words, opening some buried cavern of that beating organ. No, the beating organ had a name; the heart. As a child, I was denied the heart, but here this woman handed me one. The pain was beginning to fade; the sting f each beat a little more subtle. It had been self-induced, that debilitating agony. It was there before I thought it should be there; but here, with Rickalaru standing here despite my attack, despite the hate I had forced to show, I knew that the heart was a good thing.

And, damn-it, I even gave her a small smile.

“You didn’t run.” I wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with her words, nor did I care. I dared a step forward. “You didn’t run.” It was louder this time, a bit less shaky. Those words that fell from my lips were the only things that I could give to display what was erupting like fire inside my chest. I had known many dogs in my life, and killed just as many as I let live. Fear is what I had always demanded, the humans had told me I was to strike fear in dogs so that Bidziil could focus his attention on more immediate issues. I had been trained to be second best; to be the disciplinary. Bidziil, when he followed his more proper path, had threatened many disobedient hounds with their life, saying he could and would strip their being clean of breath. He had warned that they wouldn’t be the first, which was true, but not so fiercely so as he let on. Behind the tattered curtains, I had always stood as the one to give the death blow. In the heat of anger, sometimes Bidziil would strike a dog down, or he would strategically do so to publicly remind the pack who was in charge. But I had punished more dogs than he.

I had committed far greater numbers of murder than even the great Bidziil.

I sat down as all this settled on my conscience. Death, it was the punishment the humans had commanded because they said it was the only one that’d work. I believed it, the humans had said it so it had to be true. Yet, somehow, this female had me convinced that maybe, by some small little chance that the humans had overlook a variable in our genetic code, there was a different way. Maybe the humans had been wrong miscalculated. “Rickalaru,” I paused, daring to fight against every code of programming in my brain, to look into her moist eyes, “are you really up for this?” I smirked, the lethality of my motions melting behind a loose sheet of a broken man that has accepted he is beyond repair. “I am not the worst monster out there. My pack, there are dogs there that even I fear attack from.” The smile faded. “Rickalaru, you might get hurt.” There was a hint of a warning there. Almost every bone ached for this woman to jump up with enthusiasm and shout that she could do it, or for her to grow angry and demand that I realize she is quite capable of taking care of herself. However, there was that damn voice of logic; she would have to watch each dog. My pack was not going to lie down and simply obey. They would defend themselves, violently if needed, to keep from being taught a damn thing. Even those who proved trustworthy would never be wholly so. The dogs in my pack had not broken their puppet strings, and they did not want to. If they seemed to give in for the time being, all the humans had to say was attack, and Rickalaru would have every dog of the pack coming down upon her.

Even I would not deny the humans, simply for the safety of Rickalaru.

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// I love this post right here. Holy cow did it ever just flow from my finger tips (once I had my damn music that is)


Slowly it faded. Nimrod calmed out of his rage, this forced image of hate he was trying to push forward. I was relieved to see him come out of that rage, I just didn’t like seeing it. Didn’t like seeing him fight himself like that. But the more this canine fought his way out from behind the machine, the more sure I was that my path here was meant to be. It might all come tumbling down on me some day. And the consequences of my actions would be uncertain across the board, on all sides.

His gaze softened. And then three words stumbled from his lips. Then again, with more confidence. I remained standing, but my facial expression softened. My tail lowered and my ears lost some of their commanding point. I watched as something washed over him. Some sort of cold, unpleasant realization. Once again he sat before me in defeat. I couldn’t help but wonder. The idle thought danced through my head. What was it about Me? Of all the Folami, it had been me that had done this. Was it really all because I’d been the one to reach out to Nimrod that day, or had this been some sort of trail I’d walked, leading here. I didn’t have long to think on it before he came at me with is next words, which set my mind down a whole new road.

I would be in the machines’ den, with no lifeline. I was walking a dangerous and uncertain road, and there where no promises, no grantees. I wouldn’t be safe. I was a tactician, this I knew, but in the matter of my safety all winding down to the snap of a finger, there was little I could do. But that was a pointless matter now. At first my eyes had grown distant and for a moment I might have appeared worried, but I shook it out of my mind. No point is wasting thought on something I couldn’t help, it was too late for it now. I fixed my gaze into his. My voice was calm but sure as I addressed him, picking my words carefully. “I believe that what I’ll be doing is right. Should I succeed, I’ll accomplished something for the betterment of my species, and so I have to try. The rest is out of my paws. I’ll just… Have to take the chance.” I had been starting to say ‘have to take it on faith’ but avoided it. Steps, Rickalaru. Steps. I was taking on enough as it was, and I was afraid of how Nimrod would react. That page would be better left aside until the right opportunity, should it ever present itself, however unlikely it seemed, just, should it ever present itself. As I had had the thought, an image of Carska flashed through my mind, and I smiled internally, feeling warmth, but at this point it was a mixed one. I knew that the warm familiarity and safety of friendship was drawling to a close.

I dared a small movement forward, just a tad, putting us almost intimately close together. I sat down, my tail settling around my paws. My ears pressed flat against my skull and my gaze cast down at the ground between us, not meeting him head on. In a way I was presenting myself to Nimrod. I don’t know where the urge came from, it just came to me. As awkward as it may have felt for me, as out of place, I felt I should. But he would be Alpha. It would still be his pack. He would still be above me, higher then me, as equal as we felt now. And so I submitted. This was the most submissive I’d appeared before him in any of our interactions yet. The words fell from my mouth, just barely louder then a whisper. “And should I be right about you in the end, then all of it will be worth it.” My heart started to race a little with this. The words meant what they meant.

Fate, destiny, chance, I didn’t care at this point. The wheels where moving, now, it was in motion, what started it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t let my heart fall for him. No. Not yet. But should I see it, should I see the canine break out from behind the machine and what its done fully, accept who he was, and who I was, and to let go of that machine and accept the changing world, then I knew I’d cling to him stead fast with all my might.

Damnit Stitch. If this all works out in the end, then any amount of pain and effort will have been worth it.


Word Count: 793
Foo Fighters – Times Like These
Foo Fighters – Everlong