To Face You All And Say }{ Nimrod

[nEwOL握敵]

My solid white figure passed between the great towering trees of the Pine Wood. My eyes where set and piercing, my brow determined and fearless. I was different now, that was of no question. I was bigger, stronger, more mature, more scars... But then again it seemed to be a Falomi's right to bear scars that marked the difficulty of the life we lead. Like medals bestowed for violence seen. Ether way violence wasn't why I was here, this was something deeper, something that had to be done, something that this daring trip had to be made for, something with purpose. I had to see if for myself. I had to see this place for myself. I also had to see him for myself. I had a question or two to be answered.

Grass and twig stirred beneath my paws. Dirt massaged my pads with a deep familiarity that boiled deep within the confines of my soul. This place was it. It felt different now, emptier, less meaningful, but there was no doubting for even one millisecond that this place was it. Home. This place was home, my home. The first real one I'd ever known. When my training in the compound had been complete, I was bagged and transported. It was nothing to panic over or fear, I was used to the humans bagging me back then, all part of the way we where turned into what we where. Anyways, once the bag was taken off my head and I could see again, I was in the woods, not far from here. Found my way to the pack by scent. I'd come to idealize this place over the next year. This area, it was so different. It was like the training courses all the time day and night. No pins, no feeding hour, no concrete. It all just fit so natural. And if Lucifer had never come along I'd have never given that up. I realize now that I shouldn't have in the first place, but I was younger, weaker, back then. I hadn't spent the time with the canines that I'd fallen in with when I'd left here, had learned what I'd learned yet.

As the memories came flooding to me, I found myself unconsciously following the path I'd stalked and ran when I'd made my first kill here in wild. It was all as clear as yesterday. Then again, the Sound said it would, the maned wolf had warned me to pay heed of it when I returned, because the longer I starved myself of seeing my first home again, the more it would hurt and the harder it would be. Glad I listened to him, cause this wasn't hard, it was amazing. This didn't hurt, it made me feel alive in a way. I felt awake, like I'd been awake for a very long time but was not tired. Part of my belonged out here. But that part was almost nonexistent anymore, that young and joyous part. Nearly all gone and buried in the adult that I now was.

And that creature was by far more bold. I used to do hardly anything without the approval of one with more rank than I. Right now Carska didn't have a damn clue where I was, cause I hadn't asked or told ANYONE what I was doing, because I knew she'd not express permission for something like this. And it didn't matter, because this moment was bond to happen, set in motion almost as soon as I'd returned to this land. That damn know it all pooch Denarbee. She'd created more questions then answers for me, telling my that they had watched me leave, the two of them. I wasn't going to her again, no. I didn't want another cryptic twist of tongue thrown in my face again from a defective mutt without the ability to feel that was too busy lording over her chains to figure it out for herself. I'd Boar Chains Once Too! So had ANY Falomi. She was no different, and I don't think I could put up with her again right now, but my curiosity didn't have ability to wait for me to be able to go another round with her, so I'd got him him.

Nimrod.

I'd never cared for him, but I'd respected him once, like any good little soldier. He'd been older and stronger, and favored by the humans. He'd been the role model by which to be a Falomi, back then, back when I was still a human's science project. I didn't come to him with respect now. Now I came to him with questions to be answered by a tongue that I hoped wasn't so twisted and cryptic.




This place had been home once...


Word Count: 784
Sleep Apnea - Chevelle

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

It wasn't supposed to be there, that iron grief casting over my heart. The leadened remorse that hindered the beats of life. Why did I regret what I did? It was wrong, but it was also right. I could not fathom how that were possible, but I knew it was. Sometimes you have to bend and break the rules and boundaries, so that you can die following them. That was exactly what I was doing. Things had to be put back onto their laid out tracks. This train was breaking apart, one car heading towards the new horizon, and the other drifting lazily towards the distant past. Why couldn't the heat of loyalty to the humans be as strong in my packmates as the loyalty to family was to the kittenhuggers? Were they stronger for it? Perhaps.

But it was fucking wrong...by some blurred standards of a distant memory.

Had I felt something for Carska? Yes, at one point I did. For a short few moments of time I thought to replace Bidziil after his capture. It was a sin, but even angels can sin. The humans told of a war in heaven, where some angels were thrown from the right hand of God. The difference here was, my Gods were not all knowing. Perfection does not include the need to know all. Just to control. I had sinned, but even in their absence, the humans had had control. My sin went on silently, and was eventually gnawed from existance.

Ah, but it seemed the mental banter had weakened my sences. I was almost upon the rebel packmember by the time I caught wind. I gave a quiet bark of warning, letting the beast know I knew it was there. You can be both stupid and smart at the same time. Carska's pack were moronic in their beliefs, but they were skillfull. They were Folami, afterall. This dog would have, if in a more focused mindset than I, known I was here, and have only crossed into these lands if needing one of my packmates, or myself. Part of me wanted to believe another dog had come to his senses and returned to rejoin. I would be cold, perhaps even a little harsh, but eager to accept. Or maybe it was sent to give me the opportunity to trade for Bidziil. Yes, that would be best scenerio.

But alas, the mighty beast I once was lay hidden, drowned in the falling monsoons. In its place stood a proud motherfucker, head high in dominance that should be forbidden.

I'm not the alpha. Damn Bidziil for forcing his thrown beneath my rigid black ass.

[nEwOL握敵]

When Nimrod's bark reached my ears, I was alert at once. It was unwise to let him approach and me not be. He would not be happy to see ANY Folami from Carska's pack. And I suspected especially me. It had to burn him some, that for a Folami created by the his correct standards, I tried so hard to believe I wasn't. It was a fact that I'd been made, created by the humans' science, but I'd never accepted it as true. I always believed the possibility that I'd been made the correct way, by my standards. Two dogs falling for one another and parenting offspring, but I wasn't even kidding myself in that I knew I hadn't been parented. Like all of the early Folami, I'd been taken from mum and bottle feed and hand raised. But to be completely honest I didn't know how Nimrod felt. I'd changed, who's to say he hasn't. But one thing's for certain, I wasn't banking on him being anything but pissed to see me.

In return I issued a level bark, as an indication that I wasn't scared. I wasn't trying to sneak around or be hidden. I wholeheartedly intended to be here and was trying to be found. Turning to face the direction of the bark, I noticed the root of a nearby tree, somewhat deformed and jutting out of the ground, a decent perch for a canine. There were scars in it from claws digging into the plant. It brought a dull smile to my face. I'd made those marks, daring myself to cover the distance from there to the camp in an obscenely short about of time for the task. Yes. This was Home once. If intimidation was his game, it would be hard pressed to work here.

My face quickly leveled back out into a calm but strong expression. I sat on my rump and settled my tail around my paws. I gave the two scars that ran parallel down from my left shoulder to my elbow a quick lick at about midway down my upper arm, it was some kind of force of habit that I'd had sense I'd gotten them that I didn't really understand, just something I did. I then settled, my head up, ears straight. This was strategy. If I could appear calm right up front, project it, like a Folami who knew exactly where she was instead of one that had been caught snooping, it could help to prevent him from loosing his temper right away. I might have become a kittyhugger, but that by no means at all meant I was soft or uncivilized or not clever. I knew whole well I was in a situation that if not treated properly could spell real pain for me. His pack was small, but I was alone. I wanted to talk to Nimrod, I wanted to get personal. But we'd get no where if I caused him to blow his top from this start, so best to appear calm as long as possible.

Word Count: 510
Reckoner - Radiohead

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Finally, some sanity.

This dog I came upon seemed calm, collected. The female seemed not to be afraid. I cared not where her morals lay. Everything was either black or white in this world. Yes, I was firm in my loyalty to the humans, I played out their orders with my every breath. But I had other thoughts besides kill, kill, kill. It seemed everyone either killed blindly, or refused to slay that which needs slaying. This dog, however, seemed more like me. He beliefs would be such that we shouldn't kill felines because of their breed, but to kill without prejudice. Fine. I could work with that. It was better than foolish Daiade who would rather die than harm another.

I knew not her name, but I recognized the face from an earlier time. She had left the pack, so the image was blurry. She had grown, firmed, become more warrior-like, but she was still recognizable. "Ah, a traitorous hound." My voice was calm as I took to sit not more than two leaps from the beast. My bulk toward high from the earth, but nothing of my stance spoke of war. Fighting was only the first option of a buffoon. I would kill without remorse, but any intellectual would talk first. Maybe someone could come to understand your way if you just speak with them. All violence does is bring forth anger. Then there is no hope to carry that who is lost back to the proper path.

I realized then that my words could be read as a threat in itself if she considered I may be referring to her being part of Carska's pack. But that was not where I intended my verbals to lead. I was merely fixing in my brain why I knew this dog. She had left all those moons ago and that was why I called her a traitor. I licked my lips, tongue running over emerald hued fangs. "Have you come to reconsider your loyalties?" I inquired lightly, eyes curious. I knew it was an empty hope, the war had sealed the vaults of everyone's loyalties. But, simply because I was a machine made by human hands, does not mean that the wolf blood they used quit being mortal. "Or are you simply here to chat with an old chap, like myself?"

[/blockquote]

[nEwOL握敵]

The dog that appeared before me wasn't at all quite what I'd been expecting. I'd been prepared for a furious Nimrod spitting out ten insults a sentience and ready to rip my hid off. I was expecting the wrong thing, because the Folami before me seemed plenty ready to talk. The first words he issued where to be expected though and where true enough. He also need not worry for I understood clearly his meaning. It was a choice I'd had difficulty weighung more than once. Had I been wrong to leave? If I hadn't then I most likely wouldn't have grown the way I did. And if I hadn' left I could have been of used in the upbringing of the new pack. The thought darkend my face, but for only a moment. My voice was mature and civilized, almost mocking even, to display my lack of shame. "I'd say you'll have to forgive me but I'm not sorry. The band of wolves I fell in with where alittle sainer then what was playing out before me here back then."

And then he took a stab at guessing my reasons for being here, asking if I'd come to change sides. We both knew that that was wishfui thinking, but this was me, and any who truly knew me knew how foolish that question was. My curtious smile vanished and my face became serious. I issued four short words to make plan I cared not for suck comments. any more would only dull their point. "I'd die for them." Some more then others, but mostly this was true.

His second guess was much more close to correct."Yes, I'd like to have a word with you." Pausing for a moment to concider my approch, I began my questioning of the mutt that deep down, represented everything that I was growing to hate. The way things where supposed to go. "Are you familiar with the creature Denarbe? For she's left me with a question are two and I am tired of her so I've come to you." So it starts.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I quietly contemplated her decree. She would die for her pack. Could I say that for my own packmates? I would die in their defense because the humans told me to. But did they hold the same loyalties, or were they simply brought together because of our shared belief systems? It bothered me that even from this angle I envied Carska's pack. If for nothing else, then their strong sense of loyalties.

Denerbe. I shuddered. That creepy little bitch had gotten her fishhook fingers into this woman's brain, too. Like Carska, the stranger struck curiousity in my former alphess, rising questions and all sorts of wonder. No one she had contact with liked her, persay, but she made her mark in their minds. I hate her for the way she wedged herself into my pack's life. Into my life. She knew more about the pack than I did. I even preferred Alaois over her. At least I could kick that brute's ass.

Shaking my head to clear it, I glanced with a grimace towards this woman. "Yes, I know that purple freak." My tone was rigid, perhaps even a tad harsh. Any question that dog presented in this one's mind had the possibility of being too far fetched, too deep, or too absurd for my straight-line mental capacity. "Ask away, female. I will give you what I can." I wasn't being friendly, but I felt it to be a need to answer with what I had. Perhaps something I say would make her realize how silly her and her 'passions' were.

Ah, but what did I have to replace such beliefs with?

[nEwOL握敵]

My words seemed to have their desired effect, and as he paused to consider them I counted it as a personal victory. He now knew that it was foolish to bark up that tree, because it was the kind that droped branches on you for it. He didn't understand it now but I might make him one day, that the survival over our kind was more likely too happen in a family enviornment. It had been one of things that had kept me, Sound, and Runner alive through quite a few things, that sense of family. It inspired you to work harder in ways you couldn't think of until you felt it. But perhaps these thoughts where wasted time, or I believe Nimrod was more concerned with seeing to the humans' every wish than the fate of our fleghling spesies.

My face became seriuse once again as I bore into Nimrod's gaze. the fact that land belonged to him right now disgusted me. Oh how wonderful it would be for them to be home again. But that was not my argument, not yet. I had to force these thoughts out of my mind at once and refocuse my thoughts on why I came, teeling myself that once I had my answer I was free to argue any point I wanted.

My voice was now somewhat bitter and with a touch of attitude, displaying that I was no friend of his, that I came here for a reason. "I am Rickalaru, you had the prevlege of calling me Stitch once. I left here, even though I wished otherwish, because of Lucifer. I couldn't bear the thought of one I know so little ruling me." that cursed name. I'd heard nothing of him sense returning. "That defective freak said you'd been there. That you watched me leave. where you or not, no fancy talkin' could have more then one meaning crap. I want a plan simply yeas or no answer."

The thought erked me, how all that time I'd believed I'd just faded away to come back and be told I'd been alowed to leaved. That was horrid. That made it not something that happend on my own terms.

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

I pondered whether I should store her name or not. Unlike Bidziil before his fall, I had made it an ambition to know everyone's name. When Bidziil was the manmade alpha, he knew Carska and myself for ranking reasons. Daiade simply because it was the name to be said in laughter. Past that, he knew only Alaois, because the little brute was always getting scolded. But I, I was different. Bidziil had been too superior to be weighed with nonsense such as names. That was my job. I was the right hand, I carried to role book.

But that book had been burned in the flames of our wars.

I threw her name aside, recognizing the name Stitch but then erasing it all the same. She was not worth the effort if she had loyalties to the rouge pack. Simple as that. That was decided, but I had another choice to make. Do I say simply a yes or no, as she asked. Or do I rebel against her rules and say more, just to be difficult? If I was honest with myself, that really would be my only reasoning. A childish desire to make this woman angry.

But I didn't feel like fighting. Not today.

"I didn't know at the time that is was a perminant leaving, though I considered the possibility. So, yes, I saw you leaving. And I saw no reason to stop you."

I just couldn't abide by the rules of another equally ranking dog. Bidziil and the humans gave their demands and I obeyed. But when this shedog says 'give me a yes or no', I had to be difficult.

Ah, one can be proud and still hate so many things about themself.

[nEwOL握敵]

My gaze dropped as my head turned to the side somewhat. My teeth barred and my front paws splayed out as I dug my claws into the ground. His answer was both annoying and at the same time accepted. It was more information than I wanted, but at the same time, it was understandable, it was not cryptic, but plain English. But at the same time, it was information that had bite to it. All the time I'd been out there thinking I'd left on my own terms, that nobody had seen me go, that I'd simply disappeared without a trace, was only a false belief. It stung worst then any scar I boar on me now.

My voice was cold and angry and I hissed my words through barred teeth. "So... You mean to tell me that... All that time I'd spent thinking I'd made some kind of statement by leaving... Turns out... I brought my gaze up to meet his, the bastard, my eyes burning into his. "I'm just the worthless bastard fea that everyone LET leave. That it?" It burnt. It stung, real bad for some reason. It made me question what meaning there was for all the things that I'd done in the time I'd been gone. It wasn't fair. What gave him the right? What gave any of them the right to label me worthless, the worthless little fea we all let disappear. What was I supposed to do with this?

It was, it was like a piece of me I'd grown so attached to being taken away. So leaving had done nothing. I'd just been a pointless little mutt who nobody saw any harm in letting go. I'd been meaningless. Maybe I was still meaningless.

ooc:// blah... not my best

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

In all honesty, her reaction surprised me. What had I said to make her hold an air of aggression? Or was it more like hurt? I replayed my words over and over again in my head. I did not pity the dog, nor did I fear having to fight her, but some little part of me, the cells that the humans had not created themselves, quivered and made me pause. How to reasure? Or, more like, how to make this dog realize it was not an insult.

Did some part of me want to let her know my lack of action in that day did not mean she was worthless?

"Worthless?" There was a sharper edge to the questions curve, as if she was making me angry by her lack of self-confidence, if that were even the right word for her self-inflicted insult of a realization. "No Folami is worthless. We were built with a purpose. If we follow that line of purpose, great! If not, then the purpose for them is to test the rest of us. To test our boundaries." I was on my feet now, catching myself by surprise. Was I saying this only for the sake of this fae before me, or did part of me partially still want to justify Carska? Was I still sinning, and the whole war I had caused moot?

"Woman, I merely said I saw you leave. Me. That means only I deemed you replaceable." I stared long and hard at her, jaw locked and posture tense. Realizations and admissions shot through my mind. Regrets. Griefs. Second-guesses. Doubts. Things the humans said a pure Folami should not feel, and yet I sit here feeling them. I was created, and still mortal emotions played within me. According to the human terms, Denerbe would be the closest thing to a true Folami, for she only lacked loyalty to her kind. I had loyalty, but that is about where my Folami characteristics stop. I had had to choose to be a Folami, I was not one by nature. The truth stung me and I found myself sitting, chest deflated in defeat. "Bidziil would not have let you leave. He knew every member counted, even if he talked tough. Carska, too. It was just me, fae, for I was not yet set firmly in absolute Folami-ways."

I looked up at her, brown gaze setting on her battle scars. "A true Folami realizes everybody is worth something. That is where the kittenhuggers have my pack beat."

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// um… I’m back *awkward smile* sorry, but once I got going, that thing right there just flowed… Just freakin, Boom, there is is.

Worthless? The word shot out of his mouth like a bullet and pierced right through my cloud of blind anger so that what he said next would catch and be heard and sink in. This Nimrod before me was once again, not what I’d been expecting. Again and again and again I kept thinking this meeting would be knives and fire and threats on my life. I kept thinking that Nimrod was less of a intelligent creature than he turned out to be. It wasn’t like anything I’d experienced before.

Slowly, I settled down. What happened before me wasn’t something I was prepared for, and it caused my burst of anger to melt away like a block of ice exposed to and open flame. I was baffled almost by what I saw. His words where true and from somewhere inside his chest cavity, I wasn’t quite yet ready to accept the possibility that there might be some kind of heart deep down inside that creature before me. It hurt, just less, and my view of him didn’t change any in that once moment. He wasn’t seeming to comfort me at first, mealy to make sure I understood completely what he meant, but the longer he went the more that changed. It wasn’t because I’d been viewed as worthless, at least him, I think Denarbee found all Falomi and life forms worthless in general after she got her entertainment out of them. He’d merely seen me and replaceable.

That didn’t lessen the pain, just took the edge off the burn. For all that time I’d thought I’d left on my own terms. I’d built off of that. But once the cards where counted, the fact was I hadn’t left on my own against odds, I’d been allowed to leave because I’d been replaceable. But he went on, that’s what got me! That’s what sunk down into my skin and put me in awe. This creature before me here wasn’t anything at all like the Nimrod I’d been expecting. I’d been expected a half mad angry hardly any reason tyrant. I’d been expecting Bolconine, the wolf from Runner’s tails of his father. He told me that all Falomi where worth something, be it to challenge the ones that stayed on the right path that had been laid out for us, or to follow a task we’d been created for. It was all mixing into one massive shade of grey right there in my mind. there was the task that we had been made to do, and then there was what we where becoming. Honestly I didn’t care what effect the felines had on the world of humans so long as my kind survived, but they where a species too and there for had a right to defend themselves from the felines. However, this view was just starting to take shape in my mind and so I pushed it aside so that I could expand on it later, and fully grow to understand what I was beginning to take a crake at.

That’s when it happened. After he made his point about not being worthless, something in him broke. He gave in to what most of been a flood of emotion he had been denying himself. In that moment, deflated in defeat like that, Nimrod… He looked more like a wolf. It was almost breath taking. I’d spent the part of my life over which most of my maturing and learning had happened out in the wilderness and unknown with a band of miss fit canines. There had been about three wolves with us the whole time, and that was a way of life to witness. Something about him here right now reminded me of that. Of a wolf. His eyes fixed on my scars, and once again, I had to lick the two on my left leg that ran shoulder to elbow as a compulsory habit. He’d reassured me, and so I felt compelled to reassure him through a mix of thankfulness to him and a sort of unspoken apology for expecting him to be a breed of evil, when he was merely a soldier refusing to abandon the mission he’d been given. At first my tone was stern, as if answering and unasked question only because it was fair, and indecateing that I still did not care for him, I was only attempting to stand level with him, not embrace him with open paws. “These scars where earned. I got them while I was away, fighting shoulder to shoulder with manned wolf named Sound. We had each other’s backs and we got each other out alive.”

Then my voice lightened up some, confident that it was clear we where merely associates and not friend of any kind. “Nimrod. You come from wolves. Indirectly as it is, it’s true. Even if its once single strand of genetics in your entire body. That alone means that there are instincts in all Falomi that are older then the race of humans themselves. Just because you can feel, at least I think that’s whets bothering you, doesn’t mean your failing at your task or damaged or whatever reason that eats at you. Makes you better then a Falomi like Denarbee.” This next bit almost made me pity him, but I’d allowed myself to quit viewing him as a tyrant, and judge him based on what I saw, heard, and felt. “Your choosing to follow the path our species was set down. Your choice is to stay the course. Weather or not you can feel doesn’t change that.” I’m come expecting anger and hostility, and what I’d gotten was an actual level of interaction.



This was home once… Once upon an time.

Word Count: 956
Stratosphere – Junkie XL
Mr. Brightside – The Killers

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

Pity. It pitied me.

I quivered, breaking the contact my eyes had with the animal's --the monster's-- form. I was a bad dog. This was repeated often, but never so feircly as this moment. Emotions ran rampant. I bubbled in self-loathing. I should be murderering this woman --no, it wouldn't be murder. It couldn't be. She was a mistake. A mishap. My heart fluttered. So was I. I climbed to my paws and shifted to be angled to the right of the woman. My muscles were tense beneath my pelt, but the aggression ran no deeper than that single forced image of hate. My eyes, I hid them away from her, locked to the ground to her right. She couldn't see the feeling there. The feelings her words said it was okay to have.

It was not fucking okay!

"Curse you and Vea Apxn." I had done my homework. I had bartered information from Denerbe, the truest Folami this forsaken planet knew. She loved to dangle it in front of me, that should could be within the pack and go unnoticed, while I lacked such skill. Or perhaps she was embelishing her own strengths; Carska did not hate her with any heat. Annoyed, perhaps. But there was trust. Denerbe could be within the packlands because Carska knew the great beast valued the kittenhuggers more alive than dead. Even as food they were not as important.

"I'm a mistake. I would never have had to suffer through knowing that if you all had just done as you were told." I looked at her now, more with intense need to justify myself than discredit her. "If it were not for the humans meddling with the wolven genes, we would not be here." I paused. I had meant to say it to prove how much we owe the humans, but the words came out shaken, perhaps even broken. They were hard edged in their tone, but even that wavered at the end. Am I grateful the humans have created me--us? Or do I, somewhere deep down, know they are to blame for the torture? I shook my head, clearing it. No. Even if life was difficult, I appreciated living. I did owe them. I did.

I felt I need to repeat it. Over and over.

My teeth bared as I tensed, though my eyes still held more of a plead than aggression. "We hold different values. Why am I here, letting you talk to me? Why do you not run away or attack? Why is coexisting possible? Because of the wolf genes. The wolf genes make us tolerant of differences." Was I rambling now? Where was I going with this, venomous slime coating my bared fangs. "But this coexisting is not the will of the humans. It is not. And no fancy words can change the fact that I am loyal to them." I froze, heart beating slowly, muscles loosening as I let my head fall lower, though my snarl still sat firmly in place. My ears dropped back in hurt, not in aggression. Eyes grew narrowed as the lightening bolts of emotion dared to course through. "Loyalty is not when you blindly follow. It is when listen and obey despite your own feelings. I feel, but I swallow it. That is loyalty."

And yet, I did not attack.

"The humans have not given a command to attack the rouge pack." I stepped back once. Twice. "You, Rickalaru, it is you that will protect Vea Apxn. I respect your coming here. Unless the humans say otherwise, there shall not be another war." I turned my head away, shame burning my ears. I coughed to cover to cover the act of swallowing the lump in my throat. "You may let Carska know that there is peace." I chanced a look at the woman, gaze sideways as I struggled to hold my tail up to remain the dominant dog in these interaction. "Tell her to give--" another cough to swallow the hurt once more "--Bidziil a choice. If he so wishes, he can stay with Vea Apxn. But I want him, and him accompanied by no more than one other, if he must, to be the one to tell me."

Would this dog accept a truce? Part of me nagged to say I was being a kittenhugger by just saying all of these things. But it was true, I respected this dog. She had come to me and not been blinded by hate so cold that it kept her from realizing I was not a drone set on destroying. I lived. I breathed.

And, goddamn it, I fucking felt, too.

[nEwOL握敵]

Ooc;// I would recommend you re read your above post while listening to the song Papercut by LinkinPark.

The reaction was volatile, loud, and fast. Like sodium meeting water, the result was a sudden and violent explosion. Teeth bared and frame lowered as he angled himself from me. I’d hit the nail on the head it seems. It was feeling that had been eating him, and I knew exactly why. I was quickly on my feet, ready to intercept whatever he was about to do, but even as my tail and tense shoulders spoke of violence, I eyes pleaded question. What’s wrong!? Why this way Nimrod, I only meant to reassure you!

He hid his eyes from me, and that too hurt. I was Stitch, the poor girl who couldn’t reproduce and wasn’t quick to reach like I just had, so this withdraw, this violent withdraw, it stung. He’d spoken a bit of his heart, and so I responded with a bit of my own, and it had the complete opposite effect of what I’d been expecting, yet again. He cursed Vea Apxn and me, and I just couldn’t quite understand what I’d done. But I understood as soon as he spoke again. He was a mistake… It wasn’t right for a Falomi to feel, we where meant to work like machines with circuits and gears, with Bidziil being the operational node that ran it all, scent out all the signals which we followed without question. He wasn’t willing to hear that, or perhaps he wanted to hear it, maybe he wanted to believe it and at the same time he wanted to please his masters, wanted to be perfect example, his opinion of a perfect Falomi. I couldn’t change that view for him. It was his.

Once again, I understood his meaning despite his trouble making the words come out right. Yes, if it wasn’t for the humans experimenting with the DNA stands of wolves’ genetic code, then we as Falomi would not exist here today. That was Fact. But wolves where an ancient race. That meant that the blood in our veins carried with it equally old instincts and habits, ones that the humans might have overlooked or countered improperly, who knew, point is they where there. Nimrod was intelligent, I realize that now, so surely he understood that. Shortly after he made this point, he seemed to be trying to rally himself back up, to stand firm and recollect himself, to build his front against me. He rambled that point for a minute or two, speaking of how those genes made for the coexistence. I slowly untended, still wary of him, but now more intrigued at what I saw. It was a double-edged blade, I soon realized. I’d allowed him stop being a tyrant and be an equal creature, a Falomi, to me. And that made seeing his pain hurt for some reason, knowing that any comfort I tried might only create more pain. And the look in those eyes he returned to me, it was pain.

Finally, he seemed to shrink back alittle bit with the dropping of his head and gaze at the conclusion of his verbalization of his front against me. I had difficulty following the path of his thought with its scattered out presentation, but what I got was this. The humans created us from canine genetics. Out of devotion to that we should be loyal to them and be the creatures their standards demanded, and do the task that they had requested of us. I couldn’t argue with this point, but where did that lead? I didn’t want to be an emotionless creature. I wanted to feel, I wouldn’t be me if I couldn’t. I wanted to have family, for I was incapable of making one with me own body. And above all else, I wanted the continuation of my species.

It was like something wanted to burst forth, like now that this outburst had been allowed he just wanted to flow, but at the same time, the humans wouldn’t want that, they wouldn’t want him to indulge in his soul, so he had to fight to shut off the flow and seal it back again. The words that came next where forced, and yet again from within him. He was speaking to me as a Falomi, not a dictator. I straightened up, returned to a setting position, and with a cool, stern, mature voice that none had imagined would be mine one day, responded. “Yes, Nimrod. Against pains I can’t begin to imagine, I’d protect them to my dieing breath. On my honor I will tell Carska that there will be peace.” Then he risked a sideways glance at me, tail high to maintain his dignity. To that I rotated my ears back. A simple notion as that spoke worlds in our canid language. I would avoid appearing overly commanding simply to cause as little pain as possible, because I did, I thought he was fighting with himself inside. “I will tell her, for you. And if you’d like I’ll escort him myself should that be his choice.” And weather or not he knew it, that glance had damage of its own. I wanted to know what else I’d had wrong about Nimrod. He was suddenly ingesting now that he wasn’t a villain.

There was more I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure if I should, or could without causing an outburst like that again. If I played my cards right enough I might get another small window to shoot through so I might bridge some kind of gap, or something… I don’t know what I was hoping for, but for some reason I wanted to say just once more thing. “Is that all?” was all I could brave at the moment though.

Word Count-955
Savior – Rise Against
Long Road To Ruin – Foo Fighters
Diamond Eyes – Shinedown
I’m Not Dead – P!nk

[Bhu ♥ Irwin]

OOC//: That is now Nimrod’s theme song. I shall commence making character graphics for him with select lines from that song xD

My tail shifted down a notch at her response. She would oblige and my head dipped in gratitude. I may be broken –hell with the modesty, I was shattered—on the inside, but I was a proper dog. I was created in perfection, second to only Bidziil. It occurred to me then that the one created with absolute perfection had fallen away from the humans. It was engraved into me to obey the Alpha, and the alpha was on Carska’s side. Did that mean I should follow his lead? I would only be obeying the humans, afterall. My eyes narrowed, gaze locked firmly on Stitch. I had once said that sometimes you had to break orders to obey them. What was the most important order the humans had ever given? Be machines, or follow Bidziil to the ends of the earth and back? The confidence fell, chest deflated and tail now limp.

I have fallen so far.

“Yes, your accompaniment would be preferred over the others’, but that is up to Carska.” I looked away, ashamed that I now drooped in a broken man’s stance. “You came to me, Rickalaru. I believe it is you who decides when ‘that is all’.” My voice was soft, self-loathing dancing with the shattered remains of my dignity. Remains? Hell with it, the scattered ash of what was once a firm slate of dignity. I was open to talk further to her, having discovered my whole being in these short few minutes of interaction. I was sure there was no more I could uncover; my soul had presented itself against my will, dug up by this woman’s words. Just a few minutes ago I was a proud man set solid on the path paved cleanly before me. But now, I stood in the mud, weighed down by the burdens of water and shame. Oh yes, this dog could stand and say or ask all she wanted now. I had nothing more to hide from her or myself. I was sure there could be no more little secrets that could slither from behind the bolted doors of my conscience.

Somewhere a quiet voice challenged me with venom in its soft ”try me”.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[nEwOL握敵]

This Nimrod was endlessly more interesting then what I’d come here thinking I’d been meeting. I was watching a one man war play out right before me. The brute was devoted and yet he was intelligent. He wanted more then anything it seemed to be this perfect image of a Falomi to please his masters, the humans that made us. But he was too developed for that to be easy. He felt, he thought private thoughts of his own that caused him to feel what he had always been told was wrong. He was a shrunken version of himself, yet a more in depth version. There was more to him this way, there was more to witness. It… It caused strange feelings in me for some reason because… Because I too had elements of me that I didn’t like, but I swallowed them, ignored them. It wasn’t because of the cats that I had left. That was completely certain. It wasn’t for the cats that I’d returned.

It was the Falomi.

The Falomi, that was one singular designation that was being applied there. No black, no white, the word implied what it said. Nimrod was a Falomi… And I’d witnessed him now. I’d gotten to know him. I’d seen in this meeting who he was, who he really was. And that had left its impression, most certainly. He was loyal, that was not in question. But his ability to feel a level of emotions that was frowned upon burned, it stung and hurt because of how loyal he was. And it triggered something inside me, something that had a bite of its own. A cold hard truth that seethed once realized. I wasn’t disloyal.

When he finished speaking on Carska and Bidziil, I gave a nod of my own to acknowledge that I understood everything and that I would carry his message without fail. And then those narrow eyes bore down on me. I sensed that I could talk to him. And so I realized that after gazing into him like I had, it would be wrong for me to not allow him to gaze into me. “You have a point there.” It was short, and blunt, my words. I wasn’t sure how to begin the point I had to make. So simply I began as level as I could “I understand your loyalty. I have no hate for the humans, without them I would not exist.” My eyes suddenly dimmed, betraying the weight that this carried in my mind. My own gaze feel, and ran off to the side. My voice became a little shakey, like the words where heavy. “I am not, at least not yet, not now, op-possed” the word seemed to get caught in my throat. “To the task that… That we came here to do. To the hunt. But I would rather have family over it.” That alone spoke. It said that I didn’t agree with those of my pack that said the hunt was a massacre and wrong. But still I could see past that easily for the family element of it.

“You’re right. Loyalty is not following blindly. But I… I can’t help but think ahead. And thoughts plague my mind. Our species is young, just a blip in the history of this planet. And…” I brought my eyes up to meet his now, the bore into him furiously. My lips pulled back and my jaw tensed. “What happens when it’s Done!? What happens to us? The task we where made for will be over. What would the humans do with us then? We are too smart, too strong. We are too big and wild to be counted amongst the ranks of their pets. And even if that where so what kind of life is that?” I didn’t realize it but my tone was verging pleading. It was only because I’d managed to avoid rising my voice as I spoke that prevented it. “I need to hunt. I need meat, and blood. I couldn’t adjust to lazily lounging about all day while someone stoked me behind the ears, with nothing to hunt but a ball with a rope through it like I’m a month old pup again.” again my gaze feel. We were both learning about ourselves now. I’d always known the elements, but it was another thing to finally put them all to words. “In Vea Apxn I know that we have a greater chance to endure. If I could be certain that we would regardless…” I forced myself to stop right there. If I’d have gone on I have said ‘things might be different’ but there was a chance I’d regret those words, a very big chance. And I still valued the family atmosphere above the loyalty. And as always, my species above everything.

A deep huff escaped me. Perhaps I’d said too much. A burning in my back legs started to rise like I’d said too much. They were ready to burst into a run, almost like I wished I hadn’t let it flow like that. Like I should have keep that inside. But the words where out of my lips now. I couldn’t take them back. My gaze fell back on him to take in how he responded to my words.


Word Count: 882
Dance Dance – Fall Out Boy – a guilty pleasure I’ll admit, its fast paced which I prefer, but not too hard, loud, and complicated like most fast paced music, so its great to write posts with the tone as the one above to
Natural Blues – Moby
Afterlife – Avenged Sevenfold
Wolf Like Me – TV on Radio