So I'm Just A Mutt, Ah!? }{ Kunabee

[nEwOL握敵]

This was obviously not one of my better days. My head wasn't held high and fearlessly as it normally was, and my eyes weren't calm like natural. Instead my head was held and shoulder level and my eyes where dull, my mouth and brow fixed emotionless like I was lost in thought, the dark and unpleasant kind that weighed down one's mind. I walked through the trees, gaze focusing on nothing in particular, with light and gentle steps. Stepping over flowers and other smaller plants, ignoring animals that scattered about in my wake. It was all unimportant. Unimportant like Me apparently.

That was the general shape of my thoughts right now. So it mattered not that I'd returned to these damned lands, cause I was of no importance. I was of no importance when I left. Thats the whole reason I'd been able to leave. Rather then slipping off and disappearing like I thought I had, I'd been watched, and allowed to go because all present deemed me not worth anything. What did it matter if I left back then? What the hell would it matter if I did it again now!? Then thin line that my kind held on by, was I not one of the stronger threads in it like I'd thought after all? Damnit! Why? Why'd I bother leaving. What was I thinking when I came back!? No! Surely I had some meaning. Carska, I was of use to her wasn't I? No! I had to be worth something here!

And that was the war that waged inside my mind right now. I was caught between the words of Nimrod and Denarbee, and the words of Carska and Sound, oh, my dear Sound. If only that manned wolf where here with me now to help me find the light in all my darkness like he had before. Before I'd returned to all this. I was different, I knew I always had been. Thats why I was so prone to mental struggling and emotional conflict. I thought past the black and white sides of the page, and past the boundary of any one pack. I thought on the grand scale, Everything. And where I weighed in everything, and where I wanted to weigh. And here now a huge portion of my life and choices had fallen into question.

No, it was defiantly not one of my better days.

[Kunabee]

Kunabee

There was a Falomi who seemed in misery. She walked much like someone deep in thought, someone who has forgotten themselves. I mourned for her. I knew that feeling.
I was a tiny Iriomote, a hopeful, happy-go-lucky feline with a positive attitude. But I was also broken. I saw people's pain, saw how easy it was to scar, and then felt it, felt it all. Sometimes it crashed down on me; sometimes I lived.
She felt unimportant, I thought. My sympathies evoked, I padded over and started walking by her. Either she'd talk to me, or she'd try and eat me, or we'd be in silence. I didn't want to disturb her. I needed to let her come to me, if she would; In these sad times, pushing was always a bad idea.
I thought of Bhu and poor Mahal. Our monthly meetings had stopped lately, and it made me sad. They both were dear friends of mine; why would life have to get that busy? I could only hope Mahal was finding happiness, and that Bhu was doing all she could.
I thought of the plastered smiles, now, and of the joys of the rain and the wet. I thought of the wars and the creatures to share the world with us. I thought of the humans and of myself; I thought, how is it all connected?
The sad part of it is I know the connection comes through misery. It's a good part of it. We all feel sad, and upset, betrayed, lonely - many more. But there could be joy, and friends. That's what I wanted to be. A friend.
Someone who's there for everyone without expecting the favor returned. It was hard work; I'm emotional and selfish, but eventually... maybe I could be who I wanted to be.
Step one: Tell this Falomi that she matters.

[nEwOL握敵]

At first I didn't think very much of the feline that feel into to step beside. But when she stuck around, I had no choice but to address it amongst my thoughts did I? She had some guts I'll give her that, had to to walk beside me. I'd snacked on a feline her size once or twice before, in what could now be considered a past life, but mostly I'd stuck to the much larger game, the dangerous ones. The choice hadn't reached my brain yet, but my body was pretty much all but done with the practice of eating cats, hunting them, fighting them. All that nonsense. She seemed to be trying to be friendly to me, and maybe with my current state it seemed like something I needed. In truth I didn't terribly mind, but I was a Folami. And there where parts of my human training that hadn't been 100% overridden yet when it came to the felines.

Snapping my head up a little and blinking until my eyes returned to themselves, rather then out on some unforeseen plane, I took a quick glance at the cat then returned my gaze forward. "Courageous, you are, feline. Not to many cats appear so openly to my kind. I'm assuming you got some kind of piece you want to speak" My words weren't hostile, but she was still a cat. I didn't extend the polite and caring to her as I did to other Folami. That was thanks to the humans, and the task I'd been created for. But atleast I hadn't eaten her yet, there was that much.

[Kunabee]

Kunabee
I walked beside the Falomi calmly. I was rather glad not to have been eaten (yet). And then, at last, she spoke. It was rude, but she spoke. I smiled at her.
"I am brave," I agreed with her, "Because what if one of these days someone needs me, and I don't offer help and friendship?" That was my philosophy, and a good reason to be brave. Bhuvana and Mahal would probably both agree with me. I thought about my friends much too much now that I didn't see them as often.
"And not necessarily. I'm more here to listen. Be nice," I replied, giving her an encouraging smile.

((wooc)) YODA SPEAKS.
"Courageous, you are, feline".
YODA. SO YODA.
x3

Annnddd my crappy post.

[nEwOL握敵]

She was calm and cheerful for an easy mouthful of flesh I'd give her that. Under better circumstances and at a time when I'd had more opportunity to undo the learned behavior the humans had programed into me I might have been nicer. But underneath everything there was still that sourceless need to kill felines that had been present since birth that compelled me to be rather rude with this small creature that obviously had heart and good intentions. She didn't deserve it from me, but if she'd put any thought into attempted to reach out to me she'd been expecting that and possibly prepared for much worse. Though she could simply have sensed my troubled state and acted on impulse, and there was nothing wrong with that ether. Just when you act on impulse it should always be with caution.

So she just wanted to be nice ah? To be a stress ball for a mutt in pain. Well there wasn't anything wrong with just trying to be a nice spirit, was there? But the fact is she was little more than a mouthful. A little furball. "Hm! I might have had a similar philosophy once, then everything turned all meaningless. Tell me, you find being a helping ear worth bein' a snack over?" Again, it wasn't that I was a cold or cruel soul, far from it truthfully. It was just that I had a meanness toward felines rooted deep in me that das never been actively attempted to be destroyed. Merely allowed to dull and fade some with time.

Ether way what did it matter? Obviously not much because it involved me. Oh so a kindred little spirit feels pity for the aches of a apparently worthless mutt, big deal.

[Kunabee]

Kunabee

I was left in thought at her question. Was becoming a listening ear worth being eaten for? Probably not. I did not want to eaten. The day it was on my list of Things to Do, it would be when I was old and half-dead anyway. I was young and still had life to live, and not willing to die.
But then, being a comfort to someone; was that worth to die for? It was a harder question. Giving someone comfort and peace... and then dying for it. I did not know if that was worth it. I did not want to die; but I wanted to help people. It was a hard ache in my heart, and so I answered truthfully.
"I don't know. I don't know if being a 'helping ear' is worth becoming a snack," I told the Falomi. It was the truth; and there was nothing wrong with admitting the truth. Sometimes truth can protect, and sometimes you're screwed anyways. If she tried to eat me, I would run, I would defend myself; if she didn't, then I would listen and comfort. That was all I could do, right?
I then respond to her comment: "Things aren't meaningless," I said as firmly as I could. Things aren't meaningless.
"There's life, and change, love and hate and all other emotions. There's death. If things were meaningless, do you think everything would keep going?" I shook my head. "No; things would stop. If everything was meaningless, then there would be no purpose. Then, there'd be nothing."
And it was true, wasn't it? There was a rhyme and reason and purpose to everything. Just because something felt wrong didn't mean it was.
Humans couldn't play at God; anything created by their hands was God's will, for whatever it may be. The Universe did not have such a thing as lawlessness, because we irrational and chaotic creatures of everywhere were lawless enough.

[nEwOL握敵]

I wasn't as good at reading changes in felines as I was canines, especially small ones like this creature. something about their head, it was just shorter. Their lips didn't span as far and therefor where less expressive than a canine's. Their ears where also much less expressful then a dog's by leaps and bounds. they had a few positions that they fixed into that applied to more then one emotion. Plus the tail. Most important tool for expressing yourself was your tail, and cats tails just behaved different which threw everything off. It was for all these reasons that I didn't fully understand the amount of thought this question required from her until she answered, and this answer caused me to bite my lower lip.

Damnit Stitch. What is it with you and flirting with the lines that seemed to so clearly be this side and this side. There was that vision forming in the back of my head, a puzzle I was piecing together, of how it could all be one shade of grey, but that was only just a dream in the back of my head... A future that oh so likely would never happen. I was really fighting myself now, fighting against my natural instincts to be so unkind to this creature. My words where strained as they came from my lips, like they where trying to catch in my throat with every word. "Thats just it... There is no easy answer... Once upon a time I wanted to care for living things too. But you see... Its easier for you. Because..."

I stopped in my tracks, sat down and dropped my head in defeat. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Nimrod. He was turn like me, a different page from the same chapter of the same book, but which of us was right or wrong. Me or him? Ether way I didn't really care to say the words that came next, but she probably could guess easy enough what the where. You weren't made specifically to kill. I cast my gaze at her now. "What's your name, cat?" I asked with couriosity.

By Skoll... I just asked the damn mouthful its name!










Ooc;//ARG... I can't apologize enough for the time taken on this Kuna... Sorry

[Kunabee]

Kunabee

I smiled at her words. It was a terse, tense smile, but a smile nontheless. "No-one finds it easy to care. Not me, not you, not a single soul who walks the earth. It's not easy."
It was then I paused and she asked my name. My smile became more honest and true.
"I'm Kunabee, and you?"
A further pause, then finally I continued.
"We are both carnivores and you are no killing machine. You are made to survive. Your instinct is to kill and eat felines as much as mine is to kill and eat birds and fish... mmm.... ---sorry. The only thing is, I can talk to you, and you to me. But killing a fish doesn't make me a killer; you killing a cat doesn't make you a killer." I paused, and gave her a sideways look.
"Though I'd rather not be eaten."
I went on. "As much as any other creature wouldn't want to be eaten, I'd imagine.
"Besides, the thing is, humans can fake it. They can put body parts together and make something. But you, you're sentient, just like I am. Humans can't make something sentient. They aren't gods. They are as mortal as you or me.
"So really you are no killing machine. You're just a Falomi, like I'm just a feline. And if you fight against your instincts, thank you. But if you don't, you're not a killer.
"You're just surviving."

[nEwOL握敵]

Her words where true enough. It hadn’t been easy for me to learn to care for my kind the way I did now… Nothing had been easy for me. Not to say I’d had it worst then any, I’d had it much better out in the wilderness. With the misfits, it hadn’t been overwhelming. We had eaten well and kept each other safe, meanwhile the pack was split in two and Carska left to fight war on her own, Bidziil’s mind to break, and the Task to come to a dead stand still. I’d washed my paws of my own kind when I left. I had to learn to care again after watch my own kind wage war on itself like it had. And now here I stood, speaking with a feline. I looked at her, met her gaze with my own. An obvious amount of pain was evident in my eyes, though I did my best to keep my face neutral, not to let her see me capable of such a thing as pain. The programming wouldn’t allow that so lightly.

Damnit Stitch, why is it so hard to talk to one cat!? In all truth I knew why, had I not spoken it aloud not so long ago to the Folami who was slowly consuming my thoughts? “I’m… Rickalaru.” I’d tried, tried to give her the name that those close to me got to address me by, but again, to extent such a courtesy to her was against me no matter how hard I fought it.

It was the rest of her words that only threw more into my raging storm of emotions. Again I broke away from her gaze, and hung my head in defeat. I felt guilty deep down inside. Every day that went by I made a choice to respect the values of my pack mates over what came naturally, because I valued my family above anything the humans had ever done. But I wasn’t like them, not truly. I wasn’t what Nimrod would call a kittyhugger. Not deep down on the inside. Here this feline named Kunabee was being oh so kind to me, comforting me. And if I didn’t care so much for my pack mates, my family, and respect their values the way I did, I’d kill her in an instant without hesitation and not lose a moment of sleep over it. I still held on to the Task. I hadn’t abandoned it. I’d told this to Nimrod myself. The words had come from my very own lips. I’d simply put it aside with the willingness to allow it to fade and never touch it again. But thanks to that meeting, I know whole heartedly it was still there, fad it had, but not left. Never. And if not for you, Nimrod, I would never have had to know that just as he would have never had to know that he too was broken next to his image of proper if not for me.

Damn you Nimrod. You cut me open too on the way down. I aimed my face at the ground and squeezed shut my eyes, my jaws tense and I dug my front claws into the ground. My shoulders tensed, and my words fell through bared teeth as I struggled to get my words out. They weren’t hostile, so much as I felt that painfully that they where true. “Go, Kunabee. I don’t deserve the courtesies of a spirit so kind as yours… I could never show it back. I still cling to the task I was created for deep inside me, and you don’t deserve that.” I believed my words.

Word Count: 612
An 8bit version of In The End – LinkinPark
Can’t Stop – RedHotChilliPeppers

Ooc;// Again, I’ve dropped the ball on replying to my thread quickly enough. I’m real sorry Kuna.

[Kunabee]

Kunabee

I didn't fight against her telling me to go. I understood. And if I made an impact... I hoped so.
"Never thought otherwise. Don't worry, Rickalaru, because a feline cares. And if I can get past my differences, someday you'll find the solution to you. Bye, Ricki."
And with those words I left. I walked until I felt I was far enough away, and then I ran. As idiotic as I was, I didn't want to die.
At least not by anyone's terms but my own.

((wooc;; And thus I finish up the thread with fail, yet it is awesome, all at once.))

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Ooc//: am I locking and moving, or does newol have a reply?

[Kunabee]

((wooc;; Wait for Newol's answer, I say. That was my plan, just giving a non-suggestion suggestion.))

[nEwOL握敵]

go ahead and move