Now I carry a new Burden }{ Carska

[nEwOL握敵]

It was later in the day, the sun working its way down the sky. The lights had changed from the warm and comforting blue to shades of orange, like fire. I walked slowly, my head held low, brow tense and my eyes distant. It was confusing, what I now carried. Earlier today I'd left the pack lands of Vea Apxn, and ventured to the pack lands, the original pack lands. I'd told no one, left no indications of any kind. Merely went. Perhaps not the best of choices, but when I'd left I'd been certain that if Carska questioned I could tell her why and she'd understand. I had thought that at first, but now I was not so sure.

I wasn't sure of anything right now, it was all just a confusing blur. I'd left with intent to go straight to Nimrod and question him, Damn that Denerbee! That blasted defective freak, it was her fault for setting me down this crash course! Telling me that I hadn't been as alone as I'd thought on the day I'd left. She and Nimrod had watched me leave. She'd deemed me worthless and uninteresting, and He'd deemed me Replaceable. I had to figure out why they'd just let me go, and that was their reasoning. All that time I'd thought that leaving had sent some kind of message and in reality it had meant NOTHING! Oh but if only that had been where this train wreck ended. I'd seen it, it was there, it was real. Nimrod had a soul. I'd witnessed it with my own eyes. Somewhere underneath the the feeling-less machine, a soul was trapped. And in our meeting, I'd instigated it to bang against its cage walls.

I wasn't yet aware but that meeting would change the course of my life. It was the flake that would cause an avalanche. I'd not only seen into him, but he into me. I now knew that I was not disloyal to the humans. I didn't oppose the hunt. I was very much fine with it. But it wasn't my first priority, no. That honor fell to the species of Folami. I wanted my kind to endure. I wanted us to survive. I was willing to die for that. I held bonds to other Folami over everything else, that's why I was here in Vea Apxn. It was my home. It was my family. But that forest... I still remembered the day I first set paw in it... It still held its sense of belonging. Oh Nimrod... I'd been so wrong about you.

I carried now a message from the Folami, one meant for Carska as the leader of our pack. It alone was a responsibility I had. To carry a message from one leader to another, that was a task. But message had not been the only thing I'd been give now had it.

'Perhaps... you could carry some of those values to the original pack. The humans said we are to be loyal, to assassinate the felines, and to lead with brutality. But they did not say we could not care for Folami. Most of us were raised on hate and violence, so it is what we carry on our shoulders, it is what we know. But perhaps the humans did not intend for that to be so. We must know hate so that we can pick off the felines without remorse tainting the kill, but hate does not need to be who we are. Stitch, can you teach the pack the meaning of family without smoldering them down to sniveling kittenhuggers? Is such a feat possible?'

The voice ravaged across my mind. HOW!? Damnit Nimrod, Damn you! How could I make that choice. My mind couldn't do it, I was unable to simply say no and be done with it. Something about it, something about this Nimrod that I'd never seen before... I... I wanted to help him. But I couldn't Vea Apxn was my home. I was certain that this way the Folami could endure, we where there for each other. But what Nimrod proposed, it held so much uncertainty. It could result in utter end should it fail. I should say no, I should! No was the right answer, it was the easy answer. But I couldn't just say it and be done with it. Skoll, please, why should this been dropped before me. Why should I now have this whole new burden to carry.

I had to find Carska. She would probably be furious with me for disappearing today, but I'd had to, for my own sake. But now I carried a message for her, one that might help us all to sleep a little better at night. I kept on walking slowly to the camp. Once I was only a short distance from its outskirts, I sat and tried to straighten out myself. My expression became softer, but still serious. it was apparent that I was carrying a weight on my shoulders. I wasn't sure of how she'd react to what I had to tell her, but I knew I had to. And I'd rather do it on a personal level, so with no bystanders, she could deal with me as she saw that I deserved. That was fair. Raising my maw to the sky I howled out her name, Carska, and prepared for what might follow.


Fortune days - Glitch Mob
Word Count: 906

[I L Y I C H]

It's Obvious You Understand
The Blood That's On My Hands

carska ->

Summoned, I went on swift paws. Stitch was not one to call so loudly with little reason, and with such thoughts planted in my head I could not help the nervous energy leading me on. She'd been gone all day, and that alone was trying. Now was not the time for dogs to go running about willy nilly to suit themselves. Sympathy with Stitch's need to be alone was not high enough to allow for the possibility of her getting hurt. These were the thoughts spinning about in my head as I rushed over wet heated ground. Face curled into anger despite myself I looked nothing if not beyond worried and deeply anxious upon pelting from the grasses. Slowing I was not truly concentrating as I approached, eyes reproachful. It wasn't until I saw the look on my friend's face that I stumbled slightly. Seriousness did not suite her.

It was long ago, I knew, that this creature was happy but I found it difficult to accept. Though it seemed we were all like that, and as my paws found a place to stand I watched my old friend with something akin to fear. "Stitch?" She smelt of the other lands, and that alone had me take another secondary pace forward, nose tilted as if to touch her throat. "Has someone hurt you?" Fear twisted into fury in an instant. Protectiveness rose like bile in my throat as with a low huff I began to search for any form of injury. God dammit if Nimrod had so much as breathed on her, and there it was all over her. A chat? there wasn't any blood. Pulling away abruptly I sat down, spine stiff as a metal rod.

Nimrod had been a 'friend' at one time, but then he had been sanctioned off into that net that I held. Friends were not something I took lightly. Perhaps he had been a true friend if only for an instant but I had never truly trusted that beta. His denial of my rights and wars never hurt. Yet here stood a good friend, and suddenly my brain contracted. What had Nimrod said to my second? What had occurred wile lonely Stitch had wandered? Tawny eyes hot with a near fervor of anxiety I forced calm into my expression. "Whats happened, then? You called."

[nEwOL握敵]

Carska was quick to reach me, and as she approached I could plainly see the worry in her expression. I knew she had to be cross with me to some degree, but our friendship and my place as her loyal second placed concern for my well being before that. It brought a warm drop of like to the dark storm of thought that raged inside me. A piece of calm that I gratefully accepted in this confusion. Just her familiar presence brought some of the confusion away and lightened me up some. My brow relaxed and my thoughts came a little clearer.

It was strange, how having her scour me for any sign of violence had a calming effect, but Carska had been my first real friend outside of training. “Carska, I’m fine, no one hurt me.” I protested as she looked me over. It was something familiar I could latch onto after an encounter that had been nothing at all in any way what I’d been expecting. Finally, she seated herself and asked me what it was I had to say, and I found myself at a blank for where to start. I knew I’d tell her everything, every single detail, but finding the right place to start was the hard thing.

Finally, I decided first I need to deliver the message I carried, that needed the soonest addressing. As I started, my eyes got heavier again, and my brow didn’t tense up but it was apparent that the weight was heavy. “Nimrod has a message. It’s a long story, but I’ll make everything clear eventually. I got through to him Carska, only for a few moments but it was enough to get a paw hold. He says that there will be no more war. He wants peace but under one condition.” I found myself becoming nerves now. How, I really just couldn’t tell how she would react. More importantly though was Bidziil. I’d been wrong about Nimrod, could I be wrong about him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “He wants you to give Bidziil a chance. He wants you to give Bidziil a chance to choose for himself between Vea Apxn and the original pack. And he wants Bidziil himself to tell him, whatever his choice. I am to escort him when that happens.” By this point my eyes had grown distant, reliving our meeting, and again I heard his voice, asking me to change his pack.

Damn you Nimrod. Why’s this choice so hard to make?


Word Count: 424
Somewhere I belong – LinkinPark

[I L Y I C H]

It's Obvious You Understand
The Blood That's On My Hands

carska ->
Pulling back with the assurance of her safety, or at least her lack of harm I allowed myself some distance. Give Stitch some room. The mention of Nimrod however had me up in arm's. Perhaps it was just a visceral reaction but my hackles flared up instantly. Old friends, old allies; things best left to dust and story books. But this wasn't a fairy tale and I couldn't pretend that the loyal monster existed. Letting out a low gruff sigh I forced down my hackles and turned my ears up. At this point Nimrod was in charge of the old pack. This was a meeting of diplomacy, and it would seem my terms of peace were being called upon. It was interesting in and of itself that the ebony brute had any interest in passing along ideas. What made it all the more curious was Stitch's enthusiasm. Her ability. She had beaten down some form of barrier. She had found something in that bastard that wasn't solidly held in it's obsidian cage.

Ears pressed sharply forward I moved closer once more, not entirely sure of what was to come of this. What words would soon be spilled across the wet earth? Harsh reality drooled, however. It was not what I had expected. Not at all. Idealism had been allowed a small foot hold if only for a second and it's lack luster cruelty came storming up far too swiftly. It all came back to the prisoner asleep in my secret little home. Vea Apxn's little thorn which was becoming far too normal as the days went by. It grated on me to be forced into something, but it was the obvious solution. Bidziil needed to decide something for himself. He needed to make up his mind and find himself. It was time. My own selfishness couldn't factor in any longer. Teeth clamped firmly together much of the time as I simply stared at my beta before me I finally let them peel apart. It hurt my jaws, the loss of pressure, but eventually normality would ensue. It always did.

Sitting down carefully I allowed myself a moment to simply close my eyes and compress before I turned my attention to the issue at hand and disregarded any emotion I held towards the matter. "Nimrod is right in that sense." A long silence followed the words in which I stared at Stitch's paws before refocusing on her face once more. "I will speak to Bidziil... and I will accompany your escort. It is time we gave a treaty that would keep the lot of us from killing one another" Shaking my head lightly I stood on creaky legs, fighting to ignore the way the rain drew aches into old bullet wounds. "We have a lot to discuss Stitch. If you don't mind we can talk on the way home..."

[nEwOL握敵]

She became hostile for a moment, and I worried about where this might go, but that was only for a moment. Relief washed over me when I saw her calm herself though. I could weather Carska disapproving of my actions, especially if I were to directly disobey an order of a rule, even if she knew I'd only do so with decent reasoning and good intent. But if she were to be openly furious with me, I'd feel like I'd failed. And right now, I wanted support. I was a mess inside. This new image of Nimrod had me confused. He wasn't just some tyrant. He was a Folami, and did I not exist for the Folami?

She took a moment to respond concerning Bidziil. I suspect she was having to detach herself from it all, like any wise leader. Personal feelings come after what is better for the pack. When she spoke of how she'd like to accompany, I was perfectly fine with this, but I wondered how Nimrod would respond, only time would tell.

ooc;// I'll be back to finish in a minute